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 Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:07 pm
Rewording it wouldn't really change the part I had a problem with ): This attack is similar to one that Corvus, the senshi of vengeance, had. ATTACKS Attack #1 - Retribution![Once activated this attack stores all damage dealt to Corvus by the enemy over the course of two rounds before releasing it as a bolt of negative energy at the start of the third round.] Duration: Two and a half rounds (counting rounds as sets of posts ex. Corvus/Enemy [1], Corvus/Enemy[2], Corvus [attack released on this turn]).
Avoidable: If the enemy knows what's coming or has a strong defense, yes. Against weaker enemies (youma, for example), it's almost always a hit.
Downside: Corvus needs to take damage in order for this attack to go off. She is more than likely to get her a** kicked in the name of trying for a stronger attack. Attack #1a - Divine Retribution![Once activated this attack stores all damage dealt by the enemy to Corvus +1 (whomever she considers an 'ally' in the battle situation) over the course of two rounds before releasing it as a bolt of negative energy at the start of the third round. This bolt can either be focused as one solid attack against Corvus's aggressor or split between two 'enemies'.] Duration: Two and a half rounds (counting rounds as sets of posts ex. Corvus/Enemy/Enemy2/Ally [1], Corvus/Enemy/Enemy2/Ally[2], Corvus [attack released on this turn]).
Avoidable: If the enemy knows what's coming or has a strong defense, yes. Against weaker enemies (youma, for example), it's almost always a hit and, as a solid bolt, is often deadly. As a split bolt the damage is halved between the two attacking divisions.
Downside: Corvus needs to take damage in order for this attack to go off. She is more than likely to get her a** kicked in the name of trying for a stronger attack. In this case she is also often fending off multiple enemies and trying to defend an ally. These attacks weren't okay because she stored damage and then converted it into a strike against the enemy. That is Virgo's second stage attack and so it is not allowed--and as you can see, both writeups are very similar, so. However! if the kickback were instantaneous, I would probably be okay with this attack? Instead of storing the energy for (thirty or fifteen seconds, your attack writeup says both) maybe it deflects immediately with half again the damage? (like, instead of returning just 12 damage, it returns 18 damage, to speak in Pokemans terms).
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Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:37 pm
*nod nods*
I mean, I could just change it to more of a defensive attack possibly again, like maybe her deflection splits the attack into up to three beams so she can attack more than one enemy?
The idea I had behind it was more of an aggressive ability, but I do understand that each Senshi has their own attacks and they shouldn't overlay. Thanks for being so helpful...and I'll try and work it out to not overlap their powers <3
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:30 pm
Added a new hobby...a more relaxed culture viewing...she enjoys quite music settings and art shows and anything that is out in the open and not too packed by people.
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:42 pm
Very good! smile This one works a lot better, and doesn't overlap with Virgo at all. High five!
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:56 pm
Awesome! I'm glad we could work this out! As I said in the PM, thank you so much for letting me know, I really didn't want to step on toes/make anyone mad...
...plus, you were such a help with your suggestions, so I really appreciate that as well smile
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Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 4:04 pm
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 7:56 am
So... I've never done this before, so I doubt that it'll be very helpful.
I like what you have so far, I just feel like there could be a little more of her character in your description, or add another hobby or virtue or flaw. Is there anything she does subconsciously when she gets anxious? Or little habits she's developed? Was she the one who was bullied, or did she just witness what happened? If she was the one being bullied, then why?
Or... Maybe I really don't know what I'm talking about, and in that case, I apologize! Best of luck!
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 8:29 am
Thanks Gui, I'll try and think of how to add more detail <3
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 9:30 am
Hiyas Final_Crucible,
Here's my attempt to crit
First up as a general, i think they prefer characters to have at least 3 flaws and 3 virtues to give a better sense of the character even though 2 flaws and 2 virtues are the minimum. I think that 4 flaws and 4 virtues are the maximum though.
I'll split this into 2 parts Student and then Senshi.
The Student
First of all can I say that I love the description of Saige's reading hobby, I love how she loves reading so much that she can't wait to start reading.
It also seems to work quite well with her 'Need for Intellect' virtue to me, although out of curiosity I was wondering if Saige like reading stories that would fall under the classics e.g. Little Women or Arabian Nights or even Tolkein on the more fantasy side since that would probably tie the reading hobby even more firmly to the virtue as classics tend to fall securely within the intellectual domain.
In her Critical Superficiality flaw, I didn't get this bit: 'and often will stare at herself in the mirror when her idea features begin to show' but the rest tied in pretty nicely for me.
Another flaw and virtue would round it all off in my opinion and give a better picture of Saige smile
((Will do the Senshi part in my next post))
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 9:45 am
Okay, for the senshi part
The attacks are really well written up. There's only 2 parts that confused me somewhat.
1. Senshi attack
Although in the senshi part it states that Phaetusa can hold the shield for 30 secs and then can't summon it for the rest of the battle. It also states that 'Normally, it is a last ditch effort to defend against a surprise attack, and can be used five times during a battle in that case.'
This left me confused as to whether the attack can be used once or 5 times.
1b. Super Senshi attack
This part 'The shield takes longer to summon, and also takes much more energy. If she uses her Sailor Ability, she can still deflect moves now.' confused me a little too are we talking physical attacks? Or is it just that she can use her Senshi ability while the Super Senshi attack is operational?
That's all that's really come to mind though
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