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"I woke up four days later back in the rectory, Wash."

She broke away from him just enough to bring her hands between them, pale and trembling in the dim light that filtered in through the window.

"Covered in blood.. I don't know what.. the old woman was there, dead, I think I killed her -- but not me, but I don't know, she was my grandmother.. she's dead now, and I killed her, I did it. Me."

She gestured at the picture that had been left on the bedside table, blood-stained and curled at the corners.

"She was holding that picture. The woman, there, with the long dark hair," the one that looks creepily like me, "there was a picture of her in the house. A huge picture. And... I saw her before. I think she was the one who came out of the casket."

Sasha closed her eyes, feeling drained.

"I haven't written up a mission report yet. I haven't talked to anyone else since I've been home. I just wanted to see you. Touch you."

Her voice broke.

"I don't know what to do from here."

"I hadn't even.. oh, God, what will I tell the doctor? When I got stuck in the crypt he told me to pendant out and he'd find someone else to send, I can't let him send someone else, this is my project, Wash. This means something to me. It's mine."

In something of a panic, Sasha rose to her feet and began to pace. She felt agitated, almost as if her skin felt a size two small and there was no room to breathe, no room to think.

"I can't sleep. We have.. I have to file a mission report, and then I need to.. the library, maybe I could start there, I can't.. no, not a mission report, that will raise questions. I can just.. I'll start with research and go from there, pull together a group of people who can go back with me -- where is my jacket? I need my jacket and my scarf -- and where did I leave my shoes?"

Sasha paused, her brow furrowing as she turned to look at Wash.

"Are you suggesting that the doctor sent me there.. that he knew what I would find and he did it on purpose?"

There was a sour rise of bile in her throat. She felt ashamed for even questioning the doctor's motives. He'd never... would he?

Sasha slashed her hand through the air. The robe she wore fluttered around her calves.

"Ridiculous. That's ridiculous."

Was it? Her voice held conviction, but her expression didn't seem to mirror it.

"He's never been anything but honest with me. I know that if I asked him, he'd .. he'd probably tell me -- but I don't want to.. I don't want to tell him about Nona."

Her voice thickened and tears welled in her eyes once more.

"If.. .. what if they pod me again, knowing I don't have my weapon? Or worse, what if they -- I'm useless now, I can't.. I can't fight, I can't protect myself, I can't do anything that I should be able to do as a hunter. Nothing."

Sasha shook her head and sent him an almost accusatory look.

"If the doctor wanted me dead, wanted me gone, wanted to do me harm, why would he have gotten my flute for me? Why would he have saved all of my old stuff, the pictures?"

Sasha lifted her chin, looking entirely too proud despite the bruised skin beneath her eyes, the hollow expression on her face. Her voice was harsh, features taut.

"Because I wanted to do it by myself, and it kills me that I ******** everything up. That's the truth, Wash."

Sasha wilted slightly. She furiously dashed the tears from her eyes.

"I don't want to be just a nobody. I'm less than a nobody now. I lost my weapon, and I don't know if I'll ever get her back."

Sasha pressed her hands to her face and exhaled loudly against her palms before dropping her arms. She moved towards Wash, curling herself in his lap. All the fire had left her, all of her strength drained. She was tired, so tired, and so shattered that it was getting difficult to chain thoughts together.

"I feel so broken, Wash. Pulled apart and reassembled but everything is in the wrong places." She placed her palm against his chest and drew in his strength, his warmth, took solace in the way his heart beat against her palm.

"Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do. You have so much patience and sometimes I wonder if I deserve it."

Her voice was rough, but she pressed on.

"Will you hold me while I sleep? And just.. tomorrow we can.. we can start researching. Maybe talk to the doctor, I.. I don't know. And," she choked, the words refusing to come out, "if .. I don't want you to come back with me to that place, Wash, but.. I don't want you to worry about me, or wonder. I don't trust many people, you know that. I can't protect you if you come with me. You.. you'll be safe here. That's why I don't want you to come, but at the same time I want you there."

She sounded half-asleep by the time she trailed off, having rambled herself into a daze of sorts, lulled by Wash's nearness.