[Q] Leonora Shoup || Meru Page of the Cosmos [Crits?] | Page 2 | Accepted Quests | Guild Forums

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[Q] Leonora Shoup || Meru Page of the Cosmos [Crits?]

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ATh e a r t
Crew

Romantic Lunatic

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Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:21 pm

Sunshine Alouette

Thanks again, Sun! I deleted about half of the description and added a few more sentences <3

Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:21 pm

ATh e a r t

You're very welcome! Just a smidge more and I think we'll have it! 8D

I'd like to see just a liiiiittle more about how her "emotionally attached" flaw effects other people. You've got that some people might not appreciate the attachment, which I can very well imagine! But does this emotional attachment ever manifest itself in physical ways? Does she get a little clingy with people, maybe?

Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

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ATh e a r t
Crew

Romantic Lunatic

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Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:27 pm

Sunshine Alouette

Added a sentence 8D; Sorry if I'm lacking depth D: !

Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:31 pm

ATh e a r t

It's fine! No apologies necessary! I'm here to help! 8D I was just curious about that and wanted to know if you'd intended for her to be physically clingy too or not!

Everything's looking good now, so here's a trial stamp! Good luck! :3

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Sunshine Alouette

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Iris_virus

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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 7:58 am

Her powers and knightly appearance are all super cute. heart Her hobbies work well with her personality too which is good.

My only concern at all is her 'overly generous' flaw.

Flaws are usually supposed to be something that someone can dislike your character over, and while I can see how it would affect her negatively personally, the way it is written it doesn't seem like something that would affect any else accept for positively. Does she give away things that other people give her? Or does she struggle to play her rent because she's too busy spending her money on other things? If you can find a way to swing it in a less positive light then it will work, otherwise you'll need a different flaw.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:23 pm

Iris_virus

I added this last sentence to her overly generous flaw <3

'In a more materialistic manner, Leonora gives out her money and possessions so often that it causes her to have to squeeze every penny of her paychecks, even sometimes being in the red.'

ATh e a r t
Crew

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Iris_virus

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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 6:28 am

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