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The song that keeps him going: To Binge, by the gorrilaz

Waiting by the mailbox, by the train
Passing by the hills 'til I hear the name
Looking for a saw to cut the chains in half and all I want
Is someone to rely on this
Thunder comes a roaring down
Someone to rely on this
Lighting comes a-staring in again

I'll wait to be forgiven, maybe I never will
My star has left me to take the bitter pill
That shattered feeling well the cause of its a lesson learned
Just don't know if I can roll into the sea again
Just don't know if I can do it all again, she said, 'it's true'

Went into my room and I locked the door
Watched the colored animals cross the floor
But I look on from a distance and I'm listening to the whispers
And oh it ain't the same when you've falling outta feeling
And you're rolling in and caught again

I'm caught again in the mystery
You're by my side, but are you still with me?
The answers somewhere deep in it
I'm sorry that you're feeling it
But I just love to tell you that I love you so much these days
Have to tell you that I love you so much these days, it's true

My heart is an economy, due to this autonomy
Rolling in and caught again

Another letter, but this one was decidedly more testy. The script was even sloppier than it had been in the first letter, as if the writer had become upset while writing it. The young wizard's father had taken the liberty of translating his son's impossible scribblings on the back.



Dear Alome,

Sophie? She’s fine. Or I think she is, I haven’t spoken to her since the time I was invited by her father to dinner. I don’t expect to see her soon, either. Her father is much too frightening; I daresay he has succeeded if his attempt to frighten me enough to keep me away from the woman--er, girl, I suppose--I love. I am pained to hear that you are struggling wih such dispair. I cannot imagine it, seeing as I have no heart. And so I can give you very little advice when it comes to this sort of thing. I do think that you are being foolish. Your happiness should come before anyone elses. How else will you be able to help anyone if you yourself are not happy? I always found it easier to help someone once I was happy with myself. I advise you to be happy with yourself. Why shouldn’t you be happy? Comparing myself with Hamlet, I see that I have a fairly good life. Hamlet had a horrible life. He was the prince of Denmark. His father was killed by his uncle, and his uncle then did stuff with Hamlet’s mother. I haven’t any idea what he did with her--but dad says it’s too inappropiate to write in a letter. Maybe you can guess at what this stuff was and tell me about it. Anyway, the point is--Hamlet’s life was much worse than ours are, even together. We should be happy just for that fact.

We needn’t suffer as much as he did. Be happy! The Alome I want to meet up with is a smiling, happy person, and I haven’t seen her for quite some time. Do you think you can help me find her? The person you’re describing seems to be the opposite.

Don’t you dare even consider contacting Darcy. She could teach you nothing. Nothing! Unless you want to break up families and destroy happily ever afters. She’s a terrible person. No, you would not learn anything from her but pain. She tortures people, Alome. No good could come from learning her brand of “magic”. She has none, I’ll have you know. I’ve been around her long enough and I know my profession well enough to be able to tell who has the ability. I could teach you how to make people happy. I can teach you to be as magical as I am, even.

Alome, you’re not worthless. Never think that. Never thinkthat you have no purpose in life. If you didn’t have a purpose, you wouldn’t have been born in the first place. But you were--and you are loved. Calcifer wouldn’t like you as much as he does if you had no purpose, you see? And do you think that even for a moment I would resort to having purposeless friends?

You are a great friend, Alome. But I think you are being rather silly. Why are you thinking that you have no purpose? Even the people in Wales. who have no magical abilities at all, have a purpose. Every being that thinks and possesses a soul does. Trust me, Alome. You have a purpose. An important one. If you desire, I will ask my cousin Miles about you. He is an oracle and can predict the future. He will undoubtedly be able to tell me your purpose accurately. Avoid contacting Darcy at all costs. Believe in your abilities. Trust in your friends, and have faith in fate. Do not fall to chidish beliefs that there is no purpose for anything. That is foolishness. You will find your purpose, if you look in the right places.

Your happiness is all I desire,
Howl

Movie Review~ Alome~

Dear Movie review book thingia maji.

Yeah.. Since I don't like the thought of owning a diary, I decided to turn you into a movie review book, type.. Thing. Hopefully, one day, you'll be of use to someone, and they can watch movies like I do~

Okay, So I was watching the movie, The King and the Clown, a Korean Film from 2005, and was fairly surprised at the movie.

Initially, I had watched it due to the interest of one of the actors, Jun-ki Lee, who I had found out shared a birthday with my daddy, (his is 4/17/1982, whereas Daddy's is 4/17/198 cool . I figured, "perhaps we will share the same sense of humor and the like and blah blah blah" and followed MySoju.com to see the movie.

Low and behold, I come across a rather exciting movie. Two "clowns" or minstrels as they like to call themselves, find themselves having to do rather "unsavory" things in order to make ends meet. At first glance, I thought to myself, "Oh, another sappy, "OMG I need helps!" movie. But still, I stuck with the rather boring beginning.

Though, when it came to the cast, I felt slightly intrigued, for the only women I saw were the ones that stood in the crowd, watching the clowns perform. As a person who normally cannot stand a female role (for me, they tend to always be 'weak' and 'needing to be saved') I had already began to feel a slight positive affinity with the movie, if only for that reason.

When the movie progressed further, I found myself laughing at the sheer jolliness of the characters; at how they found that they could make a living doing something they enjoy. It began to make me wonder how it would be like to have such a job, working doing something I thoroughly enjoy, rather than having to do something that is tedious and having to be done again, and again, and again, with no room for creativeness.

Moving on. The story does take a turn for the more.. Sad end of the spectrum. One begins to ponder what is the relationship between the two clowns, for when one has other 'duties' to attend to (i.e. Literally giving the king private puppet shows), the other shows immense Jealousy for the other. Does this mean that the two clowns have a thing for each other? I honestly have no idea. But what I do know is that the story is rather sweet. And believe me, sweet is NOT a word I use lightly.

Corruption plays a large role in the film. Granted, it is not the corruption we see today. Or is it? I'm not too clear on my politics of recent, but it does remind me that jealous can bring the downfall of many relationships. It also gave a rather.. Tainted look on women, who had become the villains in certain points in the film. Though I entirely agree, for there are such women who do exist to do nothing more but to cause pain. Not saying all women, but some, mind you.

Without giving away too much, I will say that the ending left me confused, but pleased, and also caused my eyes to burn, for a number of reasons. No, it was not a tear jerker, but I did feel a slight lump in my throat, mainly because seeing one sob is an automatic trigger for me.

When all is said and done, I give this movie just as IMDb did, a four out of five stars. It could have been improved with a more, clearing ending, but other than that, it was a good watch for me~

BEFEJEZETT~ Alome

*written to the song MUSHI, By DIR EN GREY

*The words below can be found in a slip of paper hidden under Alome's mattress... After the words were written, Alome simply rolled a vial of sweet smelling liquid, Ethyl Acetate, in her hands. It was harmless to everyone.. Except bugs and insects... When ingested by an insect or bug, It is instantly fatal*

I can't open myself up to anyone I can't believe in anyone at all
and I can't see anything the light that shines is disappearing, soon it will be gone

I can't take this anymore. The world is filled with nothing but liars. I thought that there were people who I could trust, those that I could always be together with, but I was wrong. I just can't deal with this anymore, I can't comprehend what is going on around me, I don't understand how the world can be so cruel. Wasn't there something called hope that someone told me about long ago?

No, there's no such thing as hope for me. None at all. There's no reason to believe that such people would even exist. I've been so foolish, to think that there was any good outside of one's family. There isn't a single person in the world who will grow up, or is, a person who is a truly caring person. Not a one.

unable to open myself up this is my weakness, my past
I can get what I want, yet if I do, the kindness I'm holding onto will slip away
the typical answer is when you die, you'll be reborn, come back again

No one knows. No one truly even cares, do they? No, the world is nothing but a bunch of lies. Lies to my left, lies to my right. And pain. Insufferable pain that is near impossible to endure. I ask myself, was I truly kind before? I dare not ask it outloud, for if I did, I think I'd lose what ever I did have. I'd lose it because I was selfish enough to ask about it. Shouldn't kindness be shown naturally? But what is kindness? Who came up with the definition of Kindness? What if kindness was truly pain and anger and suffering and hate? Then what? What would the world be like then?

What kind of world are we truly living in? Is it worth living in? If I were to die, would anyone care? Would anyone be truly affected? The world won't stop not if I died. The world would never stop, no matter whose life ends. And If I die, I'm sure I'll come back. I'll come back over and over again. Would the world be any different? Or would it be the same? The same place of horrible pain?

my heart is shuttered, soon it will break apart
stifling my tears, I laugh day after day
my heart has shown me that believing is nothing
those hypocrites killed me

No one notices the true feelings anyone feels. No one can read what a heart says. No one can understand how the mind process thought. And I.. I'm no different. My own heart is as if it is locked away in a box that i can't reach, and what I feel, I can barely grasp the concept of what each feeling is.

I think I'm slowly suffocating myself.. I laugh to keep the other's happy, even though they are withering away in their own filth on their own. Why should I try so hard? What benefit does it have? For me? For anyone? Who will be happy in the end? Only the liars who want the whole world to bend to their will. I feel like, they have backed me into this corner, this place where I am, this place that I feel as if I can't escape from.

my heart is shuttered, soon it will crumble away
stifling my tears, I scream day after day
my heart has left me with a belief in strength
my own heart killed me

I'm scared.. I'm scared, and my body is shaking. I want to just let loose, to let the world see my own sense of justice, to see how the world could truly be! But then, wouldn't creating a mask for the world entitle me to be a hypocrite myself? Wouldn't that mean I'm just like THEM?

I couldn't take that, I can't, I just can't. I won't let myself turn into the liars, I'll stop that from ever happening! No matter what it takes, i won't become one of them!

To do so, that would killing my own soul.. The body should die before the soul ever should.

Sikertelen Suicide~ Alome

*The words below are a depiction of what occurred a few hours after Alome had written her suicide note*

Her fingers continued to roll the vial in between them, as she continued to contemplate her decision..

In her mind, there was no other choice. The was no choice left for her to make. The world was corrupted, there was no point in exisiting in the plane, for if she did, she would become corrupt as well.. She wouldn't allow it. She just couldn't..

Sitting up, with her back propped up against the headboard of her bed, she took the stopper off of the vial. The scent that wafted from it was beyond intoxicating, and it quickly filled the room. It began to relax her muscles already, and she began to feel sleepy..

Alome lifted the vial to her lips, and took it all, without tasting it. Near instantly, her wings began to fade, their very essence began to turn to nothing but lavender smoke, filling the room. It was as if her very soul was slowly pouring out of her, in little wafting clouds.

This was the end. With a small smile, she closed her eyes.

******

A sickeningly sweet scent seeped from under Alome's door, reaching Noel's nose. It was so familiar.. It was the scent of torture, of death, of the end.

Panic swept over Noel, hitting him as if it were a tsunami. There were no words. Words couldn't help right now. Not at all. There was no time.

The door was locked when Noel reached it. He didn't bother knocking, simply kicking it down with one swift try. The air was tainted a faint, foggy amber color, all coming from a vial on the edge of the bed.

And there she was. Her body lay limp against the headboard, and her face had a smile that was peaceful, the first one Noel had seen in a long time. This wasn't the time to gawk and complement his daughter's contentment!

She was gone... No pulse, no warmth.. Her soul took form of a tiny sapphire blue sphere, hovering above her body. It seemed lost, unable to re-enter the body, for the body was no longer alive.

Noel wasn't about to let her soul vanish! Without any hesitation, he tore off a part of his own wing, and ran to his daughter's side. He placed the torn part of his wing, which throbbed with his own living soul energy, onto his daughter's chest, and the sphere automatically took too it. While he still had the chance, he placed his torn wing to the base of Alome's, which was reduced to the numb.

The two merged, and Alome's body began to glow faintly, the color returning to her cheeks, and she a gasping breath.

She was alive.. His baby was alive.. He gave in, sobbing and holding her by the shoulders.

"You stupid stupid child.." He sobbed, stroking her hair.

Alome had yet to wake, but she was breathing. Noel tenderly picked her up, taking her out of the fumey room. She was out of immediate danger, but... It wasn't over.. It was far from over...

Lepke Mese~ The Butterfly's Tale Part 1

After repeated attempts at bringing his daughter back from her white world, there was little to no success on his end. Sure, the other children were able to bring her out of her shell a few times, but other than that, nothing.

Noel HATED to do this to Alome, but he did the only thing he could think of to do now. He would take his Daughter to a therapist.

Now, as they sat together in the cold room, Alome began to vaguely take in her surroundings. Her eyes seemed to just simply stare into space, as if there wasn't really anything worth looking at, though that wasn't the case. She was bordering the line of retreating back into her mind, for right now, there was nothing to pull her out.

"Miss Szeret, you can come back now." The secretary smiled at the wingless butterfly. She had seen cases like her's before.. Each child was so sweet.. So loving.. Then when they began to fall, no one tried to catch them. She wanted to wrap her arm's around the child, cooing and stroking their hair, telling them everything would be alright. But.. That wasn't her place.. Not yet.. She was still working her way though medical school.. But some day.. For now, she stood, taking Alome's hand and leading her to the therapist's office, settling her down in a chair, then leaving the room.

She gave the girl's father, Noel, and sad, understanding smile, then began to work on the next case.. The next child was a 17 year old boy who had recently been setting things on fire.

Noel sat back, taping his foot, fidgeting, and everything else.. Where was Domi when you needed him?! .... Right, he was back in their homeland, creating a new charm for Alome.. One that would keep her from trying to do such a thing again. Luckily, what was being made were her every prized hair clips, this time, with little silver butterflies on it. She almost never took them off, even now. They were.. Like a security blanket.

For now, he'd just let the doctor talk to Alome, maybe pry her out of her self imposed prison...

In his hands were what was left of Alome's wings.. The last part of her past life.. The happiness, the sadness, the desperate cries to help.. This was the last bit.. And the more and more she was tempted out of her world, the faster it began to fade. Noel prayed with all his power that it would fade soon.. For as soon as it faded, the sooner she would be able to smile again, and not just forced smiles..

tbc