Sypon
TIME TO CRASH THIS PARTY. Naw. I have a couple of crits for Zindel. He's looking fine (though as always with a troll influenced by culture, keeping up research is key as you rp him!), but there were just a couple of things I wanted to point out.
yeah, yeah! don't worry, ive been regularly reading some info about the culture and I hope I don't step on any toes! ^^;
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With a flaw like "coward" i notice that a lot of the time the wording doesnt make it seem like a flaw - like "this troll will run away or not cause conflict because cowardice" which is... not super negative. If you focused more on his fear of confrontation and how it really gets his giblets then that one wouldnt bother me as much, but currently it's not reading as something that negatively affects him on a regular basis. You also use easy-going to describe how he flees from conflict as a strength, but then turn around and use it as a flaw, so that's an inconsistency.
Fixed and edited! "...first thought in an argument is to find a way to avoid it, or just leave althogether. He pushes the blame away from himself and cannot interact with others after a fight as he is scared something will happen to him."
Quote:
The other thing i noticed was that you mentioned "his fellow street pals" and "his OHC friends" in his personality section, but then his "untrusting" flaw makes it sound like he doesnt make relationships. It's not a super strong flaw if he regularly has people that confide or share tips with him regularly, especially considering he's a giving kind of guy to those around his bloodcolor. and also "he's just a ratty redblood, no one would want to get close to him anyways" kind of begs the question: what about other redbloods? This isn't really a relevant statement considering how many lowbloods there are who he could interact with - unless he himself believes that because he's a lowblood no one likes him.
Anyway. Elaborate!
Anyway. Elaborate!
"Usually he creates relationships that are purely out of convenience. He focuses on keeping what relationships he may have at arms distance. He figures— if he isn't close to anyone, no one will hurt him, right? He would rather be alone than be broken up over someone. As he's a lowblood from the streets, he is used to being seen as lesser by other trolls as well as being ignored."
please notify if I haven't clarified enough, haven't clarified at all or if I made something unclearer! thank you for critting!! ^^!!!
edit: I had forgotten to mention that I changed all words referring to friend to ally! to him, friend = ally, not in a friendly way :>!!
