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Faction/Race Demon or Monster???/Mad Hatter + Chesire cat
:: Because of the way procreation works in Halloweentown, there are no half-breeds. If two creatures from different species/races have a child, the offspring is one of the parents' species/race, not both or a mixture. So if an incubus got together with a ghost, the baby would be either an incubus or a ghost.

Natural ability: All in the Hat
So... hatters' hats can bring themselves to life in different ways and times. But that doesn't say what hers does. It's good to have a general idea to let other people pick up that race later, but what is it like for your character?

FEAR: Vanishing
:: This sounds like a natural ability. What you do for FEAR is pick something that no one else will exactly have. Some may have something similar, but it's supposed to be unique in its form to your character.

No, what I meant was, you have Hatter and Cheshire Cat being two things and her being a mix of them. She can be either a Hatter or a Cheshire Cat, and by her appearance I'd say the latter.
The hat could be something she used magic to reanimate? Or perhaps one of her family reanimated it and it's alive from then on, kinda like the reaper Coralie's hat?

I mean, her parents can be two different things, but she can't be a mixture of the species. I think it's a way to keep things from getting too complicated.

Zombie hat? Win! XDD

Old image not up to snuff so replaced it with some niji art.

Mosi has a really cuuute personality. C: She's very cohesive, and I particularly like her reasons for coming to school. Plus, her hat is pretty cool. * A * Her fear also fits in very well with her concept. Overall, I like her a lot!

There are two things I thought I'd bring up:
1. She seems like a pretty introverted person. In my experience, that sometimes gives people trouble figuring out how to initiate social interaction without breaking character in RPs. I really like that she's shy, but is there anything that would motivate her to meet or even talk to strangers?

2. -points at what Reeshie said- The whole Demon/Mad Hatter + Chesire cat thing stated as her race confuses me. X:

SO. i tend to crit things really long, so im sorry if this looks like a big wall of text. OTL just critting you back cause you were so helpful with my quest <333

a big overall crit is to make sure you don't switch from first person to third person. example:



You go from saying I had trouble to Mo loves discussing books.
I hope that makes sense xD

Some of the sentences are rather hard to read, as well like:


You mention "it" "themselves" and "you" all in the same sentence.
i dont mean to be a stickler for grammar and what not, but it's a burr on your quest if the reader can't understand it.
OKAY. now that that's out of the way.

I have to wonder why she hides that she's a cheshire cat? and why she's a demon? to me, a cheshire cat would be either a monster or a ghost... i dont see how it fits in well with the demon qualifications; high upperclass snootiness, etc. none of which i see with mo. my girl, danny is a demon, but she totally doesn't get the whole upper class thing because she's stupid. a great example of that cheshire charm is cat, who isnt actually a cheshire cat but was inspired from him. he can disappear at will in twirls of ribbons which fits great with both a ghost and cheshire. ESPECIALLY since you say in her fear that her "conscious is still in tact move from place to place without being seen."
basically, why did you choose to put cheshy and demon together?
(reading over crits, i see a lot of people saying this, but i hoped i tried to explain it a bit more)

the next thing i have to talk about is her fear and her natural ability. they're almost identical! for natural ability, she can meld into the background and just exist without being seen, which i think is AWESOME, but for her fear, it's practically the same thing. FEAR should be thought of like a pokemon attack; for example, danny's natural ability is to be able to make fireballs, but for her FEAR her hands flare up and she can basically fight with fire.
i would differentiate between her natural ability and her FEAR, as much as you can. my best suggestion would be to change her fear to make it more ... offensive-y? im sorry if im not explaining this well xDD
i DO love that she runs into walls though. that image is hilarious xD imagery always helps with writing FEARs i find :3

agreed like a few others- since she's very quiet/in the corner she would be hard to rp. of course, there are tons of shy characters, so im not complaining about that. what i have a problem with is that after you break past her quiet you say she "can be rather snarky and extremely rude." i dont know about you, but if i talked with a quiet person and then they were rude with me, i wouldnt really want to be friends with them. what makes people like her? what good qualities does she have? what draws rp to happen. again, mentioning danny, she is EXTREMELY stupid, which might deter some, but has a happy-go-lucky sort of spirit so it mixes well.

the "things on my head are ears" trait is sort of ... weird? you talk about her being a good listener, so i was like "ooh, she likes listening to people and stories and things?" but then you immediately launch into how she's closes herself off from people. so far, when ive read this much of the profile, all i know is that she's quiet, doesnt open up, and is rude. again like i said above, what are some good things about her? the listening thing was an awesome start but got choked off by her closed ... ness /shot for making pu words.

the "how is that possible" trait has me saying just that. "how is that possible," but sadly i dont mean it in a good way. you bounce around from topic to topic; first you talk about her being caring, then her being wild, then her mother, then her non-split-personality ... its just a bit too much to contain in one tiny paragraph. and i know you said it wasn't split personality, but it's honestly coming off as such. caring one moment, selfish and rude the next. if that isnt split personality, i dont know what is.

i DO like what you've started with her romance though. i like that she is all shy and desublushtastic about romance. its so .. asdlkfj i love shoujo okay xD
what i think you should be careful of is not bringing rp circumstances up in bios. you talk about how she runs away and blushes and what not, but it could all depend on the rp, and the person she's in love with. basically, talk about the more general things than what she would do in an exact rp situation, because you never know how things will play out!

i can honestly say the biggest problem i have with mo is her appearance. NONE of it says demon nor cheshire cat. it screams indian princess to me. she has a feather headress, a corset a pipe, a pouch, a butterfly over her face ... i like it, i really do, but NONE of it says cheshire cat nor demon. your description is also different from the little images in the post. im just a bit confused. shes has a bunch of indian inspired things, then oriental hair ornaments ... i just dont see it cohesively tying into the cheshire cat/demon category. if you could give a kickass explanation, i would totally be down for it.

i think including the mad hatter makes ... no sense? i mean your quest is for a cheshire cat, not the hatter. yes, hes a key part of her history, but theres no need to include it in her quest. think of quests as quick snapshot of your character; you can elaborate in your journal later :>
also ... i kind of feel like the mad hatter "father" figure was just to make a reference to alice in wonderland. is there a reason hes a mad hatter beyond that?

i would also be careful not to delve too far into "cheshire/mad hatter relations" and what not because you never know when someone is going to want to quest for a cheshire, and then see you have set rules for clans, how they earn their stripes, etc. i DO love the rite of passage thing, but i would just be careful because you never know when someone will want to do the same type of character. like i said, be careful not to delve too much in your quest, because its a quest. journals are for elaborating 8D

i really like her hobbies but i think the whole sewing/fashion/baking thing is a bit ooc for her. she is the quiet shy type with her nose in a book, but oh yeah she can do all these other great skills. i can see how she would naturally do these things with her adoptive family, but i wouldnt necessarily consider them hobbies. of course, this is just my personal view, you dont have to get rid of them or anything.

OKAY I HOPE THAT WAS USEFUL SORRY I BLABBED SO MUCH > A> /runs away forever

oh! thanks so much for putting the draw ant the first post, mo looks so sexy P: