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 Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:16 am
How could it be anything but failure? Alexander obviously wanted him to get rid of the paper so he set it down, giving the zomboil his full attention. Perhaps...perhaps the journey and not the results was what mattered. Alexander's arms went to his shoulders and the weight was a comfort. If physical contact meant the continual assurance that he was not alone he was beginning to see why he might let it happen more often. Just to know that Alexander was there. And he was leaning in, forcing Yin to look him in the eye as he told him that he deserved it. Complimenting him after all he had done wrong.
And it was hard to argue with him when he was using his full name like that.
"I do not understand though. If the others fared the same...if no one could face a fate other than...what they did to us...why? Why would they not judge us on something where...that...was not required?" It would be nice to trust him, to believe him...but it made little sense. He stretched slightly, leaning his head forward until his forehead was resting against Alexander's. "But...but you certainly deserve to go up a year," he assured him. And you are correct, excusing us from an exam is the least they could have done."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:21 am
Alexander could only shrug his shoulders a little, because to that he had no answer, except.."Maybe because it was a trial of death." But who knew why they chose to do it that way, to make them see what the world would be like if the horsemen didn't exist. Was it supposed to make them appreciate them more? Certainly it wasn't to prove that the school needed them, and needed their assistance, since they had made it pretty clear already that they required it.
When Yin leaned in and pressed his forward against the zomboils, he was startled for a moment, the gesture certainly very unexpected. It was enough to wash away any dark thoughts for now, though, and it made him feel suddenly so much warmer inside. This is what he needed, physical contact, closeness, not for any romantic reason but just for reassurance. He assumed that was why Yin was doing it, anyways, and he eagerly allowed it, as another smile spread across his face. The pain and insecurities still tightening his chest eased up a little. "Why do I deserve it?" He mumbled, his voice maybe slightly amused, "What have I ever done that is so special? You deserve it just as much, and actually likely quite a bit more, then I do."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:33 am
"Perhaps." Well, whoever thought that their little "trial" had been a good idea should have had to live it. Should have to deal with the consequences. It had shaken up the students that had lived through it, badly enough that a certain mantodae actually wanted physical contact, and could not really get enough of it. It was a good thing that his bonded did not seem to mind, though really it was a bit sad that this was what it took for the weremantis to want to touch and be touched. Not that he really thought about that. Or about what he was doing at all, he was just needing to know.
Which meant that he was not having any bizarre heating reactions, if anything he felt colder. Though he could definitely approve of the the smile that it caused. If that was all it took he could definitely sit like this all day. "Of course you are the one that deserves it. You are smart," he reminded the zomboil. Because really, the boil that read at an elementary level and struggled with even picture books was not the top candidate for moving up a year. Surely. "And you are strong and you go to a lot of classes. There is no reason for you to not move up a year. You deserve it, and much more than I do. But...if we are going to move up together I do not mind that."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:43 pm
Normally Alex would have been more conscious about what the effects his cold body might have being if he stayed too near Yin for too long. But not this morning, though the thought had crossed his mind a couple of times, faintly and in the background. He would just have to hope that if it got too be too much for the weremantis, he would know when to back away and take some space to warm up again.
"Being smart isn't everything. And I'm only book smart, anyways. I'm learning pretty quickly that there is a difference..." Because, yes, Alex had done some pretty stupid things in the last several months, including almost losing Yin before they became a couple.
"And I'm not strong enough. I didn't care too much before that I wasn't, because I never thought I really needed to be, but now...Now I need to become better." It was a hard truth he was admitting to himself. Had he really thought that a single training session with Yin combined with days upon days of just watching the other boil in the gym would be enough to make himself stronger? Well, no, not really, but he had been too lazy to do anymore then just that.
"And Yin, really? I think you may have taken more classes then I did." He grinned, still making a huge effort to act like his usual self, even if it was the most difficult thing he'd ever had to do.
"Let's just agree that we both deserve it for different reasons?" He finished, pulling away from the weremantis so that he could see him better, eyes pleading with him to just accept it so they could move on.
"And if this hadn't happened I--I would have waited for you to be ready to move up, so that we could do it together." His lips twitched into another small smile, a more genuine one.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 5:39 pm
Being smart might not be everything, but it certainly seemed to help. And if nothing else the zomboil had Yin impressed. "No, you are strong," he insisted though. The zomboil's skill could certainly use some work, but in terms of strength? He could certainly confirm that the zomboil had plenty of that. And he seemed to have plenty of stamina as well. "But perhaps...maybe in a few days we could train? Together? I could try to show you some of those pins, because once you have someone down you can probably do almost anything that you desire."
And well, Yin had taken quite a few classes, but it always seemed as though Alexander had been in class more often than him. He nodded with his compromise, content with that at least. He did not know what reasons he really had, but if the school felt he should progress he supposed that it would not hurt.
Alexander saying that he could wait actually made him ridiculously pleased. "Thank you Alexander, I am glad that I am not holding you back if that is the case." His bonded as smiling, and it pleased him. He could not help but return his smile softly. "So we are second years then. I wonder if the others moved up as well?" Their teammates deserved it if they had, but he did not know if the other second years (how odd it was to say that) would go to another year now as well. Then a thought occurred to him. "Perhaps you should inform your mother. I am sure that she will be pleased."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:47 pm
Training...yes, that would probably be all right. But Alex didn't want to hurt Yin again like he did last time. He had more control over that kind of thing now, though, he was sure of it. And Yin was offering to teach him how to do some of those pin's they had discussed during the famine trial. Jack damn, that felt like it had happened months ago, and not just a couple of weeks. Back then they had just been having fun, playing in the sand on the hot beach, messing around. It was hard to believe they'd ever be able to have fun like that again, and it hurt to think about, so he tried to focus instead on an answer.
"Yes, I think that might be okay. Just..take it easy on me, alright?" He smiled again, though it didn't feel right, like he was back to forcing it. He removed his arms from Yin's shoulder, sitting back a bit now, trying out having a bit of space between them to see if he could do it.
"The..dream, at the end. You saw it, right? In the gymnasium. They said something about the exams..I think that was real. It felt like I was actually watching it. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone got the same letter we did...well, anyone who was ready to move on to their next year, anyways."
He finished saying that then, his eyes widened in surprise at Yin's next words, his face suddenly horrified. "M--my mother? Right now?" He almost sounded frightened. She would know..she would be able to hear it in Alex's voice. She would ask how the final trial went and Alex wouldn't be able to lie to her. He was not strong enough to deal with his mother right now.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:52 pm
"We shall take it slow," he promised. "I would not wish to cause you any pain, but if we go slow and we are careful it should be a good experience for both of us." He worried about that, about accidentally going farther than either of them meant to take it. He scooted back himself, putting his back against the wall and then Princess Eva was jumping up on the bed, coming over to curl up in his lap. Offering the sort of comfort that only she could that helped him to relax even more.
"Indeed I...witnessed that as well. It seemed real but with everything else I just...I almost forgot about it. Other than that it told us it was a trial." That had certainly not been what he had focused on when he woke up.
Alexander's reaction to talking to his mother was...somewhat extreme. Yin stared at him, slightly taken aback, which was almost a good sign. At least things could still surprise him. "No, not right this moment. Just...soon. I thought she might like to know but if you did not want to tell her there is nothing that says that you must."
He glanced around the room, trying to think of something that might distract the zomboil from thoughts of calling his mother than seemed so terrifying. "Perhaps the best thing right now would be for us to do something. To take our minds off of...things." His gaze fell on his closet and a thought occurred to him. Scooting to the edge of the bed he moved Princess Eva off of his lap and stood, walking over to the closet to get something before returning to the bed. "I know it seems ridiculous at a time like this but...perhaps we could read this again?"
Was Yin holding that ridiculous picture book again as he sat back down on the edge of the bed? Yes. Yes he was. But maybe they could read it and remember happier times. Or at least forget the trials.
For now.
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:56 pm
Slow. Slow was good. Alex could handle slow. Maybe a spar wouldn't be such a bad thing. Yin had so much to teach, after all, and Alexander really did need to learn to refine his brutish and almost savage fighting style to something more practical.
Alex could see why that particular part of the dream might have been hard to focus on, what with everything else they had went through. He had almost forgotten about it himself, but like many dreams sometimes tended to do, this one had come rushing back, almost as vividly as the one where he had lost Yin, and then himself.
His panic began to settle as soon as Yin agreed that Alex didn't need to call her right this second. "I will call her, I'll tell her, yes, but I just can't right now. She'll know something is wrong. I want her to know the truth, but I don't want her to know how bad it was." He was, of course, going to have to tell her though. She knew he was in the trials, she knew that the final trial was not going to be televised. She would probably be calling herself to check up on him, see how he was doing. He knew that she was worried for him, from the second he told her he'd entered the trials and she had given him a lecture like none he'd ever gotten from her before. But..at least she might be proud of him for moving up a year at the Academy, and for doing it so quickly.
Yin's suggestion to do something, to take there mind off of things, was an excellent one. Alex nodded, perhaps a little rapidly, eager to have something to do, something to distract himself with. Yin was suddenly up and off the bed, and Alex followed him with his pale, unsettling gaze, turning his head to watch him as he headed towards the closet, returning with an all to famaliar object in his hand. Alex smiled. He actually genuinely smiled as his face almost lit up to it's more usual self.
"I don't think that's ridiculous, I think that's perfect!" He scooted towards Yin, keen on immersing himself in the scarelings book with Yin beside him. He didn't hesitate to press himself up against the other boil, already missing the feeling of being held after such a short time of not touching. He wrapped one arm around his waist, just for the sheer comfort of knowing that he still could.
Moments later they were able to start reading, and it was almost as if the death trial hadn't even happened.
For now.
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