|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:30 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 5:17 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 9:13 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 7:45 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:05 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:48 am
Over the next several days, Kouyo began to feel better overall, in the safety of his friend's house, but still could not shake his compulsion to periodically pace the house from wall to screen to wall to be sure that it had not changed in size. This lingering compulsion troubled him; he had hoped that, if he ever left the tower, he would no longer feel the need to do so.
His head recovered much more completely, particularly once he had settled down enough to use his magic. Healing himself was much more difficult and far less complete than healing someone else, but the High Priest still managed; within about five days, the superficial wound on the side of his head was little more than a long whitish line that Kouyo was fairly certain would not scar.
This gave him time to get his bearings better in Gaia, in preparation for his prayers to the Name for advice and guidance as Setsushi had suggested.
At one point, however, when no one else was around the small house, Kouyo finally gave in to his temptation and settled down beside the red wagon in the corner to examine its contents more closely. He had seen a boy come through a few times to take things from it or return them to it, but the low light in the back half of Setsushi's house had ensured that the High Priest had never really been able to get a good look at any particular object.
Jilan was the child's name, he gathered, from listening to conversation. And so with silent apologies to Jilan, Kouyo carefully started nosing about the belongings that resided in the wagon.
All of it appeared to be things of good-quality make from the Golden World, though apparently it had come from the Silver World - a fact that Kouyo had difficulty believing. One of the first things he picked up was the leather sack on top, and was pleasantly surprised to find it heavy with books. He became intensely curious as to what they contained, and took them all out to examine the titles of all of them.
There was a blank book that had writing in it over the first thirty or so pages, which appeared to be a diary; Kouyo did not read any of it, and set the book aside out of respect for Jilan's privacy. He had already read the ancient poetry, but he set aside the Imperial poetry book to look through after he had examined the other volumes. Astrology did not much interest him, though he thought he might give it a look through if he got particularly bored. He chuckled a bit at the book of Rika's philosophy, and considered saving that for rainy days as well. The largest book at the bottom of the sack caught his attention for sure, though.
Writings of the High Priests? Kouyo immediately opened it to the index to scour the list of names, and was surprised to find his own there, somewhere in the middle. Brow furrowing, he flipped the book to the section about himself, and began to read:Quote: Poetry of High Priest Kouyo(T716-T720)* It should be noted that High Priest Kouyo attempted to burn many of his writings before his mysterious suicide in mid to late Toutei 720. As a result, much of the work published in this volume required restoration, at times quite extensive. To keep the poetry readable and enjoyable for the casual browser, details of the restoration process have been relegated to Appendix C, except for only a few major points described in the appropriate sections.... Death Poetry - The following are poems believed to be the final writings Kouyo composed before setting his office alight and vanishing, presumably by throwing himself into the flames. The first poem is generally thought to have been an apology to the Ice Maiden Setsushi, a good friend of Kouyo's, who vanished earlier that year. The second poem presumably addresses the same mysterious woman who features in the majority of Kouyo's other writings. The latter poem is the surviving poem that required the most extensive restoration, unfortunately, as its apparent content has sparked some controversy among scholars who study the lives of the High Priests. For more thorough discussion on this subject, see Appendix C, section F, or Historian Shourei's "Discourse on Priesthood and Maidenhood". _____Where ever the wind has taken you, friend, _____Do not worry over me. _____If you yet live, _____You have always lived for us both. _____If you sleep in some forgotten place, _____I shall find you, and never shall we sleep alone. _____I reach for the horizon _____Throw myself to freedom. _____My dying wish - _____That I may be free to touch your lips _____And share with you my precious secrets. _____With this flight, my freedom I do reclaim. _____I will return for you; do not forget me. _____Today, the tree upon the mountain _____Finally falls to the storm.
Flipping backwards through the book, the High Priest put one hand to his head as he tried to slow his anxious breaths. This was a history book about him. Apparently others had written after his death as well. How many people had figured out his blackest secret? And when was this Silver World Jilan had visited?
Then something else he had missed the first time caught Kouyo's eye - small spidery writing in pencil beside his final poem to Ranko:Quote: I reach for the horizon Throw myself to second doom. My last wish - That I may touch your lips And see you once smile because of me. I gave to you two treasures of mine With this flight, the first I do reclaim The second, please do not forget. The tree upon the mountain Hollowed by swift lightning long ago.
Stuffing the books back into their bag and setting it back on top of the pile in the wagon, the High Priest began to nervously pace the room once again, mulling with great anxiety over this mystery. Had Setsushi seen this? Or anyone else?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 7:45 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:12 am
~Unwanted Answers~
Though he still fretted over the identity of the boy who owned the book of his poetry, Kouyo gradually managed to settle more into his new life in Setsushi's house. He did not feel like there was terribly much he could do to help around the udonya, but the High Priest knew that he had other duties to fulfill. The least he could do for his friend was to recover his strength and perform his prayers, to seek an answer for himself and for Setsushi.
The morning after he received the book from Tsubei, Kouyo decided that he was ready to step up to his duty once again. He waited until after Setsushi had left, and he had the house to himself, then went to lock himself in the bathroom. The High Priest took a long bath. Then he washed his robes and set about drying them with his magic. It was a simple task for his spells, and Kouyo figured it was good to start small; he had not yet casted since his arrival in Gaia, and it took a surprising amount of confidence on his part to give it a try. With small flicking motions of his fingertips, the High Priest drove the water droplets from the fabric, leaving his robes clean and dry in a matter of minutes.
Once he was clothed, Kouyo sent to go sit with his back to the wall beside Setsushi's bed - he did not want to take up his friend's bed while he slept and awaited his visions, as sometimes they lasted a good several hours. He also felt his prophetic dreams came more easily when he was sitting upright, for some reason. Settling down and getting comfortable, Kouyo arranged his robes neatly around himself, then closed his eyes and pressed his palms together in prayer.
The High Priest chanted his supplication to the Name softly but audibly to himself, asking for guidance and an answer to his question: Did he and Setsushi arrive in Gaia by Name's design, by the hand of Chaos, or by some other force? His mantra formed a rhythmic monotone in voice as well as mind, and after perhaps ten or so minutes, the High Priest nodded off to the sound of his own prayer.
Kouyo woke up with startling suddenness seated atop a cloud, watching the world below. Directly below him was his tower, he knew, as his visions often brought him to this spot. The sight of the Golden World from here, by the light of a harsh sun, was one he had seen many a time before, and it pained the priest to see it again in response to this newest query - though the Porcelain on the ground were distant, he could distinctly see them struggling and failing against a superior force. The Porcelain he could pick out with the clarity of an eagle's eye as they were slaughtered, but the faces of the foes were as indistinct as the swirling mists of the cloud that supported him.
A strange figure stood beside Kouyo on the cloud, or perhaps appeared there even as he began to speak: "But I am tired of this story."
The High Priest started slightly, turning away from the death below to get a good look at the one beside him - a god perhaps? Not someone Kouyo recognized. The figure handed the priest a doll in the form of a Porcelain; Kouyo's hands rose to accept it.
"You can do with them what you like," the godlike person told him. And before Kouyo could ask what the doll had to do with his original question, the figure began to address him again, asking, "Do you remember what she wanted?"
He had questions for Kouyo, and he continued to talk, cutting off the High Priest as he began to voice his confusion.
"Do you remember for what she asked? And what was your answer?"
The Porcelain shook his head, and the strange god repeated the questions.
"Do you remember what she wanted? Do you remember for what she asked? And what was your answer?" His voice carried the faintest hint of cruelty. And then he asked Kouyou again. And again.
"I- I- I- don't understand," the High Priest stammered, trying to be heard between the other's questions. And yet, there was a sinking feeling within him - one that knew exactly what this stranger was asking. "Who is she? What have I done?"
In his heart, Kouyo knew the answer.
"You know who!" the figure snarled, fixing the Porcelain with his gaze like a snake staring down a mouse. "Would you give it to her?"
More questions! He had come for answers, not more questions! And... not questions like these. Name could be the only one who knew about what had transpired with Ranko. Name was the one placing these visions in his mind. No one else knew. No one else could know. Not after... not after this! He could never tell anyone!
Kouyo could not tear his eyes from those of the god, though he knew that the Porcelain people were still being purged from the world below him. Had... had he caused this, somehow? Ranko, his dearest Ranko, could do no wrong in his eyes. This... this all had to be his fault. He had failed her somehow; that was why she had cast him aside. And why all of this started in his visions.
Finally, the High Priest broke the god's spell enough to hide his face in his hands, the doll slipping from his fingers as he let out a cry of anguish. What had he done? What was it he had given to her to bring all of this about? He sobbed under the figure's unrelenting repetition of the same questions. Kouyo both knew and did not know the answers.
He had to get out, to set things right. The pain within him was unbearable. Writhing backwards, the High Priest managed to throw himself from the cloud, and shrieked out his pain as he plummeted downwards.
Before he hit the ground, though, he was awakened as he hit something else - the wall behind him. As the pain, pale in comparison to the renewed anguish in his heart, brought him back to the waking world, Kouyo found himself in a twisted pile of robes slumped against the wall, his throat raw from screaming. He had not decorated his eyes with make-up following his bath, as calling upon the visions was a private matter that required no such preparation; red marks still trailed down his cheeks from where he had apparently been dragging his fingers down his face in a vain attempt to earlier return to his body and exit the vision.
Badly shaking, Kouyo went limp and dissolved into uncontrollable sobbing.
What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 10:38 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:02 am
Kouyo leaned close to the bathroom mirror, examining the light scratches he had left down his own face in trying to wake up from his visions the day before. The marks were hardly noticeable - only slightly pinkish - but they still stung a little. The High Priest suspected they would be gone by tomorrow, and did not warrant the bother of trying to heal them magically.
Beside him, the shower was on and already starting to steam up the bathroom. Setsushi was not home and the shop was closed, so no one was around to care how long he took. Kouyo shrugged out of his robes and hung them up on the door, and played with the mist a bit, making patterns in it with his magic as he walked back across the bathroom to get into the shower.
The warm water was always a comfort to the High Priest, and he closed his eyes and tried to imagine the droplets washing his stress away. It was a trick... someone or another had suggested to him long ago that worked sometimes. Kouyo was so stressed out that he figured the trick had to help at least a little. Visions generally left him troubled for some time afterwards, particularly the recurring one that involved the slaughter of his people. Today's had been even worse.
The familiar feeling of pain in his heart returned, and Kouyo closed his eyes, trying not to start crying again. He wanted to see her again so badly, both to seek comfort and to beg her for an explanation for her people's actions in his visions. All of those from Karyasihu had been driven out two years before - the recurring dream of presumably-human soldiers killing Porcelain seemed unlikely, but Kouyo had seen it too many times. Did they really plan to do such a thing?
Contemplatively, the High Priest started working on braiding his long hair so it would be easier to manage. Then he turned to face the shower head and sat down, hugging his knees to his chest and letting the water rain on his head. He had to puzzle through what Name had shown him, to figure out what had happened or what he needed to do. He had gone seeking answers and only gotten more questions, which was Name's way of telling him that perhaps he already knew the answer to his own query. The High Priest just needed time to think.
It proved to be difficult, though, as the questions that had been shot back at Kouyo left him so emotionally charged. Do you remember what she wanted? ... of course he did. She had wanted him, and Kouyo had thought at the time that he wanted her as well.
He leaned back on his hands, allowing the water to run down the pale skin of his chest. Kouyo wanted her, to see her again so badly that he felt his body ache sometimes. It had been such a terrible idea, though, and he had known it from the moment she touched him. How many poems had he written to vent that particular frustration over the years? ... The High Priest dearly hoped none of those had made it in any form into Jilan's textbook.
... No, the High Priest's focus was wavering. His duty was to figure out what his visions meant, and to do so, he could not allow his emotions to get hold of him or his focus to wander. For the benefit of his people, he had to become the High Priest again and figure out what the Name had tried to tell him. Had losing his maidenhood really clouded his vision this much? Being reminded of Ranko, even in such an unpleasant fashion, left Kouyo burning for her. Had she wanted anything else? What else could Kouyo have given her? Could he remember those times?
He stood up again, turning the water colder. Kouyo took a deep breath and caught hold of himself, trying to drive out his emotions in order to focus on rational thought. He was the only one who could interpret what Name chose to show him. The Porcelain had to figure out what exactly it was he had done that could have possibly caused all of this. He could have sworn his mistake was his own, yet somehow, what he had seen seemed to imply that the consequences were much more far-reaching.
But why? He had written it in the poem he penned for her before he expected to die - that she possessed two treasures of his, and he knew precisely what they were. Which of them had caused this?
Kouyo felt like he was trying to pull himself in half, the urgency of his concern at the vision pulling one way and his badly broken heart tugging the other direction. Try as he might, the High Priest could not force his feelings out. Perhaps he needed to ask someone else for advice on the matter, at least until he could pull his mind from this mire of turbulent feelings. Kouyo was of no use as he was, tight in the grip of unbidden passion whenever he tried to recall Ranko. Perhaps... perhaps it was time to seek the advice of a true maiden, one with a frozen heart who would not be so troubled.
Asking Setsushi might mean telling him all, or enough that the Knight would be able to figure it out. And would he not suspect something in the first place if Kouyo needed help?
Kouyo gave a heavy sigh of frustration. With things proceeding as they were, he would have to tell his friend eventually, somehow or another. He just needed to gather the courage.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:09 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 1:12 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:21 am
~Prayer for Strength~
Kouyo huddled shyly in the corner of Setsushi's room, pressing his palms together and closing his eyes. His heart felt both heavier and lighter at the same time. He feared what his friend Setsushi now thought of him, after he had finally shared his secret with him after all this time, but at the same time, Kouyo no longer had to worry about hiding it.
The younger Porcelain knew he had acted in a manner that was terribly inappropriate towards his friend; Kouyo had been like a child - no, an animal! - degenerating into such raw emotion and then pouring it out on Setsushi. That it had all come forth from him in such a natural torrent, however, left Kouyo with a bit of a reassured feeling, that even under all of his Lucid anxieties, the deepest, rawest, basest part of him had apparently thought it good to get the secret out.
Of course now, that left aforementioned Lucid anxieties to their own devices, and Kouyo hiding in a corner wondering if had hurt or frightned or otherwise harmed Setsushi. The High Priest was aware of his friend's worries about marriage, and their shared uncertainties about maidenhood were one of the things they spoke of most frequently. Did Setsushi think him somehow different now? Unworthy? Kouyo's brows knit with worry at the thought. Either way, he had lost his own maidenhood two years before, and apparently Setsushi had never suspected. They had remained friends unchanged even after Kouyo had known love - all that had truly changed was that now, Setsushi knew.
Still, the High Priest had been entirely improper. Bowing his head, he prayed to the Name for strength to retain his propriety, in hopes that regaining his recently-faltering mental fortitude would prevent a future outburst. He trusted Setsushi to continue to walk beside him, but Kouyo still wanted to make it easier on the maiden who did not fully understand, and therefore feared. And as far as Setsushi's maidenhood went, it was his to keep or give away, and releasing it on his own was the only way he could truly understand. It was not Kouyo's place to even consider taking it.
The High Priest's cheeks promptly reddened and his fingers strayed to his lips. That had not been his intent at all! Name strike him dead if he ever thought of doing such a thing to his friend.
I must regain my strength, to better act as High Priest. I will retain my reason to better perform my duties, to help Setsushi, and finally to help myself. Help my shattered mind and heart. I am broken; I must not be destroyed.
Kouyo bowed his head, letting his breathing become slow and rhythmic as he settled into a state of meditation. He realized he had not done this yet since his arrival in Gaia, and made a mental note to himself to do so more often - perhaps it would help with his obsessions. And with any luck, the feeling of peace would continue....
The High Priest slumped slightly to the side, his mouth hanging slightly open as he dozed off. He would not awaken until several hours later, but when he did, Kouyo would feel at least a bit more inner peace. Now was not the time to worry.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:46 am
Kouyo sat in meditation again after waking up, in an attempt to convince himself that he did not need to measure Setsushi's home again. He felt more or less relaxed, but there was a nagging anxiety like an itch that would not go away. Other unwanted thoughts seemed to want to crop up, as well.
The images of Kouyo hurting himself were an ever-present worry that had troubled the High Priest for quite some time. While they upset, him, though, he rarely acted upon them. He had sworn not to harm himself in Setsushi's home, and he was determined to hold himself to that vow, for his friend's sake if for no other reason.
Yet... other things he might act upon. Had acted upon. Kouyo's breath caught for a moment as he remembered just how close he had come to kissing his maiden friend the previous day. How far could he have gone before Setsushi would have stopped him...?
"No," Kouyo murmured, frowning. This was so wrong. He dearly hoped Setsushi was not listening, even though the High Priest usually kept his meditative thoughts hidden even when he lived alone. He absolutely could not touch the Knight in such a manner. Yet the more he tried to push the ideas away, the more they seemed to come, and the more anxious Kouyo became.
While he struggled with his own mind, he leaned back ever so slightly, enough to feel the wall behind his back. The unexpectedness of it made the High Priest snap out of his meditation with a start, and he jumped to his feet and whirled around, thinking that the wall had touched him.
Kouyo promptly began pacing the room, counting his steps to make sure the feeling of walls closing inwards had only been in his imagination.
Really, he had to stop this. It took nowhere near as much time as it did in his Tower, since Setsushi's home only really had one room, but was afraid he worried his friend by having to do it at least once every day. Kouyo could not deny that the metered walking did make him feel better, though. When he was done checking the size of the room this time, he went to nudge the screen with his foot in an effort to make the private corner of Setsushi's single room into more of a perfectly rectangular shape. It felt... more like home that way. For some reason.
With a huff, the priest settled down on the floor again when he was finished, some ten minutes later. He would have to do something to settle down his troubled mind more for the long term. Maybe it was something he would have to figure out before Name would grant him the healing he asked for.
Perhaps he could ask the Name about breaking his bond. If there was a way, Name would likely know, or at least be able to point him in the correct direction. If nothing else, Kouyo would then be able to give Setsushi some sort of lead. It... maybe it was a little selfish, but... Kouyo did no good as a High Priest while he was broken and overly emotional. Help himself first, then he could perform his duty more properly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:35 am
Kouyo felt a knot of fear form in his stomach as soon as he awoke in his vision. He was outside of his tower again, looking in through the windows. He saw himself standing there, two years prior, and Ranko was with him.
This was very familiar, though he frequently had trouble recalling exactly what had transpired that day. Within his chambers, Ranko backed Kouyo up against the wall, pressing up against him. She tugged gently at the sash knotted low around his hips, teasing him for knotting it so tightly ("What are we supposed to do if I can't get this untied?") before kissing him. She was always teasing him like that....
He had been so taken by her at the time that he had even permitted this to happen. The Kouyo who was watching shook his head, knowing that he would never be able to stop his younger self. At that moment, there was no way he had known what would ultimately happen-
Suddenly, Kouyo felt fabric brushing by his nose, and he could no longer see into the tower. He jumped back a little to see who had put their sleeve in the way, and saw a different god from the one who had appeared in his vision several days prior.
The god took Kouyo's chin in his fingers, gently turning him away from the tower. Now was not the time to think about that. Now. Does Kouyo still want to break it?
Almost as soon as Kouyo nodded, he was suddenly under water. His hair and robes drifted around him and he could feel the resistance of the water as he tried to look around, but the High Priest could still breathe. He was surrounded by lengths of rusted chain, oxidized and weathered by the salt water. Right in front of him, a fish was nibbling at the chain, but was not in danger of breaking it, even in its degraded state.
The murky water cleared a bit, allowing Kouyo to see a little further. There was a sunken ship below him, all of its chains in a moderate state of decay beneath the waves. But all of them remain whole.
Do you want to do it? Do you want to break them?
What did this mean? Kouyo started to feel a shred of doubt.
Somewhere far away, she is alone. Maybe she will never see Kouyo again. What if he does break the bond? Then she will be truly alone.... How would he ever be able to find her without the mate-bond, across such time and distance?
The fish kept biting at the nearest length of chain.
Kouyo could taste salt water.
"Does she truly want me back?"
"Do you truly want her back?" a different voice answered.
Did he? Did he want her back? Could he have her back? Had she ever been his to begin with?
"Yes?" Kouyo sobbed uncertainly. His voice was lost in the vastness of the ocean. No more visions came.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
