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 Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 9:40 pm
He wasn't wrong. Even if it was easier said than done, he had a point. "It's hard, " she admitted, chuckling sheepishly. "I mean, you're listening right now and I'm actually super grateful, " no exaggeration, "but it's hard. I tried to talk to my dad a bunch of times, but he doesn't wanna hear it at all. I can't really sit here and unload on other senshi or anything, because I mean -- I don't really know them, and I'm sure they've got all these problems of their own, and... it probably sounds like I'm making excuses, right?"
She laughed again, as always, at herself. "Here I am complaining when you're sitting here and listening - I just wonder... " This was what she'd been struggling with. "If maybe I just need some space to figure it out. Like, more space than sneaking out in the dead of night and hoping maybe I'll run into someone. Maybe it would just be easier to find somewhere else to go for awhile... I mean, until I know where I stand in this, " she motioned to her own fuku, "Without my dad freaking out for awhile. I know he'd probably be worried, and it's not like I really want to go, but... you're like me; you get it, right?" She leaned forward, peering intently at him, "What would you do, if you were in my shoes?"
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Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 11:54 pm
So far, so good. That she wasn't beating herself up over everything meant she was in a much better emotional state than Tara was. Better even than Nazca himself, who was starting to get more uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. How could he tell her how to deal with her father when he knew how hard it was to understand when you were stuck on the outside?
First things first. "You know, you're probably not the only one who feels like they've got no one to talk to. Would you have opened up to me, if I didn't ask? If there isn't a support network for this whole hero shebang, it's about time someone started one. All it takes is asking if someone wants to talk, just like this. And even if nobody else gets into it- which I kind of doubt- you can talk to me, anytime."
What was with all of these promises he was making to complete strangers? First to Aludra, with their lamppost bulletin board, and now to Amphitrite. At this rate he'd wind up having to check the entire city for hidden messages every time he went outside.
Still, things were going okay. Until she said the s-word. Nazca could feel it smacking him in the face, reminding him of just how badly he'd screwed up. If he let someone else take that same path, what hope was there for bringing anyone back from it?
"You don't want that kind of space," he told her sharply, his manner completely different. The ease with which he was listening before was gone, replaced by desperation and panic. "It sounds good, but it's really not. Having that much space just means you're left alone with your problems, with no way to get away from them. Your family will still be here, and you won't want to upset them, but they'll be upset anyway, I promise you that. So you'll delay coming back, but it never gets any better, so you'll never come back, and you'll just be stuck out there with a bunch of problems and no solutions, and even though there a bunch of people right here who want to help, you won't let them because you're scared, and it'll just get worse and worse until-"
He broke off from his babbling, not sure what was supposed to happen next. That was the part of the story he was up to. If there was a way out of that particular brand of darkness, he hadn't found it yet, but he couldn't stop searching.
"It's bad, okay? I've seen for myself just how bad. Please don't go running off by yourself. I may not know what the answer is yet, but I know that's not it, and I- I can't let anyone else make that mistake." Nazca dragged his fingers through his hair as his anxiety bubbled over. "Please tell me you won't do that. Please."
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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:12 pm
Black Watch was supposed to do that... sort of, maybe. But she didn't really know them well enough to feel comfortable asking for help, or unloading all her problems when she really hadn't helped the team at all. "It would be great if they were as easy to talk to as you, " she admitted with a soft, sheepish laugh. "I mean, you are. I don't usually sit here and rant and rave to people like this when I first -- okay, actually I sort of do, " that was a big fat lie; she was the master of rambling.
"But not the heavy stuff. You're really good at this - I mean, if you didn't know that - I mean - I'll shut up now, you get the idea, I hope, " and she laughed again.
But then, his demeanor completely changed. He went from calm to frantic, and Amphitrite's eyes widened, but she listened to everything he had to say in spite of her surprise. When he was done, she smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand between her own and giving a nice, warm squeeze. "I... I think maybe that's your cue. I mean, your turn to tell a story, " she said softly, trying to encourage him.
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Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:02 pm
At least venting was helping her. Nazca was really, truly glad of that, and latching onto that glimmer of positivity allowed him to calm down a little bit. But when she invited him to let his own worries out, he shook his head sadly, and a little apprehensively. "I'm sorry, but I can't really tell you much." If only because it would make him sound like a total hypocrite, and negate any reasonably sound advice he was able to come up with. Whatever good he did by sharing would be undone by the content of the story.
"Let's just say that I've seen what happens when someone tries to get a little too much space. It makes you even more scared, and less likely to listen to others. Harder to help." Unless Tara was the exception to the rule, which he highly doubted. The research he'd done suggested that this was distressingly common. "I haven't been able to help that person yet, but I want to at least keep other people from making those same mistakes, if I can."
And if he couldn't, what was the point of any of this? What kind of superhero was he, if he couldn't even save people from themselves?
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Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 4:34 pm
Hey, everyone had their thing; she felt a little bad that he couldn't get everything off his chest the same way he'd just done for her, but she understood where he was coming from.
"Then I'll take what you said to heart, " she said, flashing him a reassuring smile as she released his hand. "So thank you - I just wish I knew what to say to him, you know? I mean my dad. It's not like I wanted to leave, really, just... I don't want to go to therapy or be monitored like I'm some sort of..." Criminal? Terrorist? Deviant? All those things, just because she wanted to do the right thing?
A thought occurred to her, and she couldn't help but ask, "Does this person know about you? I mean your double life as a knightly raver superhero, " she asked, tugging the jacket a little closer around her. "I mean, unless that's making it too personal, like..." She didn't want to push the boundaries exactly. But maybe he did know how she felt a little.
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 7:05 pm
Ugh, this was really her issue, wasn't it? Nazca nodded in what he hoped was an understanding manner, even though he was fighting the temptation to run off into the night. But that wouldn't absolve him of his guilt. If anything, it would give him something new to feel guilty about, someone else he couldn't help.
But what was he supposed to say, when he understood for all the wrong reasons? When he knew that Tara probably did need some sort of therapy, and maybe this girl did too?
"There's an unfair social stigma associated with therapy," he said cautiously, parroting what he'd come across in his research. "It doesn't have to be because you're crazy or anything. But so many people avoid it because they think needing it means they're defective, and that's not true. Not that I think you need it," he added hastily. "I wouldn't know! But just, y'know, for the record and stuff."
When she asked if the person he was thinking about knew his secret identity, Nazca gave a short bark of laughter. "Definitely not. I'd tell her, if I didn't think it would make things worse. I mean... well, how would you feel if your dad turned out to be a superhero in disguise? What would you think?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 8:25 pm
Amphitrite laughed when he backtracked, but then looked down, biting her lip as she shook her head. "It's not like I think there's anything wrong with it, " although maybe she did think it was for people who were broken or mangled somehow. She wasn't that. "It's not like I could talk to someone like that about what's really bothering me. 'Hey, an alien cat appeared to me one day and gave me a stick that turned me into a senshi! Then I had a weird vision about my dad dying and I got grounded for months, got bitten by a dragon monster, and here I am!', " she narrated in a high falsetto with a too-bright smile.
It lingered on in a more subdued way as she shook her head. "I haven't done anything wrong, and even if I'm a little mixed up right now -- it's not for the reasons Dad thinks."
Then she went ahead and listened, her eyes widening almost comically as she gaped at him. "Are you kidding me? - do you know how much easier everything would be if my dad was like me?" she gasped out. "Then he'd understand, and he might still freak out, but it wouldn't be the way he does now, and like... he wouldn't look at me this weird way, like 'Oh, who messed up my baby girl so much she would become a terrorist, where did I go wrong' or something stupid like that. Not like I'm calling my dad stupid, " and now it was her turn to backtrack. There were some lines it was better not to cross, even if he wasn't here. "Just like, if he understood where I was coming from and actually listened, it'd be so much easier, you know? - maybe your person would feel the same way?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:15 pm
"You're talking to me," Nazca pointed out. "That's better than nothing. Better than keeping it bottled up inside. Sometimes, that's all that people really need. At the very least, it's a good start." And if she needed more than that, he wasn't about to suggest it. Her point was a valid one, and he was still struggling with how to handle it in his own situation.
The reaction to his hypothetical statement was unexpected. Nazca found himself looking at her, his eyes wide, as she explained how much simpler her life would be if her father knew where she was coming from. Which made sense, he supposed. The comparison was imperfect, especially since she'd already told him that she'd tried to clue her dad in on all of this.
"Right... those are all excellent points." And wouldn't it be nice if Tara could bring herself to think that way? "In my case, the person in question was scared about what happened to her. So scared that she didn't want anyone else to know about it, much less get involved. And then I tried to find out, and-" He broke off abruptly, not willing to recount exactly what happened after he'd made his mistake. "Let's just say it made things worse. A lot worse."
A thought occurred to him, and he snorted. "It'd almost work if we could switch. But life doesn't work that way, does it? This isn't poker- we've got to deal with the hands we're dealt, no trade-ins allowed." Unless they played Texas hold 'em, but that would ruin his metaphor, so he chose not to mention it.
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 10:38 am
It was hard to understand how someone could react that - no, no, maybe it wasn't. Amphitrite remembered that night on the beach and it wasn't the cold that made her shudder. Being a senshi could be scary, so she guessed she sort of understood. Besides, she didn't know this girl's situation. That was sort of the beauty of people, their similarities and differences. Even if sometimes it made nice people like Nazca hurt, and usually kind people like her father yell.
"I only know how to play Go Fish, " she said, rather dejectedly, as she kicked at some frozen earth beneath her feet. But Amphitrite got what he meant. It wasn't like she could just go off and talk to their girl to try and help her feel better, especially since she was sort of useless as a senshi herself... and if Nazca crossed paths with her father, forget it. She didn't even want to imagine how badly that would go over.
"But talking to you has helped, " she said, flashing him a tentative smile. "Like, seriously. I think this is the most I've talked to anyone about this in like... ever, really." She thought being a senshi would mean a ton of powered friends, more than she knew what to do with, like at the meeting on the moon. But since she'd been kept locked up in the house and everything that followed, honestly, she'd been more lonely than ever. "Thank you for listening to me rant and rave. It really means a lot."
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 8:27 pm
Even though she probably hadn't meant that as a joke, Nazca chuckled. "I'm more of a gin guy myself. The game, I mean, not the booze." In that category he generally preferred beer, but it wasn't really appropriate to bring that up with a girl who probably wasn't able to drink yet.
"I'm glad to listen, and I'm glad it helped." But that this was the most talking she'd ever done about such an important subject made him uneasy. If there was some sort of unspoken rule to keep these sorts of issues bottled up in side, it was no wonder that Tara ended up the way she did. The problem was much bigger than just his sister, and now that he was aware of it, he didn't think he could go back to pretending she was the only one who needed his help.
He had to get people connected, starting with the one in front of him. "Hey, listen- there's a lamppost on the corner of Seventh and Essex. I told someone that if she ever needed help, she could leave a message there. So if there's anything else I can do for you, even if it's just talking like this, leave me a note, okay? Somewhere high up, where normal people won't find it. And we can do this again, anytime you want."
Nazca stood and held out his hand, either to help her up or just to shake hers. "So, do we have a deal?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:57 pm
Amphitrite cracked a smile when he said that. She liked malibu herself, but she wasn't about to go down that road with the poor guy. Amazing as he was, some secrets were better off staying that way.
But anyway; her smile widened when he made such a generous offer, and she gladly took his hand, easing herself up and squeezing it tight. "I'd really, really like that - but only on one condition, " she interjected, tugging off his coat with a slight shudder. Goosebumps rose along her exposed skin from the moment the added warmth was gone, but she hardly flinched otherwise.
"If you need help too, I mean whether it's with her or anything else, you leave a note for me too. Okay? - I mean, if you want to, " and she bit her lip. She didn't want to sound too demanding or anything, but - "I like my friendships to go both ways, you know? - and we're friends now, right?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:53 pm
Whether he could really bring himself to talk about his issues with her or not, Nazca knew he had to agree to her terms. "You've got yourself a deal." He could feel how cold she was when she took his hand, and was reluctant to take his coat back, but it would probably vanish when he called it a night anyway. Hopefully she would do the same soon.
"Friends, yes. I'd like that a lot. So from one friend to another, take care of yourself, okay?" Nazca shook her hand one more time for emphasis, then let it go. "I hope to see you again soon- ideally, with a smile on your face." He grinned, as if to demonstrate, his expression less forced than it had been earlier. "Now, go and get somewhere warm, alright?"
With a wave that started out cheerful and ended up feeling kind of silly, Nazca headed on his way, afraid that if he stayed, they'd start talking again. That wouldn't be good for either of them. She needed to get inside quickly, before she caught pneumonia. And he needed to sort things out before he even tried talking about his situation with anyone else, even someone who might understand.
frayedflower Thank you so much for the RP! I'm really sorry for the delay in wrapping!
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