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@Val: Locking your child in a room or tying them down to a chair for a few hours is considered child abuse.

Scolding doesn't work for everyone and you also can't scold and adult for doing something bad. How we treat kids and how we treat adults is different and as far as physical punishment. As an adult if you go rob a store and cop tells you to stop and you say no they will resort to physical means to subdue you and in some cases physically assault you like tasering.

Val, if that's how you responded to just punishment through spanking, I doubt that if you parents did everything verbal it would make a difference on the subject of self mutilation. I really don't want to get into that because it's a very tough and touchy subject.

One law for the rulers, one law for the ruled. Is that how it is? Adults get locked in a room, children get hit. It's unacceptable for the positions to be reversed. That's primitive.

You most certainly can scold an adult for doing something wrong. My friends and flatmates cop it from me if they do something really wrong. >.>;; Look at my posts on Gaia, you can probably see a few cases of it.

Policemen -restrain-. If they hit you physically, you can call police brutality.

Your last line implies that I cut for fun. I don't, and I'd thank you not to imply it.

EDIT: Having thought about said line for the past couple of hours, I realised that this is not the only thing it could imply.

My point stands though, I do believe that it is a conditioned need for physical punishment.

It wasn't to imply that you cut for fun just that there are more reasons that lead to cutting than just spanking. There are a lot of people I know who cut for non entertainment reasons whose parents didn't punish them through spanking (I actually think it was to try and get attention from the parents who were typically permissive). I just think that there are a variety of different in home reason that may lead to cutting then just spanking.

Edit: I'm sorry if you took as me implying that you cut for fun.

You can call it police brutality but really it depends on the situation. Also, even with your own point they restrain. Just like how a parent should with a child who is out of control. I'm not saying they should just deck the kid in the face but I don't see why it's bad to bend them over the knee and spank them. Normally it's more about the position of authority and embarrassment for the child then actually wanting to cause them physical harm.

The role of a parent is very authoritarian. Think about it (at least in America) your parents can take away all your rights other than base rights like eating and going to school. They can force you to practice a religion, who you hang out with, what you do all day everyday the list is endless.

confused It kind of needs to be. Kids shouldn't be allowed to run wild with little to no boundaries. Yes, some kids can function in that type of environment, but really most can't.

... Oh dear god save me from the child experts without children... rolleyes

A child isn't an adult. Capacity for logic, maturity level, sheer ability to listen to reason, all of which are way below a functioning adult. Thus different methods have to be used.

Tying a person down for hours is a stupid form of punishment as you can quickly and all too easy cut off circulation. Locking them in a room is foolish as the need for basic amenities, namely a toilet, is not something you should deny a child.

Humans are still functionally animals and thus work off reward and punishment factors. Adults can become attached to outside influences and thus cut off from those influences can work as punishment. Same for teenagers as they are quickly developing the dependency on outside influences thus grounding them from conveniences can prove effective.

However as children, humans work more on the animal level of pain avoidance. Granted there are exceptions where scolding or denial works but pain is always a visceral teacher. The assumption that scolding would work for all is just as foolish as the belief that spanking is always necessary.

Morals are learned and pain, properly rationed, helps to build empathy. You better understand the pain of others if you have felt pain yourself. Being trapped in your room as a five year old isn't a big deal as all your toys are in there, however, a spanking is quick and serves as immediate reminder of wrong doing.

This is not a call to beat your children but to find out what works best and don't believe that limiting yourself from things that won't damage them will somehow improve your success.

Val, as a cutter (hopefully retired now) and a person with deep seeded self hatred, I can honestly say that your example of cutting yourself is a personal imbalance and not a direct correlation to being spanked. You decided to punish yourself despite your father's forgiveness which speaks that you needed help.

For those that wish to know what my raising was like, I was spanked until I developed interests in video games, friends, and television then grounding became the norm for my discipline.

Spanking my children doesn't mean I will beat them for every infraction, I try scolding and words first, spanking comes when words fail. That way they learn to listen first.

Life will spank your children harder than you ever could as a loving parent. As much as I detest anybody's control over me, I would rather be spanked than fired or arrested. I'm glad I was spanked. I hated it but I learned what scolding wouldn't teach me. *was a hardheaded kid*

I will reiterate that Adults are not spanked because they are supposed to have developed the idea of cause and consequence, where pain is no longer needed to get the point across since their minds are supposed to be fully developed.

Eh, you can speak against experience all you want. You just want to make sure you have plenty of information and experience to back your words with.

The flaw with spanking arguments is that people usually believe that something horrible is happening, spanking is the ONLY punishment being used, or they are speaking from a very personal and bad experience with spanking.

To be quite honest, I was rather sickened by the idea of tying my son to a chair... But I got over it. I can spank my son, explain why it happened, give him a hug, and move on.

Spanking is just a mildly harsh and very easy to relate to metaphor for the reality of consequence. It is to be disposed of as soon as your child learns to take cues from words or other methods become available. If your child takes cues from words and denial first, great. Don't spank them and move on.

There is a difference between me spanking my son and the guy across the way who beat his daughter with a belt buckle until she had to hit the hospital.

I am teaching consequence while making sure not to damage my son. I make sure that he knows I love him but must make sure he understands consequence. I hate giving spankings or any other form of punishment but he has to learn. Life will do worse to him if I don't teach him now. Moderation and consideration are what makes for good discipline no matter the method.

Nothing involving a spanking should ever result in a bruise or laceration. You should always hate punishing a child but still do what is necessary. You should always make sure your child knows you love them afterward, no matter what the method of punishment is.

I am not saying it is a magic bullet or 100% necessary but I am also not saying that it equates to abuse or weak parenting. I am saying that the method has merit, just as scolding does. You aren't supposed to like the method, you are supposed to make sure that you know what works for your kid and use it wisely.