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 Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 10:41 am
First off I'm going to say no to the combining of Haunter and Gengar features, simply because you never see a mix of both in the games. Due to this you'll want to decide whether you want this Gijinka to be a Haunter or a Gengar. If you don't want him to evolve from Haunter you can use an everstone, but you will not acquire any further art. I hope this makes sense.
Your Playful neutral trait isn't neutral at this point. You may want to either change the way it is described to give it both a good and bad side as currently it reads as a positive trait. If that doesn't work you may want to try to use a different trait altogether.
You also only need one neutral trait, not two. His 'Sarcastic' trait is also not coming off as neutral, more as a negative. It'll either need to be described differently or replaced with another trait.
Since my first comment affects your history, I will let you modify that before I go into any further crit on the history.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:27 pm
Corsair Vitari
First off I'm going to say no to the combining of Haunter and Gengar features, simply because you never see a mix of both in the games. Due to this you'll want to decide whether you want this Gijinka to be a Haunter or a Gengar. If you don't want him to evolve from Haunter you can use an everstone, but you will not acquire any further art. I hope this makes sense.
Your Playful neutral trait isn't neutral at this point. You may want to either change the way it is described to give it both a good and bad side as currently it reads as a positive trait. If that doesn't work you may want to try to use a different trait altogether.
You also only need one neutral trait, not two. His 'Sarcastic' trait is also not coming off as neutral, more as a negative. It'll either need to be described differently or replaced with another trait.
Since my first comment affects your history, I will let you modify that before I go into any further crit on the history.
As for the neutral traits, I understand I only need one, but am I not allowed to have two? I think I might just end up combining the Sarcastic and Playful traits if possible, since they're somewhat similar, but just hypothetically speaking I wondered if two neutral traits were allowed.
I'll modify the history asap and get back to you shortly. Thanks for the crit.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:36 pm
Two neutral traits are allowed, but neither of your current traits are neutral as they stand so you may want to re-hash them completely.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:54 pm
Corsair Vitari
Two neutral traits are allowed, but neither of your current traits are neutral as they stand so you may want to re-hash them completely.
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:58 am
Reading over your neutral trait it is still reading as negative. Remember neutral traits are neither good nor bad at all. Either that they are equally as good as they are bad. Also if it would help there are two other forms you can use instead if either of them will help balance out your character and make them well-rounded.
Also I'd like to see you flesh out your positive traits a bit more since the negative traits have such large explanations but that isn't necessary.
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