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 Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:05 am
Panthers7 Snuffins Rpc Name: Haruka Uchiha [if approved naturally] Village: Konoha or Suna, whichever needs more. I like to keep things canon, so if I get Uchiha, my first choice will be Konoha Rank: Academy Student Bloodline or Clan applied for: Sharingan What you know about the clan/bl: The Sharingan is native to the Uchiha Clan, a group of renowned Katon specialists, from Konohagakure. The eye however does no appear in every clan member, and may only be unlocked through a stressful situation. Wielders of the Sharingan have a naturally heightened perception when their eyes are activated. At higher levels, the wielder can imitate and learn jutsu just by tracking the caster's movements and chakra patterns. In addition, Sharingan wielders can see through genjutsu, allowing them to break easier. Under certain conditions, the Sharingan will evolve into the Mangekyou Sharingan, which gives the wielder far greater powers and allows access to the Sharingan's jutsu. This new eye is not without fault though. The more it is used, the further the wielder's sight degrades. This sight reduction can be reversed through obtaining an Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan by fusing their eyes with the Mangekyou of another Sharingan. In this state, the sharingan is at its peak. The most subtle movements are noticeable as if they were pronounced gestures, genjutsu is practically useless, and unimaginable power is but an arms reach away. Rp Sample:The sickening sound of cracking bone and twisting meat sounded out through the stadium as the body of a young girl was thrown into the far side wall. That body belonged to the young Haruka Uchiha, a stubborn, headstrong genin who had foolishly challenged Hazumu, one of the top genin from her graduating class, to a challenge. Using a combination of strength and speed, the Taijutsu specialist was making short work of the Uchiha girl, having just delivered a powerful kick to Haruka's mid section. Coughing up a small amount of blood, she was able to regain her footing. She eyed Hazumu from across the stadium, a confident, almost arrogant grin growing on her face. Slowly, Haruka shut her eyes and took in a deep breath. As she exhaled, she opened her eyes once again to reveal she had finally unlocked her Sharingan. Finally, she'd be able to turn the tides on her opponent, now being able to see her prepare to use her taijutsu. With a slight movement, Haruka moved her hand into her kunai pouch, taking a kunai in hand, but also looping a line of nearly invisible wire through the end. With an exaggerated throw Haruka would throw the kunai, leaving a trail of wiring as Hazumu dodged it. Haruka would repeat this process many times over and over until an invisible web lay in wait for the taijutsu specialist. Each move and dodge Hazumu made was like slow motion to Haruka with every minor twitch visible as though it was on full display. Needless to say, her sharingan had picked quite the opportune time to kick in. Over the next few minutes, Haruka would dodge and weave around many swift flying kicks and punches as she tried to get her opponent into the center of her trap. It was a miracle she hadn't spotted the wire so far, or accidentally tripped it for that. With 2 more kicks, the trap was sprung. The kunai dislodged themselves from the walls and ground they were stuck in and the pressure from pulling on the wires caused the web to coil around Hazumu, leaving her helpless. The first thing she'd notice was a single wire leading to Haruka's hands - Ryuuka no Jutsu! - she'd shout, releasing a long, powerful blast of flames down the wire. Judging from the heat of the flames and the raw power of the attack, Haruka assumed that her target was surely finished. As sudden pain in her chest and the sound of cracking ribs proved her wrong. She looked to her left and saw a sudden blur zip past. This couldn't be right, her eyes had picked up all of Hazumu's movements up to this point, and even more important, how'd she escape the trap? As Haruka tumbled to the ground, she looked over at where her attack had hit; there was a large rock and the ashes of the wires used. Hazumu had used the substitution jutsu to escape, and in addition, she had her own hidden abilities; Hazumu could open the first of the 8 gates, boosting her speed beyond that of Hikari's raw sharingan could track. 3 more powerful hits would land on Haruka's body, breaking both her arms and a leg, before the proctor would jump in and stop the fight. Within seconds, a team of medical ninja rushed in and recovered Haruka, taking her to the ward to recover, while her opponent moved on to the next round. [sorry it's not the 4 paragraphs you asked for, but I did show weaknesses, a jutsu I could use at my level, and the strengths.] Jutsu used - Ryuuka no Jutsu - Dragon Fire Jutsu - Hey, uber sorry for the wait but here is what I've got. - First off, interesting post! It is rather refreshing to see a post in which the main character actually loses. ^-^ Now... first off... this is not to say you aren't being approved but, this is what I'd like to see more. - Awakening of the Sharingan: From my perspective, it would seem that Haruka has already had the Sharingan and was simply moving into the next tomoe. Of course this isn't true based on your post, but... when it comes to the actual awakening of the technique, I'd like to see a more stressful situation. This one was indeed harsh, but I wouldn't necessarily say it was at the level that one would awaken their Sharingan. - One tomoe: Um, I don't necessarily know what Haruka's stats are, but it seems the person she is fighting is rather fast; especially being a Taijutsu user. Now I know my re-vision ( Which is soon to come out :3 ) isn't out yet, but I don't really know just yet if she would have complete view of the other girl. More so.. half to less than half of perception. That would mostly got to the second tomoe when/should Haruka unlock it. ^-^ - Edit those things I described and I'll look it over again. / Also, I'd love to have you in my village ( Konoha ) but that is mostly for Greg. to decide when your profile goes through being accepted. It's okay, the guild is busy so I understand. I'm in the middle of a major overhaul in a guild myself, so I know the drill, lol Couple things.... just an explanation on her sight boost, without the sharingan, she'd have normal perception and be unable to really anticipate any of her opponent's moves. With the sharingan, the uchiha gains a much higher perception, sure it's not that good at it's base levels, but it's good enough to anticipate moves and at least block the taijutsu, like in my post. If you still think that's a bit much, I can edit how I worded her sight bonuses... and this thing I'm confused on. Awakening the sharingan is done from a stressful situation, the thing is, I'm not really sure how to make this more stressful. I mean, I could increase her beating, but that's really it.....should I change the scenario or what?
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:33 pm
Snuffins Panthers7 Snuffins Rpc Name: Haruka Uchiha [if approved naturally] Village: Konoha or Suna, whichever needs more. I like to keep things canon, so if I get Uchiha, my first choice will be Konoha Rank: Academy Student Bloodline or Clan applied for: Sharingan What you know about the clan/bl: The Sharingan is native to the Uchiha Clan, a group of renowned Katon specialists, from Konohagakure. The eye however does no appear in every clan member, and may only be unlocked through a stressful situation. Wielders of the Sharingan have a naturally heightened perception when their eyes are activated. At higher levels, the wielder can imitate and learn jutsu just by tracking the caster's movements and chakra patterns. In addition, Sharingan wielders can see through genjutsu, allowing them to break easier. Under certain conditions, the Sharingan will evolve into the Mangekyou Sharingan, which gives the wielder far greater powers and allows access to the Sharingan's jutsu. This new eye is not without fault though. The more it is used, the further the wielder's sight degrades. This sight reduction can be reversed through obtaining an Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan by fusing their eyes with the Mangekyou of another Sharingan. In this state, the sharingan is at its peak. The most subtle movements are noticeable as if they were pronounced gestures, genjutsu is practically useless, and unimaginable power is but an arms reach away. Rp Sample:The sickening sound of cracking bone and twisting meat sounded out through the stadium as the body of a young girl was thrown into the far side wall. That body belonged to the young Haruka Uchiha, a stubborn, headstrong genin who had foolishly challenged Hazumu, one of the top genin from her graduating class, to a challenge. Using a combination of strength and speed, the Taijutsu specialist was making short work of the Uchiha girl, having just delivered a powerful kick to Haruka's mid section. Coughing up a small amount of blood, she was able to regain her footing. She eyed Hazumu from across the stadium, a confident, almost arrogant grin growing on her face. Slowly, Haruka shut her eyes and took in a deep breath. As she exhaled, she opened her eyes once again to reveal she had finally unlocked her Sharingan. Finally, she'd be able to turn the tides on her opponent, now being able to see her prepare to use her taijutsu. With a slight movement, Haruka moved her hand into her kunai pouch, taking a kunai in hand, but also looping a line of nearly invisible wire through the end. With an exaggerated throw Haruka would throw the kunai, leaving a trail of wiring as Hazumu dodged it. Haruka would repeat this process many times over and over until an invisible web lay in wait for the taijutsu specialist. Each move and dodge Hazumu made was like slow motion to Haruka with every minor twitch visible as though it was on full display. Needless to say, her sharingan had picked quite the opportune time to kick in. Over the next few minutes, Haruka would dodge and weave around many swift flying kicks and punches as she tried to get her opponent into the center of her trap. It was a miracle she hadn't spotted the wire so far, or accidentally tripped it for that. With 2 more kicks, the trap was sprung. The kunai dislodged themselves from the walls and ground they were stuck in and the pressure from pulling on the wires caused the web to coil around Hazumu, leaving her helpless. The first thing she'd notice was a single wire leading to Haruka's hands - Ryuuka no Jutsu! - she'd shout, releasing a long, powerful blast of flames down the wire. Judging from the heat of the flames and the raw power of the attack, Haruka assumed that her target was surely finished. As sudden pain in her chest and the sound of cracking ribs proved her wrong. She looked to her left and saw a sudden blur zip past. This couldn't be right, her eyes had picked up all of Hazumu's movements up to this point, and even more important, how'd she escape the trap? As Haruka tumbled to the ground, she looked over at where her attack had hit; there was a large rock and the ashes of the wires used. Hazumu had used the substitution jutsu to escape, and in addition, she had her own hidden abilities; Hazumu could open the first of the 8 gates, boosting her speed beyond that of Hikari's raw sharingan could track. 3 more powerful hits would land on Haruka's body, breaking both her arms and a leg, before the proctor would jump in and stop the fight. Within seconds, a team of medical ninja rushed in and recovered Haruka, taking her to the ward to recover, while her opponent moved on to the next round. [sorry it's not the 4 paragraphs you asked for, but I did show weaknesses, a jutsu I could use at my level, and the strengths.] Jutsu used - Ryuuka no Jutsu - Dragon Fire Jutsu - Hey, uber sorry for the wait but here is what I've got. - First off, interesting post! It is rather refreshing to see a post in which the main character actually loses. ^-^ Now... first off... this is not to say you aren't being approved but, this is what I'd like to see more. - Awakening of the Sharingan: From my perspective, it would seem that Haruka has already had the Sharingan and was simply moving into the next tomoe. Of course this isn't true based on your post, but... when it comes to the actual awakening of the technique, I'd like to see a more stressful situation. This one was indeed harsh, but I wouldn't necessarily say it was at the level that one would awaken their Sharingan. - One tomoe: Um, I don't necessarily know what Haruka's stats are, but it seems the person she is fighting is rather fast; especially being a Taijutsu user. Now I know my re-vision ( Which is soon to come out :3 ) isn't out yet, but I don't really know just yet if she would have complete view of the other girl. More so.. half to less than half of perception. That would mostly got to the second tomoe when/should Haruka unlock it. ^-^ - Edit those things I described and I'll look it over again. / Also, I'd love to have you in my village ( Konoha ) but that is mostly for Greg. to decide when your profile goes through being accepted. It's okay, the guild is busy so I understand. I'm in the middle of a major overhaul in a guild myself, so I know the drill, lol Couple things.... just an explanation on her sight boost, without the sharingan, she'd have normal perception and be unable to really anticipate any of her opponent's moves. With the sharingan, the uchiha gains a much higher perception, sure it's not that good at it's base levels, but it's good enough to anticipate moves and at least block the taijutsu, like in my post. If you still think that's a bit much, I can edit how I worded her sight bonuses... and this thing I'm confused on. Awakening the sharingan is done from a stressful situation, the thing is, I'm not really sure how to make this more stressful. I mean, I could increase her beating, but that's really it.....should I change the scenario or what? Well I understand it completely... but against what char. you made Haruka go against, I can only assume that their would be some trouble keeping up. Not saying the Tomoe won't provide the perception in order to react towards the NPC char, but more so with how it was worded. ^-^ - Ok, when it comes to actually awakening the Sharingan, you are correct on the stressful situation part. But more so on the life-threatening end. From my experiences with the use and development of the Sharingan, I want to see more so of that, rather than the character just being pushed. In this case, Haruka just seemed like she was getting pushed towards her limits. Injured and in pain, no doubt. But I don't feel it would bring about the mental and physical stress that would put the body in shock or... something of that matter. For instance... an extremely mind-screwing Genjutsu and be a good lead towards activation. This such as that, or in your case... hmmm... an injury like what you have but combined with terror of being a disappointment to herself, her clan, family, etc. Something like that to the extent that it could be classified as PTSD. ^^
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:04 pm
Rpc Name: Niajhay Kaguya
Village: Suna
Rank: Genin
Bloodline or Clan applied for: Kaguya
What you know about the clan/bl: I know that they manipulate the bone structure and harden the density of there bones and that They Kaguya clan once hailed from the Water Country and were known for their love of battle. However, they foolishly decided to challenge their home country and were all wiped from existence, except for Kimimaro. This clan has the ability to manipulate their bone structure; they can remove their bones at will in order to create weapons as strong as steel and also use their ability to force the creation of new bones. Kaguya Kimimaro utilized a series of dances which took advantage of this ability, along with the Earth seal he possessed. These taijutsu techniques mixed body movement with his ability to extend bones in order to push his bloodline to it's very limit.
Rp Sample: As a deranged monster roamed out every to destroy eny thing in it's sight untill a foolish group of shinobi came to fend there village as a lean ashey grey haired ninja came whith a katana 2 hand's on whith a rage but our ninja dodge it making the sword stuck in the tree and niajhay came like a agitated falcin fingding his pray using one of his knuckle bone's(Like wolverine) it had a sort of curl to it at the end then clang!! the second ninja came whith a force yousing his katana ''your not taking my brother'' ''o o so he's your bro well let me tell you some thing about bro's there not around when you need the'' niajhay parried the katana that then flew into the air like a dandelion niajhay then soon grabbed it to slice both there head's all of all of a sudden another victim came from above to aid them stopping the sword ''RRRAAAHH why can't you leave me alone all my life ive been running all i wish is to slowly fade from humanity it's self so please be my angel let me free.'' the guy didn't let up.''no i have a honour for my village to protect it with my life to elimnate a ll threat's that is the true reason of becoming a shinbi and it's the only shinobi way i know!!!niajhay grabbed the man flnging im in to a tree only to impaling him then to lay there he then turned around then shot 5 more bone knuckle's only find that one of them had gone. ''RRRRRAAHH let's just get his over whith come out come out where ever you are then as quick as a flash niajhay's face went pale as 12 swift kick's came to be then as he came for the 13th he flung him in the air then jumping to tree to tree to eventually slash him mid air leg's out horizontally whith his spine then coiled up his torso then flinging it in his mid air moment he ''Now now 1 little pigey left i guess.'' he came at niajhay whith a great rasengan that could match the 9 tailed fox in it's first tail but so could he he then realesed all his bone's as of then niajhay came into contact whith him a bright light blinde all reavealed everthing but as the bright light came to be no more like a setting sun they were both knocked out cold for 10 minute's well he was beacuse of Shikotsumyaku but the other guy's boy was insinagrated by the blast just like the othere's''Dam i need to move but i can't hu wait who are you no stay back wait hu aaaaaahhhhhhh.''slice his head came to fall of but then hanged by one of his neck muscles then falling of ''tut tut tut niajhay senpai will be angry that this prized posesion has over used him self let's go home''. >
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:23 pm
Niajhay Rpc Name: Niajhay Kaguya Village: Suna Rank: Genin Bloodline or Clan applied for: Kaguya What you know about the clan/bl: I know that they manipulate the bone structure and harden the density of there bones and i know more but there nothin much to tell.
Rp Sample: As a deranged monster roamed out every to destroy eny thing in it's sight untill a foolish group of shinobi came to fend there village as a lean ashey grey haired ninja came whith a katana 2 hand's on whith a rage but our ninja dodge it making the sword stuck in the tree and niajhay came like a agitated falcin fingding his pray using one of his knuckle bone's(Like wolverine) it had a sort of curl to it at the end then clang!! the second ninja came whith a force yousing his katana ''your not taking my brother'' ''o o so he's your bro well let me tell you some thing about bro's there not around when you need the'' niajhay parried the katana that then flew into the air like a dandelion niajhay then soon grabbed it to slice both there head's all of all of a sudden another victim came from above to aid them stopping the sword ''RRRAAAHH why can't you leave me alone all my life ive been running all i wish is to slowly fade from humanity it's self so please be my angel let me free.'' the guy didn't let up.''no i have a honour for my village to protect it with my life to elimnate a ll threat's that is the true reason of becoming a shinbi and it's the only shinobi way i know!!!niajhay grabbed the man flnging im in to a tree only to impaling him then to lay there he then turned around then shot 5 more bone knuckle's only find that one of them had gone. ''RRRRRAAHH let's just get his over whith come out come out where ever you are then as quick as a flash niajhay's face went pale as 12 swift kick's came to be then as he came for the 13th he flung him in the air then jumping to tree to tree to eventually slash him mid air leg's out horizontally whith his spine then coiled up his torso then flinging it in his mid air moment he ''Now now 1 little pigey left i guess.'' he came at niajhay whith a great rasengan that could match the 9 tailed fox in it's first tail but so could he he then realesed all his bone's as of then niajhay came into contact whith him a bright light blinde all reavealed everthing but as the bright light came to be no more like a setting sun they were both knocked out cold for 10 minute's well he was beacuse of Shikotsumyaku but the other guy's boy was insinagrated by the blast just like the othere's''Dam i need to move but i can't hu wait who are you no stay back wait hu aaaaaahhhhhhh.''slice his head came to fall of but then hanged by one of his neck muscles then falling of ''tut tut tut niajhay senpai will be angry that this prized posesion has over used him self let's go home''. > Alright... First off, that RP sample needs to be better structured like the rest of the ones here, though that's not the problem with it; it also needs to sport some more clan jutsu as well as describe them. But the biggest thing wrong with the app is the ' what you know ' section, it is severly lacking, please describe the clan's weaknesses and strengths, not only the fact that they can change their bone structure. That part of the app should be, more or less, a paragrath.
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:19 am
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:46 am
Niajhay Rpc Name: Niajhay Kaguya Village: Suna Rank: Genin Bloodline or Clan applied for: Kaguya What you know about the clan/bl: I know that they manipulate the bone structure and harden the density of there bones and that They Kaguya clan once hailed from the Water Country and were known for their love of battle. However, they foolishly decided to challenge their home country and were all wiped from existence, except for Kimimaro. This clan has the ability to manipulate their bone structure; they can remove their bones at will in order to create weapons as strong as steel and also use their ability to force the creation of new bones. Kaguya Kimimaro utilized a series of dances which took advantage of this ability, along with the Earth seal he possessed. These taijutsu techniques mixed body movement with his ability to extend bones in order to push his bloodline to it's very limit.
Rp Sample: As a deranged monster roamed out every to destroy eny thing in it's sight untill a foolish group of shinobi came to fend there village as a lean ashey grey haired ninja came whith a katana 2 hand's on whith a rage but our ninja dodge it making the sword stuck in the tree and niajhay came like a agitated falcin fingding his pray using one of his knuckle bone's(Like wolverine) it had a sort of curl to it at the end then clang!! the second ninja came whith a force yousing his katana ''your not taking my brother'' ''o o so he's your bro well let me tell you some thing about bro's there not around when you need the'' niajhay parried the katana that then flew into the air like a dandelion niajhay then soon grabbed it to slice both there head's all of all of a sudden another victim came from above to aid them stopping the sword ''RRRAAAHH why can't you leave me alone all my life ive been running all i wish is to slowly fade from humanity it's self so please be my angel let me free.'' the guy didn't let up.''no i have a honour for my village to protect it with my life to elimnate a ll threat's that is the true reason of becoming a shinbi and it's the only shinobi way i know!!!niajhay grabbed the man flnging im in to a tree only to impaling him then to lay there he then turned around then shot 5 more bone knuckle's only find that one of them had gone. ''RRRRRAAHH let's just get his over whith come out come out where ever you are then as quick as a flash niajhay's face went pale as 12 swift kick's came to be then as he came for the 13th he flung him in the air then jumping to tree to tree to eventually slash him mid air leg's out horizontally whith his spine then coiled up his torso then flinging it in his mid air moment he ''Now now 1 little pigey left i guess.'' he came at niajhay whith a great rasengan that could match the 9 tailed fox in it's first tail but so could he he then realesed all his bone's as of then niajhay came into contact whith him a bright light blinde all reavealed everthing but as the bright light came to be no more like a setting sun they were both knocked out cold for 10 minute's well he was beacuse of Shikotsumyaku but the other guy's boy was insinagrated by the blast just like the othere's''Dam i need to move but i can't hu wait who are you no stay back wait hu aaaaaahhhhhhh.''slice his head came to fall of but then hanged by one of his neck muscles then falling of ''tut tut tut niajhay senpai will be angry that this prized posesion has over used him self let's go home''. >
I'm sorry, but I can't approve you for any bloodline if that is the best you can do for an RP sample. As it is written, I am forced to assume you are either too young to know how to write properly, or never went to school. I honestly don't care which it may be, or if either is true at all. The point is, I read that entire sample, and the whole time I had absolutely no idea what you were saying.
Your sentence structure is nonexistent, and every other word is misspelled. A few mistakes can be excused as a lack of full understanding of the language, but this many indicates almost an entire lack of knowledge. my best recommendation for you, is to find a qualified English teacher, and find one quickly. Or just spend more time on your writing, and focus on proper sentence structure and spelling.
We don't have the highest of possible standards here, but we require that we be able to understand your writing. Especially for a bloodline user.
Until such time as you can prove to me that your writing is both understandable and of quality befitting a bloodline user in this guild, all applications are hereby Denied.
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:53 pm
cool bro i understand but actually that was one of my older rp samples that i made when my skills weren't good enough i didn't edit it or everything but looking back i was a pretty s**t rp but also i was still editing it too its hard to do it all with school and ect and exams revising and also i made that sample when i was 11.Also i do go to school its a considered the best in my town you should search nah there's the link.Also i come from the uk(England) so erm yeah i do know it.just say in. England http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shelfield_Community_Academy
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 1:16 pm
Niajhay cool bro i understand but actually that was one of my older rp samples that i made when my skills weren't good enough i didn't edit it or everything but looking back i was a pretty s**t rp but also i was still editing it too its hard to do it all with school and ect and exams revising and also i made that sample when i was 11.Also i do go to school its a considered the best in my town you should search nah there's the link.Also i come from the uk(England) so erm yeah i do know it.just say in. England http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shelfield_Community_Academy The post you just made has five sentences before the first punctuation mark is added. And when you actually added punctuation, there was no space afterwards, which is a required addition in proper writing. You also used the wrong words several times throughout those first five sentences. Beyond that, you have used no capitalization until the very end, and you didn't capitalize a single one of your "I"'s, which are always supposed to be capitalized. I don't ask for perfection, but I do ask for competence and a legitimate attempt at good writing. These are the reasons for my denial of your application. Moving beyond your latest post and the grammar therein, if your RP sample is from several years ago, you obviously did not read the bloodline post for your desired bloodline. A sample is meant to be written only after reading our documentation on the bloodline, specifically to showcase your skill with that bloodline, and understanding of it.
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 1:27 pm
Niajhay cool bro i understand but actually that was one of my older rp samples that i made when my skills weren't good enough i didn't edit it or everything but looking back i was a pretty s**t rp but also i was still editing it too its hard to do it all with school and ect and exams revising and also i made that sample when i was 11.Also i do go to school its a considered the best in my town you should search nah there's the link.Also i come from the uk(England) so erm yeah i do know it.just say in. England http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shelfield_Community_Academy Niaj, please refrain from posting personal details about yourself in our threads.
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 6:39 pm
(I'll edit in the roleplaying sample tomorrow. I can barely form any more intelligent thoughts right now. -.- )
Rpc Name: Senji Hyuuga
Village: Mist - Kirigakure
Rank: Academy Student
Bloodline or Clan applied for: Byakugan - Hyuuga Clan
What you know about the clan/bl:
The Hyuuga clan was once fostered only in the Leaf Village (as known by the anime/manga). After some time, the clan would spread to the other Hidden Villages. For a base set of information, the Hyuuga are known for three significant traits.
The first--and most recognizable--of these traits is their usage of the Byakugan eye. In its first stage, the wielders of the Byakugan possess the ability to observe the flow of an opponent's chakra. Using this--as well as a near-360 degree view around them--the Hyuuga are able to effectively strike the Tenketsu, a series of chakra points lined across a ninja's body.
This brings us to the second major ability of the Hyuuga. The Gentle Fist. By implementing their chakra into each strike, the Hyuuga are able to close off the Tenketsu, rendering their opponent's chakra system temporarily useless after enough hits have connected. This portion of the Hyuuga's abilities forms the Eight Trigrams series of attacks.
The final ability of the Hyuuga is their ability of impeccable chakra control. Even for Taijutsu-Class shinobi, the members of this clan learn to control their chakra with pin-point precision, allowing them to strike specific Tenketsu nodes while performing the Eight Trigrams series of attacks. By using their own chakra so sparingly, the Hyuuga create an efficient way to fight by cutting off their opponent's chakra slightly with even subtle movements.
The second stage of the Hyuuga bloodline is known as the Neo Byakugan. In this stage of the bloodline, all of the Byakugan's attributes are upgraded, save for the same blind spot that remained from before. The user now gains the ability to see underground, copy Taijutsu, and dispel Genjutsu cast on them by halting the flow of their chakra briefly. For Taijutsu class ninja, this ability is detrimental.
Rp Sample:
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:36 am
New sample is done. It's not true trauma, more of an overwhelming need to please others, that unlocked her sharingan now. I also drug out the fight a bit more. I got it to 7 paragraphs ^^ and sorry if this is rude and uncalled for, but I'm slightly insulted to hear that you're English, Niajhay. If you speak the language, use it properly. And you should never just copy/paste an old application for something, especially if it's from when you weren't good at RP. You should always write a fresh sample, as to keep your skills fresh and improving. Like I said, I'm sorry. That was rude and uncalled for...Won't do it again, promise whee RP Sample: “Okay, time for round two,” a young girl said under her breath, entering the arena. That girl was Haruka Uchiha and it was, once again, time for the Chuunin Exams to take place. Most people would assume that by “round two” she ‘d mean round two of a tournament, but this was far from the point. The truth was, this was her second time taking the exams after a total bombshell of a failure last year. It wasn’t something she was proud of, and her family history didn’t help. Her father and both of older and even younger brother had all passed their exams before her, so the pressure of being the only repeat in the family weighed heavily on her. On top of all this, she hadn’t unlocked her Sharingan, even at the basic form. There was only one thing on her mind right now, and that was finally making her family proud; she was done being the runt. From across the arena, Haruka eyed her opponent. It was another kunoichi, Hazumu Tatsumi. Her muscles were more defined than Haruka’s, probably meaning she’d be more inclined to use Taijutsu or a weapon of some sort. Haruka began to piece together a battle plan in her head, taking note of her surroundings and current equipment; she was getting really into it too. Sadly, she gained tunnel vision and missed the initial call to start the fight, and as a result, received a powerful knee in the stomach, causing her to double over in pain. Quickly regaining her stature, Haruka threw together some hand seals and shouted - Katon: Shoumeidan no Jutsu -, throwing 3 shurikan, catching them ablaze in mid flight. As the blazing weapons soared to their mark, Hazumu quickly dashed out of the way, running to the left to circle around for another attack. Haruka was one step ahead; well it was more of a half a step. As Hazumu watched her opponent charge her, she weaved another stream of hand signed. - Katon Housenka no Jutsu – she called, spraying Hazumu with a flurry of fireballs. Several splashes of flame stung the Taijutsu Specialist’s face and body, but the pain wasn’t enough to stop her charge. In seconds, she was up in Haruka’s face, ducking to dodge a desperate Kunai slash from the Uchiha, and tripping Haruka with a spinning kick, dropping her elbow into her back as the girl fell. Things weren’t going well for Haruka. Up to this point, she had just been acting out of instinct, not stopping to think about an actual plan. Her opponent seemed to have speed and a plan on her side, and it was really showing. The onslaught of Taijutsu continued to bash Haruka, breaking a few bones in the process. After a few short minutes, her opponent stood on the other side of the arena, eyeing Haruka’s broken form with a smug look. As she struggled to get up, Haruka’s mind raced. She was on the verge of a second failure; this couldn’t be happening a second time. Images of her family, brothers and father, began to flash in her head. She had no one to look up to her, not even her younger brother. Everyone had moved on passed her and all looked at her like she was a baby, needing constant care. Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling hit flooded the girl. She was done being the baby; she was going to prove her worth even if it killed her. Struggling to keep her footing, Haruka grinned confidently, blinking a few times. As her eyes opened on the last blink, her brand new Sharingan would be visible. Something odd came over her. Her eyes were picking up smaller, more minute movements like facial ticks and small movements of fingers like they were slightly more exaggerated. Haruka quickly pieced together that this must have been the Sharingan at work. This situation as perfect. Now that she was in a position to anticipate Hazumu's taijutsu, she could dodge many of the hits Hazumu would throw, or at least block them. Now she needed a plan. Haruka began to put ideas together, remembering a jutsu she saw her eldest brother use in a few fights. This was it, she had her game plan, now it was just time to put it into action. With a slight movement, Haruka moved her hand into her kunai pouch, taking a kunai in hand, but also looping a line of nearly invisible wire through the end. With an exaggerated throw Haruka would throw the kunai, leaving a trail of wiring as Hazumu dodged it. Haruka would repeat this process many times over and over until an invisible web lay in wait for the taijutsu specialist. Each move and dodge Hazumu made was like slow motion to Haruka with every minor twitch visible as though it was a larger movement. Needless to say, her sharingan had picked quite the opportune time to kick in. Over the next few minutes, Haruka would dodge and weave around many swift flying kicks and punches as she tried to get her opponent into the center of her trap. It was a miracle she hadn't spotted the wire so far, or accidentally tripped it for that. With 2 more kicks, the trap was sprung. The kunai dislodged themselves from the walls and ground they were stuck in and the pressure from pulling on the wires caused the web to coil around Hazumu, leaving her helpless. The first thing she'd notice was a single wire leading to Haruka's hands - Ryuuka no Jutsu! - She’d shout, releasing a long, powerful blast of flames down the wire. Judging from the heat of the flames and the raw power of the attack, Haruka assumed that her target was surely finished. A sudden pain in her chest and the sound of cracking ribs proved her wrong. She looked to her left and saw a sudden blur zip past. This couldn't be right, her eyes had picked up all of Hazumu's movements up to this point, and even more important, how'd she escape the trap? As Haruka tumbled to the ground, she looked over at where her attack had hit; there was a large rock and the ashes of the wires used. Hazumu had used the substitution jutsu to escape, and in addition, she had her own hidden abilities; Hazumu could open the first of the 8 gates, boosting her speed beyond that of Hikari's raw sharingan could track. 3 more powerful hits would land on Haruka's body, breaking both her arms and a leg, before the proctor would jump in and stop the fight. Within seconds, a team of medical ninja rushed in and recovered Haruka, taking her to the ward to recover, while her opponent moved on to the next round.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:44 am
(( Sad story crying But I like the edits. Hopefully when my Sharingan Edits are approved, I hope you further enjoy your Approval! ))
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Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:00 pm
Rpc Name: Niajhay kaguya
Village: Suna
Rank: Genin
Bloodline or Clan applied for: Kaguya( Shikotsumyaku
What you know about the clan/bl: The Kaguya Clan was one of the most feared clans in the entire world of ninja. They were viewed as Barbaric and had very unique powers. Shikotsumyaku (Literally meaning "Dead Bone Pulse") is the Kekkei Genkai of the Kaguya clan, which gave them the ability to manipulate their own skeletal structure. They had free control over the cells responsible for bone growth and replacement, allowing them to manipulate their bones at will. They could protrude their bones out through their skin with any injuries that would be received during this process healing instantly, change their bone density, and could even completely regenerate a lost bone.
Rp Sample:
*Intense breathing*As another kunai flew past his head.He then droped another piece of bread.
"Ah that's another orphan gonna be hungry i cant keep losing this food for them i must fight!"
Then as he turned around to face the group of bandits.Suddenly a large shuriken pierced his arm.Even as he remembers it he doesn't know if it was his fear of being hit by the shuriken or his ability was always there but when the shuriken came into contact with him but he lost concentration and fell to the ground.But soon after he got back up intact he soon came to his sense it must be that my bloodline it has awakened!Soon after his discovery a projectile of shuriken and kunais came his way raised his arm but as he did a barrage of bone bullets deflected most he then clenched his fist.
"Remember what the old guy said concentrate!"
He closed his eyes then reopened them with a vengeance.By then the bandits had already closed on him and were charging for a final attack then all of a sudden several long bones came from the boys body just as the bandit were all attacking impaling them all and the last thing they saw was his bones crushing into there skulls.
Then as quick as a flash all his bones retracted with out a trace.He then pulls the shuriken that was still in his arm even though the bone density should of stopped or at least softened the blow there still was a lot of bleeding but seeing as the boy didn't hasn't mastered bone densities but just released them by sheer emotion so it was much weaker the one who had mastered bone densities there still was a lot of bleeding in his arm he then takes a bag from one of the bandits and carries the food in there for the rest of the trip back.
Meh is that enough?And i think its in order too.
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Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:19 pm
No. Denied. Go back and read the rules in the first post of this thread.
This sample is much easier to follow, but the quality of it is still much lower than what we expect from someone who wants a bloodline. And you still completely lost me in the last few sentences.
Excluding anything to do with grammar or even quality of writing, there are a few other problems with the sample.
First and foremost, it is too short. You probably covered about ten seconds in this sample, which should have covered a much longer period of time, to fully showcase not only the abilities of the clan, but your ability to use it.
For further reference on the length, this is about two paragraphs at most. We asked for four at least. Yes the limit can be waived, but only for a spectacular sample.
While I say this sample was easier to follow, that is only chronologically. I still cannot tell who is doing what, or why.
The largest problem though, is that I already told you you could not be approved due to the quality of your writing. Rather than trying to pass my judgment, which I can guarantee that as you are now, you will not, I would recommend seeking assistance in better organizing your posts. There are several people in this guild that could help you with that if you were to make a request in the chatroom.
For now, make a regular character, work on improving your writing, find a teacher if you can, and you can try again once you have improved.
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:26 pm
nooooooooooooooo forgot about the ruel sigh ok i agree
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