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 Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:16 pm
The gust of wind which played with Caoimhe's hair also blew Airi's iridescent locks up and away from her face. Surprised at the feeling of the wind on her skin the pale girl grabbed at her head, trying to keep the long strands at bay. She never experienced a breeze like that in her sanctuary, where the mists and the fairies shielded her from everything. The night was full of unfamiliar scents and sounds and in a way, the newness of Gaia's summer evening was exciting to the dream child. An excitement that part of her want to stifle, for it also felt foreign and thus dangerous. In the mists there were no crying girls with teal hair looking for answers. Answers that Airi wasn't sure she wanted to face herself. But she had to, now. She couldn't run away from it all again.
"You were not an accident" - Airi assured Caoihme. "I have never created a Fa'e on a whim, it is too ..." - there the girl paused, looking for a way to smooth over the truth - " ... too arduous of a process. But somehow your soul didn't find a Guardian you resonated with here, on Gaia. My Guardian had to travel all the way to Aranorn before you, Caoimhe, became a physical child instead of being a dream. I suppose you should be mad at her as well, if you are mad at Conrad." The pale girl shrugged, thinking back to the day Caoimhe's soul reached out to her and she answered the call, filling the Talisman with her own blood and handing it off to Anya. Both of them were still so new at this back then, and Airi could still persuade her Guardian that what she was doing was a good idea. But she remembered the frazzled Anya when she returned from her trip to the jungle world and added: "I do not think my Guardian handled the drop off particularly well but Aranorn is a dangerous place from what I gather."
She watched quietly as the other girl wiped the tears off her face, a bit encouraged by the fact that Caoimhe had stopped crying. "You got a second chance, and you can always kill yourself if you do not like it." - Airi shrugged, utterly nonchalant by the notion of suicide.
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Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:27 am
Caoimhe did not speak, just continued to eat the cheese. It did make her feel better to hear that she was not an accident, but there were still so many things about the Fa'e that she would never be able to understand, that would be permanently fixed at the edge of her understanding until she made the choice to pursue her own history. It was a fact she had always avoided, choosing instead to focus on building a life on Gaia, but now, it seemed like a choice had been made for her. And though those choices had brought her pain and suffering, they had also brought her more life -- and without that, she would have neither the good or the bad, just nothingness. If there was one thing that Caoimhe knew, it was that she did not want to be nothing.
"I don't want to die. I know that," she said, shooting Airi a look that seemed to say are you nuts! to the dream Fa'e. Caoi loved the pleasures in life, but it was those negative things that made her feel so miserable, the constant resurgence of her past life wedging its way into her present. "I guess I'm thankful to you. For making me be alive... again." Darkness frightened Caoimhe, and to her, that was what death was: eternal darkness.
She made no comment about Anya's visit to Aranorn; the place still brought up dark memories for her. Instead, she found herself suddenly curious about the dream Fa'e sitting beside her. "So, you are, like, the mom of all the Fa'e? Then who made you? Are you like us, are you a reborn thing too?" It seemed like a completely reasonable question. If Airi was able to restore life, then Caoimhe could only wonder what other really cool powers she had. Maybe she would be willing to walk around town with the teenage Fa'e and bring roadkill back to life!
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Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:41 am
"I do not ask for gratitude" - Airi responded politely, still very pleased that Caoimhe was grateful to her after all. Making Fa'e wasn't a bad thing now, was it? Even though the original reason she started making Fa'e was to serve her own purposes ... but times have changed and a lot of water has flown under the bridge since then. So it was almost nostalgic when Caoimhe asked her next question.
"Mother of all Fa'e ..." - Airi repeated the words, evaluating them. "Hardly. I am your creator, but a mother is someone far more special then that. And yes, I, too am a reborn thing, but you could say that I made myself. My former self had a strong urge to fix something that happened a long time ago. And when someone with a lot of creative potential, when my Guardian came along, I was able to step over into the physical world. But I'd rather not talk about it - mine is not a pleasant story and it will do nothing to assuage your worries."
Airi suddenly realized that she forgot to mention to Caoimhe another way of getting rid of the voices the selkie girl heard in her head. Glad to change the topic of the conversation she offered the second possibility:
"If the your former self is too much for you, if the experiences you have to face too painful, you can always turn away from your nature as a Fa'e, and give other beings that second chance. But you would need to give birth to two children with another Fa'e. This way your nature as a Fa'e, your blood right, will be transferred to them and you will become human."
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:17 am
Airi's dismissal of discussing her own story made Caoimhe intensely curious, but lucky for the dream Fa'e, Caoi was also quite prone to distraction. So when Airi began talking about another option for the confused girl to take in life, she pretty much completely forgot that anything else had been said. Leaning forward, she hung on every word that fell from Airi's lips. Well, this was great! She didn't have to face this after all! All she had to do was pop out a couple of kids and--
Wait. What.
"Have... kids?" Caoimhe said, nose wrinkling and stomach pinching. Oh, lordy, not again. Before she could open her mouth to further bemoan the issue, Caoi pitched to the side and proceeded to vomit into the grass on the other side of the Fa'e HQ steps. Charming. She sputtered for a moment, happy that she hadn't eaten too terribly much, and then sat back up, wiping her mouth off on the edge of her t-shirt. "Don't eat the cheese," she said, setting the plate down beside the pair. The girl told herself it was the running such a long distance, crying, and eating combination that had suddenly turned her stomach, but it was a terrible lie -- she didn't even believe herself. "I'm fine," she added, hoping to dissuade any focus on her sudden illness. She was well-experienced with that feeling of entrapment and pain and sorrow that always swirled in her head in the presence of children, those maternal pangs like daggers in her chest. No need to tell Airi that. "I don't really like kids. They always need stuff from you. I don't even think I liked other kids when I was a kid. And I don't want a boyfriend or to do," her words faltered, immature and embarrassed, "that kind of stuff with someone."
Deeper yet, Caoimhe felt a desire to keep the power that she had -- though, admittedly, she didn't have any of the cool powers that other Fa'e seemed to possess: no cool weapons, power to fly, ability to blow stuff up, etc. But she sure could swim! Still, that little tendril of special that wrapped itself around her as a Fa'e was something Caoimhe enjoyed, that she liked about herself. Even though her differentness had caused her grief as a child, it was the part of her that had begun to define her new life, the life where she had found the most happiness. If the only way to avoid the voices was to give up her own chance at power, then Caoimhe knew that she would not be able to do it. And so, as much as it bothered her, she realized in that moment that she had to confront the voices in the water. She couldn't push them out any longer; they were no longer waiting for her to come to them. These were things that she had known all along, somewhere deep down, but speaking with Airi brought the rationality seeping out of her, like talking to a therapist might bring out some revelation that a person has really been aware of their entire life. Airi the Fa'e Therapist. It was a good title; and she was exactly the right person to make Caoimhe comfortable enough -- in her warring empathy and apathy -- to actually admit these things without fear of judgment.
"So... I should face the memories that I can't remember right now. That would be the... mature thing to do," she said aloud, mostly for her own benefit. Caoimhe was a big believer in self-realization through the public forum. If she told a room full of people that she was the fastest runner, then she would feel compelled to prove it. And now that she had spoken aloud that she could face the memories, she hoped it might similarly compel her to do so -- but how? Turning to face Airi, she asked, "How do I find my lost memories? Is there, like, a Fa'e trick to doing it -- maybe something that I can drink and jog those experiences right out of me? You know, a quick fix or something." Yeah, a quick fix would be wonderful. And if anyone was going to have one, it would be the Mother of All Fa'e... wouldn't it?
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:36 am
Airi watched horrified as the gray and teal girl puked on her doorstep. She has never seen anyone regurgitate their food before. It was violent and gross. The dream child gave the food a suspicious look. Maybe this eating business wasn't all that great after all. Especially if it resulted in slimy and very smelly bits coming back up! Somewhere in the back there were several appalled fairies discussing the cheese's date of expiration and raising their little hands in disbelief at Caoimhe's puking.
Once Caoimhe has spoken her thoughts on kids and then proclaimed that she indeed could face her past, Airi started sort of paying attention again. Until then she was mostly concentrating on forgetting about Caoimhe's puking. Gross. SO GROSS. The pale girl shuddered again.
"Um ... I don't know what you in particular need to do. You should ask a Fa'e who actually grows. I am still a child, see." - Airi pointed at her face, stating the very obvious fact that the mighty Mother of All Fa'e looked about 12 years old.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:44 pm
 Just some sketchy sketch goodness for Caoimhe heart
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Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:47 pm
(( Yay! I love it. heart ))
Caoimhe was used to puking. She was really, really used to it. For starters, the girl had this nasty habit of over eating until she was so full that movement made her throw some of it up. Gristla got on to her about it, but the truth was, Caoi only felt such a voracious need to consume all of the time because, on Aranorn, she could never be sure when her next meal would be coming exactly. Plus, she really wasn't the most responsible Fa'e in the whole world. Then, of course, there was the whole random acts of vomiting -- like that one -- that simply sprang up whenever anyone struck a particular chord in the girl. Caoimhe was not grossed out by much, especially not her own vomit. Even if she was aware of the twittering of the fairies and of Airi's digust, she seemed utterly unaware. In fact, she just picked up another piece of bread and started to chew on it as Airi spoke.
A kid? Well, duh, Caoimhe knew that Airi seemed small, but so was she! And she certainly was no kid -- no way, no how, and don't you forget it. All four feet, nine inches of her simply radiated adulthood... at least in Caoimhe's eyes. "I just thought you were small for your age," she said, shrugging. Nothing wrong with being small. Nothing at all.
Well, this was inconvenient. If the Mother of All Fa'e had no idea what she had to do to grow, then how in the world was Caoimhe supposed to figure it out? Sheesh. "Are things this complicated for you too? I feel like all this stuff is so complicated. Too complicated for me. I like simple. Simple things." She paused and then held up her latest piece of bread for the dream Fa'e to see. "Like this bread." And then she ate it.
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Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 9:51 am
"Sorry it's complicated" - Airi folded her hands in her lap,. now that the evening breeze had die down and the night was once again filled with the monotonous songs of the crickets and frogs. "But I am glad that you are no longer crying." - she added. "Did ... did my speaking to you do that or are you just out of tears?" - the pale girl asked as a clarification, to be sure she was in the right to feel like she did a good job here.
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Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:17 am
"Yeah, it is complicated," Caoimhe mused, leaning back. Of course, she had no idea just what Airi had to do to create the Fa'e, but as far as she was concerned, they both had equally difficult issues to face. If anything, Caoi believed that hers were more strenuous, a selfish thought that could not be eradicated. "I don't have a lot of experience... with tears," she added, picking a crumb off of her shirt. "But you're... good to talk to. Not enough of the Fa'e who know what's going on will talk to me. Just Dustin. And this one Fa'e named Shina. But she was a lot more warm and fuzzy than you or Dustin." She shrugged, wiping at her eyes as if to remember the tears. Caoimhe cried quite a bit more than she would ever be willing to admit, but never in front of people. To her, that was REAL crying. The kind that you did in your room all alone did not count -- nope, did not.
The tray of food was pretty much decimated at this point, and she moved it behind her, placing it on top of the welcome mat to the HQ. The quiet of the night echoed in her ears, brought a chill down her spine. The night air always did this to her, brought ripples of a memory that she could feel gnawing at the edges of her memory. "My guardian is probably... freaking out," she said, resting her head in her hands. Caoi pictured Gristla prowling the neighborhood, the giant feline terrifying all passerby who were unaware that she was a resident. After speaking to Airi, Caoimhe felt a little more... destined. Airi said it herself -- die or face the memories. Or have kids. A surge of vomit threatened to rear its ugly head, but Caoi swallowed it down. Nope, no kids. Memory-facing time it was!
"Thanks, Airi. I'm happy I met you. I'm happy to meet any of the Fa'e really." A sudden spark of excitement crossed Caoi's features. "Oh!" she shouted, face lit with a 180 degree spin of emotion. "You should come to my birthday party!" Digging in the wrinkled pockets of her shorts, she retrieved a crumpled card with what appeared to be some kind of barbecue sauce spilled across one corner. "All the Fa'e are invited, but I didn't really know if you were real or just something Conrad made up so... you should come!" Getting to her feet, Caoimhe brushed off the seat of her pants and started backpedaling away -- perhaps she sensed the impending denial? Oh well, she wouldn't stick around to hear it! "I'd love it if you came -- oh, and, uh, presents are mandatory." Apparently the gift of a second chance at LIFE was not enough.
Taking off at a run, Caoimhe performed a leaping twirl in the air, offered a short wave, and shouted a final farewell of, "Sorry about the vomit!" before disappearing off in to the darkness, a sudden sense of purpose and focus radiating through her limbs. It was certainly much easier to face these voices and this memory if it was the only feasible option. But first -- she had a party to throw!
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Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:19 am
"I ... I'll try to be fuzzier next time" - Airi offered, dreading inwardly as to what that might entail. But she was strong, she was brave, she could willingly hug somebody. When Caoimhe invited her to her birthday party, Airi nodded her head in with a polite but utterly non-committal smile on it. She at least didn't' refuse the notion outright. In fact, dream child wasn't sure about the party. She might ... consider it.
As the selkie Fa'e sped off into the distance the pale Mother of all Fa'e watched her silhouette melt together with the darkness. And then she watched the last spot she saw Caoimhe run for a little while longer, thinking. About many things.
[DONE]
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