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 Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:44 pm
Kaosu shrugged, smirking at Trystan's antics. "Better "I've done this and know how it feels" than "I'm an inexperienced kid who likes flashy things"," he retorted evenly. They argued over the most random topics, didn't they? He dropped the issue when Trystan whacked him for what seemed like the fourth time that day, only smiling smugly and shaking his head. Until Trystan retorted to his "kid" tease. His answer pinned a wedge into the redhead's spirits, reminding him again why they were in this silly car in the first place. "I have no idea, do I?" he inquired, careful to act normal. "Then why don't you tell me? About your experience." Where he got those scars. What he had been through. The things that made him into the cute little mess he was to day. Kao would not allow himself to elaborate, hoping that his vague question would at least give him a few of these answers. At least, without making him look even more suspicious. And if not... well, they still had a few more hours of daylight to burn. "A lot of things don't matter anymore for me. All you need to know is that you do," he purred, hoping his lame line would make his adorable lover blush more.
Absently, Kao gazed out the window, wondering where they were headed. He was fairly familiar with the layout of Vargash, but he had never traveled from the perspective of a vehicle before or worried about traffic and roads. That fact disoriented him a bit. Oh well. At least where they ended up would be a surprise. "Neither did I," Kao pointed out, enjoying the minor screw-up probably more than he should have. Deciding to not start on why he should be allowed to drive again, he focused on messing with Trystan. The kid was right -it was too early in the day for that kind of romance- but that did not mean teasing was off limits. "I'm trying to drive, too," he pouted, making it clear he was not talking about cars. Shamelessly, with his free hand he traced a line down the half-demon's now bare abdomen, wondering how far he could push his game before they would crash. The abrupt swerve of the vehicle brought Kao back to reality. Grudgingly, he pulled away, figuring that a wreck would probably ruin their date. "Fine, I'll save that part for later," he announced. He would behave for the rest of the ride. Most likely.
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 5:49 pm
"I'm not an inexperienced kid who likes flashy things." Trystan insisted with a huff, only holding up the argument for the sake of some of his leftover dignity. When the argued, they argued over strange things. But Trystan couldn't help but somehow enjoy that. It was strange, just shooting comments back and forth without threat of any hidden threats. Blinking at the others mention of not knowing anything, Trystan puffed a bit, waving his hand at the other. "I'll tell you if you tell me." He said evenly, ice blue eyes suspiciously peering at Kaosu. He was always so weird, but this was just beyond him. Turning to the other, he leaned in close for a moment, trying his luck at not blushing to examine Kaosu's one good eye. "Why are you suddenly so interested?" He asked in slight interest. Then he turned back and waved his hands briefly in the air. "I'm just one big emotional mess-up, is there much more you need to know?" He joked dryly. Turning to the other when Kaosu practically purred, Trystan blinked, eyes widening in the slightest, a blush forming at the edge of his cheeks. Trying to scowl, he looked away and pulled a sharp turn, letting the beast purr.
Trystan, unlike Kaosu, was incredibly familiar with all things related to Vargash. Sure, he'd traveled before, but the city had been his home for most of his short life, and he knew it like the back of his hand. Or at least, most of it. Wondering briefly if Kaosu even liked carnivals, Trystan hummed to himself. Well, he had let him choose. "But you've never driven before that night." Trystan persisted when the other man retorted about driving. One day, maybe, Trystan would let Kaosu drive again in his car. Maybe was certainly the keyword, however. When the other protested that he was trying to drive too, Trystan lit up with a blaze of color and looked at the other in shock for a moment. "Not that kind of driving." He said, returning the pout with a frown. Realizing that his swerving had stopped the man from doing anything more made Trystan almost laugh, had he not been too busy shivering and arguing with his body over what he wanted to do more. Pulling another sharp turn, Trystan slowed the car and came to a stop outside of their destination. The carnival. "Patience is a virtue." He chided to the other teasingly before stepping out of the car and being blasted by a gust of humid air. Black obsidian hair brushed away from marble skin, and Trystan hummed a low note in the back of his throat.
This day would become unpredictable.
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:17 pm
"Then you're a liar instead?" Kaosu retorted, ignoring the fact that the discussion was childish. He never spared much time for childish things or idle chatter. His constant banter with Trystan was good for him. When the topic turned personal, the redhead hesitated before answering, "Deal. What do you want to know?" He would have to give some information before he could take, he supposed. Besides, if the half demon asked him any questions that were too uncomfortable he could always lie. Then Trystan caught him off guard. Without blushing too badly, the kid looked him dead in the eye and called him on his strange behavior. Almost instantly, Kao returned to being flustered. Fortunately, he managed to keep his cool. "It's a secret," he mused, attempting to pass off his odd act as mere teasing. He was not quite ready to admit that he was simply interested in Trystan. That was too sappy. "It's not that I need to know. I just want to know." Okay, that was a touch too close to the truth. "For example, why do you blush when I call you kid?" That was not exactly the kind of mystery Kao wanted to solve, but he could not bring himself to bring up the other male's past. It was a good place to start, at least.
"That doesn't make me a bad driver," he insisted stubbornly. "Only a new one." So maybe Kaosu did not genuinely care if Trystan ever let him drive. That was not the real issue at heart. He did not like not being trusted with such a simple thing. Tch, he really was becoming too insecure these days. Satisfied that he had transformed Tryst's face into a red tomato once again, he stopped his antics and patiently waited to reach their destination. He could always save that kind of teasing for later. When they finally came to a halt in front of a carnival, the tramp was surprised to find that he knew the area. Although his last visit here had not exactly been pleasant, despite the terrible crowds Kao kind of liked the place. Especially the detail that Trystan had come for him and not for Fao. "Tch. Do you honestly take me for a virtuous kind of guy?" he scoffed, unable to hide his mild amusement. Not bothered by the sticky weather, he cheerfully exited the car and padded over to Trystan. As though the ride had kept them separate for too long, he immediately slipped his arm around his lover's waist again. "Farstep, huh? That's a pretty classic choice for a date." He almost got hung up on the scary term. Almost. He was gradually growing used to the foreign idea.
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:15 pm
"I never said that." Trystan admitted with a slight c**k of the brow, turning to Kaosu. Childish and silly, huh? Before Kaosu, Trystan had forgotten that it was actually fun to have these kind of conversations. "I dont like just flashy things, and I'm not as inexperienced as you think I am." Trystan said stubbornly, looking back at Kaosu with a determined glimmer in his eye. He knew that Kaosu was older then him, and had certainly been through more then him. However, that didn't mean he wasn't inexperienced. When the other asked him what he wanted to know, Trystan blinked. What did he want to know? Trystan.... hadn't thought about that. The confusion was evident on his face. Trying to put together some sort of answer, Trystan brought his lips into a slight pout. He hadn't expected Kaosu to answer him like that. "I dont know." He admitted, huffing a bit. "Just... the little things." He laughed. "That makes no sense." He admitted absently afterwards, the car purring beneath him. Turning to the other when he said it was a secret, Trystan formed a bit of a frown. "Secrets are no fun." He insisted, huffing. Turning incredibly red at the others question, Trystan was glad that they were almost at the carnival. "Because its an embarassing nickname. And I'm not that young!"
Grinning a bit at Kaosu's own argument that he wasn't a bad driver, Trystan revved the engine a bit dangerously. "But a new one has no experience," he said, though his face was still scorched. Sticking out his tongue a bit, Trystan leaned against the car once he was out of it, the keys held loosely in the palm of his hand. "So how can you be good, if you haven't driven more then once?" The carnival lights played off of the young adults skin, and stepping forward, he looked over as Kaosu got out of the car as well. It seemed like he approved - at least a bit - of the carnival idea. "Virtuous? You?" Trystan grinned at Kaosu a bit, letting the other slip an arm around his waist and pull him close. "Never." He said, gently leading the other forward and into the Carnival grounds. All around them, people were smiling, laughing, playing, joking. It was an atmosphere that Trystan was entirely foreign to. Just like Kaosu. "You let me choose. I didn't think you knew Farstep." He reminded the other with a huff, bumping into him a bit playfully. "Classic or not, it sounded like fun." Trystan couldn't help but grin lazily at the other. "Where to first?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:45 pm
"I know, I know. If you only liked flashy things, you wouldn't like me," Kaosu stated confidently, unable to pass up the opportunity for a shameless plug but not pushing the issue. He was less interested in their normal, fun banter at the moment than he was in answering his questions. They had gotten onto the dangerous subject without too much trouble. Maybe dragging personal information out of Trystan would be easier than he thought? Wrong. The other male seemed just as flustered by the topic as he was. "Little things..." Kao repeated. "Who cares if it makes sense?" He would have to satisfy Trystan if he expected Trystan to satisfy him. He accepted that. But the idea of the little things made him panic just a touch. He had no response for that kind of inquiry. Still, he had to at least try, "The little things. That's not specific at all. You mean favorite color? Favorite celebrity? Things like that?" he guessed, hoping for some kind of clarification. "I'm afraid I'm boring when it comes to stuff like that. I never really bother thinking about it." That was enough out of him for now. Hastily moving on and going out on a limb he persisted, "Why is it so embarrassing, hm? Am I not the first one to call you that? Did Faolan give you that nickname?" Whoops. Had not intended to inform Trystan that he and the fortune teller had met. Stupid insecurity.
Snorting when the bartender revved the engine, he only shook his head, "Natural talent?" As if he had talent with anything even resembling technology. After that, he paused to take in the sight and smells of the carnival. The place sure looked different in the late-afternoon-approaching dusk. He had not even noticed its cheerfully flashing lights upon his first visit. Smiling despite himself when Trystan pulled close, he forgot some of his nerves and relaxed under the other's touch. "I suppose that depends on your virtues," he hummed absently. Another difference from his first adventure in Farstep -he actually somewhat fit in with the excited, carefree crowds. From an outsider's perspective, they probably seemed like a normal, happy couple. "Hey, I wasn't complaining," he amended. Why couldn't they act like one, too? "Where to? I thought we agreed you would decide our destinations~" Really Kao would have chosen somewhere had he any experience with such settings. His last stay had not been long. He could not have suggested a booth to visit had he wanted to.
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 10:49 pm
Trystan huffed a bit at the other, waving his hands again in the lightest of fashions. "Dont flatter yourself too much." He said wryly, leaning against the steering wheel as he watched Kaosu from the corner of his eye. And then he turned and smiled a bit loosely at him. "But you're right. You're the very opposite of flashy, and I think I like you almost as much as my car." Purring a bit in the back of his throat, he brushed a thumb against the wheel affectionately and turned back to focus on the road. Watching the other question his own questions, Trystan cocked an eyebrow. "I do?" He retorted with a shrug, but then let it go, knowing that one in itself was pretty much a lie. He didn't care if a lot of things made sense or not. Why did it suddenly matter now? "Not favorite things, per say..." Trystan said in response, glancing out the window to avoid eye contact while he mulled it over in his head. "What makes you happy?" He asked lamely, coloring at the cheesy words. "I mean - when you know someone, you usually know what to do to cheer them up, and what they dont like, and what makes them angry - or something like that." Trystan gripped the steering wheel, trying to make sense of it to himself more then anything. "I dunno, its hard to explain, yeah?"
At the others mention of embarassing, Trystan colored even more. At the mention of Faolan, he jumped about a foot in the air. Luckily, this time he had enough control over the car not to do anything stupid. "You are the first one to call me that. Thats why its so embarassing!" Trystan tried to make the information make sense in his head. Faolan knew Kaosu? Kaosu knew Faolan? A wave of uncertainty hit him square in the gut. Just how did those two know each other? "And for your information, I'm older then him." Trystan insisted. "And how do you two know each other?" Trystan glanced at him uncertainly. "Are you...." Trystan struggled to find the words. Unlike Kaosu, he was much worse hiding insecurity. He didn't even know why he was suddenly feeling like the threat of someone knowing Kaosu better then him - even though he really, hardly knew him at all - was scaring him. "Friends?" That sounded stupid. Trystan pulled a bit closer to Kaosu. "Nevermind, lets go before we let the sun run away from us." He amended, pulling the other man off, ignoring the comment on natural talent. "And what are your virtues, Kaosu?" He returned evenly with a smile. At the mention of where they should go, Trystan smiled at the other. He didn't know Farstep too well, but he was about to. "Then if we're following my directions, lets go..." He paused, turning his head from side to side before swerving around a curve and dragging Kaosu away into the strange world of the Carnival.
"This way."
After an hour or so had passed, perhaps even more, the Carnival switched on its lights, illuminating the darkness with brilliance. Having almost exhausted himself pulling Kaosu every which way, Trystan Stumbled around another corner, and stopped, wondering if Kaosu would run into him for that. Before them was a Ferris Wheel, its illumination dancing over the two men. Blinking, Trystan turned to Kaosu with a slight smile. "Up for one more ride?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:34 am
"Almost as much?" Kaosu protested, pretending to be hurt. Maybe he really did want to drive, then. If he could get rid of that car, he would move up in the ranks. After Trystan finished hating him for wrecking his baby. The personal questions made him uncomfortable, but he was determined to answer as honestly as possible. That would entitle him to have the kid answer his own questions, right? "What makes me happy? Those aren't... small things," he replied slowly, clearly mulling over the topic carefully. He did not mind the cheesy inquiry -he had been wondering the same about Trystan- but again he did not have an obvious response. Yet another hole in his character. He typically worked so hard and so long to kill most of his darker emotions that he forgot to enjoy the good ones. "Cats. Open spaces. You. Especially you. Especially when you blush." He managed not to grimace at his ridiculously sappy, true words. "I hate crowds because I can't see well in them. I hate cities because they're noisy. I hate mornings and commitment." He hated Essentics, too. But he could endure all of those pet peeves for Trystan. I wouldn't worry about it much. It's pretty hard to make me angry. Unless you shoot me in the head, I suppose," he admitted, trying to change the subject. Glancing away despite himself, he added, "You're right, it is hard to explain. But now it's your turn. What makes you happy? Annoyed? Embarrassed?"
First to call him that. In a funny way, that soothed Kao. Wary of Trystan's reaction to the mention of Faolan Grady, he watched the half demon almost nervously. The fortune teller's name definitely elicited emotion, but not the emotion the red head had expected. Insecurity? Paranoia? Immensely relieved, he could not help but smile and affectionately stroke Trystan's black hair. There that kid went again, making him happy. He had acted in the exact same silly manner Kao had when Fao had claimed he and Tryst were close. "Friends? Hardly. We only met once," he purred before dropping the issue, aiming to ease his lover's concerns. "As for my virtues, you'll have to figure those out for yourself," he finished. That was the last time he spoke before he allowed himself to be dragged deeper into Farstep. Kao had no idea that fairs could be so exhausting... or fun. Normally the very idea of being pulled from booth to booth would have worked his patience, but with Trystan the reality was different. The kid amused him. The excitement in the air was contagious. Although the tramp hardly behaved as carefree as those around him, he somehow forgot his anxiety in favor of enjoying his lover's company. Somehow. Somehow for the first time since they had met they felt like a real couple. Scary. When Trystan stopped after rounding a corner, Kao ran into him on purpose, smirking. He eyed the ferris wheel, actually enticed by the notion of retreating to an intimate, enclosed space with a spectacular view. "One more ride while we're here," he corrected, insinuating that he fully intended to finish what he had started in the car trip when they got home. Finally taking the lead, he tugged Trystan towards the towering structure and into one of its small booths. There were benches on either side of the tiny "room", but he made a point of sitting as close to his date as possible.
Shortly, the massive machine creaked into motion. At this point, free from prying public eyes, he would have cheerfully proceeded to tease Trystan as much as possible without getting carried away. Unfortunately, he forgot they were at a carnival. At night. The stars and colorful lights were not the only decorations of the evening sky. The first explosion was the worst. Caught completely off guard, Kao winced badly. Fear, panic, and frustration shot through his system all at once, freezing him up instantly. s**t, why did he have to show his largest weakness in front of Trystan? Desperately grasping for his calm, he almost recovered. Until a second firework combusted. No, there was no way he could play this one off. No way he could hide this fatal flaw from the man next to him. No way he could escape, so high off the ground. Frankly, he was lucky he only flinched, considering the chaos his body was raging through. His heart pounded rapid rhythms in his chest. His breath quickened noticeably. Damn it, Trystan would probably want an explanation. How was he going to endure this one?
ooc| Lulz, getting long again~ x__x;
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:29 pm
Trystan turned a strict eye on the other before faltering a bit and sighing. "Maybe, maybe just as much." He amended, stressing the maybe. He watched the other when he worked on the personal questions, wondering just how Kaosu would take to them. He'd never really inquired so much into the others business before. That he actually looked like he would answer made Trystan almost bounce with excitement. "Perhaps you and I just have differing perspectives." Trystan mused when the other called those out as things that were hardly small. Alright, perhaps they weren't small things, but Trystan had grown up calling them that. He wondered if Kaosu was trying to think up answers during his silence and felt something strange flutter in his stomach. At the mention of cats, and open spaces, Trystan nodded. When the other mentioned him, Trystan turned a cherry red and jumped a bit. "I already knew that." He mumbled stubbornly, rubbing at his cheeks. So, Kaosu hated crowds, cities, mornings, commitment... Trystan looked over at the other, a far away spark in his eye for a moment. Then why do you keep coming back? He almost asked, but his eyes said enough, and that was cheesy one in itself.
Blinking, he looked away, and the other turned his own question right back at him. "I like..." He started, thinking it over in his head. Contrary to Kaosu, there were a lot of things he liked, some of them were just embarassing. "I like lemon flavored things, especially lemonade. I like books, animals, beaches, swimming." He paused, tilting his head to the side. Then he glanced at Kaosu, and returned the others earlier comment. "I like you. I like you a lot actually." Pausing, he thought over the other questions in his head. "I hate confined spaces, being lied to, contradictory people, and actual lemons, despite my enjoying the flavor of them." He paused, thinking a bit. "Embarassed?" He repeated, remembering the other mans last words. "But you didn't tell me what embarasses you." Huffing, he looked to the side. "I get embarassed when you call me kid. I get embarassed when I think I've figured something out and then it throws me for a loop. I get embarassed when I get overemotional over something I shouldn't." He turned to Kaosu, humming a bit. "I get embarassed over you." He said evenly.
When the mention of Faolan had been brought up, despite the man being married and all and calling him his brother, Trystan was still wary. Maybe that was just his overreactive, jealous side kicking in. Stupid Kaosu. Jumping a bit when he felt a hand on his head, Trystan colored like a cherry. For some reason, the others words soothed him on many levels, and slowly relaxing, he hummed a bit. "Good." He couldn't help but say, looking at the other when he mentioned virtues. "And how do I go about doing that?" Trystan retorted evenly, but soon enough, they were off. The Carnival became much larger then the half breed had expected, and much more fun then he'd originally planned. Sure, it was exhausting, but for the first time since he'd been with Kaosu, he was actually just... innocently enjoying being with him. There was no hidden lust, nothing that was hiding around in the shadows. It was scary, but to Trystan, it held a bit of something else in there, even if he didn't want to accept that yet. Blushing at the others statement once they encountered the ferris wheel, Trystan let himself be dragged along into one of the small booths. "Should I be scared?" He threw back, but once the door swung shut, he felt his face heat up, and he felt Kaosu right next to him.
Looking out the glass window as the machine creaked into motion, Trystan watched the stars for a moment before jumping a foot in the air when Kaosu winced from right next to him. Of course, accompanying the others wince was an explosion of fireworks that could easily be spotted from the ferris wheel. "Hey," Trystan said softly, wondering what was going on with Kaosu's strange behavior. The man winced again when the second firework went off, and Trystan began to come under the strange impression that Kaosu was... scared. "Hey." He said again, leaning over, listening to the shallow breaths, almost feeling the quickened heartbeat. He wasn't about to bombard the other for questions, that would have only worsened the situation. Kaosu thought he wanted an explanation. Trystan just wanted to make the other stop feeling the way he did. "The big bad wolf afraid of fireworks, eh?" He joked softly, but instead of simply sitting there, Trystan made the small gesture of curling his arms around Kaosu and dragging the redhead towards him. "Is it alright if I do this?" He asked uncertainly. Around them, the stars shared the sky with countless fireworks, the crackles of lightning sound slicing the silence in two. However, the illumination was also a mirage of colors, dancing over the two mens skin. In any other situation it would have been romantic. But right now, Trystan was too caught up in Kaosu.
ooc;; 8DDDD;;;;;;
I did not mean for it to be this long!
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 6:20 pm
Why do you keep coming back?
That was the question behind all of the questions, wasn't it? Trystan had not explicitly asked it, but his eyes and expression had said enough. For the eighth time that evening, he forced Kaosu to consider something he had never considered before. This time, however, the redhead knew the answer. He could not acknowledge it, but he knew it. Why else would he endure the long list of things he hated just to be with some kid? Why else would he want to find out personal information about him? How else could he have been tamed, from a violent solitary hunter to a harmless, overly affectionate house cat? The truth terrified him more than fireworks and fire ever would. It had crept up on him slowly, embedding itself into his brain like a cancer as the weeks flew by. He was aware of it. Deep down, he was sure it would be his downfall. As long as he could ignore it, he could continue living in this carefree bliss. But if he couldn't... Love moved mountains. It destroyed kingdoms. It could easily scare away a coward like him. Trying his best not to think about it, he thoughtfully listened as Trystan listed off what he cared about. He remained silent for a while, memorizing the precious details. Lemon flavoring. Books. Animals. Swimming. Lies. Small spaces. Somehow the half-demon's likes and dislikes suited him. When Tryst mentioned him in the those categories, though, that dangerous emotion stirred in his gut. He already knew he embarrassed him. He already knew that the assassin HAD to like him. So why did being told so make him so happy? "I didn't tell you what embarrasses me because nothing embarrasses me," he finally commented, smirking.
Sufficiently convinced that he had soothed Trystan over the whole Faolan matter, he decided to leave the deep talks for later and focus on enjoying the date. Virtues, best friends, dark secrets. All of those factors could wait. The rest of the evening went smoothly enough, with both of them forgetting their nerves until they reached the Ferris Wheel. "Should you be scared? Very," he purred with a grin, hinting towards his less than honorable intentions for this particular ride. Unfortunately, he never got the chance to turn his lover any redder. The fireworks dragged him out of the present all the way back to his life in that Vargash manor. He was a sheltered, confused, awkward sixteen year old all over again, helpless to stop those towering flames from devouring his home and only hope for a normal life. He could not respond to the other male's concerned words. He could not get a hold of himself. He was completely consumed by his phobia... until he felt Trystan hold him. The simple gesture comforted him. Desperate to be cold-hearted and tough, Kao had never been comforted before in his life. Not by his parents. Not by his brother. Not even by her. That touch rescued him, and by focusing on it and it alone, he somehow managed to tune out the explosions of color bit by bit. "Distract me," he replied weakly, unable to say anything more. Timidly, he leaned into Trystan's embrace, clinging like a child with a nightmare. It was pathetic. It was beneath him. But somehow he knew Trystan would not mock him. Since when did he start trusting the guy so much?
Despite the fear, the scene really was romantic. More romantic than their first night on the balcony in the rain. More romantic than anything Kao had experienced in his life.
ooc| 's okay, hope you don't mind my shortening things up again. Gaia ate my first version of this post and I didn't have the heart to redo the whole thing. D; Sorry if it's lame. And sappy. > w <
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:47 pm
As they always said, the eyes were the window to the soul.
Whether that was true or not had never registered in Trystans mind. What had always registered was that things he didn't say could almost always show through in his own ice blue eyes. It was rather obnoxious really, because sometimes things went better left unsaid. Closing his eyes briefly, Trystan breathed in and out, wondering what Kaosu was thinking - if he'd seen the unspoken question in the slick silver blue eyes. Because behind that question was a question of emotions. Dangerous emotions. Trystan opened his eyes to the single thought in his mind. Love. It sent a shiver down his spine and made his gut explode with sparks. He was not in love. Two months could not possibly be enough time to fall into that sort of emotion with someone. Especially Kaosu. Especially someone who he hardly knew about! It made Trystan almost weak at the knees, the high scale thought of him being prone to such an emotion. It wasn't that he was against love, it was that Trystan didn't trust it. Love made people increasingly.... weak in every sense of the word. The excessive worrying, the butterflies, the pacing whenever that one person wasn't around. Wait. Wait. That wasn't possible. Trystan shook the dangerous thoughts from his mind. He was not in love with Kaosu. Turning as the other mentioned that nothing embarassed the other, Trystan huffed, poking his elbow loosely into the others side. "Really?" He said, turning his eyes to the other. "Maybe I'll have to change that."
It was true, he had been soothed over the Faolan matter. Soothed... maybe not completely, now that he knew Faolan knew Kaosu. That brought up an entirely knew matter of what the hell his "brother" thought about Kaosu.... and how much he knew. Trystan doubted that Kaosu told Faolan much, but he also didn't know how two people on entirely opposite ends of the social spectrum would even talk without everything becoming explosive. Letting himself be led on, not as scared as Kaosu had said he should have been, Trystan expected to turn red when the doors closed. He didn't expect to be the one to be holding Kaosu in his arms. Listening to the other tell him to distract him, Trystan softened his glance and tilted his head back. The fireworks exploded above them in colorful waves, and whats more was the men operating the system stopped the Ferris Wheel every now and again. Leaning back against the cool metal surface of the "room", Trystan propped one of his legs against the bench wall. Then he proceeded to drag Kaosu with him, pressing the mans back against his check and curling his arms around the others shoulders, leaning down and closing his eyes as he rested his chin on Kaosu's neck.
"I used to be afraid of fireworks." He said, his voice vibrating against Kaosu's shoulder and neck. "The noise made me think about gunshots when I was younger, and I hated gunshots." Trystan didn't know why he was saying any of this. In fact, he wasn't sure where he was even going with it anymore. Kaosu had asked for distractions. Trystan wouldn't throw himself at the other - because he didn't think that would be the best thing for Kaosu. What would be the best thing however.... that was beyond him. "But my family loved them. No, not gunshots, fireworks. They'd have parties just so they could set them off at the end." He hummed a bit. "I always hid in my room when that happened." Trystan laughed a bit, falling into a small silence as the crackle of another firework began to fade away. He started speaking just as another lit the air. "Long story short, one day two of my older brothers were setting off fireworks for the new years celebration." He tilted his head to the side, eyes closed as if remembering a scene in my head. "As usual, I was in my room. I guess my father got fed up with me though." A smile fell on those lips, illuminated by the various colors of the darkened sky. "He came in and threw me over his shoulder, and then dragged me through the entire house kicking and screaming. When he finally managed to get me outside, I saw fireworks for the first time."
Trystan tilted his head back as another explosion took off. The Ferris Wheel had been paused for a few short seconds, but it started again just as he started to talk. "I realized that I'd been scared all my life of something that I hadn't even given a chance." He paused, realizing he had no idea where he was going with this. "I also realized that theres always a second side to everything. I was terrified if fireworks, I hated them for making such loud noises, and that they could hurt someone. I dont like a lot of things about them, but I loved them too. I loved the colors, the excitement, that they made people happy, like, that bubbling nervous-happy that is always incredibly cheesy." Trystan snorted, knowing that it sounded incredibly cheesy. Turning the conversation around, he tilted his head back, watching as the final explosion of fireworks began. "You make me so embarassed, and I dont like that I'm always blushing, or feeling over-emotional, or getting angry over little things. But I also like that you make me feel comfortable. Like I'm fine in my own skin for once. I like just being around you, and I dont like not knowing when you might be leave or if you aren't coming back." Trystan paused, coloring a bit as more and more fireworks lit up. "I dont know what that means though. I dont have any idea what it means. But the logical thing is that.... More like...." Trystan paused, eyes closing as a miriad of colors exploded in the sky. Almost over. Almost. "Is it alright.... if I think I might love you?" His words were the question, but his eyes glittered, already knowing the truth. That was the only thing that could explain all of that. He loved him. Trystan turned his head to the side, laughing weakly. "Sorry, I dont think thats what you wanted for a distraction."
He loved Kaosu.
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:10 pm
The fireworks continued to crack into the stars, burning brilliant colors into the air. Kaosu was burning with his own kind of colors. Quietly, he listened to Trystan's story. He focused on the sound of his voice. He focused on the warmth of his embrace. He allowed himself to be coddled and soothed like a child. Slowly, the nightmares smoldered. The mansion disappeared. Her face faded and his fear ebbed away. His memories, bit by bit, returned to ash. His breathing steadied and his pulse calmed. Even before the fireworks display ended, somehow Trystan rescued him from this chaos. Weakly, he purred, "Only you." Could see him like this. Could save him in his weakest moment. Could calm him with a simple gesture and a simple tale. Kaosu wanted to say more, but his tone of voice said it all. Giving things a second chance... maybe he could try it? Maybe he could take that risk. Chance a normal life. Chance a normal relationship. Chance a far-from-normal romance. Once again that cancer in the back of his mind stirred. He would have stilled it immediately, but then Trystan resumed talking. You make me so embarassed. I like just being around you. You make me feel comfortable. Those were dangerous phrases. This sounded dangerously close... to a confession?
Suddenly, Kao was thankful for the finale of the fire show. It gave him an excuse to be panicked. It explained why he instinctively froze up. It justified the fact that his heart became a machine gun in his chest. He was in love. Trystan was in love. It should have been the most fortunate moment of his unfortunate life. Instead, a thousand insecurities shocked his system. He was a fool. How had he managed to convince himself that he could afford to fall for Trystan? Commitment. Monogamy. Kao was not capable of them. He was not capable of caring for another person. How could he make someone else happy if he did not know how to be happy himself? He did not deserve that kind of bliss. He could learn... but he might accidentally hurt Trystan in the process. After all, his past, present, and future were crushingly dark. They would interfere eventually, as much as he tried to hide from them. He had no right to drag another soul into that darkness with him. No right at all. It was better to sever this bond now cleanly than let it slowly decay. Before he ripped it so shreds violently some other way.
Was it alright for him to be in love? No. Was it true anyways? Absolutely.
After a long silence, Kaosu finally forced himself to reply, "Don't apologize." He did not trust himself to say more. He should be the one apologizing. It was all his fault. "Don't you dare apologize." Hopefully that meek sentence would be enough to convey his feelings. Close enough to the truth. Close enough to a confirmation. Despite himself, ignoring the blazing sky, he turned over to face Trystan. I love you, too. He kissed his forehead. I love you. He kissed his cheek. I love you more than you'll ever know -more than I can stand it. He finally kissed him on the lips. Gently. There was not a trace of lust behind it. Melancholy, maybe, but no lust. He needed to show Trystan how he felt. He needed his actions to speak for him where words could not. He owed it to him. He owed Trystan everything. He was determined to make the rest of the night impossibly perfect. After they left Farstep... After they returned home... He had to end this in a splendor that would outshine even the fireworks. More radiant than the carnival lights. He owed Trystan a painless, poetic goodbye.
~ ~ ~ ~
When morning came, Kao slipped out of the pent house apartment, careful not to wake his sleeping partner. He left a part of himself behind, but he knew he had to leave. He had to throw himself head first into that empty, vast wasteland. To lose himself in hopes of losing Trystan. That all-consuming fire worked its magic again. Kao burned his bridges. This time he would never come back.
Kaosu loved Trystan, too. And that was exactly what scared him away for good.
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