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[Q] Sailor Tyl - Senshi of Sulphur [MARK PLZ] Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2

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Amasis

Everyday Blob

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:21 am


LP
Actually ADHD could technically be a flaw if it's a hindrance, and in this case it does sound like it is. Which is why there are medications to fix such things... and even then sometimes it just makes it worse. [<- I have seen a case of this. And I admit having wanted to strangle and or harm that case in a scenario or two.]

On his attacks I am wondering however, do they effect the senshi? Especially the 'better' power where as it's the smell of Sulfur. I know this is like rotten eggs [if I'm not mistaken], but I'm curious on how are the senshi themselves going to be able to stand it?

Also I'd kind of like to know what the rest of the family does. Granted we likely won't ever see them but I want to know if any of his other siblings took up anything like dancing or accounting like their parents are. [I'm a freak for family details. ^^;]

His flaws and virtues seems pretty good but for some reason I feel like there's something missing among them.... possibly something in the flaw section, either that or for some reason Fickle is throwing me off.

Maybe you could split up the goal thing and the temper thing? Like Temper under fickle but the uninterested in others goals if they don't work together maybe find something that will explain he's goal oriented but, he's a bit.... 'selfish' with his goals.... as they normally have to match up?

... I feel like I'm explaining that bad but I'm sitting here scratching my head trying to figure out what word I'm trying to fish for or if selfish is actually what I'm looking to use here... sweatdrop


I see your point, but I really just want to avoid any wangst from anyone hypersensitive about it. I've met people like that and it makes me go :/

Hm.. I'd given that some thought, but wasn't sure. I know that the first attack has no odor, so you really only need to worry about if the dust gets on you. I'll need to ponder that one.
As far as the second goes, it'll be a yellow cloud he summons, so you'd be able to see it and while the bad smell does persist in the area, the strength and choking odor of it are within the cloud itself. So avoiding the cloud avoids the worst of it. *ponders that too*

Haha, I'm a freak for family details too X3 I just didn't want to bog down the quest thread with relatively (haha pun) 'unimportant' information.

Yeah, Fickle's a hard one. I haven't found a way to satisfactorily split them, though, because while he's centered about his goals and wants, he himself is not selfish. He'll happily help with tasks, chores, things people need, etc. The goals are sort of a bigger picture bit. Like, he wants to, say, save the whales through a petition campaign and appealing to legislature, but you want to do it through hunting down the hunters. He'll go :/ and wander off, as his goal is doing it one way and yours is doing it another. But if at somepoint you send a representative to legislature, he'll be back to help out with that.
For story purposes, a better analogy would be, he wants the moon queen back, so do you. That overall goal is the same, but he'll still wander away if your method is different than his. Haha, so I guess it's more of a 'if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself'?
I dunno @ e
Especially since, using the whale analogy, if you want say, to organize a bake sale for something completely unrelated, he'll go KAY and help with that. Lack of personal interest doesn't mean he won't help. It's the active conflict with his own, or not matching up well enough in two goals that are about the same end result.
XD;;; I know it in my head and I know how I'd play it and the way I have Fickle written is as close as I can get it and not ramble on for a thousand words or so, rofl
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 1:51 pm


I love the pros/cons idea for the attacks. They seem pretty balanced and clearly tie in with the senshi. I also like that it's unique. Not everyone is clamoring for the stink-bomb attack sequence, but I think he kind of owns it. xD

My only real crit is for the flaws. Fickle might be better said as one-track mind or maybe even inflexible. Fickle as I know it, is sort like you're flip flopping because you don't know what you want. You said his goals are fixed, which makes him perhaps even the opposite of fickle? As for fickle in emotions, that could even be broken off into another flaw, based on how you described it maybe it could be temperamental or high-strung.

Also claustrophobic being a fear, would have to be kind of extreme to be a character flaw and not just a trait, as everyone has fears. Maybe put in some more description of how he loses control in close quarters or how it effects him in day to day operations; just to beef up it's significance.

Sorry if I mentioned some stuff others have said. oxo;;
I want to see character art for him when you finish his fuku~ ^w^ I can see him maybe in bright green with silver details and black boots. Also maybe with him wearing thick gloves just 'cause he's the senshi of a chemical that's potentially volatile.

Though it seems like you have his attacks pretty well figured out, just a thought for his transformation wand (I think all the senshi have some form of one if I'm not mistaken)...maybe it could be a version of a sulphur lamp which would be like a glass bulb with sulfur powder inside that when activated get's extremely hot and glows with a blue flame. Just an idea. :3

Paynes Gray

Tipsy Flatterer


Amasis

Everyday Blob

PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 1:37 pm


I'm ready for this to be read and marked now, so no more critique yet, please~
PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:48 am


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candy lamb


Amasis

Everyday Blob

PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 12:58 am


CHANGES MADE WITH APPROVAL

CHANGES MADE:

Senshi name (previously Draco) changed to Arrakis
Human name (previously Arrakis) changed to Dominic

Changes were made with rosemilk's approval, can provide PM if necessary! <3
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 5:47 pm


CHANGES MADE WITH APPROVAL (part deux)

:: Age bumped from 17 to 18 years of age
:: School changed from Meadowview to DCU
:: His senshi name changed from 'Arrakis' to 'Tyl', which is the name for Epsilon Draconis, in the constellation Draco

Can provide PM if needed <3

Amasis

Everyday Blob

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