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 Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:37 pm
It wasn't just his hands shaking now, but his entire body, Ian unable to hold onto the semblance of control he was desperate to still have. He lifted his trembling hands and placed them alongside of Nevada's face, his fingers against her cheeks, and he pulled her face towards him and kissed her once before drawing away, his face a mask of pain before it slipped into one of determination.
"Come on," he said gruffly, and wrapped his arms around Nevada, hauling her up into his arms and carrying her as though she were a princess, as though she weighed nothing at all - and she didn't, not really.
"Come with me for a bit."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:44 am
She allowed the kiss, because she was never bothered by it. It was a display of affection between them, not anything deeper. She shuddered, thinking of how easily the small act would be loss. Tomorrow, she might not get a kiss. Tomorrow she might get the taste of dirt, as they bury her 6 feet underneath.
Her dying wish should've been to remember the small things.
If she could remember anything at all. She blinked away tears as he lifted her up, looking around -
/Her and Alaska would sit, the open children's book of sleeping beauty between them. It showed a pretty princess, sleeping in a bed, cursed by the evil witch. Thorns dotted the edge of the pages, a border that would be recognized as one of the tribulations that the Prince would have to go through.
They loved the Prince, He was dashing and handsome and strong and brave. Sometimes they would play and Nevada would be the sleeping princess and Alaska would be the dashing prince. She would get a gentle sisterly kiss and awaken. Alaska would beat back the shadows and face all the foes and protect her. Sometimes though, the shadows were too scary and they would huddle close together./
It was that kind of feeling she got in Ian's arms. A protection filled with fear, A embrace that relied on her to try and be strong too. It was hard, It was so hard to break herself from the despair, but when she looked up at Ian, she tried. She tried for anything that was HER that was NORMAL.
"Where....Handsome..." She heaved through breaths, burrowing her head in his neck instead.
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:20 pm
He hadn't kissed her because he was in love with her, but he had kissed her because she was his best friend, because Nevada was a beautiful friend that he had never intended to have. Ian had come to Deus intending to keep himself separate from everyone else; build a wall around his heart so that it would never have to hurt again.
Too bad that the wall had already crumbled.
He carried her from the building outside, and she weighed almost nothing in his arms, her body thin and weak, her face pale, eyes ringed with dark circles that haunted him, reminded him that she had precious little time left, regardless of how stubborn either of them were. He felt her breath against his neck and it reminded him that she was still breathing, that she was still alive, right here in this moment.
Ian's footsteps were soft as he made his way across the training fields, towards the beach. There was an outcropping of black rocks somewhere to the left, clumped together in a semi-circle to provide a haphazard sort of sanctuary beside the ocean, and it was here that Ian stepped towards. The sound of the water was loud in his ears, and it was cold, but he had already lowered Nevada to her feet and shrugged off his coat, draping it around her shoulders. His arms went around her waist and Ian sat down and pulled her with him to sit between his legs, her back against his chest, and he settled his chin on her shoulder, hugging her from behind.
"It's easier to breathe out here," he said, and his voice broke slightly. He felt hollowed out inside, filled with nothing but pain and desolation.
For a few moments he said nothing more, just listened to the sound of the water rushing back and forth along the sand.
"If I..."
His voice died away, Ian's strength failing him. He grappled for the words, the words he still hadn't been able to say to Shiloh because it hurt too much to say them, to remember what they meant - and because he was flat out scared of them and what they represented.
"If I don't get to tell you later," Ian whispered hoarsely, and he squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face against Nevada's shoulder.
"I love you," he said finally, and the words felt like agony and relief all at once, mixing together until he could no longer tell which was which. "Not like the way that you love Otto or that he loves you, but I ******** love you Nevada Grace Burns."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 2:22 pm
She stayed quiet, because she let the thoughts and memories roll through her head. It was like a storm, churning inside her brain. Sometimes she got flashes, sometimes she got a downpour...sometimes it was calm.
For Ian, it was a short moment of clarity. AS they settled on the beach, and she was wrapped in his jacket, with his warmth behind her, it was a clarity so clear. It was like the distance of the sea, the blue of the sky.
"I'm so sorry Ian..." She shuddered in his arms, not from cold, but from what she had done to him. What she took from him. "I never intended.....I didn't want to leave you...." She rested her hands on his, wrapped around her stomach. She remembered. She was leaving him, much like Patrick left him.
And he uttered words that he uttered to no one else since then. She knew, because she KNEW him. She didn't have a bracelet to give him like Patrick, she didn't have much for him....but she wanted to give him something. Like Lance, she pulled the teal ribbon from her hair, the same one she wore from intermediate to hunter and went to delicately tying it to his wrist. "I didn't want to leave you, I hope you know that Ian..." She rested back against him. Salt air, loose sand.
It was good for her.
"I would never..." She faltered, "I never meant to take from you. I hope you know...I hope you know that I loved you from the beginning. They said...They say you have three soulmates in the world. Each one a balance inside you. Did you know that? I looked it up. Three people in the world that are perfect for you. Otto, Stormy and You. I found you all on the Island, I found you here." She clasped his hand tight, "I was so selfish, because I thought I had so many...So many best friends. So many people I loved, but none of them can compare to you three. You three are my heart." She cried now, but gentler. Calmer.
"I love you too Ian, I love you too."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 5:11 pm
"Shh," he said, and pressed his lips to her cheek, once, twice, and then a third time, as though he might be able to absorb some of her pain through little butterfly kisses planted on her warm skin. He felt her shiver, and Ian's grip tightened, his face against her cheek, and each word she spoke was like a stab to his heart, over and over again.
"I know," he said, and his vision had blurred, and he couldn't see properly. "I know, Nevada, I know."
He couldn't see at all. The beach had grown misty, distorted, and then completely blocked by something hot that stung his eyes, and to his surprise, Ian felt a wetness on his cheeks, tasting salt on his tongue. He didn't know when he'd started crying, didn't know that he'd let go of some part of himself that he held so desperately together, but now the barrier was gone, and he wasn't trying to hold onto that calm facade anymore.
"I ******** love you so much," Ian choked out, and he kissed Nevada's temple, pressed his face into her hair so that he could remember the smell of it when she was gone -
- when she was gone.
He didn't want there to be that time. His hand moved, reached for his other wrist, fumbling around for a moment, and then he was holding something in his fingers, sliding it around Nevada's boney wrist.
"A reminder," he said shortly, because shorter was easier than everything tumbling out at once. "A reminder that you didn't take anything from me; I gave it to you." Ian tied Patrick's bracelet securely onto Nevada's arm, then brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips before his arms went back around her waist to hold her steady, his face against her back.
"I love you," he said again, and this time it was softer, calmer, more gentle. "No matter what happens, even when you're gone, I will still love you. Don't ever forget that, and don't ever forget me, because I sure as hell won't ever forget you."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:05 pm
He knew, she could only hope he could forgive. Tighter and tighter she felt her her heart sink. Deeper and deeper, all she wanted was more. Let her breakdown. The beauty was in the breakdown.
They cried, because they could give each other that. The walls crumbled and fell, flooded by salty water and cracks that would never be healed. She yearned for him, but not in the way she yearned for Otto. She breathed in his scent, masculine, purely Ian. She added it to the small things she hoped to remember in the end. Ian and Stormy and Otto, she carved them into her heart, hoping they stayed their. Hoping they wouldn't be twisted and ruined by the growing darkness inside her.
She didn't know how to look, keeping her gaze steadily on the waves, as they seeped onto the sand, back and forth. Forward and back, going nowhere, repeating the same thing over and over again.
Her wrist was brought up, and she felt something scratch over the skin. She looked down, at the dark brown against her pale skin.
"Ian-" She stumbled with words, stumbled with thoughts. Stumbled.
"I'll miss you..." She rested her head against his shoulder, letting the tears run down. Salt water, it smelled like it, it tasted like it.
Salt water.
"Will you stay a bit longer...." She breathed in. "Just a little longer, I won't have long, this is okay."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:38 pm
He was trying not to think about Shiloh.
He was trying not to think about how he'd already lost Shiloh but then he'd gotten him back, because if he thought too much about it, he would get his hopes up, and he'd believe that Nevada was coming back too - but somewhere inside of Ian's head, some place that he didn't want to think about, he knew that she wasn't.
She was dying and there was no getting her back.
"I'll miss you too," Ian said, and rocked slightly from side to side, letting his eyes fall shut, their heads resting against one another's. The sound of the waves was almost deafening, but here, ensconced by the glittering black rocks that surrounded them, it was almost like they were somewhere else, somewhere away from Deus. "Every day of my life."
He slid his fingers through hers and held on tightly, as though if he grasped hard enough, she wouldn't drift away. Ian leaned against Nevada and smoothed her hair back away from her face and touched her cheek, each gesture tender, affectionate; expressions of sentiment without words, something Ian was particularly inclined towards when he couldn't think of the right thing to say.
"I'll stay with you for as long as you need. I'll stay with you forever."
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