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 Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 3:47 pm
Wide eyed, not knowing what to do, Chris stared at his best friend as she seemed to lose herself in her thoughts and emotions. How the hell was he supposed to know what to do for her when she got like this? It wasn’t anything new, but it still freaked him out when he had no way to keep her from basically caving in on herself.
He stood and listened once more, not wanting to stop her because it was rare when she actually opened herself up to talking instead of just waving off the things that upset her. Hearing her passion for the people she’d met and her interest in them had him both resigned and terrified. She was obviously going to continue what she was doing, but that didn’t make him feel any better about the situation. She could easily be killed or corrupted and not have a way to defend herself.
“You know you have a serious martyr complex,” he pointed out once she seemed to be finished, not liking the look of accusation she was giving him. Or the way she was talking to him, as if he couldn’t possibly understand caring for someone on “the other side” of the war. “You say you’re trying to keep us all alive, but you don’t ask for help. Why? Why are you doing this all on your own? Is it for your own sense of gratification? Do you like being the only person these people can learn to trust? Are you really trying to help them, or are you just keeping them to yourself — for attention? You can’t do this alone, Zee. No one can.”
He knew he was being a little harsh, but he was so tired of the way she was acting, as if there was nothing anyone could do, when there was.
“There are so many people who would want to help, who would be willing to talk to them, figure things out and help them and you. But you keep insisting on doing this alone. I’ve been here this whole time, I’d do anything for you, but you never ask me, you never come to me. Why? Do you just not trust me? Do you not want to have to rely on someone else? On me or Kallichore or Pasiphae or Ganymede, all of whom would help if you’d just say something. And if not us then someone, anyone, whatever Senshi or Knights you might talk to if you really don’t want anything to do with the Jovians. If you really are afraid of Zirconia taking over your body, why not share what you’re trying to accomplish? So if, heaven forbid, she does take over, your work won’t be in vain? And don’t be such a hypocrite when you’re belittling my efforts. You talk to me as if I have no idea what I’m doing. Which… fine, maybe I don’t know what I’m doing, but whatever I do will be done through talking and without violence or killing. I’ve done my best. You’re doing your best. We’re all doing our best. What more can anyone expect?”
Everyone’s efforts to end the war would go so much more smoothly if everyone worked together, but for whatever reason, it didn’t happen. “Have you ever met Remarque? Have you spoken to him? Or are you just assuming things about him because you know how Ares was?” Eyes of gold blazed with conviction in trust in a young man he knew he probably shouldn’t. He knew he didn’t have to answer her, but he trusted Remarque and his word, and that wasn’t about to change.
“If you think they’re dead then why bother??” he wondered, shaking his head as he tried to understand her logic. “Why waste effort on people you don’t think can be helped? Because I think you’re wrong. If it’s just their mirror souls existing, then why do they have knowledge of Earth? How can they remember their parents? That’s not like corruption into the Negaverse where people can’t remember anything of their previous lives outside being powered! And you’re wrong about Remarque being Ares’s number one. It’s Leto… she’s the one out killing knights and anyone in her way. What does that say about Remarque then? Why would he bother taking the time to talk to me or other knights when we’re no use to them?”
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Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:55 pm
Zia's hands tightened into fists at her sides in an attempt to stem the shaking, and she opened her mouth and promptly closed it to continue listening with her cheeks flushed.
Until she sputtered and laughed. "Oh yeah, Leto is super dangerous, I'll get right on looking out for that empty headed moron. And you can keep following the sweet talker who tricks people into corrupting and who you're in so deep with, you're defending over me."
It was silly with so much to focus on, but the giggles seemed to come a lot easier than the rage she knew she should be feeling, to the point she had to grab her side where her tank top failed to fully cover her tattoos just above her yoga pants and lean against the table in the hilarity.
"Yeah, Ares likes Leto a lot. She's pretty and vacant. I was there for her corruption, Ares chose Leto because she was standing mildly close to her looking confused and vapid. I'm sure she favors Leto just as much as she favored Albali, and I'm sure it's totally because she's super smart and dangerous."
She even lifted her hands in a mock 'rawr' before she grabbed her sides again.
It at least helped in that after the giggles calmed down, there was not outrage, but just a weak smile as she shook her head. "I don't remember saying I do it alone."
Well she did. To someone else, and ironically had recently apologized to him for declaring herself alone when friends meant so much to her. She was pretty sure Luxor would've shut up and tolerated her regardless if she had apologized or not, though.
"You're very cruel," She stated, awkwardly neutral for the accusation vocalized as she rested a hand on the table and thumbed through some papers. "You do, you know, always assume the worst of me. What makes you think I keep my efforts a secret? Because this is the first time I've shared them with you? First I shouldn't hide, now I shouldn't be out there... every thing I do is wrong, isn't it? Why can't you believe in me?"
She tossed her phone at him, a shortcut to the index on the homescreen, even if a log in was needed to access is. "Kallichore is on the list, by the way, of people I've shared with. She even knows about Orpheus. She's met him, actually."
She rolled on her bare feet. "It's mostly just you outside the circle. I told you, I don't like talking about the war with you. I want to talk about why boys are stupid and when peppermint mocha lattes are hitting Starbucks because when I bring up the war, I'm always wrong, and you always make me feel ruined and dirty. You knew me before, and I'm not how I used to be, and it hurts when you look at me like that. I'm not always ******** up, you know? Sometimes I do well."
She heaved a tired sigh and flopped her arms at her sides. "So that's that."
She stretched her arms over her head lazily and let then rest on her hips. "If you want to get technical... They know of earth because the host does. The foreign soul and the human soul are sharing a body, they can access each other's memories. Hell, I remember Zirconia's first crush like it was mine. My theory is... The new soul doesn't have memories, I think. It's either not intact or maybe it's been damaged in the process? So when it takes over and assimilates a host, it thinks the memories are it's own. It's the lack of two personalities that makes me assume one of them has to be dead, because there's obviously only one soul, and it's obviously a mirror soul. I know it's irrational to think that process is reversible, but..." She pursed her lips with a slight pause for thought, "If a mirror soul could be extracted from a host... Maybe..." She flushed in slight embarrassment when she realized there was no way to phrase it in a way that didn't sound selfish, "Maybe my soul could be purified too...?"
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 2:59 pm
Chris stared at Zia, his eyes widened with concern, overwhelmed by the range of emotions she was expressing. There were countless times he didn’t know what to do for her in the years they’d known each other, but the more she became involved in this seemingly endless war, the more difficult it was for him to understand why she did some of the things she did.
And yet, he still wanted to reach out to her, to make sure she was going to be as okay as possible, even with all the s**t she, and everyone else, had to deal with. Even if he couldn’t always understand her, he still trusted her.
Or at least he wanted to, and would never act against that, even if it was his downfall.
He flinched when she called him cruel, wanting to dispute her, wanting to tell her that he really didn’t think the worst of her… but as this wasn’t the first time she’d accused him of such, he was beginning to wonder if he really was cruel and thought too highly of himself. For him to think that she wouldn’t have told anyone other than him, first, made him realize how much he’d been asserting himself as ‘most important’ in her life.
Of all the things he wanted to say, he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her even more, however unintentionally it was done. If she felt like this, got like this, around him, then who was he to make her feel even worse? He wanted to try and convince her that there was nothing wrong with her soul, that it didn’t need to be purified, but he knew words wouldn’t help her, just like not doing anything wasn’t going to help the others out there.
After just standing there for a while, Chris finally cleared his throat and shifted a little in place. “Why don’t you show me that squeaky door…?” he suggested, knowing that he couldn’t fix everything like he so desperately wanted, but he could at least help her out around her apartment.
This was a huge step in the right direction for her, after all, and he was proud to be apart of it.
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 6:39 pm
Zia reveled in the silence, if only because she didn't want to verbalize to him or hear from him the negativity they had just gone back and forth with. Even after what she said, she still felt her stomach drop and twist with regret once the words were out there.
When he finally spoke, she was more than willing to shift focus to something meaningless and stupid like the door.
"Oh, right over here," She chirped, sounding notably less down.
It was easier to be chipper when she was ignoring everything else.
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