Tragedy Entry #1
Painful Memories
They say that when you sleep, it aids you in remembering the events of the previous day, and embeds them in your mind forever. But what if memories bring you nothing but pain? What if sleep becomes your biggest nightmare? How can you live with yourself? How do you survive? What happens when your basic needs of life turn against you?
The soft moonlight left the forest awash in soft hues of gray and pale yellow. Its gentle, pulsating rays found the tiniest cracks in the thick canopy above, bathing it with its ghostly light. Some might say the moonlight is an eerie sight, but that night no one could argue that it looked devastatingly beautiful. It was a silent guardian, watchful and serene, that protected the forest below. To many, it brought comfort. All except for one.
Azure turned over to lean on one elbow, her eyes watching the silent form that lay beside her. Her usually fierce eyes had an odd warm glow to them, and although this was such a minor detail, it seemed to change everything about her. Her usual lethal, quick-to-anger personality had dissolved into this deeper, more caring person, so rare to show itself to anyone. She couldn't help but feel this way, it happened every time she looked at Angela. Her sister, the only person in the world she truly loved.
The still form shifted slightly, allowing her face to be seen from underneath her weaving tapestry of golden hair. Everything about her radiated peace. From her gently closed eyes to the soft line of her mouth. Her pale skin gleamed with an inhuman beauty as it radiated the moon's gleaming light. Soft, long hair adorned her head, a pale gold. It was beautiful. All of her was beautiful. Even wearing the ragged, old clothes she wore, the only true way to describe her was angelic.
Azure could look at her face forever. Forever, and still she felt she would never get enough of watching it. Yet her eyes traced to the thin cuts under her chin, a flaw that clearly did not belong there. Pain flooded through her as she looked at those wounds. Angela didn't deserve them, she'd never had a mean bone in her body. Yet, there was nothing she could do to heal the wounds, it was something only time could do.
Turning her eyes away from the scarred beauty, her eyelids slowly lowered themselves, masking her own brown eyes. But still, she could not sleep. She wouldn't, she didn't want to. Sleep did nothing but bring back painful memories, those best left buried and forgotten for good. She hadn't slept for days, weeks, months. Every night was just more painful than the last, it was easier to fight it, not to give in. She didn't need sleep, did she?
The dreams were always the same. They would start with her mother. Even though she had died when Azure was only five, her face was eternally burned into the girl's mind. Her last moments raced through her mind:
A young girl of no more than five stood next to the bed, her thumb stuck inside her mouth. Her brown eyes were wide open, a tiny teardrop forming in the corner of one. "Momma, you'll be alright, won't you?" She mumbled around her thumb, her small voice shaky and unusually high-pitched.
The figure on the bed shook its head slightly, although that movement appeared to be too much. The thin, pale face writhed in a mask of agony for a moment. Breath wheezing, she fixed her emerald eyes upon her eldest daughter. It took a few seconds for her to formulate her words, every second a clear effort. "No, my dear. I must leave you for now to join with the kami." The ashen face exploded into agony again, every feature showing the pain she tried so direly to conceal.
A cough wormed its way out of her mouth, erupting into a mad frenzy of hacks and splutters. Even though each sounded violent, they were so pitifully weak that one could see the woman was to pass away any moment. Her dry lips opened once more desperately, "Don't cry, my child. You must be strong. I will always be with you." A thin hand reached out to touch the young girl's cheek. The skin on it was pale, almost translucent. One could see every bone within it. It never reached it's target. A mere millimeter away from the comforting gesture it tried to perform, the woman grew still. Her body was limp, her lungs no longer breathing the air she needed for survival.
Azure grabbed the hand, "Momma? Momma?" Another teardrop forced its was out onto her cheek, followed by another, and yet another, until a flood of tears cascaded down her cheek. "Don't go... I'm scared."
Azure twitched slightly, fighting the memories. Why did they plague her? Couldn't they leave her alone? But no, yet another memory followed suit:
The same little girl stood by yet another bed, her face oddly puffy. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, her thumb still firmly in her mouth. Although the setting was slightly different, she situation was the same. "Iv-Iv?" She mumbled, voice fumbling as she used her nickname for him.
Her brother turned his feverish gaze upon her. "Az? Is that you?" A low cough escaped his lips, feeble sounding even for a person on his death bed. The girl reached out a small hand to lay it on her brother's cheek. She winced. It was hot. "Don't go Iv-Iv."
Another cough forced its way through his thin frame, shaking the whole bed. "I think I have to." His eyes finally seemed to focus, seeing his sister one more time. "But I'm scared." A tiny tear drop formed in the corner of her eye.
"You'll see momma. Don't be scared." Her own thin voice wavered, her hand shaking upon his face. The boy took one last shaky breath and then was no more. A sob escaped the girl's mouth, more tears joining the first. It hurt. Everything hurt. Why'd he have to go?
Why? Why why why? The question had plagued her for years, but there was still no answer. But the memories did not stop there.
A young girl stood clutching a piece of paper to her chest, heart beating with excitement. Her long brown hair hung down around her shoulders (it had only turned gray recently, from the stress of having to leave home and fend for herself in the forest), eyes sparkling with delight.
"Pa! Pa!" She giggled, seeing the figure hunched over a table. She couldn't wait to tell him! The figure shifted, and suddenly she realized something was very wrong. A vile smell hit her, one that whispered of decay and made her recoil. He'd been drinking? But why? Father never drank! Still, her spirits could not be dampened. "Pa! Look at this!" She thrust the piece of paper in front of him, all smiles.
The figure turned to look at her and her hart skipped a beat. Maybe at some point it had been human, but it was no longer. His eyes were sunken and framed with red. Stubble covered his face unevenly, giving him a dirty look. His skin was pale with a slight yellow tinge to it. "Can't you see I'm busy?" His voice was harsh, lashing out, yet every word was horribly slurred to the point where it was almost impossible to discern what he said.
Azure could do nothing but stand and stare. What had happened? He hadn't been like that before. This only aggravated him. He rose to his feet, lurching clumsily much like bear. "Go away." He raised his hand as though to hit her, and even then the young girl did not move away, but instead grabbed the sheet of paper.
"But Pa..." she protested gently. She felt her heart tear to shreds as large fingers slowly pulled the paper in two, and then in two again, and again, and again, until nothing but little shreds remained. "Leave me alone." He said again, the paper falling to the ground as he collapsed into his chair, eyes unfocused.
"I finally got an A." She mumbled, finishing her sentence. As she felt the overwhelming urge to cry, she turned and fled out of the room. It wasn't fair.
And then came the final memory, worst of all.
The stench of smoke hit her, making the girl gag. It formed a thick, gray cloud, impenetrable. It hung all around her, so she could do nothing but breathe it in. Yet every breath hurt. Each feeble movement of her lungs led to nothing more than a bout of coughing. Painful, choking coughing. It's taste was acrid on her tongue.
At the same time it blinded her. Bits of soot flew into into her eyes, irritating them to the point that they were mere slits upon her face, their color as red as blood. Tears made their way down her face, not from sorrow, but from the sheer pain of sight. A racking cough made its way through her body. It felt like she was coughing up her lungs. It burned.
And then came the scream. It came from nowhere, yet everywhere at the same time. It was piercing, shrieking. Not a single ounce of humanity was left in it, yet with a dread that sunk her stomach right down to her toes, she knew it to be her father's. The voice echoed, resonating around her mind. It filled each of her senses taking over. "Pa." She spluttered, unable to breathe.
Another pain clutched her heart, adding to the physical abuse she was already suffering. Still the inhumane shriek filled her mind. Growing louder and louder. She froze, unable to do anything but listen to the horrific noise. And suddenly the whole world began to spin as everything blacked out.
When she had woken, the faints rings of the scream still echoed through her subconscious mind.
Although pain writhed throughout Azure's entire body, she refused to shed a single tear. Crying was shameful, only the weak did that. Her brain locked her emotions in place, freezing her face into a mask of agony. One hand grasped her stomach as she wrestled with the painful memories, the other reached out to gently grasp her sister's hand.
They say that when you sleep, it aids you in remembering the events of the previous day, and embeds them in your mind forever. But what if memories bring you nothing but pain? What if sleep becomes your biggest nightmare? How can you live with yourself? How do you survive? What happens when your basic needs of life turn against you?
The soft moonlight left the forest awash in soft hues of gray and pale yellow. Its gentle, pulsating rays found the tiniest cracks in the thick canopy above, bathing it with its ghostly light. Some might say the moonlight is an eerie sight, but that night no one could argue that it looked devastatingly beautiful. It was a silent guardian, watchful and serene, that protected the forest below. To many, it brought comfort. All except for one.
Azure turned over to lean on one elbow, her eyes watching the silent form that lay beside her. Her usually fierce eyes had an odd warm glow to them, and although this was such a minor detail, it seemed to change everything about her. Her usual lethal, quick-to-anger personality had dissolved into this deeper, more caring person, so rare to show itself to anyone. She couldn't help but feel this way, it happened every time she looked at Angela. Her sister, the only person in the world she truly loved.
The still form shifted slightly, allowing her face to be seen from underneath her weaving tapestry of golden hair. Everything about her radiated peace. From her gently closed eyes to the soft line of her mouth. Her pale skin gleamed with an inhuman beauty as it radiated the moon's gleaming light. Soft, long hair adorned her head, a pale gold. It was beautiful. All of her was beautiful. Even wearing the ragged, old clothes she wore, the only true way to describe her was angelic.
Azure could look at her face forever. Forever, and still she felt she would never get enough of watching it. Yet her eyes traced to the thin cuts under her chin, a flaw that clearly did not belong there. Pain flooded through her as she looked at those wounds. Angela didn't deserve them, she'd never had a mean bone in her body. Yet, there was nothing she could do to heal the wounds, it was something only time could do.
Turning her eyes away from the scarred beauty, her eyelids slowly lowered themselves, masking her own brown eyes. But still, she could not sleep. She wouldn't, she didn't want to. Sleep did nothing but bring back painful memories, those best left buried and forgotten for good. She hadn't slept for days, weeks, months. Every night was just more painful than the last, it was easier to fight it, not to give in. She didn't need sleep, did she?
The dreams were always the same. They would start with her mother. Even though she had died when Azure was only five, her face was eternally burned into the girl's mind. Her last moments raced through her mind:
A young girl of no more than five stood next to the bed, her thumb stuck inside her mouth. Her brown eyes were wide open, a tiny teardrop forming in the corner of one. "Momma, you'll be alright, won't you?" She mumbled around her thumb, her small voice shaky and unusually high-pitched.
The figure on the bed shook its head slightly, although that movement appeared to be too much. The thin, pale face writhed in a mask of agony for a moment. Breath wheezing, she fixed her emerald eyes upon her eldest daughter. It took a few seconds for her to formulate her words, every second a clear effort. "No, my dear. I must leave you for now to join with the kami." The ashen face exploded into agony again, every feature showing the pain she tried so direly to conceal.
A cough wormed its way out of her mouth, erupting into a mad frenzy of hacks and splutters. Even though each sounded violent, they were so pitifully weak that one could see the woman was to pass away any moment. Her dry lips opened once more desperately, "Don't cry, my child. You must be strong. I will always be with you." A thin hand reached out to touch the young girl's cheek. The skin on it was pale, almost translucent. One could see every bone within it. It never reached it's target. A mere millimeter away from the comforting gesture it tried to perform, the woman grew still. Her body was limp, her lungs no longer breathing the air she needed for survival.
Azure grabbed the hand, "Momma? Momma?" Another teardrop forced its was out onto her cheek, followed by another, and yet another, until a flood of tears cascaded down her cheek. "Don't go... I'm scared."
Azure twitched slightly, fighting the memories. Why did they plague her? Couldn't they leave her alone? But no, yet another memory followed suit:
The same little girl stood by yet another bed, her face oddly puffy. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, her thumb still firmly in her mouth. Although the setting was slightly different, she situation was the same. "Iv-Iv?" She mumbled, voice fumbling as she used her nickname for him.
Her brother turned his feverish gaze upon her. "Az? Is that you?" A low cough escaped his lips, feeble sounding even for a person on his death bed. The girl reached out a small hand to lay it on her brother's cheek. She winced. It was hot. "Don't go Iv-Iv."
Another cough forced its way through his thin frame, shaking the whole bed. "I think I have to." His eyes finally seemed to focus, seeing his sister one more time. "But I'm scared." A tiny tear drop formed in the corner of her eye.
"You'll see momma. Don't be scared." Her own thin voice wavered, her hand shaking upon his face. The boy took one last shaky breath and then was no more. A sob escaped the girl's mouth, more tears joining the first. It hurt. Everything hurt. Why'd he have to go?
Why? Why why why? The question had plagued her for years, but there was still no answer. But the memories did not stop there.
A young girl stood clutching a piece of paper to her chest, heart beating with excitement. Her long brown hair hung down around her shoulders (it had only turned gray recently, from the stress of having to leave home and fend for herself in the forest), eyes sparkling with delight.
"Pa! Pa!" She giggled, seeing the figure hunched over a table. She couldn't wait to tell him! The figure shifted, and suddenly she realized something was very wrong. A vile smell hit her, one that whispered of decay and made her recoil. He'd been drinking? But why? Father never drank! Still, her spirits could not be dampened. "Pa! Look at this!" She thrust the piece of paper in front of him, all smiles.
The figure turned to look at her and her hart skipped a beat. Maybe at some point it had been human, but it was no longer. His eyes were sunken and framed with red. Stubble covered his face unevenly, giving him a dirty look. His skin was pale with a slight yellow tinge to it. "Can't you see I'm busy?" His voice was harsh, lashing out, yet every word was horribly slurred to the point where it was almost impossible to discern what he said.
Azure could do nothing but stand and stare. What had happened? He hadn't been like that before. This only aggravated him. He rose to his feet, lurching clumsily much like bear. "Go away." He raised his hand as though to hit her, and even then the young girl did not move away, but instead grabbed the sheet of paper.
"But Pa..." she protested gently. She felt her heart tear to shreds as large fingers slowly pulled the paper in two, and then in two again, and again, and again, until nothing but little shreds remained. "Leave me alone." He said again, the paper falling to the ground as he collapsed into his chair, eyes unfocused.
"I finally got an A." She mumbled, finishing her sentence. As she felt the overwhelming urge to cry, she turned and fled out of the room. It wasn't fair.
And then came the final memory, worst of all.
The stench of smoke hit her, making the girl gag. It formed a thick, gray cloud, impenetrable. It hung all around her, so she could do nothing but breathe it in. Yet every breath hurt. Each feeble movement of her lungs led to nothing more than a bout of coughing. Painful, choking coughing. It's taste was acrid on her tongue.
At the same time it blinded her. Bits of soot flew into into her eyes, irritating them to the point that they were mere slits upon her face, their color as red as blood. Tears made their way down her face, not from sorrow, but from the sheer pain of sight. A racking cough made its way through her body. It felt like she was coughing up her lungs. It burned.
And then came the scream. It came from nowhere, yet everywhere at the same time. It was piercing, shrieking. Not a single ounce of humanity was left in it, yet with a dread that sunk her stomach right down to her toes, she knew it to be her father's. The voice echoed, resonating around her mind. It filled each of her senses taking over. "Pa." She spluttered, unable to breathe.
Another pain clutched her heart, adding to the physical abuse she was already suffering. Still the inhumane shriek filled her mind. Growing louder and louder. She froze, unable to do anything but listen to the horrific noise. And suddenly the whole world began to spin as everything blacked out.
When she had woken, the faints rings of the scream still echoed through her subconscious mind.
Although pain writhed throughout Azure's entire body, she refused to shed a single tear. Crying was shameful, only the weak did that. Her brain locked her emotions in place, freezing her face into a mask of agony. One hand grasped her stomach as she wrestled with the painful memories, the other reached out to gently grasp her sister's hand.
