Bluefire Dragonz
Hey, Bluefire! First of all, congratulations on winning Ida! She has a fabulous sphere and I can't wait to see her played!
Jumping into things:
Hobbies:
Her flower arrangement and choir hobbies look good to me! The only hobby that seems iffy to me is making friends, in which seems to be just a little short. I feel like this could double as a virtue or something—friendly. To make it a hobby, I feel like she would have to be involved in some sort of activity or get herself involved in the community, so to just expand on that a little bit, I have a few questions that might help flesh it out! Is she the sort to get involved in clubs? Or to volunteer in some sort of big brother/big sister program? Does she do a lot of social/community? Is she the type to have a lot of casual friends but only a few close friends, or is she the type of person to have a lot of close friends and always try to hang out with them?
If not, that's okay! I was just trying to get a bit more of a feel for the character!
Virtues:
Most of these sound like they are admirable traits, however I have a request! When reading through profiles, when you are using flowery titles for the traits, it massively helps if you use one or two key words to describe the whole of the trait within the first sentence. For example, in "More flies with honey than with vinegar" you say 'kind' in the first sentence—which is exactly what I think this trait describes!
In "Lead by example", I can see how this is something to be admired, however I'm not sure exactly what you are describing for this trait. Hardworking, I think? If not that, then she definitely sounds hardworking—and if so, it's just a suggestion from me that with any trait, try to throw in key that keyword within the first or second sentence so that people trying to read her profile [either for crit or people looking for roleplay] it helps get a better idea of the character!
The same thing with "Speak softly. It forces others to listen harder." By the end of the trait, I assume this virtue is 'diplomatic', because she is a great mediator and listens before speaking, however if this is the case, I'd like a little more information about her ability to be diplomatic, if only because the first half of your description is about how quiet she is. Those small things aside though, her virtues look really good and work well together!
Flaws:
~ "I'm not all that special" - Similarly to the virtues, my question for this flaw is, if you had to describe it in one word, what would it be? Reading it, it seems like she has low self esteem, and while I think someone having low self esteem might be something to look down on them for, I feel like she would have to have more negative qualities. How does her not feeling like she is good enough affect her performance? Does her self doubt annoy people who sees how useful/valuable she is? When neglecting her needs, what sorts of things is she neglecting?
~ "Don't worry, I'll take care of it" - In one word, how would you describe this trait? I get the impression that she's kind of overprotective or overbearing in terms of wanting to take care of others or prove how useful she is to them. To make this seem more like a flaw or something that someone would look down on her, I feel like it would be better to focus on the parts of this trait that can be annoying or bothersome! But, I definitely think you are very close with it!
~ "Can I come with?" - This reads as a flaw to me and looks good!
Moving on to her powered!
First of all, Ida and Orchids both look good to me! One minor recommendation is that it is super helpful to put a link to the celestial body in the title so that we can do a quick check—and a wikipedia link is perfect! So, if you could put a link up to that, that would be awesome! [But to maybe make things a little easier, I think this is it?
Her attacks look pretty good! I can only think to tweak a few minor things, but otherwise you'll be set!
Sailor Scout Attack: Beautiful Petal Darts!
Ideally, senshi attacks, being magic, shouldn't have the ability to do a lot of physical damage or damage that could last for longer than the battle [Bruises are understandable, however such as attacks that have the ability to scar are more iffy]. To ensure that this attack doesn't scar [or, hypothetically blind someone by slicing into their eye], I can recommend one of two things: Either change the effects from being actual cuts to 'the sensation of small cuts' that could last for twenty seconds, or to add a little message about the small cuts [maybe they are only as strong as papercuts? Very annoying, painful depending on location, and yet not enough to do real damage?]
And another question about this—would clothes stop the cut?
And, when throwing the darts, how far can they fly? Will they fly until they hit something—and if they don't hit something, disappear after x seconds?
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Beautiful Petal Cyclone!
Keeping in mind the questions and suggestions for the previous stage, I'm hesitant to consider this an upgrade of the first stage instead of a new attack on its own. The super attack should be the basic attack that's a little bit stronger/might last a little longer/have an added affect. Because of this, I feel like it might be a better idea to either change this to be an upgrade of her sailor attack [maybe she has a wider range or more control over where she can throw or the effects last for longer] or, if you like the petal cyclone more, adjust it so that the sailor scout uses the petal cyclone, and then her super attack is an upgrade of that? [Maybe it could have more petals, or last for a longer time, or spin in a wider radius around her so she might be able to protect someone standing next to her in the cyclone]?
Eternal Sailor Attack: Heavenly Orchid Arrows!
The eternal attack is allowed to be different from the basic attack and it's upgrade in the super attack, so this would work with a few little clarifications! Such as, the hardened petals wouldn't be doing any damage when they hit the opponent, right? And the opponent would just feel a pressure pushing them backwards when contact is met? Or, how much damage would you think would be done at this stage?
Additionally, if this is an offensive attack that is capable of doing damage, I think it might be best to limit the arrows to about three [it is rare that she will ever face more than two opponents unless it is a large event, however if she is in a battle one on one, I think so many uses might make her a little overpowered against a single opponent].
Other than that, thank you for being so patient! I know I've left a lot of words, so I hope that's not too overwhelming! If you have any questions, comments or make any changes, please quote me and I'll be back as soon as possible!
