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 Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:59 am
Ah, I've had the most brilliant idea! (should have done this some time ago) the senshi portion is open for suggestions and critique I have deleted the former moveset as it was not in my best interest to keep the moveset as it was.Thus I am open for critiques and suggestions, because i'm pretty stumped.
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:56 pm
For some reason I feel tired, but I'm mentally creative, so sorry if this doesn't make sense xD
For me, when thinking about liberty, it feels like the weight of other emotions seem to fall off my shoulder and allows me to be capable of doing more things. So working with the emotions that come along with liberty, why don't you do a buff for allies? Like... He summons a bell that he can ring (think liberty bell) and when allies here it they feel like they can move faster, think more sharp, etc.
Well, IT'S ONE IDEA 8D <3
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Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:09 am
ATh e a r t For some reason I feel tired, but I'm mentally creative, so sorry if this doesn't make sense xD For me, when thinking about liberty, it feels like the weight of other emotions seem to fall off my shoulder and allows me to be capable of doing more things. So working with the emotions that come along with liberty, why don't you do a buff for allies? Like... He summons a bell that he can ring (think liberty bell) and when allies here it they feel like they can move faster, think more sharp, etc. Well, IT'S ONE IDEA 8D <3 No worries, it makes perfect sense c: First, I had never considered a booster move, so i will keep that in mind. o uob Second, I had actually considered a bell theme, but someone else has one (two I think, Spinel in the dark senshi section and Pegasus) So i'd have to scrap that idea >: I had also considered a move (and what i'm actually editting in, though I really like the boost idea) that dispells an enemies effects, but i'm not very sure about it.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:02 pm
NO LONGER SEARCHING FOR CRITIQUES
This journal has been submitted for approval.
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Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:34 pm
Hello there! I'm not the most experienced staff critter in the world, but I figured you'd waited long enough for some sort of response. So here we go. :3
All and all I really like that you're wanting to play a kind of troubled character. We don't actually have a lot of quick tempered/troubled characters (especially senshi) so I think he's a pretty neat and unique character.
There are a few things that need a little tweeking though to be stamped.
Risk taker as it is decribed doesn't really work as a virtue currently. There isn't much listed about why it's considered good, and more attention is put on why he takes risks and how he tries not to get caught for this supposedly 'good' trait.
Low self esteem and Arrogant as seperate flaws kind of clash with each other. It doesn't make sense for him to be arrogant if he really is not so sure about himself. But it definately does make sense if it's really a facade, which it looks like was your intention. I think you could easily combine the two under self esteem and just add an extra sentence or two about the arogant aire he puts off as a defense mechanism. Also that will let you drop 'Risk Taker' and you'll have equal traits again with 3 and 3.
I really like the 'attacks' you came up with. Liberating an ally from an enemy attack is cool and pretty unique as well. My only real concern with them is the time limit. For this kind of attack I think you're better off going with just a set number of times he can do it. My suggestion would be this.
He can do it twice in his senshi stage (to the same person twice or two different people). He'd have a lot of luck on similar staged enemies but maybe can only weaken the power instead of dismissing it for super/eternal enemies.
In the super stage he can do it three times. It would be 100% against lower level enemies and then "have a lot of luck on similar staged enemies but maybe can only weaken the power instead of dismissing it for eternal enemies"
For the eternal stage I'd actually suggest going with an aura, where every ally in a certain radius (maybe 5-10 feet) gets hit/dispelled at the same time. Since this is much more powerful then hitting just one person I'd probably say he could only do this once or twice?
If you have other ideas though let me know, and please quote me once you've tweaked your information so I can take another look. Thank you, and so sorry for your super long wait!
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:28 pm
Thank you Iris! And I will listen to your advice, unfortunatley, I'm also going to be taking a long hiatus, at least until I can afford internet at my house and a desktop computer (and some time lol, my jobs kept me pretty busy) I will be working on revisions during that time though. (and sorry for the late response, I saw this when you originally posted but I just didn't, and haven't, had time to respond.)
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:32 pm
No problem at all. Whenever you're back and ready just quote me again and I'll be happy to look at it.
Good luck heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:19 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:13 am
Open for Critique, but for Civvie half only, I'm still trying to remember if I've actually editted those attacks recently or not.
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:23 pm
Hey Kaname~ Wow you've been working on this boy for quite a while -- so let's get working to get him stamped and ready to play! <3 ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE:Are there social aspects to his hobbies, besides Debate? Does he watch movies with others, run a review site, something like that? For Cooking, does he take cooking classes? Cook with or for friends? Virtues look good! There's a small contradiction in his "Short-tempered flaw" -- it says it's hard to set him off, but most anything will? Is this meant to be like, a cumulative thing - once his anger builds up the switch is really light? ON THE POWERED SIDE:You have his time limit at 1/2/4 minutes - and these are way too long, I'm sorry! We don't usually let Senshi attacks last longer than 45 seconds at Eternal, but I don't think this necessarily needs a time limit? It just dispels, so simply saying it does that is fine~ I also think that having it have a certain chance of success is unnecessary! Since it can only dispel effects at his own level, that's plenty a limit on success as far as I'm concerned. How many uses per battle do his attacks have? Lastly, I understand what you're going for, but could you more specifically tie the sphere in? Tweaks of language will do it - it "liberates" his target from the effect, stuff like that. Quote me when you've made tweaks and I'll give him another look over!
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Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:44 am
Okay, I've hopefully fixed it all u vu
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Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 2:01 pm
Okay, looks good to me!  A GM should be by soon with any final tweaks or a full stamp!
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:49 pm
I think this looks good to me! Enjoy playing him!
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Reply
