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[Q]Sailor Dabih, Senshi of Velociraptors[Crit] Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 [>] [»|]

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Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:57 pm


Attacks edited! Thank you LP!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:03 pm


Updated the first attack and added names.
xD
It's about time.

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:37 pm


The last virtue was added, and Micah's now ready for marking!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 11:24 am


-flips through some battle RPs to try and plump out the attack portion-

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


cibarium

Noob

PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 11:42 am


Skimming over your attacks, I'm wondering what they have to do with "Passion?" Your character is channeling / invoking their sphere in order to attack, it's basically their 'type' -- you can think of it as somewhat analogous to Pokemon move types, in the sense that an Electric type move always uses electricity, a Psychic move always uses brainpower / ********, etc, etc.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:57 pm


Hmm, I see.
-looks back over her attacks-
I'll keep the names, but redo the attacks themselves then.
-really likes the names-

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:59 pm


Maybe something that has to do with how into a battle she is, or how "passionate" she is during it. Like the more she feels during an attack, the more powerful it is.
-chin tap-
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:08 pm


Quote:
Sailor Scout Attack:
Passionate Shield
Description A spell Micah is able to cast on herself or her team mates. Basically, it is an invisible force field that Micah puts up as a barrier. It covers all sides of a person, basically forming a bubble. The "bubble" will move with the scout, enabling them to move around the field. It will also let through any attacks or projectiles cast by the scout inside through.
Duration and Timing The shield will last about 30 seconds, and can be cast once every five minutes. Micah can cast this spell three times before she can no longer move.
Uses The shield will absorb much of the attack thrown at the scout inside of it, up to half of the actual damage. Any weaker projectiles thrown at the scout will also bounce off of the shield, often times not even touching the scout. Passionate Reflection is directly related to how deeply Micah feels for the scout under this spell. The more she feels for the scout under the spell, the stronger the attack will be.
Drawbacks If Micah casts the spell on a stranger, it is less likely to be as effective as it would be with someone close to her. The less she feels for them, the weaker the spell will be. Also, because it is formed so close to a body, while casting it, Micah must put forth a great deal of effort to keep it going, leaving her open for attack much of the time. Powerful attacks and projectiles, as well as bodies, unfortunately, will pierce the shield very easily.

Super Sailor Scout Attack:
Passionate Reflection
Description A spell Micah is able to cast on herself or a team member. Much like the first attack, it creates an invisible shield around the scout the spell was cast upon. This time, however, the shield is not only stronger, but forms around the scout like clothing. The scout can still move around with this shield easily, and cast spell while inside of it.
Duration and Timing This spell lasts about a minute, and can be cast once every five minutes. Micah has three combinations she use with this attack. She can cast one and also cast up to two Passionate Shields, or she can just cast two Passionate Reflections, or four Passionate Shields.
Uses This attack can absorb up to 100% of the damage dealt by weak or moderate attacks. Weak or moderate projectiles will bounce off of the shield,and sometimes rebound a short distance. Just like Passionate Shield, Passionate Reflection is directly related to how deeply Micah feels for the scout under this spell. The more she feels for the scout under the spell, the stronger the attack will be.
Drawbacks If Micah casts the spell on a stranger, it is less likely to be as effective as it would be with someone close to her. The less she feels for them, the weaker the spell will be. Also, because it is formed so close to a body, while casting it, Micah must put forth a great deal of effort to keep it going, leaving her open for attack much of the time. Powerful attacks and projectiles, as well as bodies, unfortunately, will pierce the shield very easily.


Better?
-not totally satisfied with it yet for some reason-

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


cibarium

Noob

PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:13 pm


I know you like the shielding bit, but one thing that strikes me is that 'passion' is something that seems like it should have a lot of action and motion to it -- e.g. reckless things done in the "heat of passion" and so on. However, shields are pretty motionless and inert, so they evoke sort of the opposite idea. XD

I'm sorta iffy on whether that works, to be honest. This is probably personal preference though, I'd rather see an attack invoke the concept of the sphere itself than rely on the character's personal feelings.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:24 pm


Quote:
Sailor Scout Attack:
Passionate Arrow Strike
Description At the beginning of the attack Micah will push her hands together, almost like she is praying. She will then shout the name of her attack and slowly pull her hands apart, and an arrow will form. Micah will then charge her enemy, and once she is within striking range, she will plunge the arrow as far into the heart as possible. When she released the arrow, it melts into the heart of her enemy
Duration and Timing The attack itself will take about ten seconds. Charging the enemy will depend on Micah's distance from the enemy. The effects last about a minute, and Micah can cast it once every five. She can only cast three spells before she passes out.
Uses As the arrow melts into the heart of the enemy they are stunned. This will leave the enemy open for attack for about ten seconds. After that, the emotions of the enemy are amplified to a dangerous level. If the enemy is sad, they will be immobilized by sorrow. If the enemy has a crush on a scout, they will become infatuated with them. Basically, it will leave them open for attack, since they will only be able to focus on the emotion which has taken over their heart and mind.
Drawbacks There is always the chance that the enemy is just blood thirsty. At that point, if Micah casts this spell, the enemy will go berserk. This is both good and bad. The good is that the enemy will be clumsy, miscalculated, and sloppy with their attacks. This makes the easy to dodge and counter. However, this also make them unpredictable and insanely strong. While they will be easily dodged, if the scout cannot evade an attack by a berserk enemy, they will be seriously injured.


I like that one a TON more.

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


cibarium

Noob

PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:31 pm


That sounds really neat, but a little too complicated. Just simplify it a bit, no need to spend all that time conjuring an arrow, maybe cut out the range of emotions that are used (Super Intense Sadness doesn't really sound like a passionate emotion). Maybe have it so it's the target's emotions are intensified, and not the attacker's being imposed on them?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:34 pm


That is what happens though. I probably just worded that funny, but the person who had the arrow lodged in their heart is the one whose emotions are amplified. I will be sure and reword that, and cut down the actual attack itself.

Edit:: The definition of "passion" that I used was "an emotion applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something."
Using this definition, there actually can be a passionate sorrow, since it's just an intense sadness.

Cited here

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 5:09 pm


Attacks all updated, and I'm loving these more than the others!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:06 pm


I can't get passion right, I'm changing her sphere to Velociaptors.
xD

Sweenys_Revenge

Dangerous Lover


Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

15,750 Points
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 4:05 pm


Random thought: I'm not sure if her actually summoned claw will fly quite as it stands since you describe it as being made of bone. Sailor Regulus uses 'knives' but they're only a magic replica of of a knife, not actual knives, though they damage like they were real.

Only extremely rare senshi (Proxima, Venus...) have physical weapon summons.

Regulus' already kind of pushes the envelope between the two, I'm pretty sure, though Mouse and the staff would really have the final say on this.

I'm also slightly puzzled why she has to shut her eyes for her first level attack. Is this a way of trying to give it a weakness, since it's a fairly nasty thing to be hit with.

I might change the 'claws' to have a shorter summon time, and be a phantasmal version of a claw, and not an actual bone claw. Possibly even no visible representation of a claw, just slash damage, though at first level, I think it would have to not be lethal.

Her challenge is directly lifted from Jurassic Park: Are you sure that's the way you want to go? I know she would probably see it as bad-a**, but others might find it... a bit spoofy.


I'm also seeing a potential problem with her desire to be social and her Temper and Foot in Mouth: For someone who relies on being around people, she has a massive slice of ways to drive them away, especially since it sounds like her lack of filter ((Non filtered mouths seem to be getting fairly common, but this may just be my conception)) applies even to her friends. How does she keep from diving away her friends when apparently she can't control her mouth even around them?

Her temper also seems to currently conflict with her Loyal trait. She gets angry readily, but if you've said something nice to her she'll forgive broken dates? There's a lot of conflict in these traits.

Intelligent also seems forced, hearing about something isn't the same as actually being through it. Although she may have listened, for example, to someone who has performed surgery, it doesn't give her the ability to do it herself.

I'm also a little not sure how the idea that she can be 'unleashed' or will otherwise ignore the person she's angry at fits with her short temper and unfiltered mouth. If she's so ready to spout off whatever enters her head, it seems very unlikely that she could just rein things in whenever she feels like it.

Fast: Another one I think you should keep in mind. You've drilled over and over and over how fast she is, but I haven't seen any reference to the fact that sprinters, as she appears to be, like cheetahs, lack stamina. She may be able to do an impressive burst, but she won't be able to hold it for long. Slower speeds are really required to do marathon runs. Both types of running use different forms of muscles.

Hopefully this will help you smooth out the rough patches.
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