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 Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 3:40 pm
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- ғυчυ αcαםємч -
cяєω
Trace has been added to Jennifer Romanchuk's home. C :
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:24 pm
name zweihundert nicknamed hunter
age 19
bio Zweihundert was born in Munich,Germany to a pair of anonymous aristocrats. When they discovered his strange abilities they tried to hide him away from the world, for fear of what their friends may say. Hunter practiced his gift in secrret from even his parents slowly growing stronger. Upon discovering fuyu, his parents sent him off so as no one would ever know he existed.
Look what I can do Hunter is surrounded by approximately 199 entities, by calling their german name hunter can force them to manifest physically. Each entity as a finite form and as the numbers get higher they get stronger, however the higher numbers also take more of a toll on hunter's body.
I come off as... Hunter is an extremely handsome fellow and his obsessed with his personal experience. He tends to spend hours working on his appearance. Normally cocky and flirtatious, when his beauty is threatened hunter becomes irate and, during a battle, becomes very serious.
I can't help I'm so handsome
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:02 pm
Hello,
Can you change the profile skeleton you are using for Zweihundert? It is extremely lacking of information. If you don't like the Fuyu profile, feel free to use another one which contains additional information. I highly suggest adding more content to the profile as well because it seems very choppy.
Please quote me when you are done editing so I can look over the profile again.
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:09 pm
Sapphire Waltz
Hello,
Can you change the profile skeleton you are using for Zweihundert? It is extremely lacking of information. If you don't like the Fuyu profile, feel free to use another one which contains additional information. I highly suggest adding more content to the profile as well because it seems very choppy.
Please quote me when you are done editing so I can look over the profile again.
Sorry trying to do it on an ereader that doesn't function well on gaia
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 11:58 am
Sapphire Waltz
Hello,
Can you change the profile skeleton you are using for Zweihundert? It is extremely lacking of information. If you don't like the Fuyu profile, feel free to use another one which contains additional information. I highly suggest adding more content to the profile as well because it seems very choppy.
Please quote me when you are done editing so I can look over the profile again.
Ok I've finished with zweihundert's profile for now just need a pic and also could you look at traces profile I added a new ability want to make sure its appropriate
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:30 pm
Hello, your profile still needs some reworking.
Biography
It's much too choppy, sure you get the minimum of four sentences, could you elaborate further?
•So Zweihundert means 200 in German. Any reason why his parents named him after a number? Other than the fact that he had 199 entities, it seems like a very peculiar name.
•How exactly did he practice his powers in secret? It seems like a rather extravagant ability, so how was he able to hide it from his parents?
•Did his parents still give him some education?
•What is his relationship with his parents? It seems like they don't like him due to how he would affect their reputation, but does he resent them for making him live a sheltered life?
•What were his living conditions? Just because his parents were aristocrats doesn't necessarily mean he lived in a posh living establishment.
•How did his parents discover his abilities?
•How did his parents suddenly discover Fuyu? Were they looking for an educational institution to send him to?
•Any reason why his nickname is Hunter?
•Did he have any friends prior to his sheltering?
Abilities/Powers
Much too overpowered and extremely lacking in details. If you're going to do something with that many "entities", I would at least need an explanation for everyone of them. That being said, 199 of them is too many. Tone it down to the single digits and unless you can give a proper explanation for every single one of them without them being redundant, I'm highly suggesting just 3. Please recall that being at Fuyu Academy means that he does not have proper mastery of his skills, so even if it is exhaustive to use his abilities, triple digits is excessive and just seems rather unrealistic.
•Please elaborate on the entities. What do they do? How do they manifest physically? Feel free to list them and give proper descriptions for all of them and name their uses.
Personality
•Why is he obsessed with his appearances if he's been hidden away by his parents and I'm assuming from the outside world in general? If he has no expectations on him concerning his looks, I don't see why he would feel the need to pamper and prim himself up. It seems like an error in logic here to tie up this part of himself.
•What makes him sad/happy?
•What do you mean he's obsessed with his personal experiences?
•Seems like a lot of his personality doesn't quite correspond to important part of his biography from the fact that his parents "tried to hide him away from the world". Who has insulted his beauty if he's been hidden away? How did he get into battles if has no one to spar with, assuming he was practicing his gift in secret?
Homeroom, Dorm, House
Please choose a homeroom and leave space in your skeleton for the homeroom, dorm and house.
Likes/Dislikes
I would rather you insert one into the profile, as it allows others to better understand your character. Please list at least three of each into the profile if possible.
As you have stated yourself, you are still missing a picture. Whenever you find the appropriate picture to describe Zweihundert, please insert it.
Please quote me again when you are done editing so I can reassess the profile again.
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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