Welcome to Gaia! ::

ON THE CIVILIAN:

Your virtues are a little on the thin side at present. I would recommend adding a third. Try to make her as fleshed out as possible in the profile. Right now, you say that she is passionate and creative -- but what else? Is she caring? Is she generous? Is she self-sacrificing? Is she ambitious? Is she empathetic? Try to nail down a third virtue, I think, or else Oli feels a little too simple.

PASSIONATE and SELF-DOUBT seem to conflict a little at present. In PASSIONATE, you say she is a girl who believes the things that she does very strongly, but then in SELF-DOUBT, you say she crawls into a pit of doubt where she doesn't believe she can accomplish things. Right now, these are too opposed. If you rewrite it to make it clear that she is passionate when is comes to ideas but maybe doubting when it comes to her ability to execute those ideas, it would fit better. Or, perhaps, reword passionate so that it focuses on her tendency to see the good in people and rename it OPTIMIST or FORGIVING or BELIEVER.

IMPULSIVE also butts up against her SELF-DOUBT/SHY nature. She is really uncertain about herself and a bit of a wall flower lacking confidence -- but she says what is on her mind, regardless of the consequences. These traits don't seem to make sure together in this way. The flaws/virtues that are listed in the profile are the ones that are the most significant to your character. If she is mostly shy, lacking confidence, and doubting her abilities but every now and then she has an impulsive spark, that spontaneity is not one of her most significant flaws. It is just something that happens every now and then, if that makes sense.

A lot of these questions will probably be answered if you build up those descriptive paragraphs a bit more. Right now, I don't know if she is the shy wallflower or the impulsive, passionate girl. You can definitely be shy and passionate, but the way it is written now, there is too much of a disparity. When you go to revise, try to bridge this gap so it is more evident how these traits work together, as opposed to conflicting with one another.

ON THE SENSHI:

For her regular, I would cut that she can cast it on someone by wrapping her arms around herself. I would stick with her just having to get her arms around her enemy physically in order to bring upon her magical effects. I would make this either ranged (and in that case, add more detail on how she chooses a target to cast it on when she is only touching herself) or keep it melee with her having to physically hug the target. Make sure you add a duration for this -- how long does it last? how many times can she do it? -- and also provide the weaknesses for how the attack could be avoided.

I have the exact same feedback for regular. Choose either melee or ranged, and then edit in the duration and weaknesses.

For eternal, I like the attack itself. Again, go back in and give it a time limit. Does this last for one minute? What is the total AoE? Is it a gust of drive air that shoots off of her in a sheet ten feet wide and travels fifteen feet in front of her, affecting friend or foe who is caught in the path? Make sure you put those things into the attack so I can stamp it.

I hope this helps!

<3 *small nudge*

Holy crap look at this old thing.

Hi Matisha! Thanks for the review!

I tweaked her hobbies a bit,including the Dune the old 'get Dune themed Senshi' thing has kind of fallen away, so her original group is kind of not a thing, but yeah, she's pretty much a dedicated, passionate nerd.

I also tweaked the attacks and added a little more detail on her knitting hobby.

This is Double knitting btw. Unlike normal colorwork, which gives you the hanging strings inside, you create the same pattern on both sides, no 'tails'.

. Thanks Matisha!