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 Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:06 am
himitsudane Hm... if I have really good close friends, I don't feel like there's much of a need for anything else. The understanding thing sounds nice. Of course there's also intelligence and humor and all that. It's true that I'd need that too in a SO, but I don't think about it consciously. It's more like I wouldn't end up falling in love unless there were certain qualities present, but I don't go around thinking "oh, I like that guy, he seems smart and funny... I hope he's loyal and friendly too." :/ So for me, the qualities I'd be looking for are only subconcious... not some kind of list of things I look for in people. Man, this is tough to explain. Yeah it is never easy to understand. So what youre saying is you look for mannerisms?
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:10 am
Ummy Well, I'm not currently looking for a S.O. (and just went through a bunch of drama about that), but I'll throw in some input. When I'm attracted to people... guys, girls, whatever, it's on the premise of becoming very good friends. Therefore, I seek out people with similar interests, similar values, intelligence, sense of humor... friendship qualities like that. But I also seek for someone I can open up to and be totally honest with and trust on a level deeper than what most people would consider a friendship level. But that's it. And unfortunately, as I've recently been victim of, it's impossible for me to seek out a guy friend without one or more or all people assuming I want to date and make out and be a little sex kitten. Apparently a straight guy and a straightish (asexual) girl cannot be friends and just hang out and do things. And I don't agree with the statement that we can't find other people good looking, or be attracted to someone's looks. I think a painting is attractive, but I don't want to have sex with it. I think my dog is cute and adorable, but I certainly don't want to have sex with her. I think anime characters are some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, but there's no sexual attraction. I think some of my friends are very handsome, and my friend in Japan is gorgeous, but I'm not running off to sleep with them. There's a difference. Yeah well we have society to thank for that view point. Personally I want a friend a female friend... you know an opposite a completely different point of view because even though you can thing differently people of the same gender can never offer the alternet perspective. But apparently society teaches children that everyone wants to date and ********... it pisses me off... So what kind of attraction is that you feel? An attraction of beauty or interest.... right now I am going with shapes and pretty colors.... that is what I am attracted too.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:23 am
XenoReiji himitsudane Hm... if I have really good close friends, I don't feel like there's much of a need for anything else. The understanding thing sounds nice. Of course there's also intelligence and humor and all that. It's true that I'd need that too in a SO, but I don't think about it consciously. It's more like I wouldn't end up falling in love unless there were certain qualities present, but I don't go around thinking "oh, I like that guy, he seems smart and funny... I hope he's loyal and friendly too." :/ So for me, the qualities I'd be looking for are only subconcious... not some kind of list of things I look for in people. Man, this is tough to explain. Yeah it is never easy to understand. So what youre saying is you look for mannerisms? Hm, not really... what I meant by subconscious is that I am only "looking" for those traits subconsciously... I don't really think about it. I mean... I suppose there is a certain type of person I am inclined to like, but this is all on a subconscious level. I don't sit down and think of all the things I would like in a person, and then judge potential SOs based on that. There, I think I explained it a little better that time.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:42 am
himitsudane XenoReiji himitsudane Hm... if I have really good close friends, I don't feel like there's much of a need for anything else. The understanding thing sounds nice. Of course there's also intelligence and humor and all that. It's true that I'd need that too in a SO, but I don't think about it consciously. It's more like I wouldn't end up falling in love unless there were certain qualities present, but I don't go around thinking "oh, I like that guy, he seems smart and funny... I hope he's loyal and friendly too." :/ So for me, the qualities I'd be looking for are only subconcious... not some kind of list of things I look for in people. Man, this is tough to explain. Yeah it is never easy to understand. So what youre saying is you look for mannerisms? Hm, not really... what I meant by subconscious is that I am only "looking" for those traits subconsciously... I don't really think about it. I mean... I suppose there is a certain type of person I am inclined to like, but this is all on a subconscious level. I don't sit down and think of all the things I would like in a person, and then judge potential SOs based on that. There, I think I explained it a little better that time. Ahhh.. yes much better. So it is just something you do
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 2:10 pm
I don't know how anyone goes to pick up anyone straight, gay, lesbian, asexual. Maybe they should make bars specifically for asexual people...why not there are straight and gay/lesbian bars out there? And bi-sexual people can pick and choose which bars they go to.
I guess if you are going out with someone the key is don't go out with a jerk face. I didn't really understand my non-sexual nature until I started going out with they boy I'm seeing now. He's understanding but it puts stains on him.
I guess when you start dating someone make sure they are in it for the relationship as opposed to the typical "hump and run". If people are really in the relationship for the relationship having sex won't be to bad of an issue. It will still be an issue and if you care about the person (or just feeling nice) you could compromise. But if your not willing to compromise they should understand that you are not into sex and any compromise or bribe will nothing. I think if you are going to be in a relationship being able to stand your ground is something that is important. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do sexually or otherwise.
A relationship is about being with someone and being comfortable to express yourself in a way that isn't going to make you feel ashamed or embarrassed.
For instance, my boyfriend is a horney devil. I am not. (er duh) he has to understand that I'm never going to have sex and it's not that I don't care about him it's that 1) I'm disgusted by it 2) I have no interest in it 3) I just have never been turned on by "desires of the flesh". He gets it, he's just made a special relationship with his left hand.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 4:21 pm
Saddie-sad I don't know how anyone goes to pick up anyone straight, gay, lesbian, asexual. Maybe they should make bars specifically for asexual people...why not there are straight and gay/lesbian bars out there? And bi-sexual people can pick and choose which bars they go to. I guess if you are going out with someone the key is don't go out with a jerk face. I didn't really understand my non-sexual nature until I started going out with they boy I'm seeing now. He's understanding but it puts stains on him. I guess when you start dating someone make sure they are in it for the relationship as opposed to the typical "hump and run". If people are really in the relationship for the relationship having sex won't be to bad of an issue. It will still be an issue and if you care about the person (or just feeling nice) you could compromise. But if your not willing to compromise they should understand that you are not into sex and any compromise or bribe will nothing. I think if you are going to be in a relationship being able to stand your ground is something that is important. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do sexually or otherwise. A relationship is about being with someone and being comfortable to express yourself in a way that isn't going to make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. For instance, my boyfriend is a horney devil. I am not. (er duh) he has to understand that I'm never going to have sex and it's not that I don't care about him it's that 1) I'm disgusted by it 2) I have no interest in it 3) I just have never been turned on by "desires of the flesh". He gets it, he's just made a special relationship with his left hand. Ok.... so how exactly did you and your boyfriend meet? What drew you to him? I mean that was all nice and philosophical and stuff but it really did not answer my question...
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 8:55 pm
XenoReiji Illuminescence I would think that those who don't look for significant others would feel lonely at some point. But, I could be wrong. Whatever floats their boat.
I look for people who understand me. What I mean by understanding is when the other person can predict what I'm going to say, know what I like to eat, and know exactly how I'm feeling without ever saying anything to me. It's that silent understanding that I seek.
Intelligence, wit, humor...those are vital as well, but I tend not to worry about them as much. After being with someone for a long time, I tend to accept someone for who they are. Some people may not be smart, but they might have something to balance that, such as the ability to make me laugh.
Well...that's basically it for me. Yeah. Yeah well that is the way it was for me.... when I thought I could be alone I had others around me.... so I was unconsciously satisfied socially. But once you are truely alone you realize how bad loneliness can hurt Anyway, how do you go about finding these people?
I don't. My piano teacher once told me, "You don't find love; love finds you." I think that the right person will eventually come if you wait.
Realistically, I'd keep living until I find someone with an attractive personality. From there, you spend more and more time with the person, and the rest is easy.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:04 pm
XenoReiji Inkou Good looks, good humor, easy-going attitude, intelligence, and wit. Asexuals are supposed to be indifferent to a persons physical apperance.... or at least that is how our fearless leader has described Asexuality. Yeah, like I'm going to go for the eye-sore because heaven forbid an asexual see anyone as attractive. Physical appearance doesn't "turn me on" but I can still covet an attractive person as a significant other.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:12 pm
I think Illuminescence just said it best. That's also what I was trying to get at with my explanations. You don't "look"... you just let things take their course.
I think trying to look on purpose is forcing things. When you meet the right person... things will happen naturally. You won't even have to think about it... your emotions will guide the way on their own.
And as for physical attractiveness... I actually tend to be repelled by people who are supposed to be "hot". sweatdrop I guess that's because some part of me realizes they're looking for sex >_> I dunno, but it makes them seem less human to me or something. I like real-feeling people with their minds on something other than making themselves look good, I suppose.
Also... the appearance of a person changes to you when you fall in love with them. >_> The... guy I like... is probably a pretty average-looking guy to most people. Just some guy. But... once you fall in love with them for their personality, you start to love everything else about them too, including their appearance. It wasn't until after I er... fell in love that I noticed how much I liked his smile, laugh, etc. ._. and just seeing him could make me feel happy, even though it never would have been that way if I hadn't fallen in love for other reasons.
So I guess the moral here is: beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:32 am
Illuminescence XenoReiji Illuminescence I would think that those who don't look for significant others would feel lonely at some point. But, I could be wrong. Whatever floats their boat.
I look for people who understand me. What I mean by understanding is when the other person can predict what I'm going to say, know what I like to eat, and know exactly how I'm feeling without ever saying anything to me. It's that silent understanding that I seek.
Intelligence, wit, humor...those are vital as well, but I tend not to worry about them as much. After being with someone for a long time, I tend to accept someone for who they are. Some people may not be smart, but they might have something to balance that, such as the ability to make me laugh.
Well...that's basically it for me. Yeah. Yeah well that is the way it was for me.... when I thought I could be alone I had others around me.... so I was unconsciously satisfied socially. But once you are truely alone you realize how bad loneliness can hurt Anyway, how do you go about finding these people?
I don't. My piano teacher once told me, "You don't find love; love finds you." I think that the right person will eventually come if you wait.
Realistically, I'd keep living until I find someone with an attractive personality. From there, you spend more and more time with the person, and the rest is easy.Gah... you and that inceptide small bright text it hurts my eyes... anyway that is what I have heard as well. Love finds you...... I know about the magical matchmakers forest..... I am scared of the maniacal sociopaths that live there more than the human eating demons.
But then again there always comes the fear of never finding this person....
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:34 am
Inkou XenoReiji Inkou Good looks, good humor, easy-going attitude, intelligence, and wit. Asexuals are supposed to be indifferent to a persons physical apperance.... or at least that is how our fearless leader has described Asexuality. Yeah, like I'm going to go for the eye-sore because heaven forbid an asexual see anyone as attractive. Physical appearance doesn't "turn me on" but I can still covet an attractive person as a significant other. I know... I am just messing with you. I still find people attractive and unattractive. I am just looking for a more general definition of an asexual.... you know so it is easier to explain to my dad.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:37 am
himitsudane I think Illuminescence just said it best. That's also what I was trying to get at with my explanations. You don't "look"... you just let things take their course. I think trying to look on purpose is forcing things. When you meet the right person... things will happen naturally. You won't even have to think about it... your emotions will guide the way on their own. And as for physical attractiveness... I actually tend to be repelled by people who are supposed to be "hot". sweatdrop I guess that's because some part of me realizes they're looking for sex >_> I dunno, but it makes them seem less human to me or something. I like real-feeling people with their minds on something other than making themselves look good, I suppose. Also... the appearance of a person changes to you when you fall in love with them. >_> The... guy I like... is probably a pretty average-looking guy to most people. Just some guy. But... once you fall in love with them for their personality, you start to love everything else about them too, including their appearance. It wasn't until after I er... fell in love that I noticed how much I liked his smile, laugh, etc. ._. and just seeing him could make me feel happy, even though it never would have been that way if I hadn't fallen in love for other reasons. So I guess the moral here is: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yeah.... those who spend all their time on looks are well... yeah I don't like them... I live with a bunch of them so... anyway I have heard love changes your prespective on reality.... I hope that it is true for me as well....
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:19 pm
XenoReiji Saddie-sad I don't know how anyone goes to pick up anyone straight, gay, lesbian, asexual. Maybe they should make bars specifically for asexual people...why not there are straight and gay/lesbian bars out there? And bi-sexual people can pick and choose which bars they go to. I guess if you are going out with someone the key is don't go out with a jerk face. I didn't really understand my non-sexual nature until I started going out with they boy I'm seeing now. He's understanding but it puts stains on him. I guess when you start dating someone make sure they are in it for the relationship as opposed to the typical "hump and run". If people are really in the relationship for the relationship having sex won't be to bad of an issue. It will still be an issue and if you care about the person (or just feeling nice) you could compromise. But if your not willing to compromise they should understand that you are not into sex and any compromise or bribe will nothing. I think if you are going to be in a relationship being able to stand your ground is something that is important. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do sexually or otherwise. A relationship is about being with someone and being comfortable to express yourself in a way that isn't going to make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. For instance, my boyfriend is a horney devil. I am not. (er duh) he has to understand that I'm never going to have sex and it's not that I don't care about him it's that 1) I'm disgusted by it 2) I have no interest in it 3) I just have never been turned on by "desires of the flesh". He gets it, he's just made a special relationship with his left hand. Ok.... so how exactly did you and your boyfriend meet? What drew you to him? I mean that was all nice and philosophical and stuff but it really did not answer my question... I met him at work, and it kind of went from there. He came on really strong physically at first but as soon as I told him to back off he did. He was respectful of my boundries. When we first went out we did fun stuff that didn't involve sex. Like gambling, and going to movies. Of course I did kiss and do some stuff, but generally I wasn't into it. Anytime it got o much I told him. Honestly I don't know what drew me to him. He was just a nice guy. He didn't come off as a jack a**. He's very polite and smart, well spoken and considerate. He seemed very interested in getting to know me--unlike other guys I have gone out with which was uncomfortable physical relationship. (at that time I didn't lable myself as asexual--I honestly didn't know about it) Our first date was really casual, the casino and then a pub where eventually I met his friends. We share alot of interests like movies, art and cooking. There is alot of intellectual stimulation between us...the downside is he does have alot of sexual repression he has to deal with to respect my asexuality. I do indulge him sometimes but rarely a full on sexual explosion. It's about give and take there is more to him than sex. And as he has told me it's (the relationship) not all about sex.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:29 pm
XenoReiji Gah... you and that inceptide small bright text it hurts my eyes... anyway that is what I have heard as well. Love finds you...... I know about the magical matchmakers forest..... I am scared of the maniacal sociopaths that live there more than the human eating demons.
But then again there always comes the fear of never finding this person....
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 5:52 pm
Saddie-sad XenoReiji Saddie-sad I don't know how anyone goes to pick up anyone straight, gay, lesbian, asexual. Maybe they should make bars specifically for asexual people...why not there are straight and gay/lesbian bars out there? And bi-sexual people can pick and choose which bars they go to. I guess if you are going out with someone the key is don't go out with a jerk face. I didn't really understand my non-sexual nature until I started going out with they boy I'm seeing now. He's understanding but it puts stains on him. I guess when you start dating someone make sure they are in it for the relationship as opposed to the typical "hump and run". If people are really in the relationship for the relationship having sex won't be to bad of an issue. It will still be an issue and if you care about the person (or just feeling nice) you could compromise. But if your not willing to compromise they should understand that you are not into sex and any compromise or bribe will nothing. I think if you are going to be in a relationship being able to stand your ground is something that is important. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do sexually or otherwise. A relationship is about being with someone and being comfortable to express yourself in a way that isn't going to make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. For instance, my boyfriend is a horney devil. I am not. (er duh) he has to understand that I'm never going to have sex and it's not that I don't care about him it's that 1) I'm disgusted by it 2) I have no interest in it 3) I just have never been turned on by "desires of the flesh". He gets it, he's just made a special relationship with his left hand. Ok.... so how exactly did you and your boyfriend meet? What drew you to him? I mean that was all nice and philosophical and stuff but it really did not answer my question... I met him at work, and it kind of went from there. He came on really strong physically at first but as soon as I told him to back off he did. He was respectful of my boundries. When we first went out we did fun stuff that didn't involve sex. Like gambling, and going to movies. Of course I did kiss and do some stuff, but generally I wasn't into it. Anytime it got o much I told him. Honestly I don't know what drew me to him. He was just a nice guy. He didn't come off as a jack a**. He's very polite and smart, well spoken and considerate. He seemed very interested in getting to know me--unlike other guys I have gone out with which was uncomfortable physical relationship. (at that time I didn't lable myself as asexual--I honestly didn't know about it) Our first date was really casual, the casino and then a pub where eventually I met his friends. We share alot of interests like movies, art and cooking. There is alot of intellectual stimulation between us...the downside is he does have alot of sexual repression he has to deal with to respect my asexuality. I do indulge him sometimes but rarely a full on sexual explosion. It's about give and take there is more to him than sex. And as he has told me it's (the relationship) not all about sex. Ok.... I see, the whole "Love finds you" thing... cool cool good for you.
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