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At some point in the two short hours before daybreak, Alex's emotional and mental exhaustion overcame him, but as his brain began to shut down, his thoughts were still troubled. It helped, knowing that Yin was there beside him, that he wasn't gone, and that Alex could still hold him and never let go as he had said he wanted to do. Back when he had said it, Yin had told him he was going to hold him to that. Did those words mean anything now? Did the weremantis still want Alex at all?

When morning came, it was surprising that Alex wasn't already completely mentally alert before Yin awoke. It wasn't until Yin was moving away from him, standing up on the bed and stepping over him, that he snapped to attention, head turning, eyes blinking in dazed confusion. Yin was opening the window, and just standing there, not talking. Alex wanted to say something, to call him back to the bed, to talk. To tell him how sorry he was for the night before, to tell him he was there for him no matter what and that he would never question the weremantis's motives again if it meant they could just be together. His words just wouldn't come however. He pushed himself up, began sitting up in the bed, pushing his hair out of his eyes, watching Yin, feeling all of these regrets from the night before well up inside him, and he couldn't say anything.

And then with a few short words, Yin was just...gone. Out the open window and gone. Alex buried his face in his hands, choking back the sudden sob that welled up in his throat.

He sat there for a long while, struggling not to think, not to cry, not to do anything, before finally drawing his hands away from his face and finding them streaked with something watery and red.

So much for not crying.

With a grim expression, he pushed himself from the bed, and, not knowing what else to do, he took out his phone, slid his thumb across it, and with a couple of taps, was bringing the phone up to his ear. "Hi mom..." He said, after a short pause, his voice rough and hollow sounding even to his own ears. She knew right away something was wrong, and the zomboil only confirmed her suspicions when he continued on with a tight lipped and grim smile, laughing a bit nervously before saying "..I..I have some confessions to make."

Alex had spoken to her since the death trials, just to let her know that he was okay, and that he had been passed on to year two, but had offered up little else for information. Now? Now he was telling her everything. She remained quiet while Alex not only told her about the death trials, but told her about Yin, about how they were together, though he didn't know where that relationship stood anymore. Told her about everything that had happened from scarentines day, all the way up to the events of the night before. He needed somebody to tell all of these things to, before it ate him up inside, and though his mom might have been a little bit upset with him for not telling her sooner, she also acted as the cool voice of reason, offering him advice, though most of what she had to say he had worked out for himself the night before. He didn't really need her advice, he had just needed a proverbial shoulder to cry on more then that. And it had helped. It had helped quite a lot in fact. And then she made the suggestion that he go out for the day, get out of that room, and find an enjoyable activity to focus his mind on rather then sit and dwell on things all day.

"I..I guess I could..go to the maul or something." He said, hesitantly. "But I...I don't know what I would do once I got there. Little low on funds." he laughed, though it was not it's usual, cheerful sound, and may have sounded slightly bitter. His mom then asked him if he had nothing, and he told her that he only had anything that he had not spent from his daily stipend, and that wasn't much. She then told him, as gently as possible, that she was sure he could come up with something else to do then that wouldn't require money. And also, that in light of these recent events she was going to send him a package, an emergency package, she stressed, with money that he could use if for whatever reason things didn't work out with Yin and he found himself wanting for anything.

A few more minutes on the phone with his mom, asking about the family, chatting about more mundane and undramatic things, and then he was hanging up. A sense of relief was flooding through him, a tension that he didn't even know was there relaxing him as a sudden weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He had told his mother everything, and she hadn't been angry, and she had been as helpful as she could.

And he planned on taking that last piece of advice she had given, and get the jack out of this room for the day.

He wasted no time in shuffling over towards the closet, where his backpack and skateboard had been resting since the last time he had made a run to his room for more books. That felt like weeks ago now, as he grabbed them both out, tucking the board under one arm and unzipping the front pocket of the bag to see exactly what he had for spending money. It didn't take long to count, as there really wasn't very much.

Seven. Seven seeds and that was it.

His mom may have suggested finding things to do that didn't cost him any money, but Alex didn't know what that thing would be. He didn't think he would be able to relax enough to read outside, he didn't really want to go and play video games with any friends, or hang out, or chill. He needed more activity then that, more things to keep his mind off of whatever was going on, at least, until this evening when he could hope to see Yin again and figure things out.

A sudden thought occurred to him, and even the fact that he was considering it was horrible, but....

But he did have more money, somewhere. Yin had his money, all of it, tucked away and hidden in this room. Alexander hadn't gotten his daily stipend for a week, having spent all of his time here, eating the rats that the other boil caught, not needing silver seeds for anything and not bothering to ask for them. If Alexander could find that money, then he could do whatever he wanted with his day. At least, that's what he kept telling himself.

And so the search began, though it was a very short search and took him possibly five minutes, and that's only because he had to shuffle from when end of the room to the other. The first most obvious place he could think of was under the beds mattress, so he lifted that up first but found it empty of any silver seeds. Frowning, he gave the room a once over with his eyes, sweeping it for any other objects that his funds might be hidden in, and landed on one of the only other objects in the room, which was Princess Eva's bed.

Alright, so maybe the bed mattress hadn't been the most obvious of places.

Alex shuffled towards the minipets bed, not even caring that the rabo was currently occupying it. He lifted it up, rabo and all, and was delighted to see that there, sitting beneath, was a bag full for silver seeds, just ready for the taking. He quickly snatched it up, setting the edge of the bed back down on the floor and giving Eva a somewhat sheepish smile before straightening back up and heading towards the door, snagging his back pack and skateboard up off the floor where he had deposited them earlier, shoving the seeds inside the front pouch, and heading out the door.

Alex had gotten finished at the maul later then planned. Who knew that hair took so long to wash, cut, style, dye, wash, and style again? His mom had never taken nearly so long when she had cut his hair for him in the past, and she certainly would never have charged so much money for it. On top of that, he was laden down with shopping bags, having done much, much more shopping then he had ever intended, but having too much to carry to even think about possibly using his skateboard. There were two reasons that Alex had ended up buying so much. First, because for some reason, with every new item he purchased he had a strange sense of euphoria that nearly washed out all of the troubles of the day before and that morning, and second...

...Everything had been on sale! Which for some odd reason also made Alex feel a lot less guilty for spending money he shouldn't necessarily be spending. That hair cut at the end though....well, it pretty much more then made up for any money he might have 'saved' and he was left with a bag of seeds that well...there was maybe a quarter, probably less, of what there had originally been. Which meant that he had spent quite a lot.

And then he couldn't decide what to do once he shuffled back through the gates to Amityville. Should he take his purchases back to his own dorm room first, or just go straight back to Yin's room? Was he even welcome back in Yin's room? The weremantis hadn't told him to leave this morning, and had even told him when he would be returning, though Alex wasn't sure at this point if that really meant anything. Yin might have just been too polite to ask him to leave, and the last time he had told Alex when he would return well...he hadn't. So, with those highly depressing thoughts in mind, the zomboil had headed towards the undead dorms first, to dump his shopping off in his room, sort through his new clothes, hang his new shirts, jackets, vests, and ties, folding up his new assortment of pants and dropping them on the closet floor before deciding he might as well throw on the new hoodie he had purchased, pulling the hood up, which effectively hid his new hairstyle. And heck, he might as well throw on those new leather spiked wrist bands as well, so he replaced his normal ones with those. Well, if he was going to wear his new clothes maybe he should change into one of those new pairs of pants.

Stalling? Never.

In the end the zomboil was basically wearing a whole new outfit, with articles of clothing in a style he'd never bothered with before. He was still wearing a tie, however, that was the important part, even if it was tucked away under the hoodie.

For now.

Finally, he emptied out his back pack of everything except the left over money, and shoved in the new books and other smaller itemsn he had bought, deciding that if Yin did allow him to stay, it would at least be nice to have some new reading material. He then grabbed his skateboard again and trudged out the door to meet whatever fate had in store for him.

He made better time getting to the monster dorms, as he stuck to the campus trails and was able to roll along and a decent pace. Part of him was eager to get back to Yin's room, to see the weremantis, to bask in the security that having him around gave him. But the other part of him was so frightened of what might be awaiting him there.

Through the doors and the maze of hallways, up the flight of stairs, more hallways, and he was standing in front of the mantodaes door, skateboard under one arm and backpack slung over a shoulder, hood up and hiding his hair, his eyes cast in shadow but still shining out eerily from beneath. On the other side of the door, Fei would have perked up, ears twitching, tail flicking, as he stood up and bounded towards the door with a soft sound almost like a meow but not quite. Steeling himself, Alex grabbed a hold of the door handle, turned it, and pushed his way inside. He was greeted by a ball of blue fur that was rubbing up around his ankles, but he barely even noticed. His eyes found Yin first, and he finished making his way into the room with a quiet, "Hey..." as he turned and shut the door behind him, then, turning back, reached up with a free hand to push his hood back, effectively revealing the foolishly expensive thing he had done. His hair was very noticeably shorter, considering how much it had grown out since he and Yin had first met and now was just barely long enough to reach his eyes in the front. Layered into the new style were a few pieces of hair that had been dyed black, a stark contrast to all of that white. He still wasn't sure why he had allowed it. At the time it had seemed like such a good idea. Funnily enough, he was now more worried that Yin wouldn't like it then anything else, which was silly when put into perspective of everything else that had been going on.

Suddenly things felt awkward, with Alex just standing there at the door, gaze fixated on the weremantis that was lying on the bed. He shifted his eyes away and moved towards the closet, dropping his skateboard off, but not his back pack, not yet anyways. He then shuffled towards the bed, and sat down on the ledge, much as Yin had done the evening before, hands clasped on his lap in front of him. He didn't know that Yin had thought he had left, he didn't know how badly the other boil had let himself get injured today, though he could smell the blood in the air and it made him worry, made him wonder. But if Yin didn't want to tell him then..then it was none of his business, right? Yin didn't have to tell him everything....

"I'm..I'm sorry I..." His words were catching in his throat already, and he didn't even know if anything was wrong. He closed his eyes, and just concentrated on calming down, on not getting too anxious. "...I didn't mean to get back so late." There, that was a start, anyways.

Yin's voice, it was almost soothing and heart wrenching all at the same time. Bittersweet, just like his victory on that thunder road course this morning had been. He turned around on the bed, slumping his shoulder a little so that the back pack slid off, and he could swing it around and set it to one side. His gaze rested on Yin, his eyes full of confusion as he furrowed his brow a little, his lips twitching slightly as he pressed them together in a straight line.

"Leave?" He asked, his frown of confusion deepening, "I--I just went to the maul for the day. I meant to get back much earlier but..." It was so hard to look at Yin and not feel guilty for everything he had said the night before, for storming out, for coming back but not getting a chance to apologize for his behavior.

For then for some reason thinking it would be a good idea to steal money from Yin's room and spend most of it on some strange therapeutic shopping spree. Seriously, what was wrong with this boil sometimes?

"I don't want to leave." He said, suddenly cluing in, his eyes widening. It was his biggest fear that Yin was the one that was going to leave him, and apparently Yin had thought that it was Alex who had left. He felt suddenly horrified, and sick to his stomach. That had never been his intention, though he could easily see why Yin might think so. From what he said last night...to not being here today and well, he had taken all of his stuff with him.

"You said you'd be back in the evening, and I didn't want to be alone all day..." He confessed. "I, uh..I called my mom and told her everything." he hoped Yin understood that everything meant, quite literally, everything. "She suggested I just..get out..do things...and ya, so I went out." He shrugged, still, feeling guilty, just so incredibly guilty for absolutely everything that had happened. He didn't think he could feel any more miserable even if somebody told him his tie collection had gotten destroyed by fire.

"But I'm not going to leave Yin. Not until you want me to, that is." He finally finished, hoping he looked sincere.

There had been plenty of pauses in his speaking that Yin could have interpreted, but for some reason, anytime a silence stretched out between them, between sentences, he felt like he had to fill it with more words. He wanted Yin to talk, to say something, to give him that security that he had felt slipping away since the day before. The security that he was still just clutching at with the tips of his fingers.

Whatever reaction Alex had been expecting, it hadn't been anger. Well, maybe he had expected it a little bit, but since Yin had always just backed down, always just taken the blame, always just apologized like he was the one at fault, and never, ever reacted angrily (except for, of course, when he had found the picture on Alex's phone, but even then things had turned out okay shortly afterwards), Alexander had never had to really deal with this before, never really felt like each word Yin said was punching a bigger hole in his chest. He couldn't speak, he didn't have the words to speak, and if he had? Yin wasn't giving him the chance. If his skin could have paled, it would have. If he had a heartbeat, it would have stopped dead in his chest.

When Yin was finished, Alex wasn't even sure if he was supposed to answer all of the questions, or just the last one, and he sat, completely stunned, not knowing what to do, what to say. For once, Alex was rendered almost completely speechless. Tears had begun to well up in his eyes, a betrayal of how upset he truly felt even if he was fighting not to show it.

"Because...because...I just can't imagine not being with you." He managed to get out, and it just sounded...really pathetically lame. "Because I can't not be with you. Just thinking you might leave me...I mean, I know I've been an idiot. Everything I said was wrong, and I've had time to think about that now and..." Why couldn't he think of the right words to say, why was it so hard to come up with a way to fix this?

"I thought I lost you once, and it was the most painful thing I could have ever imagined. Just thinking I might lose you again made me freak out a little, and I said things I shouldn't have, and I lost control again, and I didn't want to hurt you but it was too late." A single red tinted tear was trailing down his cheek now, and he wiped it quickly away, because it ashamed him that he would be so weak when what he needed to be was strong, when he needed to be able to control himself. But Yin always seemed to have this effect, and Alex could not control himself, no matter how hard he tried. And even while he was struggling to come up with the reasons why he wanted to stay, even while his fears and emotions were tearing him up inside, he knew that it wasn't enough, that it just wasn't good enough.

How could Yin possibly want him when he couldn't even explain why he wished to stay with him in a way that made any sense?

And now all of Yin's other questions were running through his mind, and he didn't know how to answer any of them, but he was trying, he was trying so hard to think of all of the answers, to try and repair as much damage as he had caused as he possibly could. So finally, he hardened himself, and he said what he'd been meaning to say since last night, when he had come back from his spar with Mitzi. He looked Yin in the eye, and he said what he needed to say.

"It was not my place to question you, yesterday. It was not my place to expect you to tell me everything or even anything, if you do not want me to know it. It was not my place to accuse you of lying to me, or to insult you. I'm sorry, for all of those things, and so much more. I'm sorry that I'm a total idiot, I'm sorry that no matter how much I try not to, I keep doing these stupid things and that I should know better. I'm sorry I made you think that I'd left. But most of all...I'm just sorry that I'm doing such a terrible job of everything, and of being your bonded. I should not have left last night, I should have been here for you and I promise, I promise that from now on I will always be there for you when you need me. I promise I will do better. Just please, give me a chance to try?" Another tear rolled down his cheek, and then another, from the other eye this time. He didn't even bother to try and wipe them away now, or to try and hide it. Yin should get to see how pathetic he really was, to be able to decide for himself what a mistake it had been to make Alex his bonded.

Whatever Yin had been thinking through Alex's entire ******** of emotional ramblings, the zomboil was sure it couldn't be good. He was sure that this was it, this was the end. What reason did Yin have for staying with him, if he couldn't even come up with a decent answer for staying with the weremantis? How could that possibly be acceptable? He knew that he wanted to be with him, though, even if he couldn't put those feelings into words. Even if he couldn't explain it out loud.

Yin meant everything to him, and he would do anything for him. When they visited his families for the weekend and Yin was ready to try and find a way back to the school after being cornered by Alex's sisters, Alex had not hesitated to say he would go with him. Despite the fact that it was his family, he had no second thoughts about putting Yin first. That might have been a horrible thing, or it might have been a great thing. When he had lost control on Yin in the gym, had nearly clawed through his chest, had nearly bitten his shoulder, he had stopped himself, he had managed to pull back simply because of who it was that he was hurting. He probably would not have been able to stop, had it been anyone else and indeed, had only too easily bitten Mitzi the night before (though Alex still wasn't sure why his Fear had decided to do that). At the hotsprings, he had put himself through an immeasurable amount of pain just to be able to hold Yin's hand, and have the other boil revel in the fact that his grip was warm, and not ice cold. When the hunters took Yin from him, the zomboil was prepared to do whatever he could to kill every last one of the Jack bastards, the loss of his bonded driving him completely over the edge and out of control with rage.

Yes, he would do anything for Yin, would be whatever the weremantis wanted, would give up his unlife for him, and while he may not have been able to explain out loud why it was so, it didn't make it any less true.

And so, this moment, as the tears slowly began to course down his face, was quite possibly the worst one of Alex's unlife as he now found himself faced with the possibility of losing Yin, but not because the weremantis had been torn from his grasp, turned into a weapon against his will, but because it would be Yin's choice, and Alexander was not sure if he could handle that rejection, or if he could ever recover from it.

When Yin began to speak, he was unsure what to think of first, because again, it was just not what he was expecting. He looked at the other boil, face wet with tears, and just stared at him with pure amazement. Amazement that Yin could still forgive him, that Yin could still find it in him to somehow make this about the two of them, together, as bonded, and not just all the things he or Alex had each done wrong individually, and he was even trying to tell Alexander that he was right in what he had done, which he wanted to shake his head to but he was just too stunned to even move.

Yin was willing to give him a chance. And more then that, he was willing to give him a hundred and more, and he would even..be willing...to do it again...

It was like a floodgate had been let open in the zomboil and all of the pain and emotions that had been roiling inside of him since the day before were being set free, let loose to be drowned and buried in an ocean of his own happiness. And Yin was coming towards him, was reaching for him, and...and his hands. His eyes widened in surprise as Yin's hands changed, the claws shortening, transforming into something...something completely humanoid. "Yin?" he asked, questioningly, his own voice hoarse, unsure of what this meant, but suddenly not even caring as those hands were on his face, wiping away his tears. He practically sunk into those warm hands, wanting to collapse into the other boil, to wrap his arms around him and...

...and it was fairly convenient that that's exactly what Yin wanted, and Alexander wasted no time in reaching out for him, pulling him in, embracing him, and if the tears continued to flow it was now because of sheer happiness and elation. "Always Yǐn Cáng, I'll always hold you. I told you I would." he mumbled, "But if you're not careful, I might just decide to really never let go. Literally. Ever"

Alex could ask Yin about his hands later, though he was sure it was probably just some maturation of his shapeshifting abilities. Whatever, he didn't really care right now. He had a weremantis wrapped up in his arms, and just about everything seemed right with the world again. Though at some point reality might come crashing down again, and they were going to have to face the facts again that there was indeed still a problem, especially if Yin remained on this odd course of self-destruction. But he appeared okay right now, and Alex hadn't seen any noticeable problems, not like the night before, at least. Maybe Yin hadn't been fighting all day.

Hard to ignore that strong scent of blood in the air, though.

Thankfully he had a very good distraction, which only got even better when the other boil moved closer and ended up sitting in Alexander's lap. When he had first told Yin how he had felt, and when they had decided to do this, he had told the other boil that it would be foolish of him to promise that he would never hurt him, and well, it was probably good that he hadn't made that promise, because it would have been broken, and Alex didn't like making promises that he couldn't keep. But to always hold Yin, whenever the other boil needed it? He could promise that. "Yes. Of course I promise." He said, smiling softly at the other boil, the tears had finally halted and were beginning to dry on his cheeks, sticky and uncomfortable.

He was really going to have to stop this ridiculous crying thing. One day, can't do it, next day, can't stop.

"I won't, ever, I promise. I'll always be here for you, Yin. Always." two promises now, and hopefully this one he'd be able to keep as well.

And then Yin's eyes were looking up, and at Alex's hair, and the zomboil suddenly started feeling really self-conscious about it. He'd actually forgotten all about it until now, though he'd be reminded every time he realised there was nothing obstructing his vision, or anytime he went to run his hands through it only to feel how much shorter it was. It still wasn't short, but in comparison to how it was before, it would be quite noticeable.

Different but...nice. Well, at least it seemed to have Yin's tentative approval, but Alex still smiled, a little nervously. "Are you sure? It doesn't look stupid?" He still wasn't even sure why he decided to allow the black. And then when he saw how much those few foils of dye had cost him....

It was robbery, really.

Speaking of the money...he should probably explain why he felt it would be okay to steal the lot of it from Yin's room without asking first.

"I'm really sorry I took the money but...I just thought I'd be able to work it off. Theres still some left, though. I didn't spend it all. " He felt like it was important Yin know that, for some reason. "But anything you need me to do, to earn the money I spent, I'll do it. Just tell me what I need to do, okay?"

As Yin leaned away, Alex was basically forced to loosen his arms around the boil or risk hurting him, so he relaxed his grip, letting Yin touch his hair, and watching the other boil curiously. It was good to know that Yin didn't seem to mind the new look, and the zomboil took an odd sort of pleasure in knowing that the weremantis might even like it, to an extent. "Oh good." He sighed, relaxing inwardly, because if there was anything worse then the fact that he had spent a good portion of the seeds on this new hair, it would be that he had done so only to have his boilfriend hate it. And really...there would have been no way of fixing it without spending quite a bit more, and even then the black would probably not come out completely, or so he understood.

Alexander nodded at the boil at the mention of possibly regretting offering up to do absolutely anything Yin wished to repay for the seeds he'd spent. He didn't doubt it, and he said as much. "I'm sure I will," as he shuddered inwardly at the thought of what amount of work he was going to have to do to pay it off. He wondered how long he could get away with avoiding it...

....Probably not long.

When the yipping started, Alex turned his head towards them with a frown. Seriously? Way to ruin the moment, guys. Though inwardly he was slightly annoyed, outwardly he shrugged, and let his arms slide off from around Yin somewhat sadly. "Okay. I can go with you, if you want?" He asked, maybe sounding a little hopeful, though he knew Yin would probably get done much faster on his own then he would with Alex making as much noise as he did and shambling along at the pace that he did and...

"I learnt how to run today!" He suddenly blurted, as that realization from the mornings events set in. He had been so happy when he had passed the class, and wanted nothing more then the tell Yin about his achievement, and then with everything else going on he had forgotten all about it. But he most definitely hadn't meant to just..practically shout it out of the middle of nowhere. It seemed that mini pets weren't the only one's who could kill a mood. He grinned a little sheepishly at Yin though then reached over and grabbed his backpack that he had dropped off on the bed, pulling it towards himself and unzipping it.

First he pulled out the bag of seeds, which was quite depleted, and tossed it to the side. He had more seeds in his pocket as well, but with a weremantis on his lap, they would be hard to get to without some fancy maneuvering and possible 'unintentional' groping. He then pulled out a package, wrapped up in a plastic bag and set that to the side of him as well, actually forgetting that he had bought it until just now. Then he pulled out the two new books he had bought and set them aside, next to the plastic bag. Then finally, reaching in one last time, he started to speak, "I uh..did get you something too, just in case...." No, he wouldn't go there, because things were going to be okay now, and obviously, he had held some hope that they would be if he'd thought to get something for Yin during his spontaneous shopping trip.

Pulling his hand out, he was holding nothing more then a warm looking pair of fingerless gloves, green, of course. They'd barely cost him anything to purchase, and he would have possibly bought other things as well if he'd known for sure that things were going to be okay. "I uh..guess I didn't need to get the fingerless ones for you." He frowned down at the gift in his hands, thinking now that it was stupid, he shouldn't have bothered, and that Yin would just be unhappy with it. They were actually more like arm warmers then gloves, open ended, with a hole for the thumb to go through, and they probably would have easily gone up to the weremantis's elbows, and actually came down to cover a lot of his fingers as well, if they were in clawed form which, apparently, they didn't need to be anymore.

"Anyways, they're just to help keep you from getting too cold, if you ever wanted to come and see me in my room..." Yep, definitely feeling slightly awkward and ridiculous at the moment.