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 Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 11:07 am
So much has happened, Its hard to even know what to say. After the babies were born, everything went wrong. Victor and Mo left. Mo took Drucilla with him, leaving Letha and I with the other two.
Although Letha, My self and our children Grendell and Alty went to living in the same house, it didn't feel like it. I barely saw Letha and Alty, it was just me and Grendell. I had good intentions at first, but the illusions I used for my daughter, caused very bad things to happen.
I started drifting more into my illusions then reality, after Grendell abandoned me, I felt so alone, that I slipped in to my own world. I really was losing it, hours would go by and I had no idea what I did during them. The poem I wrote before with Letha "My destruction you reap" was a great line.
Without her or anyone, I truly was lost. She also saved me. She found me after I jumped from my own world because of nearly drowning in the icy waters of the lake. Sure, when we talked the first time, it was awful. She not only hit me, but we fought over everything.
A lot of what she said didn't make any sense. She wanted space, but thats all we had, all we have. I told it was a two way street, she should have come for me as well. She even had the nerve to judge Grendell when she didn't even know her. In the end, we established that we still loved each other, but I can't say I completely agreed about it.
Then I left, when I came back, I had tea and a cooler head. It was nice to be able to cuddle a bit with Letha; it was like bonding time all over again. It will be awhile yet before we share a bed again, but we are on our way. Now, I really do feel she wants to work things out between us.
I found this snow globe, it honestly surprised me that it was from Mo and he said he loved me. I haven't seen him in so long; does he really love me still? I guess thats something I'll have to find out when we met again, some day.
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2007 7:31 am
I am tired of staying at home, I haven't been training because I promised Letha I wouldn't, but nothing seems to be going anywhere. I have yet to see Grendell and when Alty is home, I cannot seem to be able to talk to him.
Maybe I am too high mataintace for Letha....I'll stick it out for a bit more but I want more and more to find Mo. Don't get me wrong I love all three of them, at least I think I do. Victor was the one that attracted me in the first place and the one that finally talked me in to allowing that night to happen. It was Mo the morning after that really made me feel special, like I could be soft lady. I loved it, it was something only between us, I never got that from Letha or Victor not that I spent any time alone with Victor nor do I complain about Letha.
I just want some d*mn loving and attention!!
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:07 pm
Alty left home, but his leaving was a nice event. I got to talk with my only son, and found out my daughters were alright. He promised to try and come by to visit, hopfuly he'll be able to convice his siblings to do the same.
Things between Letha and I have not gotten better. Sure we get along, but it sems we have settled into this domestic 'bliss' that is not us. What happened to all our plans? When did the bite get taken out of my vibrent and dark beloved? When did it get taken out of me for that matter?
Something happened to break that up though, and just might end up breaking Letha and I apart. Her brother, Ronan, a red angel pae showed up at our door step. Besides his being there upsetting Letha, I liked him. He was nice and complimented me. Being around him eased some of the pain the lack of the same being given by Letha.
I should have known, I guess, something should have tipped me off that the batard was only out to sueduce me. I don't know why, probably just so he could have something of Letha's, some sibling thing. It doesn't really matter why, he was darn near as good as Letha, if way unpracticed, and I fell for it. I needed it so badly, needed intimacy and all that went with it that I betrayed Letha.
My body loved it, but my heart is sick with it. It was so wrong of me to sleep with Ronan, even if he was a pretty good lover, I am Letha's and I hurt her. If she ever found out, my happiness would be gone, though thanks to Ronan, I wonder if I was trully happy anymore. There was no surprise the next morning when he pretended I wasn't there. Stupid, after all the attention I got yesterday, it seems fishy if he acts like I don't exist today. Must be knew to sueducing other people's loves, to me it shows because I am looking for it.
One thought nags at me now, he said he wouldn't tell Letha, but a fear arises. Although Letha and I did nothing not to have children, we did not get pregnant until we slept with Mo and Victor. I am not dealing with the fear I might just have gotten pregnant. If thats the case, I really will be royally f*cked. I have little reason to believe Ronan would stick around and Letha...I pray I am not knocked up, else my world and life is over, I cannot do this alone, after doing it once, I know for a fact I cannot do this alone.
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Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 6:21 pm
I left the house; I can't call it a home any more. Letha became more distant from me and honestly, I stopped caring. Everything dissolved, Mo left with one of my daughters and my son pulled away rather quick. I got tired of it all; I am not getting any stronger living this way.
One day, I just decided to leave, cut my loses and go before the hollowness gets to me worse. To my surprise, Grendell decided to come as well. She came back to me the harder her father pushed and the farther she moved from her brother. It is good to have my daughter with me.
We helped each other, I created the illusions and she puzzled through them or used them for fighting practice. It wasn't mother-daughter bounding, we never really had that, but it was a bounding of sorts.
Then it happened, I can't say what exactly happened because I woke up and it just was. The wind was salty, a quick flight had me thinking my power had run wild, there was so much to see, no end in sight! I would have gone looking for the new boundary, but a groan behind me grabbed my attention.
It is safe to laugh now; Grendell is fine even if her pride is still bruised. The ground had changed from under where she had slept, but thinking it was my illusions, she tried to keep walking to ignore the hole in the ground, she fell flat on her butt. Her left wing was banged up and the ankle wasn't safe to walk on for a while but Momma was there. I did a pretty decent job of healing her up, if I do say so myself.
We've decided to come back to where there are more pae, I need more training and I am not getting stronger by myself. Part of me still misses Letha, Victor, Mo, Dru and Alty; it doesn't matter because I'll probably never see them again. They were a group before I came along, the reason Mo hated me in fact was that very thing, they probably went back together happy as jailbirds in the pen. I feel worse for Grendell, she wanted a father's approval, to be a daddy's little girl. Victor will never give her that and Mo was long gone before even then. How can this be my life? I need to find something new, or a puppy to kick.
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