Ren'i

[Yaruka]

It's been a long day. A long couple of days, actually. Yaruka gave me this journal to write in, which I thought was nice. I finally have something I can confide in, since I no longer have my brother.

I'm exhausted. Between my strange arrival in this place called Gaia to my attack while at Setsushi's home...I'm tired.

My ailment came back to haunt me. I tried to ignore it and hoped that, maybe like before, it would just go away. It didn't this time, though, and eventually I could barely breathe at all. It didn't make it any better when everyone crowded around me. If they just left me alone, maybe I would have gotten better...but in the end, Yaruka came and helped me with her strange magic. I think she may be a female sorcerer of fire.

She took me to this place to be seen by a Gaian doctor. After he listened to my lungs and made me do some weird breathing tests, he said I had something called "asthma." He said it was an allergic condition that can be either very mild or very severe. A lot of things can set it off, like dust, pollin and mold....even over-strenuous physical activity. He gave me some medicine that helped me feel better; it's called an inhaler. The medicine has an odd name, but it does help. He gave me two kinds; one to use every day for preventative measures and another for when I have attacks like I did today. I have to carry them around with me. Good thing my robes have pockets.

Why couldn't the doctors in the Golden World figure that out? Why was it so hard for them and so easy for the doctor here in Gaia? Their technology here is so.....advanced. Perhaps that is the reason. Gaians have more at their disposal than the Golden World does. What would mother, father and Rouka think if they saw all of the wonders here?

Mother.....father.....Rouka. I still don't understand. Why did they try to ruin my life? Why did Rouka betray me like that? All I wanted to do was to be like him. I wanted to dance....to fulfil my own dreams like he did his. And he wanted to ruin them, just like mother and father did. Didn't they see that I didn't want to be like them? Yes, I love arithmetics and riddles...but the beauty of music and dance is calling my name. Why couldn't they see that and let me stay with Rouka? He could have taken care of me. He could have taught me until I was old enough to participate in the classes. Or perhaps......he felt threatened by me. He always got to do whatever he wanted. He wanted to study dance instead of math and they let him. They never let me. Maybe he thought that, if I studied dance, I would be better than him and try to ruin his chances.

Rouka is stupid. How could he think such a thing?! I only wanted to dance with him...to feel what it was like to have other watching your every move and be awed by the beauty you can convey.

I'm glad I'm here in Gaia. I never want to go back home. I don't want to be trapped again. Here, in Gaia, I'm free now. Mother and father can't hold me back. Not even Rouka.

Still......I wonder what happened to Rouka. I wonder if mother and father even know that I'm gone. I bet they won't even miss me. I was just a puppet to them....something they could mold to their desires. I'm better off without them.  

[Yaruka]

Testing His Wings



Since Ren'i had discovered Yaruka's MASSIVE library, he couldn't help but find himself wanting to learn to read Gaian. With minimal prodding, he had convinced Tsubei a while ago to start teaching him. She started translating the Porcelain script alphabet into the Gaian alphabet. It helped make sense of a few things. Yaruka had since taken over to help him put words together. He was a quick study and had rapidly moved through young childrens books up to more advanced reading, but still within the range of grade-school children.

Today, he had brought his book of puzzles that Yaruka had given him, all of which made more sense now that he had a grasp of Gaian reading, and had hoped to look for more so he could continue to amuse himself. While searching he came upon a book that made his eyes grow wide with wonderment. It was a book on dancing; interperative dancing, to be precise, which looked like some of the plays he'd seen in the Golden World. This was unfathomable; an open opportunity handed to him in paper to learn that which his parents had so depserately tried to keep him away from! How could he pass it up?

He rushed to one of the smaller reading chairs and propped the book open upon it so he could see the steps. He tried his very best to follow, but found it was a bit hard as the dancers in the pictures seemed quite limber....whereas he was not. Perhaps he should stretch? He flipped through the book until he found a section on stretches that he could do to limber up. Settling himself upon the smooth floor, he began to follow the guide. It wasn't as easy as it looked. Without much practice, he found that he could not stretch nearly as far as the dancers could. Of course, he found that the longer he held them, the more he seemed to bend. That was progress, right?

Once he thought he was stretched out enough, he moved to the next section; warm-ups. It showed what looked like mild dance moves combined with stretches. It felt a bit repetative, but if one must learn one must start from step one and move up, musn't they? With that set in mind, he began the warm-up routines.

It seemed easy enough at first. He could feel a slight burning sensation in his legs, but he was told by Rouka that that was a good thing somehow. He felt rather encouraged by it. Much to his shagrin, however, he found that his breathing began to get a bit more difficult. No.....he would not let this sway him. He continued on, even as he could feel his chest begin to tighten around his lungs and his breathing began to come more labored and in smaller amounts. It wasn't until he heard himself gasping like a fish out of water that he knew he had to stop.

He fumbled a bit as he reached into his pockets and fetched his inhalers. The red one was for his daily use. The blue one was the one he needed now. Shaking it up as vigorously as he could manage, he took a puff in a deep breath and held it the best that he could before slowly letting out his breath. After a moment, he repeated it once more and sat himself upon the floor propped up against another reading chair. As he rested, he could feel the medicine taking its desired effect as air returned to his gasping lungs. As he remained seated upon the floor, he gased up to the mirrored ceiling with a terrible hopelessness. Perhaps his family was right; perhaps he would never have the strength to persue the arts he treasured so. As he thought of this, he could feel the tears well behind his eyes.

Yaruka had been watching from the aisles as the little boy tried his wings with newfound hope, only to watch that hope be shattered upon the floor as the wind was stollen from him. The sad sight of such a degected little thing tugged at her heartstrings. She moved forward to place a hand gently upon his shoulders. She had expected him to flinch away, but he didn't even as she knelt beside him.

"It's not as easy as you'd hoped, is it?" She asked softly, seeing him shake his head. "Believe me, I know. The medicine will help, but you have to do some work as well. You have to build up the strength in your lungs and body. You need to develop control in your breathing along with your actions. The doctor gave me some information on breathing exercises that you could do. Would you like to try some of those?"

Ren'i sat there in silence, listening to Yaruka's proposal. In truth, he felt annoyed. He had hoped that the medicine would cure him immediately so he could go forth in his dreams, but he could see now that it was going to be an ongoing battle. He had already fought for so long.....should he give up? He then thought of his parents' delighted faces if they heard that he had given up his pursuits so they could devote him to intellectual arts. He could see the smug grin on his brother's face as the threatening competition from his younger sibling had fallen away, leaving him to take all the success for himself.

NO! Ren'i will not let that happen! Ren'i will fight until he cannot fight anymore! Ren'i will do it! His thoughts were loud and determined as the fire of hope had once again been restored in his little heart.

Yaruka smiled as she felt and saw him stand up for his dreams, willing to take on the challenge. She knew that this would not be an easy battle for him......but she would be there for him to guide him every step of the way. One way or another, he would overcome this obstacle. This would be a miracle worth working for.  

[Yaruka]

Things have been kind of quiet lately. I'm not sure what to think of it all.

I'm a little worried about Tsubei. Since she came back from the Silver World (which I'm not sure how that could be possible) she has been acting weird. She has been staying in her room a lot, hardly ever coming out. I see her sometimes sewing or drawing....and lately, she's been obsessively doing calligraphy. I managed to sneak into her room when she had stepped out (and I hope I never get caught for it) and I took a look at her book. It was just repetative for the first pages. The same thing over and over again; 'Forget and Let Go.' I'm not sure what that means. What is she trying to forget? When I'm around her, I feel a strange mix of sadness and tense feelings. It's hard to describe. I'm not sure....but I am worried.

I've also been thinking a lot about home. I wonder if mother and father have moved already? I wonder if Rouka is training now? I wonder......I wonder if they even miss me? I know that I have said before that I don't care about going back or seeing them again. Although, I've been starting to think; what if I can never get back? What if I never see them again? I want mother and father to see that I'm changing and getting stronger. I want Rouka to see that I'm stronger and better. What if I never see any of them again? What if they don't even miss me at all? What if they've all forgotten about me?

Mother didn't even love me. I'll bet she already has another baby that she wants to mold into her perfect child. Father seemed to care, but he always went with what mother wanted. Rouka......he just wanted me out of the way. I bet they're all happy without me burdening them. That's all I was; a burden. I just weighed them down and held them back. I'm better off here.......our of their lives.

*teardrops litter the rest of the page*  

[Yaruka]

I wish I knew what to do.

Tsubei came home last night, but she packed most of her things and ran away. I don't know why she did, but she made me promise not to tell Yaruka or Setsushi. When she left, I tried to read her note....but I can't read a lot of Gaian yet, so I could only make out a few words. I went to take the note to Yaruka......but I couldn't.

I wanted to tell. I knew that what Tsubei was doing was dangerous and wrong.....but I had promised her that I wouldn't. It's been a full day already and she hasn't come back. Yaruka doesn't seem to be too worried, but I know that won't last long. I still have Tsubei's note. I haven't shown it to Yaruka.

I'm so confused. I don't know whether to tell or keep the secret. I feel like I should go find Tsubei myself, but I don't know Gaia. I'd get lost. Setsushi and Yaruka know more, I'm sure, but I promised that I wouldn't tell. I keep my promises....but this one is very hard to keep.

What should I do?  

[Yaruka]

Ren'i was doing so much better with his Gaian. Tsubei had come home and, once she had gotten over her illness, had taken up tutoring him in it. He was relieved that she was okay, but still felt guilty for not speaking up about her disappearance.

He was a quick study and had picked up things quite fast. In a way, he was glad to be the intellect that his parents tried to make him into. It was proving to help him in various ways here, at least when it came to learning. He was going through the book of puzzles that Yaruka had given him a lot faster now that he had learned so much more. He was surprised, to say the least, that the strange people of this world could come up with such delightfully complex riddles and geometric problems that could twist the mind in many directions until it found the answer. It was quite amusing in his moments of boredom.

He found, though, that his heart still yearned for the music within and the legs of a dancer. He began to long for his instruments and the tutors that brought the music to his life. Though he truly loved dancing, what was it without the music to narrate it? He had asked Yaruka if there were any instruments that she had around that were not being used. To his interest, she had brought out an instrument she called a 'violin.' It was a rather small stringed instrument that reminded him of a zithar, but it was played differently. Yaruka had actually demonstrated how it was played and he found the sound to be enchanting, not to mention the complexity of which the fingers had to move in order to properly execute the notes. He was instantly fascinated and requested to be taught how to play it.

Now he waited in his room with his small violin that Yaruka had given him, waiting for when she would arrive to instruct him upon it. When she did enter his room, he stood and bowed to his new Master, as he figured it might be appropriate.

Yaruka smiled to him when she saw him bow to her, shaking her head. It wasn't necessary, but she knew he was eager to learn and to please. She walked over and took a seat beside him in the larger chair.

"Shall we get started, then?" She asked softly and continued before he even answered. She showed him how to hold the instrument upon his shoulder, his chin holding it in place. Once she was sure he was comfortable with it, she moved on. She demonstrated how to play the strings with the bow, her fingers moving down the strings in their fretted scales.

Ren'i watched Yaruka carefully, trying to mimic her movements with his own on his child-sized violin. It seemed easy at first, but he was finding it hard to remember what strings made what note. It was frustrating him a bit, not to mention that when he moved the bow across the stings it did not make such a beautiful noise as when Yaruka did. In fact, it made a rather horrible screeching noise. It was making him rather angry that he could not make the beautiful sound and he set the violin down in his lap with a hugg, crossing his arms and pouting.

Ren'i thinks this instrument is made wrong. Why does it not sound like Yaruka's? Ren'i could play many instruments back home...but not this one.

Yaruka looked over to the pouting Porcelain and couldn't help but smile. He was just like a little child, angry that he didn't get what he wanted the first time around and blaming it all on the instrument.

"You just haven't practiced as much as I have," She explained gently, taking his violin to examine it for a moment. "You can't expect to grasp a brand new instrument right off the bat. This is not like a lot of the ones you are familiar with. You have to be patient."

She stood up and walked over the the little desk that he used to do his puzzles on and grabbed the colored markers. She chose some bright colored ones and started coloring the strings carefully. She tried not to get any color on the neck, which was white like the rest of the instrument. Then, she took a black marker and numbered the frets. Once she was satisfied with that, she walked back over to Ren'i and handed it back to him.

"Here. This might make it easier." She spoke as she picked up a small book she had carried in with her. It was a child's lesson book on violin and she was currently using the markers to color in it as well. This was confusing Ren'i greatly until she was finally done and revealed what she had been planning.

"Each note is a different color to match the string you play it with and the frets are numbered so you know where your fingers are going to go on the neck. See? Try playing this note. Just put your fingers where the numbers and colors tell you. Oh and don't push down so hard with the bow. Just lightly push and pull it over the strings, like you're painting with a really long brush."

The Porcelain boy looked over at the Gaian woman strangely. Her meathods of teaching were quite strange....but when he looked at the book, it seemed to make sense. He decided he would try it. He followed the directions, placing his fingers on the different colored strings and spaced by the numbers drawn. He looked oddly down at the bow, wondering how he was going to make any sound if it was touching so softly? Still......she was the teacher.

He tried it, gently pulling the bow across the strings as he held his fingers in place. He was rather delighted to hear the sound that came forth. It was not the screeching that he had been hearing the past few minutes, but much closer to the true tone that Yaruka's voilin made. He was amazed that it had worked and elated. Now he had a chance to learn something new and something beautiful.

Yaruka smiled to him and lightly ruffled his hair. She giggled when he shoved her arm away and got that adorable grumpy look on his face. He was just too cute when he was mad.

"Alright, then. I'm going to go make some lunch. You sit here and practice what you see in the book, alright? But just chapters 1 to 3." With that, she stood up and headed into the kitchen, leaving the boy to his new obsession.