Welcome to Gaia! ::

"Then you'd be sliding down on being able to control yourself," Jordan pointed out. "I'm trying to find a song that you can use as a focus. Kind of like - uh. Like how the act of drinking can be nearly as relaxing as the drink. Something good you can think of when things are starting to get out of control, so you can knock yourself out of the spiral down. It gives you a few moments to get yourself back and react the way you want to, instead of letting things outside you control you."

He smiled faintly. "It's what I do. Not with a song, but music is good for you. If you can get Roar to help, it'd be good too." He eyed the cord of the pennywhistle that hung from Jerry's neck. "Roar, I don't know how much good asking you will be, but I bet you don't particularly want Jerry to have a breakdown either. Wouldn't be good for either of you. So if you can give him a nudge to notify him when he's headed for negative association loops, it might help."

I don't think Roar is nice like I am, Ferros said dryly.

Can't hurt to ask.

"Yeah, pretty much," Jordan agreed. "Something you know so well you can think of it instantly and feel what it's like to play it and hear it, and that'll give you a point to focus on long enough to pull yourself together. Advanced version of the basic technique of I don't want to think about that so I'm gonna think about something else." He paused consideringly. "Kind of comes from the same place as dissociation, but dissociation sends you away, and this kind of thing helps you pull yourself back together."

The notes sounded familiar. It took a moment to place the melody, but then Jordan grinned, the irony of the choice striking him immediately. "We're really not in Kansas anymore, Toto."

He hesitated, then asked, "What'd he say? I mean, if I can ask." It felt strange to be asking about someone's conversations with their weapon, too personal, like prying into something that should be private.

Jordan nodded. "As long as it's something you can easily bring to mind and focus on so you're not getting overwhelmed by whatever's trying to freak you out. That's really all it is. It'll probably take some practice, but you'll get better at it."

Practice - a flashing parade of fragmentary memories, of waiting and worrying and making himself sick with it until he'd learned how not to, too young to have to be able to keep it all at arm's length. He pushed the memories away with practiced ease. Ferros rumbled softly and shifted in Jordan's mind, further blocking the years-old hurt.

He laughed a little. "Yeah, I wasn't asking him to sing. Just to poke you when he notices your mind is headed for the downhill path."

"The neverending dilemma of the nerds," Jordan agreed sympathetically. He'd used the school switch between middle school and high school to figure out how to get himself out of the nerd category, at least on a social presentation level. It had taught him a lot about how to blend in.

"I bet if you use music consciously as a stabilizing influence you'll be able to get more control over your phobias and nerves," he said. "You've already gotten on a much more even level over the course of the conversation we're having. You're thinking about things much more objectively, and I notice the stutter is gone again."

"It really sucks being stuck down here," Jordan grumbled, his eyes sliding away briefly. "Things will get better once everyone's got some space again."

He smiled at the thanks. "Anytime, man. You're my friend. I worry when you're stressed out so hard." He whacked Jerry's shoulder lightly. "I'm still going to make you go to the infirmary, though. Don't want your leg giving out on you when you go up to clear out fog monsters."

"I'm sure she'll be happy," Jordan said, his smile softening. "It's good of you to think of her."

"Hey, I didn't say anything about what it was or wasn't." Jordan grinned. "I mean, for all I know maybe she's like your sister or something."

"Portable is good," Jordan said, leaving the touchier subject alone. It was still too close to the awkwardness that had been mostly absent in this conversation. "Maybe once we can actually take leave again you can get one."