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 Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:19 am
[Several pages have been ripped from the journal. The shredded remnants along the spine where they once were have been picked over to near-invisible nubs, as though bored fingers have gone to great lengths to remove all evidence that any paper had once existed before the first page. However, there is a tell-tale gap that implies some substantial writing had once taken room before this point in the book.]
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:29 am
Quote: Prompt: 1.22.07Your Herald has left his home and decided to stay with you instead. Why did he leave? What was his previous Guardian like? Was he escaping something? Why did he chose you? Did you two know each other previously or did you meet randomly? What are his thoughts of you? Does he regret his decision? Is he, at this point, planning on staying with you indefinitely or is this just supposed to be a temporary arrangement?
.....When does the process of rebuilding end, and the status of being rebuilt become achieved? Have I come that far yet - elsewise, how do I get there? Can a thing that is unmended dream of restoration, or can it only become something new....
.....I have grown tired of attempting to rebuild the past now. I have grown tired of many things besides that too, I think, but I think that should suffice.
.....I dreamt of the island last night, for the first time in many years. I remembered the smell of the ocean at night, and how the Thimae would knock by the rickety dock outside the door. I remembered being a child, with my father showing me how to coil the rope on the deck. And if I could have held that dream in my mind, I swear to you, I would have never woken again.
.....It's been years, and I still think like this. Why? Stupid enough question - because I loved my father. The same hands that scooped me out of the sea when I fell, sacrificed so that I could live; then raised me up, taught me the ways of the world, the beauty in it. But when he died, of course, I ran. And I've been running for years, even with nothing at my back.
.....Where I am today, though... I look about me, and it seems good. I stopped being alone, at least, which is a good start. Moonie's a good friend, for all that he can't seem to make up his mind whether to be a dog or a man. I'm lucky to have come across him. He's enough my match in batting eyelids for a free lunch, anyway! Between the two of us, we can live. No more holing up in spoiled children's treehouses to survive the winter, at the very least.
.....But, you know... it doesn't seem quite right. Something lacks; I don't know if it's part of me, or part of something around me. But when I dreamt of that place last night, I didn't wake with a smile. I feel like there's something I left behind that I was meant to face. Will I live to regret some unperceived void? Am I meant to be "damaged", or am I supposed to grow around the scar; like a stray brush stroke on a master's painting, incorporated instead of half-heartedly erased?
.....I know that this cannot last long. An uneasy balance is one meant to be toppled; if I don't direct it, then something else will. I'm not sure as of yet whether I will remain here or find myself moving elsewhere, but I know that there must be a change - soon. Call me superstitious, but when the moon turns new, I can feel catastrophe from a week away; we're just about there now, I'm sure of it....
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:59 pm
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