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 Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:08 am
Deskri remained silent while she spoke, once again listening to her advice and finding it to be the only real answer there could ever be for such a problem. He offered a sort of half smile in return, one which was pained.
"Yeah... I just... hope this never happens for you..." he nodded his head a little. "I'll be there for you.. I just don't want you to feel this way." Deskri, being the master of obliviousness, had not noticed the way Sonnet felt about him. Not even a little bit. She had more likely than not, already gone through his mess without his support.
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Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:57 am
Sonnet paused for a moment, his condolences a pebble thrown at her many a time shattered heart. She laughed, leaning her head against her knee.
"Oh don't worry about me Deskri, I'm the master of picking up the pieces of my own heart. Been doing it for years," she said whistfully, staring off into the distance, not looking at anything in particular.
"So, does your family have any plans for Thanksgiving?" she asked after a moment of silence. There was no point of dawdling on sadness if they didn't have to, so a change in subject seemed approriate.
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Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:31 pm
That made him worry. He sat up, ignoring his own selfish wallowing for the time being. "W-what do you mean?" he moved closer, enough so that he could wrap his arms around her. "If they do, I haven't heard anything... but what you said before..." He felt a tug at his heart that said he hadn't been paying attention again, and that negligence let Sonnet get hurt. "I really haven't been paying attention... have I?" A saddened look crossed his face. "I should have been there for you."
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Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:16 pm
Sonnet smiled at Deskri and gave him a gentle bonk on the head with her own.
"There was nothing to pay attention to really. Nothing to worry your little head over anyway." She laughed, though it was a hallow one, as if it were forced.
"It's me after all. Nothing really worthwhile to notice. Just your typical plain Jane, as always." She sighed and leaned on Deskri just a bit, not returning his embrace, because, right now, if she did she felt she'd just spill everything right there and then, all her feelings and desires towards him, and that was the last thing either of them needed.
Not right now.
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:16 am
Hearing her talk about herself in such a way only made him feel worse. "Please... don't say stuff like that." He tightened his grip a little and laid his head on her shoulder. "You're beautiful, okay? Nothing plain about you, so don't say stuff like that." Perhaps it was the fact that he already felted stripped to the bones that made him comfortable with saying such things. Up until that point he had only called her pretty, but never anything more, even though he really did think that she was more than just "pretty." It always felt a little too awkward, like he would be stepping over the invisible line of "just friends" if he called her anything else.
"I'm sorry I never noticed... and I'm sorry I keep relying on you to put me back together every time something happens..." He took in a shaky breath, feeling himself slowly start to relax enough to stop pretending to be alright. He didn't think it was a particularly great time to come undone though, not after just learning that Sonnet had to go through this mess by herself at least once in the past.
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:12 am
Sonnet finally returned his embrace, leaning her head against his.
"Like I said Deskri, nothing to worry about," she practically whispered before planting a small kiss on top of his head, as any comforting mother would.
"I don't mind you needing to rely on me. In fact, in some sort of twisted way, sometimes I need to be needed. It keeps me going, knowing that someday you'll need me to help you. It's what kept me alive all this time, through Sumi and Kagyaku and all of that mess. Knowing you needed me kept me from giving up." She paused as she leaned her head on his again.
"I don't have the best view on myself. You know that. I know that. Everyone who knows me long enough knows that. So when someone needs my help, me of all people, it kind of pushes those thoughts of self loathing away long enough to make me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile." She laughed embarrasedly. "I'm sorry, this probably is making no sence to you right now. I bet you think I'm crazy now..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:24 am
Deskri listened in silence as she spoke, finding it heartbreaking that she had to feel that way, but understanding it completely. He couldn't say he had the same relationship with pain, but it was indeed one that was detrimental to his health like Sonnet's was. He was disgusted with the fact that pain felt good to him, pain was supposed to hurt. Everyone knew that. But it felt good, and he couldn't help but like it, no, love it and that disgusted him. Yet, he kept replying on it to calm him down and get him to focus. He found that he cut himself when he was panicked, just to focus on the sensation and calm himself. When he was sad, for release, when angry, again for release... sometimes just because he was bored and it gave him something to do. Never when he was genuinely happy though, and for that he was thankful.
"No... it makes sense... I understand. I just... I just wish it didn't have to be that way." He sighed softly, "it just... I keep thinking that maybe if I had done something differently when we were little, you wouldn't have to think about yourself like that... because you really are worthwhile all the time. I mean it, you're smart, and talented, and caring, and you've got the patience of a saint..." He wasn't sure why, but what remaining tears he had started to flow. He sniffed a bit. "I hate that you have to feel that way, but I understand it."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:16 pm
Sonnet shook her head.
"Unless you knew how to excorsize evil souls from a person's body, I don't think there was much that could have been done. Suminku has left her mark in me, perhaps in more ways than one, just like Kagyaku has done to you. Most of my nightmares were about not being able to help someone when they really needed it, and it's been imbedded into my subconcious so deeply that I can't help but still have that lingering fear that when it really counts, I won't be able to do a damn thing to keep people from harm." She sighed and patted Deskri on his head.
"We are nothing more than husks of who we should have been, Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had we not had parasites in ourselves..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:28 pm
"You'll be able to. As hard as it is to believe, you will." Des responded without even having to think about it. "You've always been there for me, even when I never actually called for help.. like that time on the lake when Hayden was still a toddler." He managed a bit of an amused smile, despite the crappy mood they were both in.
"I don't know... nothing like this. I probably never would have met Rasiel, or at least... never would have fallen into this situation... we might not have become friends though, and that thought... makes me okay with having gone through this. I just wish you didn't have to get stuck with a Bad Thing as well. You, least of all people, deserved one."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:36 pm
Sonnet thought for a moment before smiling a gentle smile and holding Deskri close to her.
"If having to deal with Suminku for years is what brought us together as friends, I am happy to have gone through every painful and frightening moment," she said with a gentle yet serious tone of voice. "Every moment was well worth knowing you're always there caring about me and wanting me to be happy."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:41 pm
"Of course... you deserve to be happy." He sniffed a bit, feeling the tears let up. The talk, even though it was riddled with sadness, was making him feel better. Perhaps about everything... Rasiel was still his friend, he was happy about that. He still had Sonnet, she would always be there as far as he knew, especially considering their current conversation. So the world, as it seemed, was not ending. Which meant he didn't have to end, he'd just have to find the strength to see what the world had to offer from that day forward.
"You know... it's funny... even when we talk about sad things like this, you always make me feel better. Always."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:50 pm
"Good," she said as she bopped him on the head playfully. "It means I'm doing my job right as your best friend."
She wiggled out of his grasp enough to strech a bit. "All this depressing talk has made me hungry. You like Chinese food right? I've got a major craving for take out..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:52 pm
"Uhhh, mostly just the plain stuff, but I can eat it." Deskri smiled a bit, stretching a little which caused a few pops to come from his back. "I can pay for it, I just sold some stuff so I have money, if you call it in anyway. I hate doing that." He slid off of the bed and offered her a hand.
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:02 pm
"I'd suggest the Sweet and sour chicken then, or maybe some Wonton soup. They're both sort of low on the spice meter. I have a few beef suggestions but I know you're not all that fond of it," she said as she took his hand and stood up with his assistance.
"Sure I'll call it in. I really don't mind. Lemme go find the phone number of the place I have in mind. I think I passed it on the way here. We could go pick it up ourselves. A short walf never killed anybody right?"
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Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:07 pm
"Well... just order whatever you think I'll eat. Or whatever you at least want me to try." Deskri shrugged a little. "I guess the only real good thing this burnt out feeling is that I'm willing to do pretty much whatever you want." He offered her a bit of a smile. Honestly he would try it, he couldn't guarantee that he'd like it, but he didn't have the willpower to put up a fight to not try something for the time being.
"Yeah, walking isn't so bad. I have a computer if you need that, it's in my room."
[A month later...]
Deskri had vehemently refused to let Asu hold their "traditional" Christmas party at his house, he'd even threatened to never speak to her again (not that that was new, but he still threatened it anyway), so why exactly was the party being held at his house anyway? She'd somehow managed to convert Sonnet onto her side.
At least, that's what he thought. He never actually asked Sonnet if Asu had talked her into asking him to hold the party at his house (which by then he sometimes thought of as their house). Anyway, to move on, Deskri had just finished baking the third batch of brownies of the day, since it wasn't just Asu and Hayden coming over but Sono and Sonnet's whole family. The first two were for them, the last one was for him. Maybe Sonnet too, if she asked, but no one else. No one.
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