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 Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:10 am
I really like how you describe the action. The level of detail you go into and the choice of words you use gives a sense of everything moving in slow-motion. Then the penultimate paragraph just starts moving with its vivid imagery.
Weston gives it two thumbs up.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:31 am
*gnaws on* I love this part: Romuel When the claxons exploded and the soldiers began bleeding out of the walls to his location Just the phrase "bleeding out of the walls" is such a perfect image to how it must have seemed to him. You have a real talent for making each word mean more with the others than it would alone. Yes, very stylized, but also very poetic. So yes. More. ^_^
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:58 am
Good imagery, I get a feel, as well as an image of the scene, as it is occurring.
I'm really not good at critquing... sweatdrop
Unless It's food. ninja
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 12:49 pm
Hehehe...
Why does the term heroic bloodshed/blood opera come to mind? wink
We like. Keep it coming.
If you want more in-depth criticism, you'll have to give more to critique, so get writing. ;3 heart
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:48 pm
Deep Vermillion If you want more in-depth criticism, you'll have to give more to critique, so get writing. ;3 heart I didn't ask for more. Just a nuz was enough.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:05 pm
Like the others said, the imagery is wonderful. I'm a little vague on what is going on, but I'm sure it willbecome clearer as we get more information. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:19 pm
Romuel I didn't ask for more. Just a nuz was enough. Well, I want more of it to read, at least. ;P heart
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:29 pm
I very much enjoy this. I'm a fan of detail, and you're a lot better at conveying imagery than I am.
All in all, this first part reminded me vaguely of Noir.
Am I bad in telling you that the music that inspired that image comes from Noir's successor, Madlax?
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 6:35 pm
Mod in Beta, I am speechless. That was one of the best things I have read in..well...ever.
Please, PLEASE write more of this story. I LOVE the detail about Whiteout's power burning out the sensory centers of the brain.
Write more, PLZKTHNX!
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:07 pm
You're a metaphor machine, Rom. heart Your voice is so poetic. In fact, the gracefulness of your narrative voice is a lovely contrast to the actual action of the story. Contrast? Maybe complement.
Either way, it works.
And I love my teamwork with Gendou. That's such a great idea. I love my powers. whee
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:17 pm
D:!!!
Look what you did. I wasn't going to take on any new art assignments, but... but... but the IMAGES BURN IN MY MIND NOW. gonk heart :wacom:
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:45 pm
I think Deep categorized it best:
Blood Opera.
I love the sound of that.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:28 pm
Holy crap, Romuel. That's downright beautiful. Part two adds a level of context that wasn't there in part one, and it adds sufficient detail to give me a more complete picture of what's going on, but it does so without losing the metaphoric beauty of the previous. I... uh... had a few minutes at work. redface Huzzah! Fanart! //I hath been edited! eek
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:47 am
Good lord. I suddenly feel inadequate to write about these characters.
The imagery is perfection, and I eagerly await part three.
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:12 am
Gendou Good lord. I suddenly feel inadequate to write about these characters. The imagery is perfection, and I eagerly await part three. Gen, without your marvelous story, this image wouldn't have been thrust into my head. You have a -much- stronger sense of story, and use time in ways I'll never be able to. My head is always stuck in visual moments. My only use of time is finding words that can generate Matrix-cam. BTW: Variation occurred while reading Gen's work and listening to: Yuki Kajiura: Nowhere (Madlax Soundtrack) [Doll Falling] Yoko Kanno, Origa ft Shanti Snyder: Rise [Everything else] Not recommended for the faint of heart.
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