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 Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:19 pm
Dark_Musashi Are the first two attacks a buff (geek comparison: raising STR) or a healing effect (restoring HP)? I would be careful to not have all your attacks centered around healing, and there's already a canon senshi whose sphere (Healing) only allows her that. If it's a buff, well, great. biggrin By the way, can Athene use these attacks on himself too? Can he buff the same person more than once this way? Hi Musashi: Yep the first two attacks are supposed to be buffing attacks. So senshi attack ally get a small energy boost, super attack ally gets a larger energy boost. Only the last attack (the eternal one) actually heals. Also although Athene can use the senshi and super attacks on the same ally, he cannot use it on himself. I'll edit this into the attacks to make them clearer.
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Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:08 pm
Added some information to Athene's attacks, so hope it's clearer that the first 2 attacks are buffing attacks.
Also added in the fact that Athene's attacks can't be used on himself.
Just in case Athene's Beads of Recovery is too close to the healing sphere attack-wise, I've thought up and added a potential alternative attack which would be another buff attack.
More crits would be loved heart
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Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 1:13 pm
I think I'm finally happy with Arian's flaws and virtues and hope they read better now. I'm wondering if I need to add in one more of each since a lot of profiles seem to have four
I've tweaked the attacks a little more and added in a bit specifying the limits of the attack. Hopefully the duration of the attacks are more realistic too. Is 30 seconds to short for an eternal attack? I initially was going to go for 40 seconds duration for the eternal attack, but decided to err on the side of caution just in case
I'm not sure what to go for as Arian's Eternal attack. Should I stick with Athene's Beads of Recovery or use Athene's Beads of Reinforcement instead? I admit Beads of Reinforcement has grown on me and would avoid any conflict with the sphere of healing.
Still stuck on the challenge so would love some help with that biggrin
-- Edit --
Having spoken to likeLinen, I've taken out Beads of Recovery and used Beads of Reinforcement instead, which also has the added plus of fitting in with the ally-buff style of his senshi and super senshi attacks biggrin
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Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 4:41 pm
I've added in 1 more flaw and virtue and I think I've come up with a challenge for him so I think (hopefully) everything is now here.
Would still like some more crits, but am going to attempt to go for a mark.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 3:03 pm
Crit time
Q:
Does his passion for reading help him in his hobby with jewelry making? Could he like rent a book on making better bracelets and necklaces?
Only Question for now.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:35 pm
Hi Urimian:
Actually I wouldn't say that passion is the right word to use to describe reading hobby.
Reading is something he really enjoys doing, but he doesn't have the same enthusiam for it as he does for jewellery making.
When making jewellery, Arian can sometimes spend hours on a piece. He'll get excited about working out combinations of beads to try or at the challenge to bring his sketched doodles of ideas into reality and will most likely get so caught up in what he's doing that he doesn't notice that it's late at night and his stomach is grumbling because he's forgotten to go eat dinner.
Arian probably could rent books on making jewellery, but he prefers to come up with things on his own and so wouldn't go further than looking at the basics of a new technique and then build on it himself.
Thanks for the crit smile
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:51 am
Contacted Natsu to see if I can turn this into a RL slot and will update accordingly once I've talked with her.
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:56 pm
Edits:
Booted 'Hopeless budgeteer to miscellaneous info', added in trust issues as a flaw and tweaked his 'There is no Black or White' virtue as it immediately clashed.
Also tweaked his height a little
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:05 am
I don't feel qualified to comment on the senshi side, but personality-wise, I think Arian is *adorable*, and I wish you the best of luck getting him. He's a total sweetie, and deserves hugs.
I like the addition of Trust Issues, it seems to fit in perfectly. Also, his taste in jewellery is awesome. heart Are the welsh bits crossed out because you're no longer using them at all, or just because he's secretive about them?
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 1:06 pm
Hi Lokis, thanks for your comments smile
The welsh bits are crossed out for what are 2 main reasons.
1. He's so secretive of them
2. They all tie to that period when his mother and sister were still alive
The cupcake window shopping is crossed out because well oohing over sprinkle-topped cupcakes is not exactly manly xd and so is more of a guilty pleasure for him
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 4:18 am
I'm on Natsu's list for a rl slot and so I've edited accordingly heart
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Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:01 am
Gaia's not letting me edit posts at the moment, so this is just a quick to to say that I'm going to be away for up to two weeks while my laptop battery gets replaced.
I may be back sooner, but Ive been told it could take any time up to 2 weeks.
Edit (25/04) ---
- I'm back (sort of) - I can get the internet while over at Mum's, although I'll still be pretty scarce as my laptop's still being fixed.
- Done some tweaks to the family post and added a quick description of what Saffron looks like in.
Edit (02/05) ---
- Taken out Mark from title for now as it's been pointed out that currently Athene's attacks seem more fitting to that of a Senshi of Jewellery. Tried tweaking a little and put new attacks in Extra Post 1 and have posted in main thread to ask for more crits.
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 8:57 am
I'm totally loving this character, you've been wonderfully thorough in writing out his personality, and by this point, I really can't find anything wrong with him. The only thing that kind of niggled me was the fact that he's a coward, and yet a senshi. Since he hates running into danger, would he even bother transforming most of the time? Would he only become Sailor Athene if someone he really cared about was in danger, or if he had no other choice (ie, if he was cornered)?
At the start, I can't see him being on a senshi team at all, or, to be frank, anyone wanting him to be on their team if he is so likely to turn tail and run.
If you do want him to end up on a team, I imagine that at least one of the members would have to be a good friend of his, and the only reason he'd agree to go along would be to look out for them, since he has so few real friends he really wouldn't want to lose one of the few he has.
That's all I can really think of though, you've done a great job!
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 9:15 am
Fascinating! I'm not good at this, but I have a couple little things to say.
I noticed in one of your posts that there was a concern about him being a Senshi of Jewelry instead of Beads? I think that could be fixed by swapping out the "Jewelry making" to "Beading" in his hobbies. I make jewelry, myself, and there is a huge, huge spectrum of jewelry making. From beading to casting and fabricating metal pieces, to weaving, sewing, etc. My own preference is casting metal from wax mockups. I feel like changing the hobby just slightly will help.
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 10:04 am
@ Jolie - thanks for the crit, that really helps smile
I had this idea of him being a rather reluctant senshi at first... Kind of like he starts patrolling since the little voice telling him that he needs to go find the princess starts to drive him nuts - but even so he tries to patrol somewhere which doesn't seem dangerous (he's new to Destiny City so he won't know that anywhere can potentially be dangerous).
I was also picturing him as the sort of person who you'd think 'if this is the opposition then who needs enemies' type of person.
Because of this I kind of pictured it taking a while before he joined any sort of team - kind of like after long term growth. Although come to think of it, that might be kind of hard to rp. I think I'll try and think up a different flaw and maybe boot some of the stuff I liked from card carrying coward into misc instead.
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