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 Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:40 pm
Guh. Here we go. His ears were flattened almost fully against his skull at this point, staring out at the other from the corner of his eye. "Askin' what the hell you were doing, laughing out here at nothing? You took that the wrong way, and then I jumped the gun." He said that last bit through gritted teeth, but he wasn't going to deny anything at this point.
His muscles were rippling with tension as he realized the other was coming with him, and Ker kept his mouth clamped shut for several moments before he felt he could answer. "I know." Yes, he knew, and he'd fight, but he'd have no means of escape. If that was some unspoken signal for the other to follow, then whatever. Kerberos wasn't going to be an interesting or enlightening companion.
He didn't want--or need!--any pity or apologies. He thought he had things figured out, but then to jump in and do something stupid... A grumble of a growl stirred in his throat a little, but he had no words to go along with it. Controlling his temper. All right, that was one thing to work on... Try not to care if he wasn't respected, that was another--one that had a success rate of zip, but hell, so long as he was in a thinking mood...
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:05 pm
There was no need to chastise or scold the boy; he was doing that well enough on his own. He could tell from his posture that he was mentally kicking himself. Blowing his bangs out of his face a bit, Viraj picked up his pace until he was walking next to the kalona. It occurred to him that they had yet to exchange names, but he felt that it likely wasn't the best time to be asking for anything of the sort.
Gritting his teeth a bit, his breath whistled between them, escaping in a light cloud. "I'm not going to offer you pity," he started, breaking the awkward seconds of silence. "I wouldn't want any if I were you, so I won't. I do wonder what you're thinking of right now, however."
With the way he had approached Viraj, full of boast and pomp, he acted as if he had wanted to prove his own dominance. Which the boy certainly almost did, had he not let his anger get to his head. He could see how it had clouded his sight and caused him to enter a fit, and look where it had gotten him! Viraj knew he was... nice, for a kalona, and the other had to have known it by now, too. Had he run into any other older, poweful kalona, he may not have made it out alive.
However, he knew he didn't have to dangle this in front of him. Instead, he offered himself as another brain to evaluate the situation with. He wanted him to learn. Gods, let him learn.
His breath was coming in slow, even inhales now, and his heart had stopped pounding. Quietly, his face angled slightly to peer at the kalona with his free eye, he repeated, "I wonder," very quietly, letting it become lost in the strange atmosphere.
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:18 pm
There was a low grunt at that, containing the barest sliver of acknowledgment. He didn't want pity. He didn't want to talk with this guy, either, but he was also in no mood to try and fail to tell him to shove off. Why was he so curious, all of a sudden? He'd let him live, yes, that was something... or was it? Were Kalona truly savage enough to rip the throat out of their own kind? His father had told him as much, but experience always helped solidify things.
"Different sorts of strength." Came the flat reply, blunt and disinterested. "Physical, intellectual, spiritual. I didn't know you were a Kalona. ...Never seen one before, outside of my family. Don't really give a s**t, either way. ...Suddenly felt like I had to kick your a** so you'd shut your mouth... but that doesn't really matter, either." He knew he was muttering, mostly for himself at this point to help clear his thoughts.
"Been taught to.. follow my gut, pretty much. Race doesn't mean s**t. There are weak-hearted Kalona, and strong Soquili. Judge the individual, not the race." His neck was throbbing, but he was certain the bloodflow was beginning to slow to a trickle. Silence. An ear twisted to take in the murmured phrase, but his eyes remained dully locked on the darkness head.
"What?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:43 pm
He was probably inadvertently forcing every word out of the kalona's mouth, by his calm pestering, but if the boy truly didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. And he would gladly listen, feeling no loathing toward the boy for his wounds. It had been an equal exchange, and both sides were at fault for their recklessness. Such was the way of males, he mentally concluded with a tiny sigh.
As he listened, it occurred to him that this kalona was much, much more naive than he originally thought. He was, quite literally, dealing with a fresh, and - dare he say it - untainted mind. It was unusual to find such an inexperienced kalona, but he welcomed the experience with open arms, so to speak. Usual malicious intentions aside, this was his chance to really get through to the boy, perhaps.
Well, except he was already making perfect sense. Where had he heard this before? Judge the individual, not the race. All of his preconceived notions had told him that each race was set to act a certain way, and yet, since coming here, he'd been proven wrong at every turn. He felt secretly thrilled. This learning experience, it was so unusual. Never had he met a kalona that didn't think strictly with its horns and teeth, and before tonight, he had thought he was the only one. To be proven wrong... it was a relief. He wasn't mad, he was relieved. It washed over him like a steady rain.
"You couldn't be more right." Clicking his jaw, his brow furrowed as he thought it over a bit more. "You have been taught well, then. You just don't know what to do with yourself.
"But that is to be expected," he added in a matter-of-fact tone, taking note of his unwilling companion's resolute stare into the darkness. If he didn't want to look at him, that was fine. He was already being an a** for following the kid, no need to torment him more than he already had.
"I have always thought of a race as... acting the same," he half-muttered, feeling his voice die out at the end. He felt foolish for admitting this now, but he felt the boy should know where he was right. "That was the case back home. It seems to be vastly different here, though. I wonder why."
He looked to the boy again, searching what he could see of his face for signs of thought. "Know that you were taught right." He wanted him to know that. Know that he had the right idea. Just needed to know how to handle things when they came his way, and how to pick up the pieces afterward.
He was still young. He had time.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:23 am
All right, he'd bite. Eyes flickered for a moment, the gleaming irises roaming in the dark prison of his sclera before it fixed on the dark form of the stallion at his side. He was suddenly agreeing, now? Another grunt, and his head lowered a bit more at the mention of being taught well. Not well enough to keep himself from doing stupid s**t, apparently, but at least he knew he'd ******** up. He could have bristled at that last bit... but he'd proved he really was still a kid tonight, so he'd let it slide. Twice, even.
"...S'what I was always taught against. Lot of people think that way. Us." He jerked his head towards the other, bit down on a sharp snarl of pain when his wing was jarred and his neck stretched. "One look at us, and most of them are ********' gone. Rightly so, most of the time. And hell if I'd stick around if I knew a Skinwalker was around." He didn't pick up on the other's embarrassment, or simply wasn't bothering to acknowledge it.
There'd be a low snort to that last bit, but the stallion only continued to silently plod along. Taught right indeed. It was how to actually use it, that was the problem. "So what's your excuse? You aren't exactly the cutting edge of the latest Kalona mindset, either." He sounded gruff, but he was too tired to really keep up the facade, and obviously wouldn't have asked if he wasn't curious.
And why the hell not? He now had plenty of time to kill...
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:46 am
Well, that was to be expected.
Nobody treated skinwalkers as if they were anything close to soquili. Rather, they were more like killing machines, set constantly to "maim, kill, devour" by some sort of invisible remote. He'd been thus far convinced that angeni and kalonas weren't all alike, but believing the same to be true of skinwalkers... he couldn't. No one was that stupid.
To Ker's last statement, he let out a soft grunt, shifting his wings on his back a bit. True, he wasn't exactly the roughest, meanest kalona, or the most boastful of his heritage, as many seemed to be. Closing his eyes, he gave his head the slightest nudge to the side, a subtle shrug. "Don't see any point in showing off anymore, I guess," he concluded, opening his eyes again to stare at the path ahead. "I mean, I'll strut what I have every now and then, but not for the same reasons you likely do."
So he wanted to listen now, eh? Well, he'd do his best not to bore him.
"I am not completely without those stereotypical traits, however." He licked his lips, trying to wipe the drying blood off of them. "I suppose every kalona has been gifted with their own misfortunes."
He shrugged the shoulder that wasn't aching, feeling at the moment surprisingly passive, all things considered. He knew what the real reason was for his state of mind as of late, and he voiced it without hesitation. "It's probably because I'm old."
Old and lonely. What a card. He wanted to laugh again, at himself this time. It was pretty pathetic of him to want companionship, as he was 'supposed' to be a godless demon. Somehow, the fates had pegged him wrong in his birthright.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:38 pm
He was watching the male closely now, unconsciously probing for weaknesses or signs of hesitation. Couldn't really deny one's instincts, huh? But even when he'd been little, he was good at picking up on feelings that people tried to hide--so long as they let it show, even briefly, on their faces. "Hm. So what're your reasons?" If not for intimidation or respect, then what was the point of trying? That wasn't to say the other didn't have a good reason, but it was already clear they thought differently; Kerberos would listen and learn from it.
"Tch." A snort at that, but he wouldn't deny it. "Stereotypical or not, if that's what people want to judge you on alone, they can shove it up their a**." That'd been one of his very first lessons--yet, his mother had taught him to play off that weakness and turn it into a strength. "...Learned it's sometimes better to manipulate that expectation, gain the upper hand with it, and then turn the tables." His voice kept fluctuating between his usual, snarky self and that flat tone; hard to boast what he'd been taught when he clearly hadn't used that knowledge for his own benefit.
Old...? He really did swing his head to evaluate the stallion through narrowed slits, scrutinizing him carefully before an ear flapped as though dismissing the thought. "Not old enough to be feeble. My pops is about your age, maybe older. Says I'll stop being a damn reckless kid one day, get some brains when I finally grow up some." There was a faint, wistful grin as he remembered, tail twitching thoughtfully.
Boy, would dad be pissed as hell if he heard what he'd done this time.
"You got any family?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:29 pm
That was a good question. Why did he feel the need to make himself be recognized? What did he have to prove to others? All of his life, he had been treated like dirt, solely because of his appearance and race. He had come to expect this kind of treatment no matter where he went or who he encountered. Was he subconsciously trying to battle it? Was it his own way of telling others he wasn't going to be walked on forever?
His eyes became glassy, lost in thought. Not for intimidation, not for respect; what other reasons were there, really? He expected others to be intimidated by him not because he tried, but because he was a kalona. He expected no one to respect him... because he was a kalona. Maybe it meant he hadn't yet given up on himself.
Unable to find a proper answer, he glanced at Kerberos, unknowingly wrinkling his brow as he did so. The kid had him thinking now, and he felt this was going to nag him forever, until he was able to answer it for himself. How to word what he had just thought?
"I don't expect or want pity for telling you this," Viraj warned, sucking in a fairly large amount of air. He deflated at once, searching the darkness ahead for a hint on how to phrase his thoughts. "As you said, others will treat kalona as they please, and will oftentimes judge us based on our stereotypical traits - what they expect of us. I was no exception."
Deep green eyes flicked back to his companion, mostly hidden by bangs. "I'm sure your father knows of it. Discrimination. It is the basis of the world's perception of others, whether they want to acknowledge it or not. I have lived my life feeling that I was no better than the ground we walk on now. I have struggled with it, fought it, and lost against it too many times to count, and it seems..." His shoulders heaved with another drawn-out breath, causing the stallion to appear very tired. "... I am still fighting it. Not to be respected, as I am aware that will never happen in this world. Not with this body. Not for intimidation, for I already seem to intimidate without my own consent."
He knew he was rambling, but still he went on, feeling that he could somehow find the answer in the other's response. Eager to hear his response. He wanted to know what the kalona thought of what he had to say. Bringing his chin up, he set his jaw and chose his next words carefully. "I suppose it is to prove something to myself."
There. He wasn't sure if it made any sense to the boy, but still he let it roll off his tongue, as naturally as if he had said, 'For intimidation.' He shook his head, his bangs sliding back over his eye in tousled clumps. "Prove that I am not what they think I am. To convince myself that I do not believe what they have shown me, in their actions, their words, their eyes." Why did he care? He had no reason to. It sounded dangerously like he was going for respect, and perhaps he was... self-respect.
Ugh. This kid was making him think too much about himself. He had never bothered to go this in-depth about his own life, or his own feelings; all he had occupied his mind with on the way to the Kawani lands was how he planned to build up his herd, how he would be content leading his own ragtag group of people. Now he was too concerned with what the kid was questioning him over to think about it.
Heh, old. He grimaced, feeling the strain the expression posed on his already tired face muscles. "Old... perhaps, to you, in any case. I suppose that wasn't the best word to use. It was meant as more of a joke, anyway..."
He grunted at that. Family? Sure, he had family. Didn't everyone at one point? Setting his mouth into a frown, he tried to remember that far back.
"Alive... I don't know. I might. I left all of that behind when I began my journey here." His tone was as dismissive as his action following, his typical half-shrug. His way of indication he either didn't care, or didn't want to particularly talk about it.
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:49 pm
He watched mutely as the other's eyes seemed to dim somehow, almost as though he was looking into his own skull in hopes of pulling forth some sort of suitable answer. Well, he certainly got a long one, and the stallion mentally heaved a sigh as he prepared himself a listen. Helped that the guy didn't want pity--at least they were similar in that respect. "Not feeling in a very sympathetic mood, don't worry." Came the wry retort, though he quieted to listen.
Hm. So rather than bolster himself up with pride at the fear he could cause, he'd allowed himself to be crushed? There was nothing worse than a weak Kalona... and Kerberos realized that was exactly the sort of thinking that the stallion was talking about. Preconceived notions and all that, discrimination. "Respect can be bought by fear. Get the feeling that's not the sort you're after." He grunted quietly, shifting his good wing with amusement as the other seemed to regret aging himself.
"If you're still old enough to kick my a**, I wouldn't worry about it." He snorted slightly, and then let his tail sway thoughtfully. "Seems a s**t-load of time wasted just worrying about it. S'only your opinion that should matter to yourself, your actions. Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? People'll think whatever the hell they want--but the good ones, that's who matters. ...Least, that's what I've found here, even as a damn kid. You know?"
He thought quietly for a moment, most of his snarky comments and fighting spirit drained now that he'd let it grow stagnant. "Met a filly as a kid who thought she more clever than me. Used to drive me nuts... She couldda cared less about what I looked like though. Probably because we were just dumb kids, but." There was a stiff shrug that earned a wince out of him.
"Don't have much to tell you." Ker finally said after a moment, angling his head thoughtfully even as he moved. "Besides forget that s**t, like you said you were doin'. Don't dwell on it and just move on. Enjoy life, I guess... Sappy as s**t, I know, but best I can do." An amused snort at himself.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 5:56 am
Any other day, he would have scoffed at having been told "how it was" by anyone younger than himself. He must have been in an accepting mood, as he readily took in and picked apart what the boy was saying, although he did so with a weak effort. Generally prepared to brutally rip apart logic that wasn't immediately correct in his world, he was letting it sink in.
Yes, it was pointless to worry about what others thought; he fully understood that, yet the idea always seemed to dodge his attempts at utilizing that knowledge. It was a pain in the a**, and years of grim resignation set it in his mind that that was how life was going to be. He could only be grateful that this day's generation was being raised, to some degree, to think differently.
The story of the filly stirred a chuckle from him. The thought of a wild, fiery-tempered kalona playing with a filly who, he assumed, was of a different race due to his remark about his looks, just tickled his fancy a bit. It was difficult for him to imagine, having only just met the kalona, and what with the preset image of each species in his head...
Casting a weary eye to him, he studied him in silence for a bit. He didn't bother to break it, allowing the two to walk through the stillness as he re-examined his companion. It was strange to see him in a different light, so to speak. What had before been a power-hungry idiot of a boy was now a tired, worn, surprisingly perceptive - albeit perhaps a bit confused - young man. Finally, he broke the silence with a soft snort.
"Viraj," he offered, facing forward again. "A kid like you..." Seemingly past the introduction, he didn't wait for the other to introduce himself. He knew it would come, and he wanted to finish his thought before it left him and became one with the mingling breath in the air.
"You make me worry. I've barely met you and I already find myself wondering if you're going to be okay." He couldn't tell him what the hell his words meant. Already, he'd taken to the stallion, and was almost beginning to see him as.... what? What was it? Hell if he knew. All he knew was that the kid was planning on heading off on his own, once their conversation was up, and he didn't want to see him die so soon.
He wasn't underestimating him. He just didn't know the lands well enough to decide whether or not his treck home would go without conflict. He wouldn't dwell on it long, but the thought of him looking at the boy as a possible friend did pass through his mind. Of course, they were likely to be far from anything but a passing word or two, or even a quick spar should they meet again, but something in him made him want to almost mother the boy. It was very disturbing, to say the least.
Probably just him being up to his usual tricks. Probably just thinking of how nice it would be to have such an intellectual, delightfully headstrong companion to take under his wing. He knew it would never happen. The boy was too headstrong, or rather, too smart, to be taken in by his propaganda. He shook his head, and grinned a bit.
Gods. What the hell was he thinking? The boy would end their conversation and be done with him. He'd probably never see him again.
The thought of losing the chance to learn caused a small jolt of panic, feeling like electricity passing through his chest, to pass through him. He ignored it.
The good ones were the hardest to convince.
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