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Mystriotrix
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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:10 pm


In te 3rd, or 6th grade my art teacher taught us how to draw buildings, and sence than I have loved to draw, however between 8th and 12th grade I stoped for I did not want to do it the way the teacher wanted, I draw when I'm in the mood, not when I'm told. Now I mostly do it for all of you, and Gaia. Also started writting for school in maby 9th grade with projects, and realy like it but stoped not likeing being told what to write. so when I joined Gaia I started doing more of it, and found I love it. (Yes I'm not in High Shool any more)


Your story has a good start, and I like it. Hope to read more soon.
PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 8:06 pm


That's pretty cool of how you got into drawing. I just loved to draw since I was little and my mom thought that I had a talent from it when I was about in 1st grade when I drew a fanpic of some show that I can't remember. I know what you mean about being told what to write and draw, I thought art and writting were to express yourself so you can vent your feelings, now it's just draw this the way I do, or write it like this. Though in eith grade my English class got to write fiction stories of whatever we wanted, so I chose to write what I was currently writting, but stopped because I didn't like it, and censored it (it was only a few cuss words though nothing severe). My art classes for 1-8 were the same teacher and I hated every last project we had, I only got more into art in my algebras class in 8th grade, I don't take art class anymore cuz I don't want to be told what to make and how to make it. And it's cool that you're no longer in highschool, are you a college student or are you done with college, I'm only a highschool freshman.

Thanks for the complement on my story, I don't have a busy week this week so I should be able to find time to write a little more. Then when summer comes around I might be taking lifeguarding classes and working and one of my friends from PA might come up (if I remember to call him about the train xd ).

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PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 8:50 pm


No Title

"So first I have to blood you, then if you don't want your parents and the rest of your family knowing of this I have to 'kill' you."
"That doesn't seem so bad. How do you blood someone?" I asked.
"Very simple actually, there are many methods one of which I don't prefer so I found a safer and easier way to blood someone. All I need is a needle that injects fluids into one's body and extracts bloods from one's body. Which I have on me."
"Is it clean?"
"Oh yeah, I would never leave my neelde dirty," the vampire said thruthfully.
"Well I can let my parents know after you blood me, I know there's no truning back."
"You are very brave for doing this. SHall we prceed with the blooding?"
"Yes I guess we should, but could you tell me what it's like being a half vampire?"
"I'll tell you as we travel," the vampire said taking out a needle.
The vampire stuck his neelde into his left arm and extracted some blood. He waled over to me and told me to take off my jacket so i didn't have to roll up my sleeve. He apparently cleaned an area on my arm with some medical stuff (he must've been a doctor) and stuck the needle into my arm and inserted the blood.
The pain from the vampire's blood mixing with mine made me pass out. When I came to the vampire was sitting by my side waiting for me to wake. He stood up and strechted out a hand so he could help me up. I felt a little dizzy when I stood up but I regained my balance. The vampire had put a band-aid on my arm to stop the bleeding in my arm.
"We should be off to your house now so you can tell your parents that you will be leaving with me tomorrow night," the vampire said.
"Alright. Hey I never caught your name. Mine's Josset Marrie Oleander."
"My name is Camuel Tussaud. Your name is quite interesting, especially your first and last names. They are of vampire origin, very interesting."
"Then I might have some sort of vampire relative."
"Not possible, vampires cannot have children, though half vampires might be able to do so, or adoption might've been a facer somewhere in your family. Come now, it is almost sunrise and I do not wish to be stuck in this alley and burn to death."
"Shouldn't I lead the way?"
"Of course, but you can just tell me where you live and I can get us there very quickly."

To be continued..........
PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 11:04 am


No I'm not a college student, nor will I ever be, and thats enough on the subject. How long have you been intrested in lifeguarding?. (You know this is not realy ment as a occ chat thread, its mostly ment for work and comments on work.)

biggrin wink

I like the "needle that injects fluids into one's body and extracts bloods from one's body" that is realy creative.

Mystriotrix
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Pandamett

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PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 6:37 pm


Okay I'll drop it then. I've been interested in being a lifeguard since I started to learn how to swim when I was two and I've grown to love swimming and I wanted to becom a lifeguard cuz it seems like it would be cool to have other people's lives in my hands. (Oh yeah, I forgot sorry.)

Thanks, I should probably put this story in MS Word so I can have it saved xd .
PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 8:12 pm


(2 edits, one note)
EDIT 1: Oh I am mad now. I had this entire next part typed up and ready to submit and when I go to submit it Gaia logs me out! Now I had to make a desperate attempt at remebering every thing I had typed, it should be very close to what I had before though probably shorter than what I had before because I think that after a certain amount of inactivity (and by that I mean clicking) around Gaia the server automatically logs you out. Which I find weird. Okay now that I think of it the first typed version of this was really long so I just decided to to shorten it up and change some of the parts in this a little bit. So I quess I shouldn't be freaking out. Sorry I freaked out guys.
EDIT 2: I have gotten the majority of the information on vampires from a vampires series called Cirque Du Freak tha I am currently reading and I would recomend it to anyone that likes/loves vampires, likes to read adventure novels, and likes gory scenes, and also doesn't want to read the Twilight series, because in my opinion I think Cirque Du Freak is better than Twilight.
NOTE: Please remember my spelling problem xd . For one of the updates on this that I made later on I got an fixer idea from tha captain so I thank the captain for the help biggrin .

No Title

"Okay. My address is 3527 18th Street," I said.
"Alright, that should only be about two blocks from here. That should only take us about five minutes to get there," Mr. Tussaud said.
"How?" I asked.
"Vampires can run much faster than humans and full vampires can run at a speed so great that no one can see us, we call this method of running flitting," the vampire explained.
The vampire told me to get on his back so he could flit without injuring me. I got on his back without hesitation, though I was a little bit scared. The vampire said to hold on tight and we were zipping through the city as if the world was moving and were standing completely still! In about five minutes we were at my house. I saw a light on in the kitchen so my parents must've been talking about something they saw on TV. The vampire said to let him do the talking so my parents would understand the situation more and he could possibly work up a deal.
When we got inside I announced that I was home and my parents said okay and asked who the man behind me was referring to Mr. Tussaud. I told them that I met him at a school assembly and he noticed one of my talents that related to the presentation and he wanted to meet my parents and talk to them about possible colleges in the future.
Dad told me to go upstairs for a few minutes after the vampire asked if he could talk to my parents privately. After about fifteen minutes of laughter, crying, and shouting from everyone downstairs Dad called me back downstairs and I went back down into the kitchen only to find everyone laughing and joking around!
"So do we have a deal?" the vampire asked.
"Oh yes, I like the deal a lot. She's all yours until a holiday," Dad said laughing.
"What deal? What's going on?!" I shouted confused and worried.

To be continued...............  

Pandamett

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Mystriotrix
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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 7:48 am


This part was, but one line confused me "Dad told me to go upstairs for a few minutes because the vampire wanted to talk to my parents privately.". Maby try something like "Dad told me to go upstairs for a few minutes after the vampire asked if he could talk to my parents privately. (I made us a chat thread under "Random Chat")
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 7:14 pm


Thanks for the tip. I was really tired when I wrote that so my brain wouldn't comprehend enough to have some stuff make sense. At least I have a person older than me letting me know what stuff is confusing biggrin . I'll go fix that. (Cool I go check it out.)

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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 8:06 pm


No Title

"Mr Tussaud told us what happened and at first it made your mother and me a little angry and after we were told that you would be able to travel to new places we liked what happend even more. The deal was that you had to be Mr. Tussaud's vampire assisstant, learn the ways of the vampires, and eventually become a full vampire. In return you are to come back home for holidays and relatives' birthdays, though if you are injured, or sick, and are not able to move much you are to stay with Mr. Tussaud so you can recover," Dad explained.
"I also let them know that I would do my best to be in hotels as often as we can on our journeys," the vampire said. "I also agreed to let you takee at least two friends with you. A female and, if you have one, your boyfriend, that way you would have friends to talk to and hang out with. Though I do have rules when it comes to young men being alone with you: you cannot have your hotel bedroom door shut, no intercourse until marriage or you reach adult age, and nothing else that may seem inappropriate for your age group."
"I think it sounds fair," Mom said.
"It does seem fair. I'll message my friends on MySpace later and have them over so I can ask who would be willing to come with me," I said.
"Alright, just make sure that they come around one in the afternoon because you will be allowed to sleep until noon since it is very late out," Dad said smiling.
"Would you like to stay here until you are ready to leave with her?" Mom asked.
"As long as you have either a basement I can sleep in that'll be perfectly fine," Mr. Tussaud said.
"Well the kids like to hang out in the basement with their friends, but you're welcome to stay in the guestroom. I'll make sure that the sun doesn't get in for you," Dad said.
"That seems like a fair trade. Okay then, I'll stay here until tomorrow night, which is when I plan on leaving," the vampire annonced.
"Tomorrow night? That seems so sudden," Mom said shocked.
"Vampires do not stay in one place for a long time, and the sooner I prepare the girl for the journey to the Council the better she'll be on that journey. Which will be the only journey that I can't promise much safety for the girl because the trail is meant to pick out the weak from the strong," the vampire explained.
"Well that is very logical. I can understand what you're getting at so I won't object to you leaving with her tomorrow night. You can go back to your room now and get some sleep Josette," Dad said.
"Alright, goodnight," I said as I left the kitchen.
When I went upstairs I could hear the adults still talking about what the vampire has planned for me to learn. Dad seemed to love how the vampire would be teaching me, he knew I was a visual learner and the vampire said that he teaches by the way he learns, and he's a visual learner too! So I would be learning everything by being shown and then made to do or answer questions. I wouldn't have any tests but the journey to this "Council" would be the ultimate, and only, test that I would have to take as a half vampire/full vampire.
I heard my parents telling the vampire that they were going to bed and he was welcome to watch TV until he had to go to sleep himself. They said that the guest room was upstiars and the second door on the right, which was next to my room! I hoped he didn't snore because I hated people that snored.
I changed into my pajamas and sent my friends private messages on MySpace asking them to come to my house at one in the aftertoon because it was urgent that I talked to all of my friends, and I didn't put any other detail in the message so I wouldn't have to stay up later. When I laid down in my bed I immediately fell asleep. It felt good to be safe in my own bed, I would miss it when I left.
When I woke up it was a few minutes past noon so I changed into a pair of jeans and a Tokio Hotel T-shirt. I put eye-liner on and fixed my hair. Then I went downstairs and ate an apple, I wasn't that hungry so I just picked something quick and easy to eat. I went back upstairs and brushed my teeth. After that I went on MySpace to see if anyone messaged me back. Apparently all of my friends messaged me back saying that they would be over at that specific time! They all seemed worried, for some reason that made me laugh, maybe it's because they don't know the full story, yet.
I t was one o'clock and I saw my friends walking with each other out of my bedroom window. I hurried downstairs and sat myself in front of the TV to look like I was really bored. I heard the doorbell ring and I went to the door to answer it. I opened the door and the first person I saw was my boyfrien Jeremy. He started asking me questions about what was going on and if something was bothering me. I told him that we would all go down into the basement and discuss the matter.
Ilet everyone in and they headed straight for the door that led downstairs into the basement. I followed behind them wondering how they would all react. I figured I would sit by Jeremy besides the fact that he was my boyfriend, but he understands me and knows when I'm telling the trught and being serious.

To be continued.....................  
PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 5:54 pm


I enjoy your poems. I think my favorite was "Tears of Blood". This poem is very poetically musical with the growing syntax and refrain. It is very short and to the point just like life is in war. The allusion to the war is also direct instead of figurative. The connotation with "Streaming" also supports a more somber mode instead of anger or aggression even though it's a piece about war.

My least favorite piece due to the syntax is "Why? Because..." I dislike this piece because it has potential. I think you need to fill it in more. It feels like an outline, not a poem. I suggest you redo this piece with a question and an answer. Each answer can be one stanza and in the same order lead up to a final monologue by Edward such as: Why do I go so far for you?
Because I love you.
I love...
And...
It's simply because I love you.

Why do I risk my life for someone like you?
Because you're special to me.
You...
And...
It's simply because of how special you are.

Why are you worth saving?
Because you are my everything.
You're worth more than...
And...
You're my everything Bella.

Why are you always in danger?
Because you're accident prone.
You always have been sense...
And...
It's simply because you're accident prone my bella.

Why can't you save anyone?
Because you are not ready to save anyone.
You can't even save yourself
And I...
If you were ready, you'd be able to.

Why are you always the one being saved?
Because you like to draw attention to yourself.
You're a glutton for it
And there's no changing that.
It's simply because you like the spotlight.

With all your faults I...

Where there's a ... I'm saying you finish it. Obviously this is just what I would do vs you. I guess that's one way we're different.
I would love to see you work on writing longer poems rather then prose. Stories are great, but you seem very constrained to a one line syntax. It's almost like you haven't explored it enough. Time to flourish Lovely.

Lovin Tha High Lifee

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Pandamett

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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 8:04 pm


That's a completely new view of the piece that I never considered, and after taking what you said into consideration about that piece I totally had a new perspective of it.

I understand what you're saying about this "Why? Because..." and I'll do my best to rewrite it. I don't want to use your outline because I would feel as if I really didn't do anything, though if I do it may help me wiht other ideas and I could rewrite those then give you credit for helping me out. My brain hurts xd . After I got out of middle and grade school I haven't had any classes as a freshman for creative writting so I haen't been taught much more than what I've seen/read and tried to sort of make my own "style" in a way. I'm very picky when it comes to poems (they need to have meaning and not rhyme!) and when it comes to stories I improve as I look back at stuff I've written when I was younger and improved from there.
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 6:28 am


^^ I completely commend that. I did a similar thing with my poems as well. It was only in third grade that I ever was taught how to write a poem and we were taught the classic style:
Life is like a river
It flows freely through the trees
it never stops or pauses

type thing. I did a really good Life poem but after that I abandon poetry for a while and came back with The Laptop. I refused to make things rhyme for a long time because it felt too jacked but as I continued with poetry that tapered off. I began to make things rhyme without meaning to or just so that it flowed better. You'll get there I'm sure. Let it come when you do.
The only thing I really want to see from you is extending your sentences though. Some of the best poems have no periods in them at all. Don't structure yourself to sentences <3

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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 5:26 pm


I wasn't taught about poems until third grade as well. Mainly it was just Haikus.

Rhyming to me makes me think I'm a little kid again and I like feeling that I've grown out of elementary school.
Yeah I have read a few good poems that didn't have periods in them, sometimes I think that even some of the smallest sentences have a powerful meaning. Though I'll try to put what you suggested to good use in the present and future.
PostPosted: Mon May 11, 2009 6:04 pm


EDIT: Please keep in mind that my spelling is horrible.

No Title


"What's going on that you asked us all to come over? Is something upsetting you? Are you moving? Tell us," Jeremy said. I waited a few seconds to think of how I could tell them. I thought of just telling them straight but they might not have taken me seriously, so I decided to let it slip out slowly. "Well I'm soort of moving, but not with my family. With someone else. You see last night I was wandering around and I ran into some guy, he opened his mouth to speak, I thought, but I noticed he had fangs! I thought vampires didn't exsist. I thought of how I could save my life so I asked the vampire to make me a vampire as well, you guys very well know that I have an obsession with vampires, the vampire was reluctant at first but eventually gave in and turned me into a half vampire. My parents already know about this because the vampire told them last night when I got back home. The vampire said that I would have to leave with him and learn how to be a vampire and all kinds of stuff. He said that I could take at least two friends with me, I really want you to come with me, Jeremy but it's totally up to you, and I couldn't decide on another firend to come with me so you guys can volunteer yourselves. Niehter of the friends I take with me have to become vampires, I think, I wasn't really told," I explained. Everyone looked at me with expressions to say as if I was crazy then they all looked at each other and started to discuss the matter, I could hear them saying that they believed my story. Then I saw Lana turn and face me. "We talked it over and we came to a desicion. At first none of us thought that you were lying then we remembered an event that happened with vampires in this town a few years ago and believed you. We had to think of who else should come with you while you're traveling and we agreed that it would be me that would come with you as well. Jeremy will also be coming with us," Lana said. "What's the vampires name?" Jeremy asked. "His name is Camuel Tussaud," I said. "That's a really intereting name," Tim said. "How old is this guy?" Ashley asked. "I don't know but I can ask him later," I responded. "When are we leaving and have you packed anything?" Lana asked. "We're supposed to leave tonight and no I totally forgot to pack!" I exclaimed. "We'll come upstairs with you and help, I'd suggest packing lightly since I have a feeling we'll be moving around a lot," Jeremy said. After we finished talking all five of us went upstairs to my room to help me pack. I figured that I should bring my diary so I keep track of everything that went on during my travels. I also picked out a few paris of clothes that would be fine. I remembered my laptop, iPod, and camera, I also remembered the wires needed for those items. My cell phone was already in my pocket soo I didn't have to worry about that. We managed to fit everything into one of my smaller backpacks with ease. Jeremy and Lana said they would go back to their homes and pack as well (Tim said he would help Jeremy and Ashley said she would help Lana). When they left I went downstairs and told my parents what was going on and who was going with me. Mom went to go call the parents of the friends that were going with me to tell them what was going on. She was on the phone at least fifteen minutes with each parent. When Mom was done talking on the phone she told me that the other parents didn't like the idea at first but warmed up to it and would be checking in on us once a week by phone. Five minutes later Jeremy, Lana, Tim, and Ashley returned and all of us sat in the basement and played Halo while we waited for the vampire to wake up. We went upstairs at least two times to get snacks and every other time was for the bathroom. While we were playing Halo we talked about staying in touch with each other and what to do when we came back for holidays. Somehow we started to talk about ostriches and what to do if they gave you an evil glare! An hour later the vampire woke up and came into the basement to find out if I was ready to leave and if I had friends that were coming too and if they were ready to leave. I told the vampire that Jeremy and Lana would be coming with us and that they were ready to go, I was ready to leave as well. Mr. Tussaud gave us five minutes to check and make sure we had everything we would be taking with us and then he would tell us where we would be going first. "Okay so our first stop on our journey is to Philidelphia, Pennsylvania, along the way we'll stop in small towns and stay in motels. When we arrive at our destination we'll stay in a hotel for at least two months and then move on. My final destination would be Vampire Mountain, but until actual Council we must be on the move getting closer to one of the trails to the mountain. In order for the two humans to be allowed into the mountain is if they become half vampires like you as well. Though if they do not want to become vampires they can stay in the hotel nearby the trail to the mountain until you return, which I doubt you will because I will be finding you a place in the moutnain for you to work so it would be best if your friends became half vampires as well," Mr. Tussaud said.

To be continued................  

Pandamett

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PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 11:51 am


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