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 Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:47 am
Aqua Drageen If you're still thinking of Gardens, though, I can offer that my first thought was something like the Queen of Heart's manicured hedge garden / topiaries and real botanical gardens. >PLANTS, PLANTS EVERYWHERE Took some of that advice and mixed it with Maleficent's impromptu thicket in sleeping beauty. Painting the roses....red? Mouse Pachinkorelli SENSHI OF THE FOREST, DO IT That woudl require looking like peter pan in a leaf-onsie O___o
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 5:08 pm
+ half-imagine doodle since things like 'petal corset' are vague
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:29 pm
Hi, Ivy! Congrats on your custom win! Let’s give this a look and see about getting it ready for acceptance!
THE CIVILIAN
Honestly, his profile already looks lovely! There are just a couple small things I want to look at before tossing a stamp in here!
Hobbies and virtues look good! In the flaws, though, I’m seeing one or two tiny issues I’d like to see worked out!
While I can certainly see how “justice” can be a flaw as you’ve written it, I wouldn’t say justice in itself is a bad thing! In some ways his sense of justice could even be viewed as a good thing by some people. He follows the law, and people are punished (appropriately, in theory) beneath it. He does, however, seem quite severe when it comes to this aspect of his personality, and I do think something like that (“strict” or “severe” or “unrelenting,” perhaps even “merciless”?) might work better. Really it’s just a matter of word choice, switching “justice” out for something that more closely matches the description! The description itself, I think, works well!
Secondly, there are parts of “stubborn” that read almost like a virtue! Quenton seems very dedicated, which isn’t necessarily a flaw! With this one I’d just like to see a little more expansion! More about how his stubbornness negatively affects him, as well as how it could negatively affect other people, or how other people might look down on him for it!
THE SENSHI
As far as the effects of his magic are concerned, they look good at all three stages!
The duration and frequency of usage should probably be edited a little bit in his Senshi and Super attacks, though! Rather than determining the duration and frequency via post count (which is a neat idea but not necessary, and may also end up severely limiting what you can do in a battle versus an opponent whose magic probably won’t rely on post counts), it’s simpler to just establish reasonable time limits! As a general rule, a normal battle doesn’t usually last longer than 5-ish minutes, so the length of each attack shouldn’t be very long, particularly since his opponents would be falling asleep and therefore unable to defend themselves or fight back for the duration of the attack. For this type of attack, I would suggest a duration of about 15 to 20 seconds with a use of about two times per battle for both Senshi and Super stage!
Also, in falling over asleep someone might realistically receive more than a bruise! They could sprain something, break something, hit their head pretty hard, etc. To prevent this, you could always have his attack force them to remain upright while asleep, or the magical flowers could cushion their fall!
The same goes for his Eternal attack! I’d say just edit the duration (maybe to thirty seconds) as well as the frequency of usage (most Eternals can only use their Eternal attack once per battle, or else a second use of it is a huge effort and very draining), just so they function the same as the previous two attacks in that respect!
And that should be it for now! You can quote me and let me know once you’ve made the necessary edits, or if you have any questions, and I’ll get back to you ASAP! :3
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:04 pm
Sunshine Alouette In the flaws, though, I’m seeing one or two tiny issues I’d like to see worked out! Altered the name on Justice to reflect more a negative connotation of the trait. Tried renaming/rewriting the stubborn trait to reflect/expand the qualities of the flaw in the personality to make it clear how it would work and why it is a flaw of a 'good' trait taken to hyperbole and therefore bad. Let me know if these are clear and if they work? Flaws:
Rigid Justice - Letter of the law, not the spirit - empathy shows no play of mercy in his decisions. Even if a situation tears him up inside, Quenton will stand by the law. As a part of his adherence to integrity some would find him incorrigible. It isn’t that he does not empathize with those who are forced by circumstance to break law, he simply cannot condone or overlook the breaking. Whatever the reason, the law is the law. Similarly, he will not seek to avoid punishments himself. If he were a medieval lord and caught a child poaching because they were starving, he would still have their hand cut off for the offense. To the majority of people, this quality can be make things he does in the name of law monstrous, frightening, and cold. Like Stannis Baratheon, lawful stupid.
Absent-minded – Because he has so many interests and pursuits, and gets so little sleep, Quenton is permanently strung out. He forgets to write things down, then gets things mixed up, and the result is missed meetings, wrong names, wrong products or misheard and misinterpreted ones. Sometimes things are wholesale forgotten. Even confronted with how sleep and slowing down could improve his interaction with fewer stimuli, Quenton flat out refuses to slow down. This has cost him clients, occasional grades (don't sleep through your midterm) and a few friends who thought missing their birthday was right out. When he does miss things he has deep abiding guilt about it and will do all he can to set things right, but when you break some eggs you can’t exactly just put it together again.
Strict (Tiger ‘Mom’) – A relative to his adherence to the law, is his extreme adherence to contracts, assignments, and what people ‘should be doing’. He will not put anything aside that he perceives as his duty, nor does he make allowances for others in doing what he perceives are their duties. Once plans are made, he is loath to break them or adjust them for any reason, no matter the threat or wisdom of it. For those having to deal with Quenton, it is human nature to reject limits that aren't empathic- and he doesn’t let empathy adjust any reason anyone has to offer for not performing. Consequently, it’s hard for him to keep friends he makes once they discover just how obsessively strict his sensibilities are, or how controlling he can be. Any reasons given are excuses. There is no valid excuse, not for him, not for you. Illness, death, too much stress, hospitalization- shirking is shirking and Quenton will not hesitate to try to seize control of the situation, declare what is unacceptable and force the issue to getting back on track. Pointing out the fact that he misses things because of his absentmindedness won’t help either. Maybe they should spend more time getting their business done than trying to weasel out of it deflecting blame of instances that aren’t related. Sunshine Alouette The duration and frequency of usage should probably be edited a little bit in his Senshi and Super attacks, though! Rather than determining the duration and frequency via post count (which is a neat idea but not necessary, and may also end up severely limiting what you can do in a battle versus an opponent whose magic probably won’t rely on post counts), it’s simpler to just establish reasonable time limits! No problem. I'd been basing my information on the other 'stun/lock' senshi I was aware of, Sailor Requiem, and how her coffins functioned for crowd control. Is switching to 15 second sleep with a 20 second duration on the existence of the flowers acceptable? Quote: Also, in falling over asleep someone might realistically receive more than a bruise! They could sprain something, break something, hit their head pretty hard, etc. To prevent this, you could always have his attack force them to remain upright while asleep, or the magical flowers could cushion their fall! This is something I'd like clarification as to the need of an adjustment. This is not a damage magic. The 'may get bruised' was an implied grammar that there's no intended damage. No damage occurs from the spell itself, nor is any intended. If the writer of someone being affected wants their character to fall to their knees and then flop over and take no harm at all, that is up to them. If the writer of someone being affected by this wants their character to fall over mid-run and skid to a stop with a broken nose, that is up to them. But there is no damage effect in the spell itself. So the magic isn't god-modding at all, and leaves that aspect wholly in the hands of the other writers. Adding a protection element to the flowers, like being able to absorb momentum impact, seems like adding extra it shouldn't have. There's even a chibi who has a plushie where that is the purpose of its magic, I thought. Would noting that the spell inflicts no damage on its own volition satisfy? If you're married to wanting the adjustment, naturally I have no choice. But does my point make sense?
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:34 pm
Those alterations to his flaws look wonderful! Great work! Quote: No problem. I'd been basing my information on the other 'stun/lock' senshi I was aware of, Sailor Requiem, and how her coffins functioned for crowd control. Is switching to 15 second sleep with a 20 second duration on the existence of the flowers acceptable? There isn't any rule that says you can't base your attacks on post count, it's usually just easier for all parties involved to set a specific duration! If you'd really like to keep the post count you've set up, I'm willing to pass it on to a GM for the final word! But if you'd rather go with a specific duration, 15 seconds to sleep with a 20 second duration of the flowers is fine! Ivynian Quote: Also, in falling over asleep someone might realistically receive more than a bruise! They could sprain something, break something, hit their head pretty hard, etc. To prevent this, you could always have his attack force them to remain upright while asleep, or the magical flowers could cushion their fall! This is something I'd like clarification as to the need of an adjustment. This is not a damage magic. The 'may get bruised' was an implied grammar that there's no intended damage. No damage occurs from the spell itself, nor is any intended. If the writer of someone being affected wants their character to fall to their knees and then flop over and take no harm at all, that is up to them. If the writer of someone being affected by this wants their character to fall over mid-run and skid to a stop with a broken nose, that is up to them. But there is no damage effect in the spell itself. So the magic isn't god-modding at all, and leaves that aspect wholly in the hands of the other writers. Adding a protection element to the flowers, like being able to absorb momentum impact, seems like adding extra it shouldn't have. There's even a chibi who has a plushie where that is the purpose of its magic, I thought. Would noting that the spell inflicts no damage on its own volition satisfy? If you're married to wanting the adjustment, naturally I have no choice. But does my point make sense? My concern there wasn't any potential god-modding since the damage summary is a relatively minor statement, just a casual observation that falling asleep and then falling over with absolutely no control as to how one might land could lead to much more than a little bruising! Really, the damage summary part of the attack description might be superfluous information you can cut out if you just want to note that an opponent might fall over once asleep, with the result of that left up to player interpretation! You can certainly note that the spell inflicts no damage on its own, or just remove that part altogether since its not really necessary!
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:14 pm
Put the flaw adjustments into the form on the front, made the change to second durations as discussed and updated the 'damage' summaries to notate that the early attacks do no official damage and leave effect up to affected writers. Anything else I can revise?
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:23 pm
Everything looks wonderful! Time for a trial stamp! :3 A GM should be around sometime soon to give this a final look-over! Good luck! 
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:17 am
I've got a few small tweeks needed in the powers, but all and all this is a solid quest. heart
Firstly I need an exact amount of times his regular and super power can be used. (You can still definately include the post limitations if you like but we still needs a set limit to how many times he could possibly do it in one battle)
And secondly a 20 foot radius (so 40 feet completely across) is really big compared to the radius most characters get to work with. Unless they're a Prince/General King most AOE powers that I recall tend to be more in the 6-15 foot diameter range). Because his attack doesn't do a lot of damage otherwise I'm alright giving him a fairly wide range, but I'd still prefer you cut it to a 12 foot radius (24 total) at the largest.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:36 am
Adjusted usages to twice, let me know if it should be lower. Dropped ranges to 12ft~
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:21 pm
Thanks very much, you're good to go! Can't wait to see him, his design is super handsome :3
ACCEPTED
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