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 Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:46 am
Rin gave the page a thorough once over, almost feeling guilty that she was only reading this out of spite. Already finding out a bit too much about the enigma that was once Melvin. But not stopping. She turned the page to continue delving deeper into his privacy.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:12 pm
Dear Sophie,
I'm in the right place with the wrong people. Was I approached because I was crazy? I don't think having therapist would be such a big deal, but the more people I talk to, the more it seems I'm surrounded with people with severe problems. People from asylums, thugs, or crack heads. You know my problems, but I'm not nuts. I've handled seeing shadows far better than these people, and yet I have to rely on them to live? Scary, huh?
If it's not crazies, I have playground jocks. My life is dependent on a weapon. You know how I did with a hunting rifle! The kickback would floor me. Fishing was always better. Now I have to "bust a cap" in monsters. I have far more respect for gangsters. Do you know how hard it is to fire a gun and not hit the ground?
If worrying about why I'm with these people, it doesn't help I have the most annoying voice in my head. I can't think of anything without commentary. Out of everything, I could at least tell a shrink I didn't have voices in my head. Now I'm granted one. Certainly not great, though everyone loves to talk about their own weapon. It's like insulting their mothers. A few people are just playground meat-heads who said I'm just going to die. If muscle only matters here, then they are probably right. I need someone to have my back so I can live. I didn't give up everything, give up you, to die.
Out of all the people I can talk to, I can't talk to the ones I want to. It's a horrible setup. I checked my phone, but it doesn't work here. Can't even check Facebook to see how things worked out for you. They talked about Portals though. Maybe then?
I thought, in the place that knew about shadows, I'd feel a overwhelming relief. Some release that came from gaining answers to the questions since I was attacked. I guess not.
Talk to you later.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:18 pm
Rin rolled her eyes, she couldn't believe how much he was harping about where she had come from. As if that made her somehow unreliable as a fellow team mate. It wasn't her fault the people around her weren't as understanding or accepting as his people seemed to.
Rin offered a non committal grunt at his droning on about no one here to trust before flipping through a few pages.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:14 pm
The pages stuck together and flipped further in.
Dear Sophie,
People are idiots. I can't understand how everyone hopes to live longer when all their friends hurt each other for the stupidest reasons. There needs to be weapon control on the island, or better yet, common sense. I'm still waiting for Rep to talk to Rin after our talk on that damn cliff, but for now I'm trying to help. It's a shame Rin might not be able to be of any use on the battlefield all because of that stupid mistake, a mistake that could have been avoided, but at least she's alive.
I visited. Glad I was forced to change bandages even if I don't like looking at them. You know how I am. I managed well enough, but I've been learning about Fear a bit more. I wonder if I could infect someone still after all these years.
She got upset though and I knew she was feeling like crap. Everyone relies on their weapons because we're not useful without them. Even everyone who had separate jobs in different divisions have to still be useful with a weapon, and she has a massive axe.
She didn't get why I didn't touch her, and took it the wrong way, thinking I hate her now. That's she's disgusting. I'm an idiot. I had gloves on. I would have been fine, but my brain just butted in. I wish it's shut up sometimes just for once. The hell use those practices did me. I can clean a wound but can't hold a hand when someone is destroyed in a hospital room. She's going to think I'm a robot like Rep does.
I thought about you again. I always do. You'd know to wash your hands before I could hug you. I miss not having to explain.
Talk to you again.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:31 pm
The excerpt Rin fell upon this time seemed much less... well, more knowing of who she actually was rather than judging her. She was still mad. Sorta. But more confused than anything else. The hell was he talking about? She had to re-read it again before it seemed to click. s**t.
That was why... She frowned deeply before guiltily reading onward.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 2:18 pm
Dear Sophie,
Thanksgiving was a disaster. It was nothing like how I wanted it to be. It started out well enough. I had it organized, kept everyone focused so that things could be done on time without too much waiting. Everyone was volunteering and I was honestly optimistic. Sure, it wasn't like home, but I was trying to get some semblance of the holidays like how we have it. It seems a bit hard to translate to these people when most people I've talked to didn't have a normal family. It was working for a little while at least. Maybe if they had kept at it, people would be less inclined to strangle each other and see that we're all on this ship together instead of trying to shoot holes into the hull.
There is all this high school bickering in the face of having to go out and maybe never come back. You'd think they'd cling to the time alive and just enjoy themselves, to those people that protect them, than making things worse.
There just isn't the idea of family here. Near the end of it, Ofelia refused to come out, completely resorting back to being both shy and self-hating after all her work and the people who worked to make this possible. It was a slap to there face and mine, and then she walked out, threw a fit, and left. Rep and Rin came into the kitchen too, told me to ******** off, and Rep went back to fixing another wound. I appreciate being punished for spending days on this just to scrounge up something because no one else was going to do it. It was stupid to think that I could replace what I had and still feel that these people together would somehow make up for what I lost. That I'd gained something different but better in it's own way. No one cares here.
I just wound up getting drunk and forgetting it as best I could and trying not to think of home. I miss the snow, grandma's house, and wouldn't even mind the moaning woman up in the attic if she's still there. I'm sure everyone is still there enjoying each other.
Did you smoke on the back porch in the cold again? Who do you talk to now that I'm not there? Is life easier for you because I'm not there? One less burden to think of?
I suppose I'll try and just save up good food for next year and just enjoy thanksgiving alone. I don't know if I have the energy to keep this up if Christmas doesn't go well. I think I'm done trying after that. I might just make it all worse trying to get everyone in one room.
You must think it's silly. Me, of all people, trying to manage people like this when I'm the worst at consoling anyone. It's nothing like organizing Mom's surprising birthday party a few years back.
I hope the turkey was good. I bet it tasted delicious.
I miss it.
Talk to you again.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 2:55 pm
Annnnd Rin was irritable again. Slowly but surely a long drawn out argument with Melvin unfolded in her mind. Thanksgiving was a success in her opinion and to say it sucked because of her and Rep was unfair. In her opinion. Her head jerked a little with attitude as she felt she was winning her one-sided argument.
She turned the page, that appeared to be it. She slid the notebook back where it belonged and proceeded to bend down and grab his personal care bag. She moved over to place it beside the duffel and was about to leave in a huff when she noticed Allan still on his bed, staring at her from across the room. She didn;t get why that struck her as so... wrong. But it had. So she slunk back to his bed and after quickly looking under his bed, then a quick peek under his mattress, grabbed the doll residing on top and snuck it into his duffel with his clothes. She gently nudged both bags back to get the door open. She turned so her hip held the door ajar as she bent down to grab both bags in her hand and escape with everything in tow.
It wasn't too log after she was knocking on the room that contained Melvin with her knee. She quietly hoped he wasn;t so bad he couldn't hobble to let her in... then again, chances were leaning in the direction of her being on her own.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:07 pm
Melvin wasn't so bad he couldn't get up, but had no clothes other than the hospital gown and the bloodied clothes from the horsemen battle. Holding the back of the gown shut and glad it was at least long enough to almost reach his knees, he went over and opened the door.
Letting her in, he watched her with the two bags. He'd help, but all the stitches on his chest and shoulder would have made that a bad choice. "Just drop them by the door." He told her, not wanting her to drag them since it looked like a heavy load. How much did she bring?
"I thought you got lost for a second."
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:14 pm
"I almost did," Rin remarked as she eyed him over, "What happened man?"
She moved over to set the bags down carefully, extra careful in case he saw Allan and made a protective fuss.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:17 pm
"Some horsemen broke my shield and made me a arrow pincushion. I'm really appreciating those shields more and more." He said, touching his chest where he rubbed at the bandages underneath.
"Just glad it didn't end me." He would check the bags later, moving back to the bed where there wasn't a cold breeze racing up between his legs.
Sitting, he took the covers over his lap. Better.
"Thanks for picking that stuff up. I'll be there for a day or so and my clothes from before are pretty trashed so I needed the help.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:26 pm
"Yeah, hope I got what you wanted," She hovered close to his bed. She was still irritable about some of the things he'd written about her. But others... well, she offered a weary smile. He was still there for her when she needed him.
"Do you need anything?"
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:45 pm
"Not really. That was about it. Clothes and something to do. Sort of exhausted the game of counting the ceiling tiles." He said with a smile.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:50 pm
"Hah, well, I could stay a bit then. I'm pretty sure talking tome is more entertaining than the ceiling," She grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it to the side of his bed and took a sit. "Didja shoot some horsies?"
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:59 pm
"Not well. I mainly just bounced around people trying to defend them and heal them, but then I got swarmed by horsemen a couple of times. Rep, Ofelia, and Cass had to save me in the end." He breathed out. "All the sparring and my aim still sucks."
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:05 pm
"Well. You are still finding yourself. Maybe you are more comfortable defending? There's nothing wrong with that, you know." Rin suddenly got up to wander over to a few medical supplies, carefully looking them over. "Lifers aren't really about firepower you know."
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