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 Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 4:25 pm
i was trying to spell rythume redface ...but i changed it to beat
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Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 4:57 pm
VampuricWerewolf i was trying to spell rythume redface ...but i changed it to beat lol
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Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:11 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:15 pm
lawl no worries i have bad spelling skills too :3
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Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:21 pm
at least i'm not the only one
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Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 9:07 am
Can no one critique
I like that you start every single line with the same three words, It's good repetition, but if you do that the syllables are even more important. The fact that each line is one sentence adds to that, so you read it with a pause after every line, making it so they flow needs to be perfect.
It might be that you need to break up some lines, like turning-
No one can even begin to describe my hindrances
to:
No one can even begin to describe
The hindrances that burn inside
or something. I'm not trying to give you the perfect line to put in, just saying that each line should have a consistent rhythm.
Or you could stretch your shorter sentences so they make the longer sentences work.
That's really all I have to say on this one, since the ideas behind it are good, the word choice is good, the only problems are the syllables.
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Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:41 pm
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Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:26 am
Booncj beat me to everything >_>
Oh well listen to our guild leader and you'll be fine.
I think your good and need just a little work.
I'll be back to read more
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Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:20 pm
lawl! Booncj beats every1 she is just that awesome!
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