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 Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:15 pm
--
-Work In Progress
+ Basically all the critics that are being considered and revision notes
+ Points of Interest
Natural Ability ) I have two possible choices of a natural ability but I think the 2nd choice can become her fear ability's next level? Or however I can explain it and from what I understood about it. Can the second choice be a variation of my chosen fear? What do you think?
Fear ) Do you think the fear is a good one ._.;... Maybe have it turn in to a sword later ? Or .. But its not really a sword, its darkness like a black shadow that will resemble a sword and do you think its a good fear?
Hair ) Her hair is going to be a solid color I think, and am kinda wishy washy over what color. Im thinking a dead sea green sorta teal? Or Royal Purple?
Family ) Is this ok? Or should I tweak it to go further than the obvious OxO?
Eyes ) Yes, she has two eyes but they.. just fall out sometimes. She is very frank about it and sometimes a little embaressed but she tries to play it off like it doesn't embaress the snot out of her o3o.
Worms ) She has a family of worms that live in her body and fixes things that sometimes don't work or give her advice when she's lost.
Dinosaur ) Her pet dinosaur. Yes, well her father found him in a very funny place and when well.. He followed him home around the time their daughter was 'born'. He seemed to act more like a dog than a dinosaur and sometimes he munches on your limbs but HEY! What can we say- he loves bones ;D! - Is this allowed? I am now looking for a mini pet that will satisfy her dinosaur needs!
Clothing ) I am open to suggestions. I have a base idea, maybe a uniform with a puffy skirt? But I'm open to all sorta of ideas, and likely she would love dressing up! So I may just make a 'doll' version of her so others if you would like can draw her clothing. I dunno if people would enjoy this or not but I know I will be posting various clothing options for her because honest, I have NO fashion sense what so ever so a little help would be greatly apperciated. heart
Emblem ) I.. Still don't have an idea for this. I'm really itching to design one but I haven't gotten THAT far yet but any suggestions will be taken in to account.
Art? ) Yes art. There will be more art and art of her 'now' self.. I just had a lot of fun with her baby picture >3<; But more art should be coming up soon! Maybe I might even give away art... >3>.. You never know!
GM Questions ) Notes for me, but the natural ability of the different voices, aka different vocal cords that she may have in order to change her voice. Is this possible?
-- Open For Critics --
Bilious ) ( The Epic Patchwork MASTER ) - Dinosaur and Redirection of history 'birth'.
+ Patchwork decay and overall look on patchworks.
+ Neck Decor for easy access to vocal chords? Possible chords already installed.
+ Scolding by the epic igore ;D christof ~
+ General clothing advice, which means a lot of general reworking on outlook. Possibly may change to have a better 'face'.
Ice Queen ) - Views on other creatures in general
+ Personality clashes/questionables
Manda ) - Classes, and how she interacts with others
+ What classes she would take.
+ Interactions + self conflicts
+ Her FEAR mechanics need to be tweaked.
--
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:04 am
Usually, a patchwork's natural ability is interchangeable parts, but if you can get the ok from a GM for the ability to change voices I dig that! One could think she was set up with multiple vocal chords.
There's bits I like in the character, and bits that read a bit like.... you need to read over the World Guides. Make sure you check out "Life and Death in Halloween" as well as taking a look at other Patchworks already established in the shop and the guide for them.
I don't think there should be a problem with the worms, I remember there's another Patchwork (a horse-like one?) who has worms that tend to his repairs, but only Reapers can keep a "familiar"- otherwise pets should be limited to only Minipets. Perhaps you can find a dinosaur minipet to give her?
As for physical aesthetics, I wouldn't worry too much, sometimes the Artists really like artistic freedom. If you just list stuff you kind of like and let them go from there they'll take care of making them fit the shop aesthetic.
Hope that helps! Background/personality/motivation is the most important!
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:40 pm
Bilious Usually, a patchwork's natural ability is interchangeable parts, but if you can get the ok from a GM for the ability to change voices I dig that! One could think she was set up with multiple vocal chords. There's bits I like in the character, and bits that read a bit like.... you need to read over the World Guides. Make sure you check out "Life and Death in Halloween" as well as taking a look at other Patchworks already established in the shop and the guide for them. I don't think there should be a problem with the worms, I remember there's another Patchwork (a horse-like one?) who has worms that tend to his repairs, but only Reapers can keep a "familiar"- otherwise pets should be limited to only Minipets. Perhaps you can find a dinosaur minipet to give her? As for physical aesthetics, I wouldn't worry too much, sometimes the Artists really like artistic freedom. If you just list stuff you kind of like and let them go from there they'll take care of making them fit the shop aesthetic. Hope that helps! Background/personality/motivation is the most important!
As far as the dinosaur, I am now in search of one <3 Thanks for clearing that up.
I took a look at the other undeads, not only patch work but I didn't want to like.. copy or anything so I kinda tried to gather infomation that can be used as a redirection of something new? That's why I suggested the changing voices.. -runs to go add that to what she shall ask a gm about- <3
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:52 pm
Mmm, I'll let Billi cover the details of Patchwork-ness^^ She's got Christof, who's the poster board boil for patchworks in the shop. But I think you could fill out the personality some more^^
You say she's very proper, but she's impulsive? Can you give us an example of how she can be both at the same time? Does she have any hobbies? Anything she really likes and/or really hates? What does she think of the other races?
Another question is HER motivation for coming to school. We get that her parents want her to go, but what does she want out of it? (has seen Nio Love ask this question, figures it's a good one^^) What classes would she be interested in?
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:10 pm
Definitely supportive of other sorts of patchworks but the servant type! biggrin I really do like the "specialization" of her build too. You can probably get away with your natural ability being the standard "interchangeable parts" but clarify that the most frequent she uses it is to swap out her vocal chords. Maybe she was "born" (via "Pumpkin born that way") with snaps or a zipper instead of stitches at her neck for easy access, or multiple ones "installed" or was modified later in life when she found out that was her passion? I've alwise kind of viewed Patchworks as like... flesh robots with feelings.
So far in the shop the patchworks that are active are laboratory-born, so they were built specialized in some way via a Master. Since Melody came from a "free" Patchwork family, her whole outlook on patchworkisms might be different! Being able to pick and chose what parts she wants to interchange. Would cause fun contrast to the current shop standard. biggrin
How fashion conscious is she? In the patchwork section of the Undead Class Rules (think DnD) the example given is the type who might swap out hair or eyes or other features to "fit in"- judging by the decay she lets herself get into, at least to start with I can see her being considered "sloppy" and ill-kept. (like a dirty little girl in a muddy sundress and bare feet vs. someone ready to go for a job interview XD) I know if my patchwork fella met her and saw exposed ribs and rot he would probably attempt to scorn her for letting herself go, so to speak, and probably "lecture" her in proper preservative use. He's mute though so it would probably involve a lot of flailing and handing off of jars of chemicals, lol. But that might be a fun way to see her grow!
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 12:28 pm
Natural Ability: I do like the idea of her being able to change voices, etc but Bilious is right in that it would probably need to be a more specialized form of changing out parts o: I could see her possibly having multiple vocal chords "installed" at one time (maybe up to three sets? idk) and then like keeping a whole bunch more in jars in her room or whatever~ Maybe all labeled nice and neatly lol. And then having a zipper or something on her throat to easily change them out. FEAR: You might want to look over the Fear Mechanics. Right now it sounds like what you're thinking of probably fits "The Mind" mechanic which makes it harder for opponents to hit her. But in that case, I don't think it can also be used for a damaging attack - which brings up the question of why does it manifest as a weapon? XD; Maybe instead, it's more like a shadow of herself (a doppleganger or something) that flits around and distracts her opponent in various ways. As she got older/more powerful it could become more solid. i.e. At Y1, it's most like a shadow, fading in and out, distracts by catching the eye and just moving around a lot Y2, it can maybe tap or lightly hit the opponent (not enough to damage but enough to distract) and so on from there~ Personality: Hmm. Random questions. How does she deal with making mistakes (since it sounds like she makes a lot of them XD ). Does it make her mad, upset, embarrassed, etc? How does she relate to other people? Does she try to make friends or stay more in the background? If someone else scolded her for something (like Christof telling her she sucked at taking care of her body XDD ) how would she react? If she's more the delicate sheltered type (sort of) would she get upset and run off crying (idk lol) or is she more like the kind who would defend herself against him and try to fix it later .... or would she be proud of how she looks and not 'fix' anything at all? I'd also be interested to know what classes she might take~ Aaanndd here is a link to my boy for you to crit if you want :3 http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=21545099
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