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 Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:47 pm
Dogs: SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SCREECH*
*UP*
Quote: Today, while driving, I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting a squirrel. Then a semi behind me couldn't stop in time and rear-ended me. Now my car is totaled. But on the bright side, the squirrel lived. FML
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Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:52 pm
For all the Pokemon stuff that's been going on...
Quote: Today, my husband was playing Pokemon in bed. He hid the screen from himself and guessed the name of every pokemon encounter based on the sound of their cry. He got all 65 encounters right. This happens every night. FML
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:16 pm
♀ →
Quote: Today, I bought some new boxer briefs that were on sale. Apparently, they have a very cheap dye as evidenced by the fact that everything down there is now teal. My girlfriend is still laughing. FML
xDDDD
← ♀
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:23 pm
Today, i was eating supper at my boyfriend's house. His mom asked me if I liked rolls, and I said yes. My boyfriend then proceeded to grab my love handles and say, "I love rolls too." FML
THE JELLEHROLLZ!!!!
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:14 am
♀ →
Today, as a result of insomnia caused by my anxiety disorder, I began experiencing slight hallucinations at work. I then tell my boyfriend how scared and worried it made me. His reply? "It's probably just a glitch in the Matrix." FML
← ♀
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:15 am
WIN!!!
Here's One I submitted:
Today, I submitted an anonymous definition of how I thought art was used to express emotions. The professor compared it to 9/11 and put it down. I'm arab. FML
u_u
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:45 am
♀ →
Today, there was a loud bang in the apartment next door. It scared my dog so much that he jumped in my lap and farted in my face. FML
xd xd xd
← ♀
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Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:18 pm
Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around, he always says he 'loves my body', so I decided to ask why, he responded by saying 'Your blubber keeps me warm'. FML
WHALLEEE *JIGGLE*
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Posted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:44 pm
♀ →
Today, I got my bike stolen. Later, I saw my best friend riding my bike. She says, "Hey I just stole this bike from some loser!" FML
&
Today, I fell asleep in school. I had a dream that I had explosive diarrhea. It wasn't a dream. FML
← ♀
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 1:50 am
♀ →
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
← ♀
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Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:26 am
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
^HE'S A KEEPER!
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Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:20 pm
When I was seventeen years old I was working at a nice dine-in restaurant and waited on this really cute 20-ish year old. He tipped $10 and I asked if he needed anything else before he left, and he said "Yeah, a McChicken, a Big Mac, and your phone number." I was shocked and said "Mom doesn't let me give out my phone number to strangers." I would say "FML" there but it get's worse. He thought I was 23. FML.
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Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 3:49 pm
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 1:39 pm
♀ →
rofl Oh god.. Nice ones. lmao
Today, when we told our three children about the divorce, my older son and his younger sister immediately stood up and screamed, "I call dad's!" FML
← ♀
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Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 12:13 pm
Today, after having a pretty serious operation on the back of my skull, I was violently throwing up in the toilet. Luckily I had my mum who's a nurse holding my hair back for me. She then managed to slam the toilet seat down onto the back of my head. FML
WOW NICE GUYS
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