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Autsu allowed the question about imperial colors brush over him, unanswered. Were he to give voice to his thoughts in that direction he would have to admit that the imperial colors were black and silver. And then, he would no doubt mention that while he had clashed before, he was rather suited to the uniform now. And then, well, then the conversation would turn away from pleasant memory.

Instead, he looked up to the trees. They were green, like the trees on Meska's island, but otherwise dissimilar. These were firs and oaks, where the island had been a lush rainforest, alive with growth and greens in every shade he'd never imagined.

"Green. It was a small island, but she was not given to swimming. She spent her time running among the trees." Without real thought, he brushed his hand over the bark of one such as he passed. His words came out thoughtful and reflective. "It was better for her to be inclined so. Gills would have made her useless to the imperial guard."

Was she still there, at Narin's side? He thought she must be. If there was anyone who he trusted to guard the prince, it was Meska. She did what was expected of her. She served well, for one not born to the Di.

"Like me?" It was a fluid thing, Autsu's identity. Autsu was Esuth, Esuth was Autsu. Sometimes he felt more like one or the other, but most days, there was no way to make such distinctions. They were just names for the same entity. Except sometimes, when it felt like they weren't.

"She was faster. A thin, long tail that hurt to be hit with. She left welts." A chuckle, in rueful memory. Hard to miss a softening as Autsu spoke of the past. If they were different people, then Autsu was the harder of the two. Colder, less expressive. One might say that Kian was getting the bones after Narin had already devoured the softer, more nourishing meat. "No horns, but she had spikes, here." He touched Kian's elbow, "And also here." Another brush, along the top of Kian's wrist.


"But yes, as I was. No ears. No breasts." The soft hissing of an accent grew more pronounced, "They are as their surroundings, there. So any color that might exist, they might be."

The question of identity put Autsu in a meditative mood. He was not made for such thoughts. He fell silent, the forest around them giving rise to sound, which Autsu ignored as he walked as he might have a long time ago, on patrol. A walk that allowed the mind to wander other places. An easy, ground eating walk.

"I call you Anne, and Comrade, and Ally. Others call you Kian. You call me 'tsu. My father called me Darkling, when I was young. He calls me Autsu, now, except when he called me Son. My first parents named me Esuth. Among those not Di' I became Di'Esuth. Ex'Narin called me love. Sometimes, Esuth. Meska often called me commander."

Another silence, as Autsu studied his hands.

"I am not who I was before this form. But I am not who I was before I met you either. I am not who I was before this morning, before this conversation. My soul/thoughts/memories/caste has not changed. I continue. When I think of myself, I think 'Autsu' but that does not mean I am not Esuth. Esuth is a layer that Autsu was built on top of."

Italics, as ever indicate things in his original language.

Autsu might have pointed out that for someone who was not Jo'nas, Kian was awfully upset about the death of Jo'nas's mother. Or he might have insisted that he was Esuth, that he always would be. He might have done a lot of things.

He shrugged, his feathers rustling with the gesture. "I do not think it matters what we think. We are here now, like this. However we choose to see it."

---

Days later on the sun drenched beach, and the boys might have burned if they weren't black already. They had hunted. Wrestled. Cooked food over open flame and slept under starlight.

Now, Autsu was soaked with blood, his wings and hair matted with it. The deer he'd been dressing was done, and there'd be dinner when they decided it was time to eat. For now, the soldier, who hadn't bothered to dress, walked down the beach and into the water, where the waves could take the red away. He had not asked how long they would be staying, and he wouldn't. This could be forever, and he would let it. Or at least, until the choice was taken from him.

The water was sweet and cool in the heat of the day, the waves tugging almost gently at his ankles and pulling him further in. He heard Kian clearly enough, went so far as to glance over his shoulder at the sound of his name. But he didn't answer, at least not immediately. Instead, he walked along the shallows until experience warned him of the abrupt drop off in depth, then dove under, staying there until his oxygen ran out. Autsu was no master swimmer, he wasn't Kian. But he could at least keep himself from drowning.

Surfacing, he stood with the water just about at his waist and turned toward the shore. "It would be appreciated, ally."

To an outsider, he was Autsu as he'd always been. It would take Kian, or perhaps his father to recognize the quiet ease in his ever formal syntax. He was, in his way, happy.

If Autsu even thought to attempt an answer to that first question, the answer left him the moment Kian voiced his next thought. It set him to silence and he allowed that silence to stretch and play over them as Kian went to work on the sodden mess of his wings.

There was a right answer here. He just didn't know what it was. He wasn't even sure what the true answer was. Maybe there wasn't one.

"I like it here." He said, finally, and the words were slow and thoughtful, as if he was tasting the weight of each one before speaking. He didn't glance over his shoulder as he spoke. The weight of Kian's fingers was enough. "It is quiet."

"I have not thought of returning." Which wasn't to say whether he did or didn't want to. Only that he hadn't thought on it. "But I have thought that you will, eventually, wish to do so.""

Autsu wasn't in fact an idiot, which meant he did not entirely miss the implications of 'no one to find us'. Luckily, it also meant he was bright enough NOT to point out that Esuth would find him via the ring he still wore, almost invisible, black on black. No, what he did was enjoy the practiced comfort of Kian's fingers on his wings, adjusting them slightly as Kian worked to allow him to reach those more difficult spots. Already he felt more comfortable, his wings not itching or irritating.

He also felt ever so slightly sick as he contemplated a return to civilization. It wasn't that he was miserable there. In his way, he enjoyed his Gaian life. But this, the simple quiet of the wild, it had been good for Kian. Good for both of them in a way that was well beyond Autsu's ability to articulate.

"You are first," he said, simply. And, right now, it was true. There was no one on the planet that came before Kian. He twisted, lowering his wings so that he could better see Kian, "When you are ready, there are obligations."

He paused, wanting to articulate this well and, as ever, struggling. "But, until then, there is you. Us. You are my first-- priority."

Another pause, but shorter. "If you are ready now, then I am ready."