Welcome to Gaia! ::

Alright, pretty much done (though characters are always works in progress), so feel free to critique.

I don't know what to do with his shoes (leave him barefoot, maybe?), and I'm brainstorming powers, so feel free to leave thoughts on those.

Wow, thank you so much! <33

Hmm, you do have a point with his indepedence. Admittedly, it is more of a coping mechanism that he's gotten surprisingly good at than anything else. Probably should note that, at the least. :)

XD Suppose that makes September 13th a good day. ^^

While crits are still welcome (and, in fact, encouraged! please?), I'm going to go ahead and offer this up for marking because I think Zane's in a pretty good place right now~

This was really close, so I'ma do you a crit.

Big kudos for the tidbits on zodiac and blood type. We're all pretty familiar with the stereotypes, but it's great to see which of those you think your character has, so I always like to see that.

I have one big problem with the story of how Zane changed schools and that is: if he caused a chemical explosion/reaction that caused five grand worth of damage, how is he and half his class not dead? Zane is the closest thing to this reaction - he will be the first thing to go. So either Zane spent a lot of time in hospital, or he combined the chemicals in an empty lab and ran before they finished combining/reacting, or you need to adjust the story in some other way.

Hobbies are all great. He's a real techno bug, which is pretty ironic considering his senshi attacks are about stuffing up electronics xd

Trustworthy is reading more like loyalty. Trustworthiness is more about keeping his word, keeping secrets, being someone mature enough to teachers can trust - one of those, or a combination. Being there through thick and thin is more about friendship, loyalty, or being steadfast.

You mention Independent "borders on being a massive flaw", so I think you really need to have it in the flaws section. Or if the flaw side of it is Anti-Social, mention that in italics at the end of the sections, so we know they're linked. Just make sit easier to see you've followed through.

You've also too many flaws there currently. Four is the max that Rose and Natsu want to see. So combine two or drop one. We also need to know which flaw is the WEAKNESS, the uncool flaw that doesn't make him strong or badass. So far all five are very strong, "cool" flaws.

Anyway, I am loving the flaws and virtues apart form those few pointers. What is there is great. It's just too many flaws and missing a weakness.

Honest to god, I love the attacks. I think you've managed to find an aspect of electricity that doesn't overlap anything Makoto/Jupiter does. The only problem is that, so far, none of the Negaverse are carrying electronic weapons/devices. So when you say "equipment" that the enemy is holding, did you mean electronic equipment, or even non-electronic weapons the Negaverse agents are using?


See, you're almost there! So much that I like in this profile, only a few things preventing acceptance. Polish up and I look forward to re-reading ^_~

Nah, I think that's still a good reason to be kicked out of school and transferred to Hillworth! XD But yeah, lowering the cost is good, and add in that he did harm himself in the incident.

A random note: considering his hobbies, I think you may want to consider adding shoes or sandals to his fuku. He doesn't strike me as someone who runs around barefoot, and if you're not used to walking around... pavement is VERY uncomfortable to walk on! He'd probably walk veeery slowly in barefeet, so if he has to run... well.

"Ow! ow! OW! Ow! Ow!" concerning pavement's collection of gravel, rock-hard ABC gum, and lord knows what else that our shoes protect and cushion us from.

@Marushii: Actually, I run around barefoot all the time... but that's mostly because I'm flat-footed and my feet hurt otherwise... and they've become really calloused by now.

...I'll give him a pair of sandals. XD <3

@Kali & Maru: Thank you so much for the acceptance!! <333 Eee, so excited.