Quote:
Naida (Is it supposed to actually be Nadia?) leaned against a tree watching the others circus tallent and crew move stuff unload burdensome equipment around for a moment. They were in a foresty areadeep in the woods. The preferred place for them to always (Redundant) appear at set up for the show. Though finding a large enough areaexpanse amongst the trees (Just being a bit more specific) was the only hard part. Which they did. (Unnecessary statement: They wouldn't be unloading the equipment if the location was insufficient.) Naida pulled on the strap across her chest and under one arm over the other. (Do violin cases have shoulder straps?) Her violin strung across her back in a diagonal waycrossing from shoulder to opposite hip. She would have normally been playing a little song for the workers but it was a little too drizzly for that. (How much damage can light misty rain do?) She could have used a different instrument but she wanted to help out with setting up the stage.
Stepping Pacing forward she quickly picked up stooped over and grasped the nearest box. A couple newbies(Pop culture can really cripple older terms) warned her that it was heavy, while the others who had been there a little longer said nothing. SheNaida wasn't like Superman (Superman is a proper noun isn't he?) or anything, however she was just stronger then someone would think of a girl her size. Also a musician to add onto it. (It has been established that she is a violinist and potentially adept with other instruments. That sentence was unnecessary and it was a sentence fragment) It was stereotypicala common stereotype to think a musician and a girlfemale instrumentalist was not as strong as others strong enough to assist the road crew. She carried the box easily enough. It was a little easy but nothing badcumbersome, but portable. She went into one of the larger tents and dropped it off.
Later, she noticed the Twins (Am I to assume that the Twins is a proper noun too?) picking on James. The poor guy. She didn't have too much trouble often quarrel with the Twins. They didn't mess with her Naida's instruments, because they were important to Naida in a way that if damaged, would make her upset. The Twins didn't really like making people upset in that way. Naida was also the musician thatone who played many of the songs the girls would dance to. Those girls were in so many of the acts. She figured Having two of them made it a little easiermore convenient though.
As sheNaida (I imagine you use proper names when beginning new paragraphs, I don't really know to be honest.) went into the tent she noticed people working inside, getting it fixed up. What she liked about this circus, was that it was very old fashioned. It made her feel like she was in medieval (I'll admit, that word tripped me up many times too.) times. She noticed the daredevil, and set her box down next to a bunch of other boxes, before walking outside again to get more things.
Stepping Pacing forward she quickly picked up stooped over and grasped the nearest box. A couple newbies(Pop culture can really cripple older terms) warned her that it was heavy, while the others who had been there a little longer said nothing. SheNaida wasn't like Superman (Superman is a proper noun isn't he?) or anything, however she was just stronger then someone would think of a girl her size. Also a musician to add onto it. (It has been established that she is a violinist and potentially adept with other instruments. That sentence was unnecessary and it was a sentence fragment) It was stereotypicala common stereotype to think a musician and a girlfemale instrumentalist was not as strong as others strong enough to assist the road crew. She carried the box easily enough. It was a little easy but nothing badcumbersome, but portable. She went into one of the larger tents and dropped it off.
Later, she noticed the Twins (Am I to assume that the Twins is a proper noun too?) picking on James. The poor guy. She didn't have too much trouble often quarrel with the Twins. They didn't mess with her Naida's instruments, because they were important to Naida in a way that if damaged, would make her upset. The Twins didn't really like making people upset in that way. Naida was also the musician thatone who played many of the songs the girls would dance to. Those girls were in so many of the acts. She figured Having two of them made it a little easiermore convenient though.
As sheNaida (I imagine you use proper names when beginning new paragraphs, I don't really know to be honest.) went into the tent she noticed people working inside, getting it fixed up. What she liked about this circus, was that it was very old fashioned. It made her feel like she was in medieval (I'll admit, that word tripped me up many times too.) times. She noticed the daredevil, and set her box down next to a bunch of other boxes, before walking outside again to get more things.
gray parentheses = commentary
italics = spelling/grammar corrections
bold = text and punctuation inserts
strikes = things crossed out
How the ******** many times can someone spell "Musician" wrong? It can't possibly be this hard. A Thesaurus is a really cool guy. Eh has synynoms and doesn't afraid of anything. This person also seems averse to commas and apostrophes. Apostrophes need some love too, specially in contractions, where they're necessary. Otherwise it seems like the spelling errors just add up to a rush job.
Now to find some fail...
Ah! Here's something. I hate to do this to a guy I barely know in real life, but he and my old friends just piss me off the second I see anything they post in that place.
Quote:
Omega Alpha
Age: 24
Race: Werewolf
Appearance:
*Height: 6'7"
*Eyes: Brown (Right eye is robotic); Scar going diagonally across his right eye
*Hair: Black
-Style: Long; reaches center of back
*Fur Color: Black w/ white markings in several areas (white markings signify scars)
*Back: 2 white feathered wings
Single row of spikes run down the center of his back
*Body
- Long white claws and sharp teeth
- Six arms (Upper right arm is metal)
- Long, snake-like tail (Can speak)
- 2 Gold-colored horns
Place of Birth: Koketsu
Date of Birth: December 10
Family Members:
Siblings:
Sigma (Older twin brother) - Werewolf
Delta (Sister) - Wererabbit
Lucky (Youngest brother) - Weredog
Anna (Youngest sister) - Werecat
Parents:
Trevor (Father) - Weredog
Dawn (Mother) - Werecat and Were-Goddess
Grandparents:
Max (Grandfather - deceased) - Wererabbit
Jessica (Grandmother) - Werewolf
Special Abilities: Hearing - Range: 2 mile radius
Strength - Depends on mood; Between 5 - 120 times his weight
Flight (Due to wings)
Fire User - Immune to fire and capable of spitting fireballs
Growth - Increases body size up to 50 times
Summoning
High Speed Runner
Rage - Increases speed, strength, and durability (Depends on mood; Between 2 - 10 times increase)
Background Info:
Born into a pretty large family. He became the last of his family at age 5 when they were all killed during a party. Since then, he travelled from place to place trying to find a new home and people to call friends only to end up hiding and running away from everyone. This continued for years and during that time, many things happened including his shadow and darkside gaining a more physical form. He was killed at the age of 13 and was sent to Hell for some unknown reason and was resurrected two weeks later only to become someone's experiment. He later gained his freedom 2 years later. At the age of 23, he came across the Haven where he now stays with his new friends who he considers family. Recently his family has been resurrected. Despite all that he's been through, he tries to maintain a relaxed mood and tries to keep those around him happy as well, even if it seems like he's a magnet for trouble.
Other:
- Side Characters -
Omega's family members
Shadow - Omega's shadow
Anarchy - Omega's darkside
Omega's tail (No name)
Darmao - Weredragon and Were-God
Emerald - Werefox and Were-Goddess
Agemo - An extension of Omega. Often acts as a clone.
Blaze - Omega's Phoenix summon
Age: 24
Race: Werewolf
Appearance:
*Height: 6'7"
*Eyes: Brown (Right eye is robotic); Scar going diagonally across his right eye
*Hair: Black
-Style: Long; reaches center of back
*Fur Color: Black w/ white markings in several areas (white markings signify scars)
*Back: 2 white feathered wings
Single row of spikes run down the center of his back
*Body
- Long white claws and sharp teeth
- Six arms (Upper right arm is metal)
- Long, snake-like tail (Can speak)
- 2 Gold-colored horns
Place of Birth: Koketsu
Date of Birth: December 10
Family Members:
Siblings:
Sigma (Older twin brother) - Werewolf
Delta (Sister) - Wererabbit
Lucky (Youngest brother) - Weredog
Anna (Youngest sister) - Werecat
Parents:
Trevor (Father) - Weredog
Dawn (Mother) - Werecat and Were-Goddess
Grandparents:
Max (Grandfather - deceased) - Wererabbit
Jessica (Grandmother) - Werewolf
Special Abilities: Hearing - Range: 2 mile radius
Strength - Depends on mood; Between 5 - 120 times his weight
Flight (Due to wings)
Fire User - Immune to fire and capable of spitting fireballs
Growth - Increases body size up to 50 times
Summoning
High Speed Runner
Rage - Increases speed, strength, and durability (Depends on mood; Between 2 - 10 times increase)
Background Info:
Born into a pretty large family. He became the last of his family at age 5 when they were all killed during a party. Since then, he travelled from place to place trying to find a new home and people to call friends only to end up hiding and running away from everyone. This continued for years and during that time, many things happened including his shadow and darkside gaining a more physical form. He was killed at the age of 13 and was sent to Hell for some unknown reason and was resurrected two weeks later only to become someone's experiment. He later gained his freedom 2 years later. At the age of 23, he came across the Haven where he now stays with his new friends who he considers family. Recently his family has been resurrected. Despite all that he's been through, he tries to maintain a relaxed mood and tries to keep those around him happy as well, even if it seems like he's a magnet for trouble.
Other:
- Side Characters -
Omega's family members
Shadow - Omega's shadow
Anarchy - Omega's darkside
Omega's tail (No name)
Darmao - Weredragon and Were-God
Emerald - Werefox and Were-Goddess
Agemo - An extension of Omega. Often acts as a clone.
Blaze - Omega's Phoenix summon