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 Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:07 pm
Well, for the sake of arguing case with the girls who are rather obviously rooting for the abortion, I have a few points to put forward.
First of all, because this is an open thread and as far as I am concerned, you were asking for some sort of comment (not literally), I'm giving one. You got drunk enough at fifteen years old to sleep with someone you don't even know which perhaps bothers me ten times more than all the other odds pressing against you right now.
-You've just shown me, if no one else, that you lack responsibility. I'd say something about your age being responsible for this, but we know not all fifteen-year olds would qualify.
-You don't seem too threatened. In fact, I'm almost impressed with your level of calmness. However, this may also mean this just isn't real for you yet.
-You're underage, and if your parents choose abortion - and you don't wish to have one, have fun with the fight.
-You're not even sure if you want it [yet] and your parents are against it. Not really a good sign.
-Financial stability? You have none at fifteen.
-FAS shouldn't be a problem if you were drunk while it was conceived, but it's a slight possibility. Any possibility is one enough to weigh seriously. Can you take care of a handicapped child at fifteen, finish school, and still have money to feed yourselves?
-Keep in mind, you haven't had your blood test yet. Maybe you aren't pregnant, maybe you never were, maybe you lost the baby in the last couple of days, or maybe you truly are pregnant.
-What sort of role will the father play? Are you positive of the father's credibility?
-Will you be able to handle losing your seemingly active social life?
Abortion sounds like a good option, I agree. But it isn't the only one, and if you feel you are a) determined enough b) loving enough c) responsible enough and d) strong enough for all that may lay ahead with the birth of the child, then do it. But by the sounds of it, you don't seem to fit all of the categories. Not yet, anyway. That doesn't mean you -should- abort. It's an option.
Millions of teenagers face problems like these. I was one of them. I personally had my child, but no one demanded that I have an abortion, I had been with the father for two years previously, and I was in my senior year of high school. I also worked my maximum amount of hours after school and had a select few of very supportive family members and far too much pride to succumb to anymore statistics.
Abortion is up to you and you alone. Make your decision with reality prodding at you. Can you handle it? We don't know. Only you. But so far, the votes are against.
Be sure to keep us updated on the testing and decisions. Most of us here enjoy being nosey and helping the best that we can. In my personal opinion, I'm simply hoping you aren't pregnant at all. Nothing to fret about then, no?
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:34 pm
I know I'm not ready for a kid. I'm bipolar.... they try to heavily medicate me, I'm even being taken out of HS for a while to go to partial hospitalization. Really though, if I am pregnant, I think adoption is a good idea. I couldn't live with myself if I had an abortion. I've talked to a lot of people and I know you guys are pressing for abortion, but a health baby isn't impossible you know. Pregnancy could be a tough thing and yah think no teenager is ready for it, but I've read books and I've had pregnant friends I really think I could handle it. Handle it better than living with myself after an abortion. That stupid party was my first act of being an idiot in a long time, just trying to get out a deppresive rut and look where it got me. It's very possible I'm not and that would be great but I can't coast on that feeling either. Oh and my health, I'm a vegetarian who takes vitamin supplements so not a big issue there with that. I don't smoke and .... already covered drinking.
Gah... I'm rambling but I haven't slept more than 3 hours over the past 3 days, I'm not even tried. I don't appreciate the harshness I've gotten but I completly understand it. I'm getting a blood test taken tomorrow after school.
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:01 pm
What's really worrying me about this is that you don't seem worried about any of the other consequences of your risky behavior. That it doesn't bother you that you were so out of it that you had unprotected sex with some random guy and you aren't even concerned about an STD, when the highest infection rates are in people under the age of 25. I'm worried about you because you have no apparent grasp of the consequences and not enough self-respect to have stayed out of this situation in the first place.
My second big concern is your wording about what you've done since this party, "...or done any drugs in general," sounds like you have and you're trying to play it down or word it so you sound like you haven't but you know you have. Honey, you're 15 and doing drugs, drinking to extreme excess and you're having unprotected sex with people you barely know, aren't you scared of all the things that can happen to you? I know the parts of the brain that handle projecting out scenarios aren't fully developed at your age, but surely the ideas of what can happen must be a little frightening. I'm terrifed for you and I'm not the one engaging in the risky behaviors.
For the most part, I agree with the points Kalandra made on this one. Especially in regards to your maturity and responsibility based on what we know about you. While abortion isn't your *only* option, it may be the best one and no matter what anyone tries to sell you, none of your options are easy, painless or not going to have a lasting and possibly hurtful impact on you. I know many of the groups who push for adoption try to make it sound easy and painless and more humane, but it's going to be just as heartbreaking and hard to live with as an abortion. Possibly moreso in someways because you'll have grown attached to that little person growing in your uterus and will already have developed a love for them without having met them. So if you choose that path, it will also hurt and you'll feel cruddy about it. Both of those options will leave you with regret and remorse to come extent, and some sadness.
Keeping your child will mean HUGE changes for you and how you live your life, it's not impossible to do, but it's quite possibly the most difficult option of the three, because you're going to have some major growing up to do and fast. You have a very active social life now, post baby you won't. You won't have time to party, you can't be drunk or do drugs because if your baby needs you, you can't be impaired, you have to be able to fully function. You won't be able to do a lot of things your friends are doing and you may resent it. So carefully consider this as you make your decision.
Babies aren't just cute little dolls who sleep all the time, there will be a lot of late nights, interrupted sleep, and you'll have to put their needs ahead of yours for quite some time. A two month old isn't going to understand that you want to sleep because you're tired and still growing as you're not fully grown up yet either: all they know is that they're hungry and they need to eat and you're the one that feeds them. You can't shut them off, ignore them, go away for a few hours and pretend they aren't there; they're always there and going to need to be one of your top priorities.
Now you've already said your parents are against the idea of your being pregnant and would like you to abort and I'd like to flip the perspective on this for a second so that maybe you can see a little from what their point of view on this may be: I'm pretty sure you haven't asked them why or had a discussion about it. They may not be able to articulate everything or feel that they should.
Parents get scared too, especially for their children. So oftentimes when they hear about a young pregnancy like this they go into panic mode, because they are terrified of what it means for you. Will you finish school? Will you be able to get a decent job and support yourself? Will you ever be able to get a better job by furthering your education? Will you end up on welfare? A lot of scary things start to go through your mind when you hear about a young girl's getting pregnant because statistically, many of these things could happen. And no one wants that for their child. They want to see you finish school, go on to college, get a decent career that can support your lifestyle and a family they envision your having further down the road. It's not impossible to do, but the younger you are, the harder it is. Kalandra gave herself up as an example but she was also about 3 years older and almost out of highschool; had she been your age, things would have played out a lot differently.
They're also probably considering what this means for them, and while it is your body and should be your choice, we know you can't support yourself. So it's their resources and their money and they may be afraid you'll be even more irresponsible and dump your child on them to raise and they didn't ask to have another child. They have a responsibility to take care of you until you're 18 but they shouldn't have another child forced on them that they had no say about. So while it sounds harsh, you should at least consider respecting their wishes. Your age plays into this again and the fact you haven't finished HS and you can't even legally work full-time to help out. Closer to graduating and being legal makes a big difference on this.
So take some time, find out if you're even pregnant first and PLEASE get yourself fully tested for STDs as who knows what you could have picked up. When you find out for sure one way or the other, then it's time to sit down and really decide what's best in this situation and try to take feeling guilty out of the equation. Keep it to the facts. Because one of the worst things you can do is, as Kalandra had put it, become a further statistic by dropping out of highschool and going down that road.
And I'm hoping this has taught you some other lessons as well. There's only one you and you get one shot at life, being reckless is scary.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 2:15 pm
Kalandra
Well, for the sake of arguing case with the girls who are rather obviously rooting for the abortion, I have a few points to put forward.
My apologies, I didn't mean to come off that way. I was merely suggesting that it be something she strongly consider depending on what the results of the blood test are. To the original poster, if I offended you, I didn't mean to. Like Kalandra, Pirate Dirge and some of the others in this thread, your behavior and your attitude towards your situation quite frankly scares me. So if I came off harsh, that's why, and I didn't mean to.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 2:47 pm
Nah, no such thing as far as I see, Nikolita. You're too sweet for that. xD.
I suppose 'rooting' wasn't exactly the perfect word choice, but I aimed more toward pointing out of careless and reckless she seems that would make abortion a good option, as well as voicing that it's ultimately up to her. Redundancy, I'm afraid.
Bo, I imagine, was speaking of me when she said. I don't regret it if I sounded harsh, because I feel I was being truthful. I just think they are characteristics you, Bo, should consider. Perchance.
Adoption is another great option, but like Dirge said, I see it being far more difficult than an abortion in the long run. Spending nine months pregnant, eating the right foods and avoiding harmful situations to protect a child you won't keep is hard. All the options are hard, really. But emotionally, adoption always seemed to me to be the most difficult to adapt to once it's said and done.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 3:18 pm
Pirate Dirge, thanks for taking the time to respond but you shouldn't have bothered. I don't appreciate being talked to and you asuming you know about my life. You're not the only people I've talked to. It's not like I haven't read hours worth of information. I have sat down and thought through everything and talked through my options with my parents. I was not playing down using drugs I simply haven't. When I do them or drink it's very rare and for self medication and usually ends me up in the psych hospital. I'm not afraid of anything that could happen at this point, I've been to the bottom and there isn't worse that could happen. I really don't get the normal reactions and emotions to these kinds of things, infact they're looking to diagnose me with a personality disorder. Which leads me to you warning about my social life. I don't leave my house but once a month, I have 1 friend off the internet that I barely see outside of school, she's who took me to the party. Social anxiety has left me with problems. I can't do normal teenage things with out snapping or breaking down. I really like you saying babies aren't dolls so classic. My brother has 4 children, oldest being 9, and he lived with us until 3 years ago. I know the responsibilites, I've lived with them for a huge portion of my life, I've helped with them. I don't even think I can legally have gaurdianship of a child right now because I do get psychotic and legally insane so I'm not worried about any of that anyways. Nothing about life scares me. It can be handle, and when it can't I just have to deal with that now don't I. People like you really upset me, I know I was looking for advice but not to be talked to like one of the pregnant 11 year olds who ******** everything that moves and is afraid to tell their mommy.
Everyone else, thanks I appreciate it but I think I'm done here for now.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 4:14 pm
1. Emotionally unstable to the point of being medicated. Oooh, you are going to have just so much fun with post partum depression!
2. You think you can't live with yourself after an abortion? Tell me, how will you be able to live with yourself if you give your child up for adoption and he/she doesn't get adopted? Would you be able to live with yourself if your child has to grow up in an orphanage without a parent to love him/her?
And how happy will either you or your child be if you are working double shifts trying to survive because you weren't able to finish High School?
Don't discount your options just yet.
3. Pirate Dirge may have been off on the drugs (and I do admit that it was quite rash of her to assume that you had lied about it), but most of what else she said was very good. She gave you a perspective on what your parents may be thinking and a realistic idea of what life with a baby may be. Not to mention the questions she raised about STDs. Have you been tested yet? How do you know you don't have something like AIDs from your little night out (which, by the way, you can pass to the child you may be carrying)?
I appreciate that you may have had children around a lot, but it's a totally different thing when they are your own.
4. As I said before, you need to figure out your options (more than a few hours of looking stuff up) before you discount major options like abortion. For example, as I mentioned earlier, is your school equiped to handle a pregnant student? Will you have to go to a special different school? If you decide to keep the child, who will take care of him/her during the day while you go to class? Who will be paying for all the child's needs? Is there an adoption agency in your area? How do they operate? What percentage of their kids find homes? What percentage of their kids find good homes?
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:51 pm
Kukushka 3. Pirate Dirge may have been off on the drugs (and I do admit that it was quite rash of her to assume that you had lied about it), but most of what else she said was very good. Big horrible meanie that is me My second big concern is your wording about what you've done since this party, "...or done any drugs in general," sounds like you have and you're trying to play it down...
EDIT: I kept thinking this seemed way too familiar. First thread in June 2005
GPG is sadly Hidden and this was recycled. This isn't the first time this has happened. The gist of that thread was the same as this one. Had unprotected sex, started freaking out because you thought you couldn't ovulate if you weren't menstruating. Said you learned your lesson, guess not.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:46 pm
It's been said before, but when you ask for advice, it's not always what you want to hear. Yes, I may have been harsh, but honey, what do you think the real life is like? It's a much rougher world out there, especially to young mothers. It's unfair, but you have to not make excuses. Can you not understand why everyone is agast at a very scary situation you seem to put yourself in? And now you're mentioning serious psycholigical issues on top of it.
Frankly, making excuses for your behavior isn't going to help. You're talking you have serious mental issues, which is EXTREMELY important to talk with your doctor. If you have such social issues, what is this going to impact on a baby? Also, what effects will being on those medications do to the fetus or what will not being on them affect your parenting?
And for that matter, you obviously had unprotected sex, what will possible STDs have an effect on the baby as well?
No offense, but there's no such thing as an "expert by association." Just because you are an aunt doesn't make you a parent nor an expert. I have 5 siblings and 5 nephews and nieces, it was NOTHING compared to my being pregnant and being a parent now.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:16 am
Wow. I thought Dirge was a bit nicer than I was, really.
On the internet, we have only what tiny information you provide us with, and all assumptions made were constructed out of the tiny details you both gave and left to our imaginations. So you have no one to blame for that but yourself. No one is trying to rip on you, we're being realistic.
At the risk of sounding belittling -
You're fifteen. You haven't seen the utter bottom yet. Maybe the bottom for your life so far, but not the bottom of what could be. Many, many people struggle through mental disorders. I'm glad you noted that legally having a child would be near impossible if you were ever diagnosed legally insane, because that is a realistic approach that you need to consider [and did].
STDs are realistic. You had sex. You're at risk.
When you're brother's child born, you were barely six or so years old. Living with them doesn't constitute expertise. It shows you've witnessed growth, and as an adolescent with the problems you've admitted to having, I sincerely (though ignorantly) assume that you didn't cling to your nieces/nephews as the single best things in your life. Thus, no.
No one called you anything. We don't typically name-call here, but we are trying our best to put forth realistic options, outcomes, and possibilities to a situation that you're now in. They aren't candy coated (though they are hardly cruel) but you should still hear them. For the sake of the little creature that may or may not be growing inside of your tummy, if nothing else, you need to be realistic and face problems you apparently think you are better than.
Every person you come into contact with about this pregnancy from here on out will wonder at least one of the things we have brought up. We aren't making up illusions to down you, we're showing you what you shouldn't have a problem realizing. If you don't want our input anymore, then in all honesty I personally recommend you don't bother requesting it here any longer. At least I, personally, will not jump to cause more controversy with you again.
Good luck to you.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:50 am
Ok lets put all harshness aside. I really feel for your situation granted I was a few years older than you when I had my son, I was also pregnant around the same age and miscarried. Obviously you made a mistake we all make mistakes so your next step is figuring our what to do. (guys we know unprotected sex is not a good idea and I am sure she is realizing it but scolding her over what she did isnt going to change anything its not going to make the fetus dissappear) Ok so on to options you have already said you cant live with having an abortion, so carrying the baby it is. Adoption is an excellent option because you can still have a full future it never means that you cant ever see the child again. Open adoption means you would have visitation rights. If you are considering keeping than I would suggest you really work at making your parents understnd your desicions and do some grown up things to make them believe you can handle it. The depression thing is bothersome because it raises your chances of post partum whether you keep or not. I would definatly suggest talking to someone throughout your pregnancy to help keep you level headed and given your history they may suggest you not breast feed so you can take medication after the baby is born. I really think if that happens you should take the advice. Until you make your decision on what road you are going to take there isnt much more advice I can give. If you have any general pregnancy questions just pm me. Goodluck
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Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 6:36 pm
Ramble on Rose I'm getting a blood test done as soon as I can this week. If I really am, I've decided abortion is out of the options... I don't think I could live with it. I think that's really mature and one of the best decisions you could make. I know that some people may argue that because I myself am pregnant, I'm biased, but to tell you the truth I wasn't even expecting to get pregnant. I just got really lucky that my parents are supportive, that I'm 21, and that i am financially able to support a baby; but I really think that abortions are horrible. It's going to be alright. Don't worry, just get through this and when your child grows up they're going to thank you.
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mademoiselle_coco_chanel3
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 5:20 pm
so are you pregnant?
neutral
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Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 12:37 am
Y'know, I don't think the original poster is coming back. When someone says "I'm done here", it usually indicates an unwillingness to return.
And really... bumping a thread after months and months of inactivy is unnecessary.
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 3:12 pm
wow you have quiet the pridicament on your hands. and it scares even me that you heavily drinking at 15, i admit i started having sex when i turned 15, then 3 months later i got pregnant , that was 04 05, i have 3 kids and its not easy, i wouldnt dare drink or do drugs now, those little babys need my help 24/7 and its kinda hard to think of how it is when you havent been there, you wanted opinions and thats what you got from these peole, dont react negativly to them there just watching out and being caring to make shure your okay, just take it easy and remember sex can be fun or deadly, i can assure you if one day you got a blood test and had a failing kidney and hiv the last thing youd be is happy gonk
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