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 Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 7:54 am
Hearing him admit to using Aila made him want to go back and hit Izaya again, but he didn't. Asch stayed where he was at the door, and let his mind turn those words over several times. He didn't get this guy, and he didn't get why Aila would let him use her. That didn't make sense. Was he lying? Asch couldn't really be sure, and it irritated him.
Izaya's suggestion drew a scowl, brow creasing. He didn't want to talk to Izaya. He was the last person Asch wanted to talk to. ... Actually.. did he have anyone he really wanted to talk to?
"You want to talk?" he asked incredulously. "Are you still trying to get information from me? Fine. Let's talk."
Izaya possibly knew the most about what happened in Aila's final moments, and he wanted to know. If that meant giving Izaya what he wanted, as much as his pride didn't like that, then so be it.
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:29 am
"I'm an informant. Gathering info is what I do," he replied curtly. "It's my job, so why not stop making it sound like I'm just being nosy? I won't deny I am, but there's more to me and my motives than just that."
Trying to read Asch's face as best he could, Izaya knew the green-eyed young man was not pleased by the blatant confession of having used his partner. Who would have been? And yet, Izaya didn't believe he himeslf had done anthing wrong; he had been openly honest with his recruiter.
"I warned her. I did my job and more. Why she chose to throw her life away is beyond me, but it's not my problem. She's gone." He said these words with a face devoid of expression. It was not the look of someone who was regretful that their life had been saved at the price of another.
"Come to think of it, she did admit at the very end that she didn't want to die. But then, who does? At least it wasn't suicide, so you can rest easy knowing that she didn't die to escape coming back to having you as a partner." Again, the tender, yet somehow cruel, heartless smile crept across his features.
"I know from your close-minded point of view I must seem like a horrible person for using Aila. But at least I was direct and upfront with her about it. If I'm correct in my suspicions, then you've been using her too - and for far longer than I have."
He allowed Asch a few minutes to contemplate his words and to give what he was saying some time to sink in. Rather than outright telling the red-haired teen what Izaya meant, though, the grunt chose to leave the question hanging of how Asch had been using Aila. If the agent could catch his drift without help, then all the better.
In the meantime, however, he had a question of his own while the secretive young man was willing to share answers. "In all the time you knew them, who did you ultimately care for more - Aila or Natalia?"
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:29 pm
Izaya was irritating and Asch wasn't at all hiding the fact that he was irritated. However, the accusation of him using Aila certainly recalled the look of anger, and Asch glared at the man in traction.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He had never used her! Why the hell would he do something like that?
But the question of who he cared for most brought that look of rage up a few notches. "That's not a fair question!" He snapped, his fists balling up again as he tried to restrain himself. Hitting Izaya had not been at all satisfying, and if he kept it up he might end up in the brig anyway, and let Kunai down. So instead he tried to redirect his train of thought.
"So you're saying that her protecting you was an accident?" If she didn't want to die... then why would she do that? "Or that she made a mistake?" He could certainly believe that one. In Asch's mind, Izaya didn't seem like the kind of guy anyone would want to die for. Was it some sort of misplaced honor? No.. none of that really sounded like Aila. Then why? "Or did she actually have some sort of feelings for you?"
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:26 am
The grunt sighed heavily. Emotions were clouding this red-head's rationality more than he'd hoped. Then again, Izaya knew he was partly at fault for provoking Asch. He'd just have to spell certain things out for him since the agent didn't seem willing at the moment to piece them together himself. Asch was too grief-stricken, even if he didn't quite understand or want to acknowledge that just yet.
"I'm talking about how you used her for comfort and support. Probably not consciously, but you did," the informant declared matter-of-factly. "She was one of the few people you could talk to. So intimately, in fact, that you two used a mutual first language to keep others from listening in. Oh, and it must have been purely coincidental that French is known as the 'language of love'." A mirthless laugh.
"Perhaps she was even a substitute for your Natalia for a time in your mind...at least until the real deal showed up again here in Kodo." He paused a moment to look thoughtful. "Then what did you do? You panicked like a coward and used Aila both as a pshycial human shield to hide behind and as an emotional crutch when you couldn't stand to face your past. The fact that you can't answer my question is only further proof supporting the theory that she was your temporary Natalia."
The black haired man waved his good hand dismissively. "Don't be hard on yourself for it, though. Misery loves company," he continued, speaking as a man who had no friends himself. "She probably used you just as much as you used her. Consider this: everyone uses everyone in some way or another or there would be no need for human interaction. It's only considered wrong to use someone when one party does not benefit from the exchange." Izaya turned back to study Asch's body language.
"My question isn't fair? I'd say it's fair enough considering what you just accused me of and demanded to know of me. Last words and all that - it's an equally difficult and personal topic to speak of; especially while we're still practically strangers." Nakura beckoned the agent to come closer. He went so far as to pat the place beside him, encouraging Asch to sit on the bed, even when there was a chair nearby.
"Come talk to me over here. It can't be easy on your sore throat for you to shout from all the way across the room. How are we supposed to bond that way? Just don't get me sick. Okay, if you can't decide who you liked more, what are - or were - they to you relationship-wise? Surely you at least know that." He wore a smirk that almost seemed to say, 'Go ahead. Hit me more. Punch me. Hurt me. I want it. I deserve it. You know it'.
"Asch...let's be honest with each other. I think you are shallow, a defeatist, and you give up easily. You seem to see things only the way you want to see them. From what I've observed, you seem to take the path of least resistance. For example, you turned your back on Natalia just because she mistook you for another man. Prior to that, though, you hardly said a word to her to give her a clue and you were all dolled up in a dress. From what she told me, she had just arrived from Grande Isle, lost and confused as a newcomer. You really expected her to know who you were? Pardon, my mistake - you expected her to know who you weren't? Of course she couldn't have known who you were; I'm betting she doesn't even know you've got a twin."
The skinny man swallowed, his throat feeling dry. He reached for the cup of water on his bedside table. "Why are you asking me questions you already know the answer to, like how Aila died? You know I didn't kill her. You can't really be so childish as to not accept that, can you?" Drinking a few sips, he put the cup back. "Yes, Aila made a mistake. She declared me her friend. Otherwise, I have no idea why. I don't believe she had anything to gain from our relationship or our interactions, but she insisted I was wrong. I suppose she must have actually believed that or she wouldn't have done what she did. I don't know. Maybe she was just helping out a fellow teammate, regardless of who it might have been. I'm as clueless as you are in that department."
He thought back to their talk that had quickly escalated into a sort of one-sided argument in his room a few days prior to the mission. They were always arguing. It was something that intrigued Izaya; she didn't simply ignore and dismiss his opinions like Frost, nor did she nod and agree like Jerome, nor give up on the arguement when it got indepth like Claire. Aila had actually taken their discussions seriously. It had been...a pleasure hearing her sides of things, especially when he found she was often right in her own way. The 17-year-old had been very insightful for her age, having spent her life on both sides of the tracks. Asch seemed to have led a similar lifestyle, but he was much less open about it.
"I'm used to taking risks for myself, not for others. I never expected or asked her to pay for my misjudgement on the mission," the grunt explained wearily. "What do you want from me? I already told you I don't know why she did it, but...do you want to know what it was she said before she died?"
Maybe Aila had given her life for him to to teach him that choices - even the ones he made solely for himself - affected others. Perhaps it had been a lesson to remind him he was part of a team and, maybe, to teach him what friendship actually was from her point of view. It was a shame she had given her life for it, however, because that just made Izaya more determined than ever not to let anyone else get close to him. It was already starting to dawn on him how difficult it would be to keep up pretenses - to pretend Aila and her death hadn't meant a thing to him.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 3:38 pm
As Izaya prattled on, Asch was strangely quiet. He hated him, he hated how this man could read him so easily and shove the truth right in his face. But it was just that... the truth, and the truth hurt. It was like being kicked in the gut. Izaya didn't fight with fists or swords like Asch did. No... this man used verbal warfare, to a much better degree than Asch could. Yes, the red head could be rather scathing in his accusations, and often times be right and just, but Izaya took it to a whole new level. It made him feel vulnerable.
Asch just stood there, his head bowed slightly as his long bangs managed to obscure his green eyes. Yet there was the occasional twitch from the corner of his mouth whenever Izaya drove home a particularly painful point. He didn't move when Izaya beckoned him closer, and he didn't react to that daring smirk either. There was no point in hitting the man now. Instead, he just sunk into the chair and let Izaya continue, his green eyes staring distantly at the floor as he took in the grunt's words. Others might have been incensed to be spoken to by a lower ranking Rocket, but Asch didn't seem to care about that.
"You're right," Asch croaked eventually, his ill state making him sound more pathetic than he normally would. However, his tone wasn't one of self deprecation, but more along the lines of stating something factual.
Natalia... He had been so horrible to her.
"We were betrothed as children. I was trying to protect her." He was a Rocket after all, and Asch didn't want her to know that he was a criminal and that he could never leave. But she was a strong girl, and he knew that. Was he really trying to protect her or was that his own selfishness brought on by fear and shame? He kept telling himself that she wasn't his anymore, but that had been his own deduction. He felt that she had forgotten him as the rest of the world had. However, this all just sounded like an excuse.
However, he didn't come here to talk about Natalia, and narrowed his eyes slightly, eventually looking at Izaya with a frown. "And I think you are a stupid, selfish b*****d who doesn't know when to shut up."
"Aila was my colleague and friend," and he could say that with confidence now, even if he hadn't been able to before. It was true that he found comfort and solace in the fact that they seemed to understand each other. Not just in their native language, but in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. He hadn't intended to replace Natalia with Aila, but in a way it was true. Had things continued, it would have resulted in an inevitable disaster.
What a childish fool he was.
There, he had answered Izaya's question, even if he didn't voice his internal musings as the other man tended to. "What was Aila to you?" Asch said as he fixed Izaya with an intense stare. He knew that Izaya was trying to come off as not caring, but Asch wouldn't buy that. There was no way that Aila's death could have not affected him. But the question of if he wanted to know what Aila's last words were, took longer to answer. "Yeah."
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:20 am
When Asch did not respond and actually seemed to begin to listen, Izaya grew increasingly curious as to what thoughts were running through his mind. He knew he wasn't making the teen any happier, but his words didn't seem to be upsetting him any more than he already had, either; not like Seth. Eventually, the red-head just seemed to...accept what had been stated. Heck, he even agreed with it; albeit not happily.
It seemed to be the face that most teenagers Izaya dealt with came to have - at least, most teenagers outside of Team Rocket. It was quite a surprise for the informant to see it on Agent Asch of all people. He remained serious, however, keeping his faint, neutral smile as the younger man spoke, not wanting him to notice his mild astonishment. After all, that was supposed to have been one of his favorite hobbies - cutting people down with words. It was much easier with civilians than with the mysterious members of Team Rocket, particularly one so secretive and proud as Asch.
When the red-head had seated himself in the chair by the bed, ignoring the provocations from the lower-ranking Rocket, Izaya finally shut his mouth to hear Asch properly. Of course, when betrothal and protection were mentioned without an identifying name, the grunt was tempted to interrupt to ask if he meant Aila or Natalia, even though he had an idea of who it was. He quickly bit back the need to be obnoxious as Asch continued about his partner, allowing his former statement to have referred to Natalia by default.
Realizing the implications of a Rocket/non-Rocket relationship, Izaya nodded slowly, staring at the crisp, white sheets of his sterile bed. He reached for his cup for another sip of water before he spoke again. "So...that's why you were so awkward Natalia..." he said thoughtfully, perhaps more to himself than Asch. "That still doesn't explain your odd behavior around her, though. Or the twin thing. Did you run away from home at a young age? How does she not know you for who you are?"
He inclined his head gently, not really expecting the adolescent to answer, but choosing to ask aloud anyway. "Being betrothed, especially as children, doesn't automatically create romantic feelings between two people as I understand it. That still doesn't explain what she is to you now." He thought he knew; thought they both did. But was Asch still too proud or maybe in denial to say it? No matter the case, what he'd already said had been enough. It had certainly been more than Izaya had hoped for.
As far as the agent's honest opinion about Izaya himself, the grunt laughed weakly, causing his bandaged side to begin to hurt again. He quickly stopped and settled for a sheepish grin. "Ahh, yes, I'd probably have to say you're right about that. You forgot 'cowardly' in there somewhere, too. You're not the only one to think so, either, but that doesn't really make me want to change who I am." He winked.
"There's a difference between knowing when to keep your mouth shut and wanting to. If I was a nice person who kept quiet when it was most polite, I'd be like everyone else - petty, dishonest, secretive, and non-communicative. In other words, like you." Nevermind that Izaya was all those things anyway - except perhaps the last one. He was far too chatty for that.
While the man in his twenties certainly seemed to voice his 'internal musings' on a whim, that was all part of Orihara's act. He still knew to keep quiet about certain things, as he couldn't well have been an info broker without knowing how to keep a few secrets. The trick was to get others to think he was showing all his cards, some of them being false leads, by being talkative about relatively trivial topics and being convincing enough about them. All the while, his real ace was still hidden up his sleeve.
After all, there was so much more to be suspicious of with a man who obviously kept secrets as opposed to one who seemed to speak his mind and spill all the beans first chance he got. It was all part of the game of deception - to guard oneself, masks had to be worn and roles had to be played. In Izaya's mind, that was the only way to win.
Upon hearing Asch's prolonged reply to his final question, the injured grunt shifted lower in his bed in an attempt to move closer to the agent. His eyes had lit up and his expression had suddenly become a lot more tender...almost caring. Ignoring Aila's partner's question about what she had meant to him in favor of replying to his more recent inquiry, Izaya smiled sadly as he beckoned Asch closer still to whisper the words he'd claimed to have heard before Aila passed.
"I've never seen Asch look more splendid than in a dress. As a last wish of mine, please ask him to wear them more often in my memory - for all the dresses I myself will never wear."
It seemed safe to say that Izaya had no shame.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:02 am
Asch just huffed, and propped his chin on one hand, his elbow supported by the chair's armrest. Closing his eyes, the red head listened to Izaya's musings and deductions quietly, brows furrowed in a serious but irritated way. He didn't really care to get into the nitty gritty details, and Izaya was cleverly avoiding the topic at hand by redirecting it on his relationship with Natalia. He would make Izaya continue to wonder for now. It was none of his business anyway. The last thing he wanted to do was get into a discussion about his twin.
However, as Izaya recited Aila's so called "last words" his eyes flew open and he glared daggers at the older man. "YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" he shouted, grabbing an extra pillow that sat nearby and flinging it at him.
Izaya truely did not have any shame.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 11:40 am
"Ow! Hey, what if that's what she actually said?" Izaya giggled weakly, attempting to block the pillow with his free arm. His giggling caused more pain to his side than the total damage from the pillow. "What happened to not speaking ill of the dead? Or 'don't shoot the messenger'?"
"I don't see what's disgusting about it, either. It's not as though I asked you out on a date or anything," the man sighed, clutching his bandaged waist as his laughter faded. "Oh, look what you've done. I'm all worn out and tired. You should leave now."
His usual, detached smile left his lips as he turned his back to Asch, rolling onto his opposite side with some difficulty and curling up as best he could with a stiff left leg in a cast. He didn't really want to talk about Aila anymore, let alone think about her last words to him. There wasn't much to tell Asch.
Izaya felt bad enough that the agent had traded her life for his; a lowly grunt's. He still didn't completely understand why himself and it left him feeling more lost and confused than he could ever remember. Asch should have been there when she'd died; not him. Asch could have probably brought her more comfort in her final moments. Alas, fate was a fickle thing and time could not be turned back. "I'm sorry."
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 4:40 pm
Asch continued to level Izaya with his glare, completely unconvinced. However, the suggestion about him leaving was certainly not something he would argue with. The red head rose from his seat and went to the door. He had tried to leave earlier after all, but again he stopped at the door due to Izaya's words.
"What could you possibly by sorry about?" he grumbled, sounding as if he didn't believe Izaya was capable of remorse. Not that Izaya didn't have plenty of things to be sorry about. He just didn't seem to care.
"And you didn't answer my question," Asch then pointed out. He had told Izaya what Aila and Natalia had meant to him. It was only fair that the other man reciprocated.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:30 pm
"What indeed...?" the grunt murmured, his back still to Asch, waiting for him to leave. "I'm sorry it was me she had to settle for instead of you. In giving up her life and spending her last moments with someone...it should have been you." He closed his eyes. "I have no place in others' lives. I live apart from humans. I'm just an observer."
He smiled faintly again at Asch's last comment. "No, you're right...I didn't." A pause. "She told me she saved me because she was my friend. How can someone deny the friendship of one who has given their life for them...? I told her we weren't friends before, but...when she was about to die, that didn't seem to matter."
The man was sincerely glad Asch couldn't see his face or he wouldn't have been speaking in such a manner. It was difficult enough just to keep an even tone of voice. "I told myself it was alright for me to have a dead friend. I just can't have any other kind."
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:51 pm
"Don't be stupid. This isn't a contest of who should or shouldn't have been there." Asch agreed he should have been there, but not for the reasons Izaya was mentioning. Asch didn't blame Izaya for being there, he blamed himself for not being there when she needed him most.
With his back to Izaya as well, Asch's expression became solemn. She had called him her friend. She had never said such to him, thus Asch didn't even know if she had thought of him that way or not. It was clear to him now that everything he didn't want to believe was indeed true, and he had to accept it.
He still didn't like Izaya, but at least now.. he was more tolerable.
"If you cared anything about her. Honor her by living the life she tried to protect. It would displease her for you to continue thinking that way."
With that, Asch moved to leave, but as he reached for the handle.. it turned on its own and opened, causing the agent to blink in surprise as he stared at someone's chest on the other side of the door.
"You're both here, that's convenient," spoke a voice that Izaya would recognize.
Asch quickly stepped aside as someone he knew to be an executive entered the room, and he quickly saluted.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:13 pm
"Mmm...heh, Asch-san says such mature things when he's trying to keep the hurt away with his tough act," Izaya spoke, his voice projecting a smile through his tone. "Who's the older one here? Don't worry, I have no intention of ending my life or anything like that. My selfishness allows me to value my life above others' as an instinct of self-preservation...unlike some agents." He sighed. "Thank you, though. It's so cute you're trying to comfort me~"
The grunt was just about to let himself slip into a peaceful sleep and escape his tormenting memories for a time when a new, yet familiar voice reached his ears. He opened his eyes and his whole body tensed, causing him to grimace at the limbs in casts. Oh, Arceus, why now...?
Maybe he could pretend to be asleep. Yes! That was it.
He didn't need anyone else blaming him for Aila's stupid act of heroism just then. He blamed himself enough already.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:20 pm
All Asch could do was grimace and suppress a growl of annoyance at Izaya's words as he stood at attention, saluting his superior officer. Like that b*****d was one to talk. And who said he was comforting anyone?!
But he didn't say anything as Seth stepped into the room, carrying a bag of items with him.
"I found a will among Aila's belongings. There are a few things she wished the both of you to have.... And you can relax, agent."
Asch lowered his arm and relaxed, blinking once at Seth's words. A will? Aila had kept a will? It was stupidly practical, just like her.
"I know you're awake, Orihara."
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:29 pm
...Damn it. So much for that idea.
Izaya sulked, not moving. More about Aila. Just what he needed. And what was this about a will?! Surely she hadn't been stupid enough to include him in it. There was nothing he wanted of hers. He had memories and that would be enough to pain him for the rest of his life. Sentimentality and mementos were useless and only served to cause emotional harm to their owners. Nope, he didn't want to hear it. Maybe he could change the topic.
"It's so embarrassing to hear you call my real name so intimately, Seth-kun," the grunt tested. Let the executive throw him in the brig in his current condition if he could. "Especially while we are in the company of a fellow Rocket. What happened to ranks and codenames? I'm in bed and trying to get my rest. Isn't there a rule against agitating recovering patients?" He didn't move to face his superior.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:00 pm
"Shut up and listen, grunt!" The executive snapped. Seth was having none of this today.
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. "This was on her person, and was obviously important. She must have thought highly of you both, since she wished to split it between the two of you. Though I can't imagine why." The last sentence was mostly directed at Izaya with a note of irritation.
Pulling out the small will, he then read the entry for them to hear.
"The stone is the first item I managed to swipe, and having accomplished as much with Izaya's information, it has a place in his hands if he will take it. The chain of the pendant is a memento from Grande Ile, though, and while I'm not sure if he would even want such a thing, I believe it is most fitting for Asch's possession."
Asch stood there in disbelief as he listened to all of this.
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