Welcome to Gaia! ::

I really apologize, but after asking Natsu about it I'm going to have to ask you to pick a different power sphere. D:' Royalty doesn't quite work because one of the goals for people in this shop is to become a royal (prince or princess) senshi.

You could switch to Nobility (or "the Noble"), though! It would also give you more room for the attacks, since nobility is a virtue as well as a societal caste. Syusaki is correct -- the attacks need to invoke the idea behind the power sphere in some way.

I'm not sure if this might be helpful to you or not. But the kind of attacks that come to my mind when I think of nobility/the noble would probably be defensive or 'supportive' types. I also might be crazy, but I find reading different definitions on dictionary.com + wikipedia really helpful in getting my mind wrapped around a sphere and coming up with possibilities.

The 'best' definition I really saw (I think so anyways) was about noble = 'being of high moral character". The first thing I think of when I think of nobility is Arthurian Legends, Camelot and the round table. They might be a great place to get inspiration from (I think a few characters like Lancelot are also names of asteriods).

And here's a bunch of quotes from Noble Life : " The constant threat of war during the Middle Ages caused members of the nobility to build grand stone castles to protect themselves, their families, and their serfs against a possible attack. Within the castle was a building called the Keep, where the nobleman and his family lived. Every castle was filled with servants who did most of the day to day work for the castle and knights who defended it against attack. Noble children were also taught rudimentary manners.
The members of the nobility had the most free time of any class during the Middle Ages. The favorite pastimes of most of the nobility were hunting and falconry. The nobles kept the forests for themselves, making it illegal for any common person to hunt in the forest. Only nobles were permitted by law to kill fallow deer, roe, wild boar, and red deer. A typical hunting party included noblewomen as well, unless the prey was the dangerous wild boar. Tourneys were another popular event during the Middle Ages. This was a gathering of knights who fought against each other. Jousting was one such sport."

Sorry that's big lump of text to read sweatdrop . But, it could be helpful for you! You could have an attack that makes a 'castle/keep' around someone, for protection. Or one that maybe only works on enemies and makes them more friendly or unwilling to harm someone temporarily. Maybe a bravery boosting attack? Another thing I thought of was perhaps you could have an attack that only works after he's been attacked himself? Like a protective charm that bounces an enemies attack at them (i.e. he's too noble to attack first?). Or a cool offensive attack could be something like a duel or jousting thing?

I hope some of that helps you! Cause it's a pretty cool quest you have there

The first thing that strikes me is that, while easy to read and a neat format for them, the flaws and virtues really do need to be separated into indivdual traits. From the perspective of analyzing a character, it makes it more difficult to get a complete view of him and how these traits come together to form his personality if each one is only given a line versus a paragraph. One person will take the trait of "gentle," for example, and interpret it as physical gentleness whereas someone else will interpret it as emotional gentleness. Still then it can be taken a myriad of ways, as either a flaw or a virtue -- gentle in the aspect of being caring and soothing and delicate with others, or overly gentle to the point where things are sugarcoated, the truth is glossed over, and in order to spare others' feelings one's own feelings don't come out, breeding unhappiness and possibly resentfulness in the person who is behaving that way.

I'll wait to give a more in-depth crit until the traits are separated and up to four main virtures and flaws are highlighted and explained. =) For now, just consider the type of character he appears to be, and the type of character he actually is -- when raised by the very affluent, often there is a "society face" and a character's true face, and this is true for everyone, but especially the very rich, I think. There are certain standards of behavior that are taught to children that oftentimes contradict their true natures, though not always. Everyone has a face they show to the world and their own actual inclinations, so thinking about the balance between that would be a good idea. I'm not saying that he needs to be the stereotypical polished gentleman for the world, conniving b*****d in his heart, but considering exactly how much of his upbringing he agrees with in regards to his behavior and where it contradicts his natural tendencies, if it does, would be a good idea.

What I usually do (and this can totally be disregarded if you want) is select one main virtue and one main flaw. I flesh these out, and then I select other virtues and flaws that naturally build off them. This helps everything tie together while retaining the core of the character type I am trying to create. So it might be helpful for you to identify for your character which virtue you consider to be his defining trait, and which flaw you consider to be his defining trait, and then building from there.

I won't crit anything about senshidom/attacks yet since you said you were considering converting him to a page? So I'll just leave off on that until you've decided on your direction there.

I look forward to reading more about him! * o*

@Deri - AIM?


@Guine - I'm still on the fence on that; it might be easier to go with the noun. :3

Ohhhh, I love the idea of more "elegant" sailor soldiers cropping up-- I'm actually no good at critiquing profiles, but maybe I could offer some advice on the sphere and attacks?

I remember wanting a suitably "fancy" sphere for Elegancia/Rosalind when I was first coming up with her scout form, and I actually started with Waterfalls, or something. Then I went to Luxury, which is something you might want to consider? Maybe he could put up a soothing aura that affords the target the luxury to relax in the midst of battle? I don't know! It's just an idea. <3

I also really like the sphere of "Nobility"-- maybe you could do something with noblesse oblige? So like-- maybe he puts a halt to violence temporarily, since they must ACT IN A FASHION MOST GRACEFULLY. And fighting most definitely is not graceful. That might be OP, you'd have to get some feedback on that! But as long as there are significant drawbacks to each attack, I don't see there being a problem?

One last thing I noticed is that only Prince/Princess senshi have access to tiara attacks-- I think your Noble Intentions attack might be cutting it too close for comfort? Maybe he just generates a glowing light in his hands and sends the darts from there, if you want to keep that attack? It's all up to you!

All in all, though, I like what you have-- I'm not one to critique a character because it's really hard for me to find fault in characters unless they're glaringly awful (which this one isn't), so keep on keepin' on! I look forward to having Rosalind meet another classy soldier on the battlefield.

Good luck! smile

Hey Kuro!

Auguste's civ side looks great; just a few fixes to his attacks and he'll be good to go!

There should be a concrete time limit for how long the hearts last for his Basic; I think 30 seconds maximum is fair, with stronger opponents able to struggle out sooner? Also, I feel like it needs to be more directly related tot he Southern Lights; maybe the hearts visually have sort of an aurora-type appearance?

His Super attack should be an upgrade of his Basic; as written it feels like a totally different attack! Also, 1 - 2 minutes for a full bind is much too long; again, 30 seconds would be more fair, dependent on strength.

His Eternal looks good, but most Eternal attacks have one to two uses, not three. Also, how many uses can he get out of his Basic and Super?

Quote me once you've made changes or if you have questions and I'll be back<3

Okay, so!

His Basic and Super attacks still feel like two totally different attacks -- basically, they should be functionally identical except for up to two upgrades. (So a longer duration or more uses or something like that; maybe the hearts now cut or burn slightly, or you could make a shorter-durationed or more breakable version of the bind, depending on which version you preferred.)

Also, anything that does a full-body bind/paralysis (basically leaving the target defenseless) should only last for ~15 seconds? (That was my mistake in my first crit, sorry!) If they still have some ability to move or defend themselves it can last a bit longer, but any kind of body bind or paralysis leaves the target really really vulnerable and so there are tight duration caps, sorry! ;;

I will be back to give another look once you've made changes~