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 Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:58 pm
It wasn't really a process, or a train of thought. It was muscle memory. It was a set of motions that had happened a million times before, and would have happened a million times again. When his hands wrapped around her waist, her arms just lifted up without pain or hesitance, and they wrapped around his shoulders. She hung there, keeping her forehead pressed firmly on his chest, and wondered over the moment.
For the time being, she thought this was his way of saying goodbye. Or maybe, maybe he was just trying, one more time, for her. Whatever it was that he was doing, she let it happen. Herryk deserved a chance to try, if he wanted it.
She hugged him tight, wishing with all her might that she could infuse some of the small, weak strength she'd managed to gather in the last few weeks, to him. If she could claw her way back up from her pit, he should, too.
It was nice to be in his arms again. She'd missed it. She didn't try to fool herself into thinking it was forever, but she never reached for forever anymore. She just enjoyed the moment.
But his words crashed every warm, fuzzy feeling in her heart, and she pulled her head away, to look up at him. Her eyes glistened and filled with tears, and she shook her head. She wanted to tell him he was being ridiculous, and he didn't understand. That was how everyone felt at first. That was how she'd felt, after Thor. Didn't he remember when she'd said the same thing. How could he forget how easily he'd broken through the barriers someone else had put up?
But she couldn't. She wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but she couldn't.
Because selfish ghouls never told their ex-boilfriends they were wrong, when they said they would never love again. Selfish ghouls couldn't handle the raging clench of their heart at the mere idea of another ghoul winning someone they love over.
Freya was a selfish, selfish ghoul.
She felt him move away, and she didn't stop him. Just as she didn't stop him from hurting her wrist, or holding her against him, she wouldn't stop him from pulling away again. Herryk got whatever Herryk wanted.
At least, from now on.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:36 pm
He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be strong enough to do so many things. He wanted to be strong enough to be exactly what she wanted, what she needed. He wanted to be strong enough to find happiness in the life he'd been given. He wanted to drum up the strength he needed to pull away from her. It wasn't fair of him to do this to her.
It wasn't fair - but he couldn't stop himself. This was no moment of pure, white-hot clarity showing him that this was the last moment that he'd share with her - that if he wanted to fix things between them, then perhaps this was the last chance he'd ever have.
This was different. Darker.
This was punishment - for him, for her: did it matter?
"Why? Because I was brokens, Herryk. I needed time, and I needed someone teh comes and slaps me out of it. Someone teh holds me and tells me I was better than this. I needed help, Herryk, and because of that, I couldn't helps yeh. Neither could yeh helps me, because yeh needed the same."
He hadn't been given the luxury of knowing who else to turn to. He hadn't known who else to reach out to when the first person he'd thought to turn to had been lost in her own downward spiral. This infuriated him. Who had she reached out to? Why hadn't she called for him?
The draugr stopped his backward motion, pausing as her arms wrapped about his neck.
He wanted to hurt her so badly. He wanted to imprint himself on her so that each time she took a breath, she thought of him. He wanted to know every day when the pumpkin sun rose and she woke tousled and warm with sleep... she'd think of him. He wanted to know that each night before she slept with her blankets wrapped around her and the stars glittered in the night sky... she'd think of him. He wanted to know that she'd remember each and every second of their time together. He needed to know that each time she took a breath, she'd draw in his scent and be reminded of what they'd had together. He wanted her to ache and hurt the way he was - but he wanted her to ache and hurt more.
It was a caustic, suffocating feeling. It caught in his throat, thrummed just beneath his cool, dark skin. She'd been his first, she'd be his last - and it made him sick to think that she'd care for another. It was selfish, he realized this with every ounce of his being - it was sickening, he recognized it for what it really was - and it was irrational... but there was something that cut him like a knife, made him want to force her to understand just how shattered he really felt.
His lips trailed the outer curve of her ear, his voice low and chilled through.
"Herryk did not need just anyone to slap him out of it. Herryk needed his Freya. That is all that Herryk needed."
A pause. He wanted to sink his teeth into her flesh, he wanted to hear her breath hitch, he wanted to feel her move against him.
He didn't. She was no longer his.
This was goodbye.
Herryk pulled back, his fingers digging into the still-skinny curve of her hips. Oh, how he wanted to break her down.
"Freya will take the pups." He dropped his arms, expression impassive.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:47 pm
There was something different about this moment in his arms that she hadn't realized until then. The same thrumming desire was there, but something was there between them, like a wall. She had ignored it because she couldn't place it, but she felt it now.
She was afraid of being in his arms.
Freya wasn't afraid of most things. She loved challenges, and struggle. She loved a good fight. But there was nothing about this that indicated any of those things. This close to Herryk, she could feel the pull that was keeping him from her. She could feel how dangerous he really was.
She'd never feared being in his arms in her entire life, until that very moment.
When he whispered into her ear, her body tensed and curved up. Her fingernails dug into his skin, before her hands started to push him away. It was the same moment he dropped his arms, and her own wrapped around her stomach tightly. That was a pose Herryk, above all people, knew all too well.
"Fine. I'll takes teh pups." She muttered low and shaky, just barely holding herself together.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:50 pm
He had nothing left to say.
Turning on a booted heel, Herryk made his way to the door.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:58 pm
The fear fizzled away the moment he moved, and Freya took in a deep, calming breath. She quickly untied the cloth with the foxfires babies within, and set them free. One of them, the one whose bright and blue colors matched Freya scurried almost instantly to follow her master. She slammed her tiny head into his feet, over and over, begging for attention.
The second one, the dark raincloud colored foxfire, stayed where he was, sitting on the cloth and looking up mournfully as he was being abandoned. He did not run after Herryk, but the tiny aqua one would not let him go without a fight.
Freya smirked at the irony.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:05 pm
Herryk paused when he felt that tiny head butted against his heel, turning to glance down at the little fluffy body. These two - these gifts from Freya - had been the last to join his collection. They'd been special to him because they'd been from her.
He briefly knelt and lifted the pup. His poofs had always been his best friends, second only to the ghoul in the room. He'd dedicated so much time to them and their health and interests. It'd become more of a passion and less of a hobby, but.
He had no room for them now. They deserved more than he could give them.
Cupping the foxfire in his palm, Herryk moved back towards Freya and held the pup out to her.
"Take it, then."
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:13 pm
Freya's smirk faded when he returned only to hand her back the foxfire. It wiggled in his palm, and she reached out to take it, but it nipped at her fingers angrily.
Herryk was cutting off every avenue of his life. The realization hit Freya like a brick, and she took a step back as though it had slapped her. Then she glared up at the boil, and put her hand down.
None of them, he'd said. None of them.
"Why are yeh givings up yehr foxfires, Herryk?" Freya asked, her voice tentative and careful. She wanted the truth, but she didn't want to anger him enough that he'd storm out. A different kind of fear thrilled through her body, and she hated it.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:22 pm
He slashed a broad hand through the air, causing the foxfire in his hand to cower slightly. The gesture was paired with an irritated grunt, and he jostled the foxfire closer. It was obvious that he was growing slightly agitated by this point, and the poof cupped in his palm let out a low whine.
The draugr leaned closer to Freya, his teeth flashing.
"Because they are Herryk's to give away."
His fingers tightened, the poof in his palm making a strangled sound.
"Will Freya take the pup? Or does Freya want to ask more questions? Why does Freya care, hmm?"
The muscles of his chest tightened as he grit his teeth, suddenly feeling suffocated. The Foxfire let out a soft cry.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:29 pm
The fear returned, but this time, she hid it. That poor foxfire was taking the brunt of his anger, and she quickly scooped it up out of his hands before he accidentally dissipated it. But her hands did not stop there - they grabbed at both of Herryk's wrists, a signal to keep him where he was - even though her actual strength had no real capacity to do so. She looked him right in the eyes, with a strong, and honest expression.
"Freya wants to ask more questions." She nodded, just once. "Because Freya loves you. Act like it's not true all yeh wants. But I already tolds yeh once, and I tells yeh again. I will always loves yeh, baby boil. And that means I worry about what's goings on." Her brow furrowed deeply, and she tugged on his wrists. "Now tells me why yehr giving ups all yehr foxfires, or I will find every foxfire in all of Halloween and unleash it on yehr bedroom!"
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:44 pm
The foxfire was making loud sounds of distress by the time that Freya rescued it, and once he realized what he'd nearly done he felt utterly horrible - shocked at himself, shocked at his own actions. His hands started to tremble as he peered at the blue-colored poof she'd taken from him. A foxfire was an innocent creature, simple and accepting.
He'd nearly crushed it.
Freya's tugging at his wrists did nothing but jerk him from his reverie, and for a moment his thoughts tempered. What was he becoming, that he let his anger rule him? He knew the answer to that question. He knew what he'd become. Something of a murderer, a beast, unhindered by feelings of guilt and regret. He'd dissipated three students, yearned to do it again - needed to do it again. It was the only time he felt himself - and even then it was only for a moment.
The large frame of the draugr rocked forward, and he fell to his knees. Desperately he clutched at Freya - there was still time to stop, still time to save himself, wasn't there? There was still time to be pulled back from the precipice. There was still a chance for him - for them - wasn't there?
Wasn't there?
"Help Herryk," he pleaded softly, burying his face into her hips. He sounded terrified, frightened - almost on the verge of tears. The draugr was in a vulnerable spot, helpless to save himself. He lifted his gaze to meet hers, something that was frighteningly close to terror lighting his eyes.
If she couldn't save him, nobody could.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:58 pm
Freya let out a legitimate screech when Herryk fell to his knees. It was simply an action too unexpected for her to do anything else. She felt his arms around her body, and stared down at him with a wild expression. It scared her to see him like this. She had absolutely no idea what to do.
Looking into his eyes simply filled her with the same terror that lit up in his.
"Okays." She murmured. "Herryk, is okays. I'm here, I'll help. Yeh tells me what happens, yeh tells me what's wrong, just please tells me something." She bent in, trying to hug him, but it was hard, so she did the best she could.
She'd never seen anyone look that way.
Except just once.
In the mirror.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:12 pm
What would she think of him? What would she say when she heard that he'd purposefully dissipated three students? Would there be terror in her eyes? Would there be fear, or pity? Would she run from him, or would she draw him closer in an attempt to comfort him?
He didn't know, and he didn't want to find out. Herryk was terrified that if he told her how he really felt she'd think less of him - if she knew what he was capable of, she wouldn't feel safe around him.
He couldn't do that to himself, even though he knew he deserved it.
With an odd sense of desperation, he sought her lips with his own, his fingers tangling in her hair in an effort to bring her closer. This was the comfort he craved, this was what he needed.
For now, at least.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:25 pm
She waited for an answer. Even if he had to whisper it, she'd listen. She felt him lean in, and her head automatically turned in case he needed to whisper it into her ear, but he wasn't looking for her ear. His lips rubbed against her cheek, and his hands lost themselves in her hair and tugged her head down to meet his kiss. Her eyes widened for all of a moment, staring at the draugr, before she crumbled against him. She never had the power to stop this, and she didn't know if she could really say she wanted to.
She fell into his arms, and her lips parted, pushing back with every ounce of the broken heart that he'd shattered the day they'd said goodbye.
It was at least several minutes before any actual thought went through her head, but when it did, it was heated stubbornness. She pulled her lips away, and took a deep, desperate breath of air. He was still clutching her head, so it was difficult to keep him from just pulling her down into his kiss again.
"HERRYK." She cried out, her voice cracking with emotion. "Herryk, This is not answerings my question. Yehr just distractings me and I didn't lets yeh in here so yeh coulds keeps me from-" It was so hard to think-
"Herryk, Herryk please, I can't helps yeh when yeh does this teh me, it's not fair, please just talks teh me. Why can't we just talks, we can't we ever just talks."
Even when they had been dating, their arguments had been short, and fruitless - and always ended in wordless passion.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:47 pm
He didn't want to talk. He needed to feel something - anything - but the unbridled, creeping hungry ache that was consuming him a little more each and every day.
He didn't want to talk. His thoughts were clouded with distraction, and it felt compelling and freeing and Herryk just wanted to keep kissing and touching the valkyrie. It felt so perfect, so right - up until the point she pulled away and broke the kiss.
It took him a moment to focus on what she was saying, the emotion in her voice was so distracting. When her words registered, Herryk blinked rapidly to clear his mind. Why was she talking? Why was she pulling away?
His fingers slipped free of her hair, and he was still for a moment - just a moment - before he shot to his feet.
No. No, this wasn't what he'd come here to do. His thoughts were so jumbled, the cacophony of his racing emotions filling his mind with a roar.
"Herryk is.. Herryk is sorry."
He moved to bolt towards the door, reality crashing down upon him harshly through the haze of passion. Before he knew what was going on, before he could stop and think and turn back to her and sink into her arms, the door was open and he was thudding down the hallway.
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:56 pm
The moment when Herryk went still felt like it lasted forever. Freya stilled with him, waiting, watching. She couldn't breathe. She just wanted to help him, so much, but she knew that kissing wasn't going to fix a damn thing except for the desperate ache her entire body felt. She couldn't do this just because she wanted it. She was trying to help him this time, because others had helped her.
But she was doin it rong.
She fell right on her a** when he stood up, leaving her shocked and cold on the floor. She pushed back on the palms of her hands, trying to get up as fast as she could, but he was quick, and he was stubborn. He was gone before she could get on her feet.
"Herryk, stop- HERRYK STOP." Her screams did nothing, and the tiny yipes of the foxfire that desperately wanted his attention were also ignored. By the time Freya scrambled to the door, Herryk was out of sight. She stared at the empty hallway, and her eyes clouded with frustration. Her hand fisted up, and she slammed it into her door.
"GodsDAMNIT."
The foxfire had stumbled off to follow Herryk, but it was too tiny, and too slow. It just barely made it out the door of the dorm, yipping off after him. It lost him at some point, and stopped, running in circles helplessly and whimpering.
It was lost.
So were they.
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