Welcome to Gaia! ::

It wasn't enough. Jude's reasons left her lacking, because they didn't explain what he was doing about it, now. And they didn't help her explain to herself what she was doing, either. He could see the disappointment in her face, and she puckered her lips to brush the moisture around on them while trying to figure out how to word her questions better.

"I don't have anyone to protect. You know me, Jude." She pouted firmly. "And I'm not hiding, either. I joined the Hunters because there was nothing to lose. It was food. It was shelter. It was a job. It was real pay. And it meant I would cease to exist." That was the part she'd liked most, when Simon came to collect her. He had a no nonsense attitude when he'd told her to get up out of the tiny apartment she shared with a man who'd never come back. It was hard to leave free lodging, but he'd made an offer she could not refuse.

The fact that she would be in physical danger didn't click until her very first mission. The day Jude saw her fears exposed for just a minute, the mask of sarcasm disappearing in the dark.

"I signed up because this life - and even now I say it - is an upgrade from the one I was living. They made the girl I was cease to exist. And that's the only promise they had to make for me. I'd do whatever they want, if I was given another chance."

But so far, her second chance wasn't very productive.

"I just want to know what they really want from us. Is it to die? Like soldiers? If we're soldiers, just say so, you know? There's no shame in that. But it always seems like the program tries to make you think you're more. They give you this partner, and now power, and tell you.. nothing about what you're supposed to be doing with it."

Thaw's warning grumble warmed her mind. It felt dangerous, talking like that.

Maebe was tempted to stop him in the middle of his speech to ask him what the hell doing their job meant.. but he explained it in ways that reminded her she'd already known that. She just never realized how simple it really was.

Or how much she did not want to be the one defending anyone's back, anymore.

"What division are you in, again?" She whispered quietly. "The one where getting information is your job. How do you do that? Where is all the information?"

That didn't sound like the kind of information she was looking for. Anything in a book or computer wouldn't be secretive enough to have kept from her, and she'd done no learning on the field last time she was there. She wanted to be prepared, next time.

"Because I don't think I'm a good fit. In Moon, I mean." She relaxed back onto the cushions. "Do you?"

"No offense taken." She quipped out quickly, with a grin. Jude knew well enough how true, and unoffensive, that statement was. She wanted nothing to do with protecting anyone - Taym was a fluke, and yet she still didn't regret trying to keep him safe. She just regretted not knowing enough to safely manage to do so without risking personal injury so openly.

"I don't think I belong here, either. But I don't know what that even means. You said Death are information getters. Does that mean they go into a fight knowing more than the rest of us? And Sun, what do they get that's so special? And Mist? And - I just feel very.." She chuckled at the irony of what she was about to say, considering the conversation. "Uninformed."

She considered all of his more experienced revelations on the divisions carefully, before speaking again. This time, she just sounded curious. The anxiety had left her voice. "Do you have to be in Death, to look for answers like that? I mean, as your job."

She still wanted to get paid, at the end of the day.

Just Death get the technology and learn the abilities to do so a lot better.

Maebe's heart felt like it had leapt into her throat.

She settled down, falling quiet before nodding distractedly. "Thanks, Jude." She murmured, her eyes fluttering closed. "For everything. Being here, answering my questions, and just.. everything."

She wiggled her fingers, a weak movement that was trying to get him to give him hers. Her eyes opened again as she did so, and looked over at him fondly. "You're a good guy. As usual. Ariane's lucky to have you."

"Ain't that the truth." Maebe purred proudly. She'd never been prouder to be a pain in the a** - hearing it coming from Jude made her beam with delight. "And apparently, you like pains in the a**." She would have made a very inappropriate joke right there, but her fingers curled around his and her eyes fluttered closed. The medicines were finally kicking in, slowing her wit down to a sluggish crawl.

"Butt sex." She muttered out sleepily after a minute of silence."