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 Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 8:15 am
Hey, Guys!
Most of this looks really good! Her senshi side looks good to me! I have one small request; I know you are going for Elvira of the Koronis family, but can you include a link to the wikipedia page with information on it in her profile? Sometimes the same name is used for comets, planets, asteroids, stars, so it's just useful to clarify and make sure there's no overlap!
As for her civilian side, Song pointed out a few things in her traits 'adaptive' and 'judgmental' that I have to agree with and that I think I still see. In 'adaptive', half of this trait you've described seems to be more along the lines of diplomatic. When I think of adaptability, I think of being able to adjust well to situations, not being able to settle arguments so that everyone is happy. In this instance, I either feel like I want to see more about how adaptable she is (is she willing to jump into new things? Is she willing to change her personality for people to make a good impression? Is she able to juggle new tasks/learn things as need be?) or ask if maybe instead of adaptable as a trait, you would be more interested in a trait that caters more towards the majority of the description (such as diplomatic)? If you feel that adaptability can come in the form of being diplomatic, please don't hesitate to let me know what you have in mind; I might not be seeing this from the same perspective as you!
As for Judgmental, there is a lot of emphasis on attire and meeting people for the first time, so I think this trait might be a bit limited in terms of application. A trait should be applicable to a wide variety of situations, and right now I can really only see it working when she meets someone new or when it comes to clothes. I understand fashion is important to her, so I'm definitely not suggesting you take that out, but I would like to know what other facets of her life does her judgmental flaw affect? Does she judge/shun people for certain beliefs, tastes, careers, choices? Does she care if she's hurt someone's feelings by being vocal? Does it cause her to drawn conclusions about them [Ie 'he looks like a hillbilly so he must be drunk'] that affects how she treats them?
Give me a quote if you've got questions, concerns or make any changes, Starshine! She'll be ready for a stamp once these last few things get touched on!
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 12:30 pm
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 12:55 pm
Does her judgemental trait sound better?
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 3:37 pm
Well, you have certainly added a lot more information! A lot of it still seems to be focused on the clothes and how they dress more than anything else. I understand that fashion is really important to Flora, but is it the only thing she judges people by?
For her now diplomatic trait, just a few small questions to really hammer it out! There are a few parts that are somewhat iffy now that the trait isn't adaptive [mostly just the line where she talks about welcoming new people to her circle] that might make it read better if they were removed. I would also suggest adding in a little about why people admire her for her diplomacy [such as she is able to apply logic in otherwise emotional arguments? She is able to help people work out their problems easily? Is she able to look at problems with a calm, rational eye? Does her judgmental nature ever kick in?]
She's getting closer, so sorry to keep bothering you on these two things!
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 3:41 pm
My perspective on her judgemental trait is only used in fashion, she won't judge them in other areas of their life.Its just that putting in judgmental as a flaw made sense because you can't have a fashionista who doesn't judge people on what they wear
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 5:25 pm
Hmm…well, I can definitely see why she is judgmental, but I think the problem with it is that a flaw is supposed to be applicable in a wide variety of situations, but it seems that she is only judgmental when it comes to clothes. I think this flaw is vital to her character, though at the same time I think it can't quite be considered a flaw if there is only one thing she is judgmental about. In this situation, I'm going to suggest either expanding the flaw so that other aspects affect her judgment, or maybe swapping the flaw out for something else that is more applicable? [At least to a wider variety of situations]. Maybe something along the lines of obsessive? [Because at this point, it seems like she is obsessed with fashion and it could still take into consideration how judgmental she is of people who don't share the same interest? Fashion seems to dictate her life, so it would make sense to me if she was so obsessed with it that it dictated who she was friends with and how she interacted with them].
In the case that you choose not to expand on judgmental, if you can think of a different flaw instead of the one I suggested, feel free to! Just let me know what you decide!
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 6:43 pm
Kyuseisha no Hikari Hmm…well, I can definitely see why she is judgmental, but I think the problem with it is that a flaw is supposed to be applicable in a wide variety of situations, but it seems that she is only judgmental when it comes to clothes. I think this flaw is vital to her character, though at the same time I think it can't quite be considered a flaw if there is only one thing she is judgmental about. In this situation, I'm going to suggest either expanding the flaw so that other aspects affect her judgment, or maybe swapping the flaw out for something else that is more applicable? [At least to a wider variety of situations]. Maybe something along the lines of obsessive? [Because at this point, it seems like she is obsessed with fashion and it could still take into consideration how judgmental she is of people who don't share the same interest? Fashion seems to dictate her life, so it would make sense to me if she was so obsessed with it that it dictated who she was friends with and how she interacted with them].
In the case that you choose not to expand on judgmental, if you can think of a different flaw instead of the one I suggested, feel free to! Just let me know what you decide! I can change the name to obessive and keep the description or did you want me to redo the entire description
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 9:08 pm
Well, if you're interested in changing the trait, the best thing to do would probably be to try and rewrite a bit from a fresh standpoint and try to keep it as applicable to as wide a variety of things as possible. While fashion might be her greatest passion, if she is going to be obsessive it would probably stand to hold that whatever has caught her eye she fully invests herself in. While writing the trait, focus on what makes it bad—and you could probably tie in how her obsession with fashion makes her judgmental of the people around her, or she is so caught up in what someone's fashion taste says, she forgets to listen to what they have to say. For a trait like obsession, I would ask to consider what makes it negative. Does she get so obsessed that she forgets the world around her? That she forgets her friends? Can only focus on whatever has her attention? Does it make her miss appointments, or fail to keep promises? Is she so lost in thought about it that she gets distracted easily/zones out/can't stop thinking about things?
Whatever trait you choose [be it changing it to obsessive or tweaking judgmental] the important thing is just to make sure that the trait could be applied in a wide enough variety of situations that it is one of her defining features!
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 10:12 pm
-sighs and works on it some more-
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 11:22 pm
I think the information you've added definitely helped clear things up for me! Her traits don't seem to clash and she seems to be fleshed out enough that I can see how her traits would affect her daily! Thanks so much for working with me and good luck winning her!
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