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“…Ya…I know you do not.” Hel sighed softly again. Stupid cowboil and that stupid way he got all bashful and UGH. ******** her side ways…and not in the literal sense. Why was she helpess when Mot was involed!? It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

Hel sighed again, twisting her lips as she stared at Mot. “…Once again…I believe it would have eased a lot of heart ache if I knew how you felt…ya know…before all of this.” She waved a hand before it flopped back onto her lap. “…But what is done is done.” Hel muttered and stared down at her lap, thinking. For once…she was earnestly thinking about them. Thinking before she acted.

“…I…” She sighed. This was hard, but she needed to say it. She needed to do this for the both of them. To think she had wanted to hear these words so bad…and now she was not leaping at them…but thinking. Hel reached out, her hands hesitating for a long moment between them, before she took his hands in hers. She held onto his long fingers and stared down at his hands, brushing her thumbs over his knuckles.

“…Mot.” Hel started, and finally looked up at him again. “…You will always, always be my friend…my best friend.” Wait for it. “But…” Yep, there it was. “…What happened…between Mac and I…it taught me something…heh…I suppose it is a good thing…to learn things even from the bad…” She paused. “…I want to be touched…a lot…often…I want to be held, and kissed thoroughly…I want to be touched without fear, without hesitation…for as much desire and attention I put forth, I want to be matched.”

She squeezed his hands. “…I am not saying that I need to be bedded…I just want to be…loved the way I am craving…and there is nothing wrong, Mot, nothing…if you are not capable of that…it is just how it is…but I can not say honestly…let us be more than friends once more, if you can not do that for me. It is not fair to you…and it is not fair to me.”

She paused. “…Then there is the worry that I…I still upset you by being myself. Do…do you understand what I am saying…?” She searched his face desperately.

It hurt to see that sadness in his eyes. Doing the right thing was hard. She hated it. Would she be rewarded this time for doing the right thing? If not now, than later maybe? She agreed with Mac right at this moment. For once, she didn’t want to be right. She nodded her head a bit. “…Ya…I am glad too.” There was a weight off of her chest now…but still, a terrible soft spot for Mot, always.

“…Ya know…” She murmured. “…Sister said…the hurt, and the pain…it would fade in time…I would learn to love someone else again…and Riyo…Riyo said I had been a strong and independent ghoul before you and I got together, and certainly I could be again…I do not doubt either of those statements. I am sure they can and would have happened with time. I do not need you…just like you do not need me. To say you need someone is immature…childish…I existed before you, and you existed before me…but I…” She took a breath and smiled at him in earnest for the first time that night.

“…But to want someone…that is so much more powerful I think. I think it means more. I…honestly…did not want to love anyone else.” Honestly…the only other person she felt like she could love with time was committed…haaa. “…I just wanted you…and that…that is not going to change anytime soon. I…I will wait for you, Mot.”

If it was possible, she felt a little lighter after that, and she felt better seeing Mot smile so widely. Hel nodded her head as well. “…Ya. I agree…and I promise, Mot.” Hel shifted on her knees, still holding onto Mot’s hands tightly as she leaned forward. Once again, she hesitated for a moment before pressing a butterfly kiss to his chin, nose, and then a more firm one to his forehead.

She sat back on her bottom then, smiling. “…Sleep overs…right?” Because they could still crawl into bed together and sleep as friends, most certainly. Not sleep alone.

The reaper brushed her thumbs over his knuckles again, secretly cursing how just a few minutes with him could, once again, turn her world upside down. Suddenly the heart ache didn’t seem so bad anymore, the sadness, the anger. Ugh. She’d find out what his secret to disarming her was one day…

“Ya…! Friends can definitely share a bed.” She affirmed, and was actually looking forward to tonight for once. Maybe she’d actually sleep well tonight. Hel blinked, looking down as Mot looked around as well. “…Oh…uh…” She squeezed his hands once more before releasing them and picked up the first tunic she had been working on. Her hand slipped in through the collar and her fingers wiggled at him through the wing slit. “…I neglected to alter these…and there is no point in letting them go to waste…”

Her piss poor start of stitching was blaringly obvious.

Hel made a face as Mot chuckled at her…well…yeah…poor job. “…Ya. I tried.” She muttered.

The reaper blinked as he hand out a hand to her and then asked for the needle and thread. “Buh—“ She paused. “…Do them for me?” She looked around. “…Uh…Mot…there are a lot of tunics here! I will manage…uh…” That really wasn’t true. “…It is alright, really.”

Hel stared at Mot for a long moment. She have blushed very lightly at that laugh and smile, and then she quietly placed the spool of thread and needle onto his palm. Such a way with words still. Hook, line and sinker.

The ghoul wiggled and shifted so that she was sitting right next to Mot now, her knee touching his as she settled. Okay, she was so ready now to just sit and watch.

The reaper was just quiet as she watched Mot. She didn’t feel the need to try and fill the silence for the time being. They had said what they had really wanted to say to each other for right now, and it was a companionable and comfortable silence she sat as she watched Mot work that magic. Albeit a bit enviously.

After he had worked through some tunics though, Hel picked one up and ran her fingers across the firm, decorative stitches and her lips quirked up a bit. She whistled softly, impressed, before placing it down. “Mot.” She broke the silence further as a thought came to mind. “…I want to go see the ocean.” She announced, glancing at the current tunic he was working on before glancing up at him. “…There is a town that can be reached from a train here…it has a board walk with a small park of sorts as well…you know…with a Ferris wheel…” She paused. “…I want to go…” Would you come too? was heavily implied.

“I have never seen it before…I just want to…” She lived out in the country…lots of grass and sprawling fields…creeks and streams and maybe the occasional pond and small and lake…but she never laid eyes on a real ocean.

Hel blinked, looking over at Mot as he asked if he wanted him to take her. Now, Hel did understand the power play of words, and she was about to say ‘not that I want you take me, I want you to go with me.’ But she could be nice…and she would be. She smiled at him, feeling a bit silly as she said this, but she did genuinely mean it. “…I would love for you to take me.”