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 Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:26 pm
Mot smiled nervously. "Thank you.."
Long awkward silence.
"Um.. I do not suppose you need to talk at all, do you? It seems odd that my humble experiences would excite you.." Maybe she got off on his own experience vicariously.
He kind of hoped not. That was sad and disturbing.
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:39 pm
Oh, but she did, Mot. She did. It was very sad and disturbing.
Hel waved her hand at him again, once again dismissing the topic of herself. “I will say, that if you question it you are being romantic enough, than odds are, you are not. Genie is like a ghouly ghoul anyways, ya? I am sure she would eat that s**t right up. So…try to do more…but stay with that you are comfortable with? I dunno, Mot…but I do not worry about you because you know what you need to do for yourself…and…also…” She wagged a finger at him now. “A ghoul always wants to hear that she is beautiful. So there.”
Hel nodded to herself. “…So…are you happy with that right now then…? Is it good enough for now? Does…does it feel different with her in a good way? Better?”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:46 pm
Once again she dismissed it. Mot frowned. She obviously needed to just let out her feelings but she kept running from them.
"I suppose." Gene was ghouly, sure. Not overly ghouly, though. He chuckled softly as she insisted he remind Gene how pretty she was. "Duly noted."
"It feels.. different with her in a different way? I'm not completely sure how to answer that. There was never a good or better way to be with Gene. I enjoyed being her friend, and I enjoy being her boilfriend. They are simply different things."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 4:56 pm
Hel shook her head.
“No, no, not that…I mean…being with Gene opposed to being with me. Is that different? Is that better? Does it feel more right?”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:00 pm
Oh.
"Uh.." Mot felt slightly cornered, but he answered as best as he could. "Well, she and I do not clash like you and I did. I feel my relationship with her runs smoother than ours did. There is not a constant conflict of values, you know? I never feel the need to fight back or worry every day about her well being."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:23 pm
Hel waved a hand at him. “Oh, Mot, do not look like you are going to offend me, because you are not.” She assured. “I know now we were worlds apart and trying to make it work well…it just was not happening.” She smiled at the boil. “So I think that is great that it is better for you. I truly do.” She chuckled. “Well, I think you should worry about her every day…just not the way I made you worry.”
The ghoul trailed off here, and picked up her mug. She took it and scooted back against the wall once more and took some gulps from it.
After some time, she finally spoke up. “…I…I do not know, Mot. I honestly do not, and that is the best I can sum it up.” It was pretty vague, but luckily she was about to elaborate. “…I am a mess. I mean…even more so than usual…I am everywhere but no where at the same time…and I…I want to be content and appreciative and thankful for what I have, but on the same breath….I just want…more.” She looked up at the grim. “I need your help setting my head straight.”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:27 pm
And finally, she began to speak. Vague responses on her emotions, but none on her situation to create such feelings.
"That is an endeavour I have had no success on in the past." He joked mildly, smiling kindly all the same. "But I will do my very best for you. You are a dear friend, after all."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:36 pm
“You have more success than you think.” She informed, and she finished off the rest of her mug before she put it to the side. It was then that Hel sprawled out onto the floor, no doubt settling for what was probably going to be a long run. She stretched before she curled lightly onto her side, and propped her head up on an arm.
“I spilled my guts to him and I hate it. He never says anything back and I hate it. I do not know from him what I want to know and I hate it. I love him and I hate it.” Hel idly rolled a shoulder. “That is it in a nut shell, but I know it is not much to go off of…” She drummed her fingers on the ground.
“I know…” She started. “Actions speak louder than words…I truly believe it…but on the same breath, Mot...we need words too, do we not? We want to hear things from those we care about…am I wrong for wanting to hear something?” She paused, and mulled over the next bit carefully. “…He said he still loves her, and that he needs time but…has it…not been long enough? Am I being impatient?” She looked at Mot, exasperated. “You see why I am frustrated? Way too many questions.”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:47 pm
Mot felt the part of a therapist, watching Hel get comfortable so she could talk about her feelings. He sat quietly, setting his own mug aside as well.
He knew it had been related to Mac. When was it not. His cousin's endeavours made Mot feel bitter and spiteful, but he pushed it aside as best he could. He needed to be as neutral to it as possible in order to help Hel.
His cousin just seemed to break hearts left right and center. Disgusting b*****d.
Mot thought carefully on what to say. Held back his own bias to the best of his ability. "I do not believe you're being impatient. You know exactly what you want, Hel. And you are being honest with yourself and your feelings, openly sharing them with one you love. However, if his heart still belongs to another, there is nothing that you yourself can do for him. No words or actions. It is completely up to him if he choses to move on or remain in his current state."
Trying to come off of being too clinical, he continued, "Actually, you are now both in a similar situation, almost. Do you wait for him, and stay true to your feelings? Or will waiting hurt you too much? If it is the latter, I suggest finding a way to channel your feelings into something constructive to help sort them out enough to move on. That is, if you want to move on."
The reaper scratched his jaw, his eyes lowered as he thought some more. "You're obviously suffering for the sake of your love for him, but it is ultimately up to you if waiting is worth it."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 6:12 pm
Sorry Mot. Hel had 99 problems and she was all of them…er well…Mac was almost all of them. Almost. It meant Hel needed a lot of therapy and counseling. A lot. She was listening intently to Mot as he spoke though, dark red eyes focused on him and taking in what he said. Advice that wasn’t short or made to poke at her for thought and fun. Just…straight to the point. She felt better that maybe she wasn’t totally being her usual quick and abrasive self, but on the same hand, this brought to light what she had been trying to skirt around. Waiting, the pain of waiting, and how it was truly up to her if she wanted to wait or not.
Hel sighed, and her eyes lidded as her gaze drifted to the floor as she thought. Sal had said the same thing though, didn’t he? Give him time and just be there for him while he worked it out. So now it seemed to boil down to…how strong could she be?
“…Yanno…I am never opposed to a fight, or a lengthy battle…and this is most certainly one…and I like to keep telling myself that I am no coward, and that I will fight for anything and everything I believe in….but sometimes…” Her voice grew soft, and she idly ran a finger along the floor in random patterns. “…Sometimes I do not want to fight.” Saying that out loud seemed to pain her. Surely it was blasphemy, right? Hel not wanting to fight. “Because…why do I have to fight tooth and nail just to hear that I am…well, hopefully, loved? Am I not worth…just saying it?”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 6:24 pm
It seemed to sink in, the thing that Hel had to do. She seemed to know it was all she could do.. and the one thing she hated to do. Something so completely out of her control.
Mot was surprised to hear Hel say she didn't want to fight. But he understood. Completely. "It can feel unfair. Fighting so hard, and just wishing the other side could do the same for you." Mot replied softly, "It isn't unreasonable to want that. We all want to know and hear it."
Mot's heart hurt to hear such pain, and his expression could not hold back the empathy that painted its surface. "Of course you are worth it, Hel. You deserve to hear it, especially because you fight so hard. But as much as you want it, and as much as it hurts, nothing can force the heart of another to give you what you want." Mot held out an arm, taking Hel's idle hand and gripping with his own.
"I'm sorry you're hurting, Hel. You truly do deserve to receive as much as you give. You've made your heart known to him, and if he won't give you the courtesy of an honest answer? Then maybe you need to really consider if he is worth your love. Because your love is worth so much more than a waiting game."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 6:54 pm
Hel’s eyes darted back up to Mot as he spoke again, and one hand…she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Someone was empathizing with her? Telling her it was okay to feel like she did, and that it wasn’t wrong or that she was being unreasonable? It was clear Hel wasn’t used to this at all. She also knew Mot wasn’t just saying these things out of a bias towards her…Mot had gotten to the point where he’d tell her things straight up…and if he thought she was being well…herself (i.e. rude, selfish, blah blah blah) he’d tell her. Her heart was swelling from the support she was getting from Mot, and the even more pleasant surprise was when she felt his slender hand grasp her own.
The reaper snapped to, and stared at his hand briefly before she squeezed it tightly in her own. Hel looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t, and for the time being Hel leapt up and just threw her arms around Mot tightly, burying her face against his neck. “If for some reason I never say this again, I just want you to know that I would not change even a moment of our time together, because I am so grateful for how we are now, and thank you so much for everything.”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:06 pm
Mot's spindly body almost fell backward as Hel leapt up to hug him, managing to catch her with one arm, and hold himself up off the floor with the other hand placed down on the floor behind him.
Her words made his squishy little reaper heart melt, his stiffened shoulders falling and a smile washing over his face. "You're welcome.. and thank you, too. I know we fight often, but I always cherish our friendship, rain or shine."
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:37 pm
Hel couldn’t help but choke out a laugh, but she hugged the boil that much tighter. “Heh…thanks. It means a lot to hear that.” She chuckled again.
“…If it helps…I clash with you because I care? I would not fight you if I did not care.”
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:45 pm
"I know you do." Mot replied easily, having learned that truth some time ago. It was strange how easily her love and hate could be so easily confused at times.
"Do you need anything else? Something more I can do for you?"
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